Great saying about depression
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Claire sweetie, it can take months to years to get the anti-D cocktail right! Have you told your doct that you are having black periods???? Believe it or not, some anti-D's actually GIVE you thoughts of suicide!!!! Paxol is known to do that. What are you on? I have been on anti-D's for easily 30 years and about every 10 years I have to mix them up. It is very, very scary when my body stops responding to the pills so I know how you are feeling!!!! Please talk to your doc!!! You don't need the added stress of the bitch at work, picking away at you, bullying you!!!! I actually went on short-term-disability because of my boss. I had a TON of other reasons, but she picked and picked at me I was going out of my head. I started only talking by email so I would have a paper trail.
You are at the top of my prayers today, I DO know that you think it's a pity party, but it's NOT!! It's REALITY. And sometimes it sucks!!!!! Please let us know how today goes. Do not quit in a pique of anger, that may be what she is trying to make you do. Maybe she has a friend she wants to give your job to. When you think like that, it's a bit easier to distance yourself from her comments. She would keep pushing your buttons until you quit! That is called bullying.
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Grand Rapids, Michigan used to be the #1 city in America to live in. That was a long time ago, but I always remembered that!
Seasons are kind of good for cleaning out your brain and moving on. I can't imagine it being the same temp each day. I do love the desert though, but my body couldn't handle it. The coolness at night is it's way of having a 'season'.
Stanzie, when you said that about the wheelchair I knew what you meant! That's kind of what I was tyring to say yesterday when I said they crowded around. It's like they refuse to acknowledge that you are taking up this space. I've always wondered why they don't have the seats higher, but then of course, they'd be top heavy, but come on! by now they should have something better!
Small talk???? AAAAAARgh!! I HATE it!! I don't even say "Hi, how are you?" or respond when people ask me that. They don't really want to hear!! Even on the phone I get right down to business, I'm busy, aren't you? Who needs the small talk?? I am often thought of as blunt or abrupt for that though.
Feelings of doom are very serious. They can be brought on by some meds, so you must acknowledge them and maybe journal the dates to see if they are monthly. You may need a change-up in pills. I was once hospitalized to go ON a drug that was so harsh it could have given me thoughts of suicide!! I believe it was Paxol. I HATED it. It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right mind cocktail, but oh, so worth it when it all comes together!
God Bless us all!
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LindseyS update:
had her surgery Tuesday afternoon: a bilateral clear out of scar tissue and wrong TE's removed and correct TE's placed and filled (sounds like right up to max). DH got her home before midnight with her 3 drains, pain pills and muscle relaxers.
Thinking of you Lindsey -
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Claire - DON'T YOU DARE DELETE POSTS LIKE THE LAST ONE YOU WROTE!!
I, for one, really want to know how you feel - good and bad. And, I really do think lots of us here want to share this with you. I know you listen to me so I listen to you. I want to know when you feel sad or unhappy. That is what true friends are for.
Like others here have said recently, conversations out in the world have become superficial and shallow. If I ask how you are doing - I really want to know.
Your boss is a horse's a... Barbe had a good idea (in fact lots of good ideas) but starting to keep an email trail of negative conversations with your boss would give you proof if you file a grievance. Also as Barbe said, do not pass go but head straight to your doctor and tell him/her how you feel. There are many types of antidepressants and the one you are one might not be the best for you.
Maybe tomorrow you could send your boss an email and list the various things she says you are doing wrong and ask her for her help with specific suggestions so as you can improve. If she responds, then that validates what she is saying to you. Print it out and take it home. Send her another email and ask if she would send you daily emails as she comes across things you are doing wrong and how she would like them done. Or, like in the movies, you can carry a concealed recorder and catch her in the act (I personally like that idea).
Claire - I think you are a wonderful, smart, funny, courageous, loving person. You deal with DS, DH, a job with a boss from Mars and all the extras that come with dealing with BC and I just think you are amazing. I haven't worked since being diagnosed and sometimes find just doing the laundry and cooking dinner to be all I can handle in a day. I am a wimp and you are Mighty Mouse!
PS: I cry in the shower. I cried for 1 1/2 hours as I drove home Monday from visiting with the PS in the city to schedule surgery #5 - Yikes! My DH asks what's wrong and I tell him it's just me. He asks what did he do or what should he do and I say nothing. It is just me. I am a certifiable nut case - all thanks to BC.
Claire - you can do it - you are doing it. Just keep on with us and don't hit the delete key!
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Sometimes don't you all just think - Why is this all SO hard? I'm so sorry Claire! I think making a list is a great idea and go over it. That way your boss knows you are hearing her but at the same time she has to really tell you what she wants and you will have a clearer idea of where you are. Seems like though with all the meds and the side effects - maybe we should now come with a warning. A warning to alert co-workers of potential side effects but under no circumstance can any side effect be actually held against you. You know things like might burst into tears for no reason you will be able to acertain, may try and take a co-workers pill if left on a desk since we are so used to taking pills, may often have different colored shoes on but it isn't like we meant to do it, may have interesting hair styles which you may or may not be able to see - just let me know I'm lovely and leave it at that! May search and search for something that I'm holding in my hand, don't call attention to it just discreetly re-hand it to me - I'll be delighted. And don't think it strange I have 27 fans blowing on me when it is 32 degree out.
What do you think, would that help?
Oh Barb, I know what the wheelchairs need, since they are electronic anyway, why can't they have a button that raises and lowers? That would be perfect for shopping, don't you think? Then if someone is being rude you can raise yourself to eye level then they would have to notice you! Boy that could really be intimitating. What a strange mood I'm in this morning - forgive me if I'm coming across too weird. I didn't get much sleep last night.
I'm wondering when the real saddness ever goes away. I burst into tears while working with my trainer... she went with me for one of my early apts. and she thought this PS was scared to take me on as a patient cause of the MS. I don't know about FM but I get that a lot, its like Docs know about the disease but haven't ever actually read about it so are frightened of taking me on as a patien.
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Claire: A paper trail, even if it is here on BCO is really, really important. What she is doing feels like harrassment to me and there are laws protecting you against this. Get it in writing what she wants-it does sound like she is trying to get you to quit or she is writing you up to get fired and you need to protect yourself! Don't agree to sign anything--tell her you are having medical problems that might be affecting your work and do take a medical leave if at all possible-state disability, if you have any left, pays 2/3 of your income and I found since I wasn't driving and eating out everyday I didn't miss the difference in pay I was no longer getting. Going on medical leave will protect you and your job and it will also force your boss to address your medical situation. Hugs!
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Claire- Don't let anyone make you feel less than you are. You are amazing, intelligent, caring and wonderful person and that company is damn lucky to have you. I am in awe of all that you are doing and juggling. Not only would I document the interactions between your bitch, I mean boss, but I would also try to print out some information from reputatable sites that spell out these SE's you're experiencing. Obviously, she is ignorant to the facts of cancer treatment. Maybe if she saw them spelled out in black and white, from say the American Cancer Society, she would start to finally believe you are not a slacker or incompetent. That you truly are doing the best you can. That this is a temporary situation. If she still continues I would print out a copy of the American Disabilities Act and forward it to her, her boss and her boss's boss (perhaps highlighting the applicable sections). I second what others have said- don't ever delete your posts, rants, vents, etc. I do believe we are helping others by making them see it is not just them. That not all women (in fact probably very few) sail through BC treatment without a (mental) scratch. I know there are many readers, too, who may not post but are reading your words and finding comfort that they are not alone in these struggles.
Like barbe said, for anyone on anti-depressants who feels like it's not working let your doctor know. There are so many options out there for a reason. One size does not fit all. Everyone's chemistry is different.
Stanzie- I find with FM there is still a big school of doctors out there that act like it is some kind of mental illness. Some doctors have treated me like a hypochondriac at times. I think they feel I will be too high maintenance. Some ignore it all together as though it is inconsequential to my overall treatment. When I had pain after exchange my PS told me sometimes implants can cause FM patients to have increased flares. Yet, she didn't feel this was important enough to bring up during the consult? Like I said, inconsequential in their minds.
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Kate, are you friggin' kidding me??? Your PS KNEW that the implants may exacerbate your FM but didn't tell you???? That is just SICK and I am SO upset for you!! You can tell, because I use a lot of capitals when I'm UPSET!!!!!!!!!!! So that validates what I had feared. Thank God I didn't go forward, but what the hell are you going to do? Are you managing any better now? You had an issue last week or so.
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To All of You: I just had a major meltdown last night after dinner. Sat in the corner of the kitchen, with the lights out and the dishwasher running, just crying and crying. My dog laid down on the cold tiles along side me. My DH came in and asked what did he do wrong and I said it was just me, and it is. I get so sick of feeling off to the point I hate myself. Now this morning when I got up (hid under the covers until DH and DS left) I feel like a fool.
Then I come here and I see I am not alone. Last week I drove up to the doctor's office and went to get out of the car and realized I didn't have any shoes on. Crazy! That never happened before. Had to call on my cell, cancel the appointment and go home. I was humiliated and embarrassed.
Then I come here, read, cry a few tears (okay, a lot) and you all make me feel better.
My son has been seeing a therapist to deal with anxiety and depression brought on from my bc. It was all too much last year for him at 16 to deal with. Now the therapist says he has obsessive-compulsive disorder but didn't put him on any meds. I am marching him to our GP next week to get him on a low dose of something because I feel if I can help him help himself, I won't be so stressed out. He says he hates himself and I sure can relate to that. It can take him 45 minutes to decide what looks right to wear out of the house. Last week he got his hair cut, came home, didn't like it, and I had to set him up with my hairdresser for another appointment the next day - and I'm paying for 2 $28 hair cuts! Obviously I don't tell my DH stuff he doesn't see as he doesn't understand OCD and just thinks he is weird like me. Hmmm.
Guess I've said enough for today
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barbe- Yep, can you see now why she is my ex-PS? I'm still having some issues. I made an appointment for an LE evaluation/PT for next Tuesday. It was a place that Binney, our resident LE expert, recommended. They seemed very nice on the phone.
Debbie- There must be something in the wind that is blowing from the US to Australia (or visa versa) as I've been feeling the same way, too. "Sick of feeling off to the point of hating myself" sums it up perfectly. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever feel normal again. I know my poor DH just doesn't understand why I'm so down. Can't say I blame him. Not sure I understand it myself. Things feel so wrong, yet even attempting to make them right seems like it would require a Hurculean effort. Sorry about your son. It's even harder to see our kids struggle. At least he has a mom who gets it and understands.
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Kate - I think how I feel is all to do with bc and it's aftermath. I don't know if you or someone else said it but as a nurse I do think it is PTSD. When a women gets diagnosed with BC she just has to keep on going with her life, her job and everything which involves her family. Friends make hurtful remarks and you really find out who your true friends are. People ask us how we are and we say 'fine'. That's what they want to hear. The other day someone asked me how I was and I replied 'awlful' and they said 'that's good'. Hmmmm .
No, my DH doesn't get it, but he puts up with it and says he loves me (even though we haven't had sex for 1 1/2 years) and he loves our son too, but DH just can't deal with medical or emotional issues.
It breaks my heart to see my beautiful son hurting. When he has tears in his eyes and says he hates himself and hates being this way, I just want to go and kill someone - something. Can you believe my son has been seeing this therapist since April and she never once has asked to talk to me or my husband? My son is 17, a minor, yet she doesn't want to know about us? My poor GP is going to get a ear-full next Tuesday as I don't see my son improving one iota. He did come home from one session and said she (therapist) had finished his evaluation and he was a loner and an introvert. Heck, I knew that! And I paid for that?
Is it something in the wind? I say PTSD. BC is a traumatic event.
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Debbie- I've heard a lot about PTSD after BC but no one has really spelled out the exact cause. Seeing you list all those things makes a lot of sense. Each one piles on top of the other until it just gets to be too much. You're right- it is very traumatic in so many different ways. There's the physical trauma- having a surgeon cut into my body 5 times in a year and a half. The emotional trauma of adjusting to this new version of your feminity. The mental trauma of trying to juggle all the things we're supposed to do as women and then have this thrown in the mix, too. And other things too that I call relationship trauma. It seems as though almost all of my relationships have been changed by this. I know I used to watch the occasional tv show or movie and when the women had BC her girlfriends rallied around here. Guess I was expecting something like that to happen. When it didn't it really did a number on me. You start re-evaluating all these relationships in your life you thought meant something. I just find the whole thing very isolating. Not sure where I'd be without all of you! I swear you keep me sane!
I'm sorry, again, about your son. I think teenagers have such a harder time navigating these years than we did. And I still remember how hard it was for me. There is just so much pressure on them. I think I'd definitely try to find a different therapist for him if possible. What about maybe talking to a male counselor since your DH can't deal with the emotional stuff? I know it's easier for my son to talk to my DH than me. It does seem strange the counselor hasn't asked to meet with both of you if only to get a better picture of the family dynamics. I can hear how much it is hurting you to see him like that. I hope you can find some answers. (((hugs)))
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Kate, Thanks for the hugs - I sure needed them this morning. My son is comfortable talking with me and I do think I really understand him, what he is going through and as you say, the stuff he is dealing with being just 17. Also, I do think there are more challenges for teenagers today than when we were young. His Dad listens but just doesn't understand. The idea of a male therapist is good - I will bring that suggestion to my GP when we see her on Tuesday. My GP has been my number one support person through all of this. Thanks to her 'getting' me, she has helped me with all this mental issues as well as the physical. I used to see her once a week and am now down to every other week. My son seems very comfortable with her (my GP) also, but she thought the time had come for him to have some time with a psychologist who specializes in what he needs. Plus, I have to admit, at $140 a session, I would like to see Max (DS) coping better with life and himself. When he said he hated himself and being like he was, I could feel my heart breaking. Max is much closer to me than his Dad. When I was first going through all this BC stuff, surgery, pathology, etc, I wouldn't be able to stop crying at night, so I would get out of bed so as to not awake DH and go sit on the floor of my closet. Max would hear me and come in and put his arms around me and we would cry together.
I have been very upfront and truthful with Max about the BC, so his anxiety about my future health should be decreased by now. I told him back in March when I was going to have the DM that I just wanted to do all I could to not have a recurrence. He didn't seem upset by me having the procedure at all.
Boy, do I get you about friends before BC and friends after. I now know I have TWO friends, one who lives here and the other back on Kauai where we are from. Sad. And, same for me here when I was diagnosed with BC - it wasn't like in the movies. I was treated more like I had a infectious disease. No phone calls, no soup, no hugs. Guess they weren't really friends because I think it was you who said TRUE FRIENDS ARE WITH YOU THROUGH THE GOOD AND ESPECIALLY THE BAD. Sad.
Then I have all of YOU, AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO THINK WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT ALL OF YOU. YOU ALL SO TOTALLY GET WHERE I AM COMING FROM, EVEN WHEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF.
PTSD: remember when the guys came back from the Viet Nam war? Many of them found it impossible to just step back into their lives and act like the war never happened. They drank, did drugs, couldn't hold a job or stay in a relationship....and it was diagnosed as PTSD.
I think any women who has had BC has or had some degree of PTSD, but is it acknowledged by doctors? Nooooooo......
>>>>>Claire: maybe your dr can put in your file that you have PTSD, as it is a recognized illness in the psych medical listing and you could get work disability based on that?
We also have talked here before about how BC has impacted on our intimate relationships. I don't so much miss the actual sex act (I am hoping that is just the Femara making me feel this) but the talking time before and the cuddle time afterward. I'm sure not having the release of the endorphins from sex isn't helping my overall outlook on life either. It's not that I am so insecure about how my breasts look (a reject Barbie Doll) it just seems like it's too difficult to have an intimate relationship with my DH of 28 years. He is so understanding, so very understanding and I don't quite get how he can be so. He may be 77 but until BC 1 1/2 years ago he was always ready. It's me.
I am broken but I will not let BC win. I've come too far to give up now. I'm learning that my low times are lower and longer than before yet I realize if I keep on climbing out of these pit times I can reclaim my life back again, even if only for short periods of time. I so want to be happy and feel good. I want to see a smile on my son's face and have him look forward to waking up each morning. I want my husband to not have to cope with my weirdness - I mean how much can he take? Always after I have a low, I tell him I'm sorry and he says - 'remember the movie, if you love someone you don't have to say you're sorry'.
Guess I am a pathetic mess.
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Hi Everyone, Yes it's the lurker in the bushes. I try to keep up with your posts and chime in when I can. Claire - Your a strong and beautiful woman. Don't let that boss take you to that dark place. Document, document, document! Even if it's in a small notebook, get dates and what was said. Get the emails if you can too. That is harassment and definitely against EEOC regulations. Please don't just curl up in your blankie and fad out. Talk with your doctor, you can get the right anti-d's worked out. I did and feel much better now. DON'T YOU DARE DELETE YOUR POSTS! We're all here for you, to listen, and give you support like no other people can.
I am having problems at work also. No breaks! I have to near beg just to get a bathroom break! Yesterday the students supervior got her break but I didn't. Nooooo, too busy. Fiddle sticks! Just poor planning. Guess I'll have to get out my bitchy side, dust her off, and let her rip! Maybe I'll get an ADA t-shirt too!
I love all the homes and their local settings! What a beautiful community we have. There's nothing like a real Minnesota winter, I'd be lost without it. Kitty
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I believe the very fact that we can put our thoughts into words shows how developed and sophisticated a woman's thought process is. A guy would probably just say "I feel like crap." and move on!! Debbie, this is not a crack on your son! He will be a better man for the fact that he can name his emotions!!
I am seeing a psychologist weekly now and he almost cries along with me. Fortunately, he is 'getting' what I'm saying so far about my boss and the treatment I had received at my job. I cried when I told him how much I LOVED my job until I got moved to the isolated location last year in July. It really brought forward how much validation I got from working (until I was sent to Redemption Island and NEVER brought back!)
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Wow. thank you gurs so much for your love. Wednesday was such a horrific day for me. Could not turn the tear faucet off. Debbie, I know the feeling of just sitting on the floor and crying. My spot is my bathroom floor. Or the floor of my shower. I think that what is worse, is that its not cathartic. I don't feel better after the tears stop. Empty. Next time you feel that way, imagine I am next to you on the floor and we can just hug and cry together. I'm here for you too. I read all these posts last night and cried and laughed and cried again. I was hugging myself cause I could feel the love from all of you. All i can say is thank you all. You are my lifeline.
I think what is hard for other people and they look at us and see a normal healthy person--once we are done with chemo that is. Except for my concave chest, I look much like I did two years ago--well ok I am older, but still pretty much the same. No one can see the broken heart, the broken spirit. I try to smile and be the person with the happy, happy outside. When I go to work, I try so hard to lift others, and not let anyone see my despair. OOh they see my frustration at work--about work-- but I don't let the BC sink in there. Or with my friends who also have kinda drifted away. Not that I had any real close girlfriends before Bc. But the 3 couples that we used to spend every weekend with have moved on to other things. I miss their companionship. But they have had their own challenges, parents dying, grandparent dying, kids off to college, job changes---I haven't really been there for them this year. Big nasty circle.
Just a little background on my job, I work at a big chain bookstore as manager. I met with my boss yesterday for my weekly improvement plan meeting and wonderfully it was very positive. I actually walked out thinking wow--all those times she was snarky to me this week were not brought up by her as my failings. surprised. She actually said she thought I was doing very good and was proud of my progress, not let the stress get to me. Of course this is after I had to call her at home at 1030 am to remind her she was scheduled in at 10. Woops!! She thought she was in at 11--wouldn't be so funny unless you knew she writes the schedule!!! LOL. I am taking notes daily now--particularly of what she calls me on.
Kate-- I can't believe your experience with docs and FM. Finding a doctor that is well versed in all diseases and how they interact should be a whole lot easier than it is. I see my RO today (he is a real cutie,sigh) and I can't wait to tell him about my various pains to have him tell me its not cuz of rads. Just had my MO two weeks ago tell me its not cuz of chemo. Narrows it down to the BMX, which was in January. When do start feeling better from that? ARRGGHH.
Debbie-- you are lucky your son talks to you. My two are clamshells. I think some boys are more sensitive their mom and her issues. I get the whole teenage angst--but some kids truly have depression. Recognizing it earlier than later is important-- and at least you are there for him. And understand what he is going thru. Depression I truly believe is genetic. My dad FINALLY when on anti-d's when he was dx with PC. Both of my sisters have been on them for years--me off and on since my 20's. Wish your DS could meet my 15 year old DS--they sound a tad bit alike.
Well, I am off to see my GP for my annual poking and prodding. She does my gyn too, so I am truly being poked today! And Debbie, it'll be my first poking in I don't know how long. That's a WHOLE NEW rant. She did suggest last month that if things don't improve by this month that she would recommend a psychiatrist instead of the therapist I have been seeing. We'll see.
Again--I love you guys. Really.
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Great post Claire! Glad to see that things are making some sense now. I've moved on to a psychiatrist too, but see a counsellor more often.
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Kate: I hope you aren't afffected by the loss of power yesterday!
I have broken down and cried for absolutely no reason so often during this process that I have lost count! I am working today so I don't have time to post but I do want to say that I am so glad to have a place to come to, to bitch and moan and to not be judged. I am so glad to have found all of you and I hope that we all eventually find some peace with the BC beast. Hugs to you all!
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Ok ladies I am reading everyones post but my f$#%ing internet has been down all week and comcast can't get out here till TUESDAY!!! UGH!!!!! Of course that brought me to tears.
Debbie I am sorry you are having a hard time these days. I always find a couple days of tears and tantrum leave me feeling much better. One reason im glad to live alone I don't have to worry about how my mood will affect anyone. Im sorry your son is having a difficult time as well. I feel like my nephew hit really hard time emotionally at 15 16. Life is unfortunately so much harder for kids these days. Im happy to say he got past it sort if..he is just an emotional kid at 24 now but I think that's ok as long as he reaches out to someone...anyone when he is sad. Its good for him that he does have you to lean on evev if you don't think you're strong enough..he does. Things will get better they really will. I feel so much better since finally being happy with recon. I went out and bought bras that actually fit and feel comfortable. So much that I don't feel like all day im reminded righty was reconstructed. I still hate my hair but I finally highlighted it and feel like I look like my old self. You are still early in this journey. You will feel happy again....and your memory will get better when you're not so overwhelmed with life. Hugs to you!!!!
Kate yes did you lose power in the sweltering heat?? I hope not.
Claire..Kate said it well. Don't ever feel like youcant come here. Unless you tossout personal insults you wont ever offend anyone with your feelings. Hugs to you. Your boss SUCKS but we love you!!! Stay strong ...and remind that biotch the ADA covers cancer patients. Today is Stand up to Cancer day. Maybe someone should tell her. Hope your poking wasn't too invasive
I have gyn appt Monday ...blaaaahhh I got a lot of waxing to do this weekend.
I have to go every three months now thanks to chemo. Stupid HPV has reared its ugly head after 20plus years of being dormant. Ugh! I am thinking cryo surgery is in my future. Although if my inc and gyn gang up on my they want a hysterectomy. No thanks.
Anyhow Lindsey still thinking of you!!!! Hope you are felling better and stronger
Hugs to all that need one...not bad considering I typed on my droid. Forgive any typos
Diane0 -
Ok ladies I am reading everyones post but my f$#%ing internet has been down all week and comcast can't get out here till TUESDAY!!! UGH!!!!! Of course that brought me to tears.
Debbie I am sorry you are having a hard time these days. I always find a couple days of tears and tantrum leave me feeling much better. One reason im glad to live alone I don't have to worry about how my mood will affect anyone. Im sorry your son is having a difficult time as well. I feel like my nephew hit really hard time emotionally at 15 16. Life is unfortunately so much harder for kids these days. Im happy to say he got past it sort if..he is just an emotional kid at 24 now but I think that's ok as long as he reaches out to someone...anyone when he is sad. Its good for him that he does have you to lean on evev if you don't think you're strong enough..he does. Things will get better they really will. I feel so much better since finally being happy with recon. I went out and bought bras that actually fit and feel comfortable. So much that I don't feel like all day im reminded righty was reconstructed. I still hate my hair but I finally highlighted it and feel like I look like my old self. You are still early in this journey. You will feel happy again....and your memory will get better when you're not so overwhelmed with life. Hugs to you!!!!
Kate yes did you lose power in the sweltering heat?? I hope not.
Claire..Kate said it well. Don't ever feel like youcant come here. Unless you tossout personal insults you wont ever offend anyone with your feelings. Hugs to you. Your boss SUCKS but we love you!!! Stay strong ...and remind that biotch the ADA covers cancer patients. Today is Stand up to Cancer day. Maybe someone should tell her. Hope your poking wasn't too invasive
I have gyn appt Monday ...blaaaahhh I got a lot of waxing to do this weekend.
I have to go every three months now thanks to chemo. Stupid HPV has reared its ugly head after 20plus years of being dormant. Ugh! I am thinking cryo surgery is in my future. Although if my inc and gyn gang up on my they want a hysterectomy. No thanks.
Anyhow Lindsey still thinking of you!!!! Hope you are felling better and stronger
Hugs to all that need one...not bad considering I typed on my droid. Forgive any typos
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Debbie- I know you were serious but had to laugh when you said you don't want your DH to have to cope with your weirdness. I think that a lot about mine- poor guy!
Kitty (a.k.a. The Lurker)- "Get out my bitchy side, dust her off..." LMAO! Hmm, maybe I need to do that. Now where's my Endust? BTW, maybe we should order those ADA t-shirts in bulk!
Claire- Glad you were feeling the love! Maybe your boss has ESP and sensed she would have a horde of angry women on her doorstep if she mistreated our dear sweet Claire one more minute!
I am off to spend a lovely day with my wonderful Mom, sister and aunt. We're going to see "The Help" and then a girl's dinner out. Wish I could have a day like that with all of you! Happy weekend!
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Kate, Claire, barbe, Stanzie, Diane, MBJ and anyone else I missed by accident:
Thank you for all of your support. I know things will get better for Max. The OCD he has is a mild form of it, so I am sure a low dose of medication will really help him. It makes me sad that his Dad can't understand what is going on, but he is supportive and kind, so I am again thankful. I am so glad Max (my son) is still at home while finishing his first year at university so I can help him deal with all of this. Yes, I've been depressed over BC and my son, and have had many times in my life when depression has wanted to destroy me but I've beaten it before and am confident to be able to do it again.
To know you all are here means so much to me. Claire, I'll think of you next time I have a melt down - maybe it will be in the shower. Kate, I laugh too! Diane - yes, sometimes I wish I lived alone and didn't have to bother my DH or DS with my emotional hurricanes. barbe - I am ever so thankful Max will share and talk with me. I have always told him as he has grown up that he cane come and tell me anything. I may not like it but I won't get mad or angry and I will always love him and be on his side and we would leave the getting angry part to his Dad....and his Dad really never gets angry either.
It's Saturday here and I just got back from 1 1/2 hours of yoga so for now, I am calm and actually happy. Nice change.
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Today is my 17th wedding anniversary! My poor husband. If he only knew what he was signing up for back then. LOL! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. He made me a delicious gourmet breakfast, we looked at our wedding album, read our wedding vows again and listened to our wedding song. Tonight we're off to a romantic dinner for two with no BC talk allowed. (My rule!)
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Congrats Kate!! That ALL sounds SO romanitc....sigh!!! I've been married 16 years to this great guy. 18 1/2 years together. Have a GREAT dinner for us all!! And you two of course....
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Congratulations, Kate! Your DH sounds amazing. Mine is too and I thank my lucky stars every day for marrying him. Have a wonderful dinner together tonight.
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Kate: Congratulations!! 17 years of having a wonderful wife like you? He is just as lucky!!! Hugs!
Ladies: I just wanted to share-I had my nipple/areola area tattooed today and she did a marvelous job. Right now it's very tender and sore but she put freckles and coloration to look just like my real one and she told me to come back in a month in case it needs a touch up (and so she can see it finished, of course) and she even offered to add color to my natural side if it needs it to get an exact match. I am so excited, though in a bit of pain. So happy to be that much closer to being done.
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Kate: happy 17th.. i think they're not suppossed to know when we get married, whats' gonna happen. my poor Mur; if he had known, he'd probably run to china!!!
MBJ: congrats on the nipples girl.. you regained a little more back... ....3jays
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What a great weekend for everyone! Yoga, anniversary, new nipple!!! Kate your DH sounds like a doll!! Hold on tight to that keeper!! MBJ- she must be such an artist! I can't imagine the skill it takes to design and create a life like human nipple. How exciting for you. Once it heals, you will feel so much better.
I've had the last two days off and it has been blissful.Friday I saw my GP and my RO. She upped b\ my anti-d's and my thyroid. Hopefully, see some relief soon. RO--who is adorably cute--did the whole "that pain is caused by the BMX not the rads. You will probably have that forever." " Your tan lines have faded pretty good, but you may have them forever." "that chest pain, could be your anxiety and depression causing it." If rads don't cause any of these SE's why am I still F/U with him? Besides he is nice to look at.. . .
I'm off to work. Woo hoo. . Wonder who will be in the mood to shop today-----
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Congrats on the tats MBJ!!!
Gee, I NEVER thought in my whole life that I'd be congratulating another woman for getting nipple tatoos!!
It also hit me this morning that I have spent almost THREE YEARS on this board!! Every single day except when I was away for my kid's two destination weddings or when I was hospitalized for my kidney (missed a day or two from the week as I finally got hooked up to the internet). Every day at work, every single day at home. I have laughed and cried. Babies have been born and many ladies became angels. What an incredible journey this has been!!
I am doubled up on my Seroquel right now to get me through my DH's diagnosis. Did I mention here that he is awating for an MRI because a CT found 2 tumours on his spine (previous surgery site so we're not too worried) the one we were looking for on the outside of his kidney and one we didn't know about on his LUNG. I pray for strength.
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Claire: I hope your change in meds work and from what I understand you see the radiologist for a long time after just so they can moniter changes to your skin which is usually the most problematic after radiation. Glad you are having a good weekend.
(((Barbe))): I truly hope that everything is ok with your DH. You are correct-this is a hell of a ride-I have my two year anniversary this week and all I can say is be strong and hope for the best because what else can we do. Sending you cyber hugs and well wishes!
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