Great saying about depression
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Barbe-I am so happy for you. :-D I am taking in a big breath and will exhale into a slow peaceful place for you! I like the idea of "girl power" and still think a bonfire and s'mores sound heavenly!
MBJ - when I was driving up to S.M on Wed I thought of you. My DH and I will see the PS one more time next week and then he said in mid-Oct to make plans for the exchange. Maybe at my Oct. appt, we could meet for lunch if you are up to it! :-) So sorry for your shoulder and nose issues. Since you are on the Westside, I thot I would let you know my DH, Dad, and me have all had rotator cuff surgery at Kerlan-Jobe with Dr. Ralph Gambardella. He use to be the team doctor for Dodgers or Ducks.
Kate, I will be thinking of you as you do yet another test! I just want to yell "leave me alone!"
And yes, I join you all for a restful weekend. I'm still in my PJs at 12:30 p.m., but without the drains, I can shower anytime I want! Yipeeeee!
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LIndsey: I would love to meet up! The problem is I need to re-build my muscles there and hopefully won't need surgery. Keeping my fingers crossed that this works! So happy you are drain free-Yay!!!
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Oooohhhh, the drains!!! Doesn't it feel decadent to lose them, Lindsey??? You never had them before, but how could you hate them if you never had them? Now you know!! Congrats. (and thanks!)
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Yes - nice to be done with those awful drains.
Kate - So sorry you ar dealing with this additional issue. Hoping you see a good dr. who is able to help you and be supportive.
Thanks for the support everyone. It's nice to feel welcomed
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Barbe: last year, when i was feeling good, i started reg zumba, and loved it! wish we had something here in the pool with zumba. its' a lot of fun! chances are, you'll meet great gals, doing that one in the pool... potential new girlfriends!!! im rooting for ya girl...............3jays
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I actually went out in the rain yesterday and WALKED to the club house to sign up for the gym and pool! I got a walk around and am pretty sure it's what I want to do. For an extra $79 I can get a year of towels and a locker!! I was prepared to sign up and then chickened out and said I'm come back for October 1st. I will, I know I will......won't I?
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barbe: DO IT!!!!!!
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barbe - i 2nd that - do it! exercising in the pool is the greatest therapy for those of us who can't walk long distances. my month of water therapy did more than my previous 3 mos of weight & exercise therapy which included massage of my bad knee, cold pacs, & electric stimulation. i am really hoping to get back to the ymca as soon as i can afford it again....
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Molly & Mia welcome!! Molly sorry about your BF. Some men just cant deal or just dont know what to say. Maybe a little time apart will bring some clarity . I sometimes am glad I have gone through this journey alone (sans a beau/DH) no one elses feelings or actions to consider or deal with,
Kate so sorry you have to see a neurologist...thats scary. I hope everything is ok. You definitely dont need another thing to deal with in this lifetime.Hugs to you!
MBJ you poor thing...I can not even begin to imagine the pain you are in. I have had a stiff neck for a month and I think a nerve is pinched like SHOOTING down my right arm (mx side) I thought I had a lump in my neck but my sister (med asst) thinks the muscle is just tense and tight. Do we as BC patients have to worry about atrophie?? Is that common? Were you having ROM issues prior to the pain. Hugs to you too...also hope all goes well for your nose on tuesday. Any word on your house? did they accept your offer?
3jays sorry you are blue...you are like me this weekend. This is the weekend I usually go away with friends every year for my birthday. They went without me ...since we have a very big group usually every year we meet there. They keep texting me about what they are up to and I keep saying next year I will be there...we'll see. I hope emotionally and physically I am up to it. But I know how you feel. Like you've said the same excuse for so long no one is believing ya....I hear ya. Hugs to you too ...cheer up,..pour yourself a glass of wine and picture yourself there next year. Hopefully that brings a smile to your face and gives you something to aim for and look forward to.
Ok so my birthday week ended with a jello shooter with a candle in it and the whole bar (local watering hole) singing happy birthday to me...it was a nice way to end the week.
I am with Lindsey...I say Kate's yard..smores...wine and CHOCOLATE!!!
Good night ladies...hope all have a lovely slumber
Diane
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Barbe-
I only have one thing to say - suboptimal sample equals SUBOPTIMAL DOCTORING!
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Didel: I injured my shoulder 10-12 years ago and this combined with the reconstruction has really done a number on it. Also, I think I reinjured it in my boating accident-just didn't notice the pain there because of the pain everywhere else. PT is making it worse-anyone eles have this happen?
Glad you finished your birthday week on a high note!
The offer was accepted, waiting for our 4.37% loan to go through and hopefully we close by Oct 27th!
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MBJ.. really hope you get it! looking good! thanks, DiDel. i WISH i knew whats' going on; but chrissy posted in her blog tonight, so i saw some... we'll see...i'm so glad you understand so well, and glad your B. Day worked out in the end....hugs, 3jays
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MBJ- My husband used to call PT physical torture. He would be in tears, big ol hulk of a man. You have been thru so much, I can't even imagine how you get thru it. And good news on the house!! Something to look forward to, how exciting.
(((((hugs))))))) to everyone as this week begins.
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I'm wondering if the radiologist will call me in for a retake?
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barbe - If I were you I would demand (if it would do any good) to have the rediologist redo the biopsy. A suboptimal sample means that they didn't get the usual minimal amount they consider to be adequate to perform the test...so to me that equals no test. Any test not done to the specifications or guidelines is NOT DONE.
I am so tired of people not doing their jobs right and thinking we are all ok with that. I am right now dealing with a new leaking shower (the replacement) new furniture which is of poor quality (was given to me to replace the faulty leather living room furniture they first sold me), was dealing with an internet provider service not working (said it wa my fault, and ha, it was theres), money taken in error on a gym membership and hmmm, anything else? I think that is a lot of wrong and poor workmanship for one home!
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I do not want to tempt fate! Gonna sit here and keep ducking!
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Love all the support and good wishes !
Feeling the love.
Isnt it sad (or maybe good) that breast cancer lets you know who your REAL friends are.
I am blessed with a wonderful hubs and daughter, but my brothers(and wives) have been a BIG dissappointment - my work friends have been wonderful however and my husbands sisters...I guess we find out the hard way some time.
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Barbe - I can certainly understand your not wanting to tempt fate. See how you feel next week.
Diane - I do plan to go the rest of this journey alone and with my kids. It's complicated enough. No new men for a while. I'm sad enough right now lately anyway!
I have found that people are pretty supportive on the front end, not so much as things go on. it's not that they're not supportive, it's just once you get into reconstruction, it does become a little too personal. And really many do believe that you are 'cured'. I do like the term remission. Feels like a fit to me.
Wishing you all a good start to the week.
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barbe - ok, I sure do understand where you are coming from.
Molly- my oncologist has never said the word remission. All she will say is we can not see any evidence of breast cancer at this time. Gee thanks -
Though.....I do like to think of myself as being cured and all of this is past and will stay there....except for the ongoing breast reconstruction. I never thought I would be having surgery #5 on 4th October!
My goal is a good week. Yesterday it changed to a good hour. Today I am at trying to have a good day.
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thats' the term they've used with me, also...ned.. no evidence detected. my stage 4 friends get nerd.. no new mwts.. don't no how that translaytes, at all.....3jays
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Wow, before I go to bed I have to say I have finally made it through a day without any major stressful issues, like 18 year old son getting ready to move away to uni and DH of 28 years just bugging the hell out of me (I really do love him). Anyway, they only had to poke me 5 times today at the lab to draw the blood for my tests! Yikes. Then my 1st annual visit to the oncologist. Uneventful. Just how I like things. I just know if I can get past of of this bc 'stuff' I can go back to being my old self and rolling with the punches. Yes - No?
So, one good day! Score one for me...........
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Yeah Debbie Glad you are feeling a bit better today...I had 5 surgeries in 18 months too. Mx ...TE exchange and three revisions...third times the charm! I am having my tattoo on the 4th so I will be thinking of you and I hope this is it for you!
MBJ Yeah on your house...I hope it all falls into place for you...it would be nice to have you in central time..right??
KAAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEEE where are you??? Are you feeling ok?? Did you have your doctors appt??
Molly I am sorry you feel sad. I feel like this time you have to be a little selfish and just put yourself first...you will get through this and have more time and energy to put into a relationship...at least thats what I keep telling myself.
Ok so Ive been totally hiding out at home these last two days telling everyone I have food poisoning...am I terrible. I am feeling stressed and blue and just dont feel like dealing with anyone. I am putting off talking to the managing partner of the firm I do work for and I am so afraid they are gonna tell me they dont need me this tax season which would devastate me. Not just financially but I've been back with these people working as a contractor for ten years and I have known them for over 20. It just hurts my feeling that they hired all these people I think without consideration for me. Thats my rant for the week
I am off to walk my puppy and maybe squeeze in a shower...I think I smell
Welcome all newbies...this is a good place for support...if you are lurking and want to chime in whats on your mind feel free...we are all here for each other anytime!!
Diane0 -
a shower a day doesn't keep the doctor away....
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Yeah Debbie- a boring trip to the oncologist!! What more could a girl ask for?? I'm sorry you are having a rough day-week--year. I know how you feel--one day at a time. Diane- rant away!! Maybe it not what you think, why would they be hiring new people and then let go a valuable long term worker like you? I'm thinking positive for you!!
I just realized that I haven't been to my therapist for almost 6 weeks. Not that I don't need to talk. Just don't want to make the appointment.
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Hey everyone- didn't mean to go MIA. Just been in one of my funks and feeling like there wasn't anything I could bring to the "great saying about depression" table. The new neurologist didn't really have any words of wisdom. He's just ordering a new brain MRI to see if there are changes in the amount of plaques. There was no change between the 1st and 2nd MRI so I'm not too worried. He's also ordering 2 spinal MRI's and an EEG to check the nervous system. Good thing I'm maxed out on my out of pocket costs for the year! Anyway, still waiting to hear from the imaging center to schedule. Just so tired of medical stuff. It makes me feel old and defective.
MBJ- Good luck with the house deal! I'm one of those crazy people that loves moving. There's something so cathartic about a fresh start, cleaning out cupboards, re-decorating with all your favorite things, etc. This is the longest I have ever lived in one house (14 years) and I feel a little restless. My DH wants to live here forever, though (unless we win the lottery- then it's off to Italy) so I guess I have to be content with changing the wall colors every few years.
Debbie- Congrats on an unevently onco appointment. Kind of seems anti-climatic after all we've been through, huh? But good, definitely good! Good luck with your upcoming surgery! Hope the Boob Fairy finally gets it right this time.
Diane- Hope you're feeling better today!!! (((hugs))))
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I have gypsy feet too and love to move, using things in different places. Right now we are using a black carved and handpainted screen for our headboard. A glass table is now my night table. Way too much fun!!!!!
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Moving - yes it is a catharsis and exciting and a lot of work. I have gone from San Francisco to Los Angeles to Kauai to New Zealand and finally to here, Australia. The last move was the worst with things missing and broken. As my husband doesn't do any of this stuff, it was me unboxing room after room of stuff. About two weeks into living in this home, Dh asked when I was going to get the pictures up on the walls. Well, I got so mad I stayed up all night and hammered every single last picture we had to the walls. A lot. He never even made a comment the next day. Go figure?
Like barbe, I like to change things in the house and outside in the garden. Right now I badly need to paint, rescreen, carpet and sand the floors and put up new drapes in the whole house. Yikes - I am afraid to start getting estimates! My 1 1/2 years of BC and surgeries and treatments really ate a hole in my pocket. Unfortunately the inside of the house really needs to be done all at one time. We started fixing and painting the outside of the house a month before I was diagnosed...so I guess in a way I am a bit afraid as I remember how bad it was to be crying in my pajamas and have workmen on scaffolds painting outside my 3rd story bedroom window....and being asked a multitude of questions. I actually have paint peeling in big curls off the walls in our dining room. I've quite gotten used to the look - retro old and funky.
I'm trying to smile!
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sorry justagirl.. im down n out these days, too, but anything new to the house does help the mood. we're just too sick and worn out to do much now. i'mm still recovering from my visit with chrissy last week, and the drs appts are started lining up again....grrrr instant empty pocket syndrome........3jays
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3jaysmom: I get the empty pocket bit. This week when I saw the oncologist for 5 minutes it cost $150, of which medicare will pay $80. Then yesterday I see my GP for 1/2 hours and medicare paid for the full visit costing $80.
I am finally surrendering and have gone to see the therapist for the first time last week. I need some tools to deal with my emotions and state of mind, which still revolves around bc and surgeries - with another surgery, #5 on the 4th of October. Maybe if I can get myself in a better place I will do better in dealing with my DH and DS. My husband says I'm angry at him all the time. I said no, I just get frustrated. Same with DS - I try and tell him to plan out and ahead so there isn't a rush to complete university papers on time. I will always try and help him with sentence composition and spelling but he has to be in there and do the research....and I don't want to start at 2pm in the afternoon when the paper is due at 5pm! I sure didn't raise him that way! Again, I don't get mad, just frustrated. DS also gets angry about things that maybe before I had bc I might of gotten peeved too, but now many of those things just aren't worth me getting concerned or upset about or even thinking about.
My GP says she thinks my emotions will level out and I will gain back naturally my stability once I have had all the surgeries and tattooing. Right now I look like I have shoved two small tennis balls under my pec muscles! At least they aren't flat like a hamburger as many women describe their implants. I have to say I still shock myself when I get out of the shower and look in the mirror.....two bumps. I am hopeful things will look better with the nipples made and tattooing.
My GP also said something about PTSD. I don't know - a good question to ask the therapist.
I am just so glad to have you all here to 'talk' with -
Debbie
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JustaGirl - I thin I need to startbseeing a therapist as well. Have been dealing with this on my own for too long.
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