Great saying about depression
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my new mascot for pinktober..3jays 0 -
candles lit for everyone who needs them... esp for LindseyS...3jays 0 -
Thank you ladies!
Lindsey if your doctor can't see you tomorrow I would go to ER something doesn't sound right you shouldn't still be in so much pain and swollen. I think you should call doc now. Im worried for you tomorrow
Typing on my phone so hard to make it long
3jays love the pic
Diagnosis: 11/12/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 0/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HE
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Lindsey--after my BMX, I was told the more I moved the more fluid would build up. But it's a balancing game. You have to move to heal, but not too much to accumulate fluid. I had to be drained once after I got my drains out, and even after that I had fluid but it eventually went away. I have heard of some people that have had their drains for a month or more. Some docs stick to the 20 cc amt pretty rigidly, maybe your doc was a bit premature. Its not an infection? I wish I could tell you something that helps, I know the unknowing is the scariest part of this damn disease.
Kate, I would have flipped too if I had seen my mom on the floor. But my mom has absolutely no sense of humor so you are lucky on that front! Good luck on the driving too, my DS turned 15 in May and everday its"so I can I drive?" EVERDAY!!!
Diane and Deb, sending you my best thoughts today, you are on my mind.
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Lindsey- It's possible your doctor may have pulled the drains too soon. I think there's a fine line there. Too soon and fluid builds up. Too long and the risk of infection increases. As far as arm exercises you should not be overly active with your arms. It's more of a pumping action. The one I remember is holding your arms over your head and clenching and unclenching your fist. This helps everything keep moving. Do this several times a day. Your DX line doesn't say- did you have lymph nodes removed? If so, I would possibly schedule an LE evaluation, too, if things don't improve. Every surgery increases our chances of LE. Hoping it's not that but just some slow healing going on. Up your protein levels, too, as this helps with healing. If it's not showing improvement I would insist on being seen before you head into the weekend. (((hugs)))
Debbie- GOOD LUCK TODAY!!!!!!!
3jays- Loved the mascot!
So I've been on the phone for the past few days still trying to work out the financial stuff from my last surgery. It's like adding insult to injury. (Let's see- you fixed some stuff, put new scars in a place we hadn't discussed, gave me possible LE and now you're saying I owe you an additional $1700 when my insurance company is saying you owe me $2,000? Really?!?) AGH! I spoke to a wonderful woman today, though, at my insurance company who said she is going to take care of this personally and is going to call me back tomorrow. Just want this resolved. This afternoon I am scheduled for an EEG where they put a bunch of wires on my head. I can't have any caffeine or use any hair products! I can't think of anything worse! LOL!
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Kate: I have had one of those. My father was epeleptic and I had lots of fainting spells as a child up until I was about 16. Hope everything is okay! Hugs!
3Jays: Love your new mascot!!! Hugs!
Lindsey: I agree, drains came out too early, but I would follow your dr's advice and hopefully they don't have to go in and physically remove fluid. Sending you many healing thoughts.
Debbie: Hope all went well today!!!
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Thanks for all your insights. DH took several pics this morning a nd we emailed them to PS. He just called and said there is no evidence of infection,incisions look great, and although there is swelling it should start going down--it just takes time. He said also that the new TEs are very different from what I had. Original TEs were tall and now these are short, so PS said I would have a very different feeling and the hardness and "fullness" could be the TEs.
I think you will all laugh at this. One of my board members brought over dinner for us last week. He also had a small dark blood red geranium. It was really blooming and I said it is beautiful. He said I bought it because the color reminds me of pain! So every morning when I walk into the kitchen I look at this "painful" plant. Don't you think he should have bought me something yellow? :-)
Yesterday I did do heat compresses and I actually feel better today. I think I am comparing what I felt with first TEs, which were only half filled (300ccs) after 9weeks and these new short TEs which were filled to capacity at 425ccs at surgery.
Kate, MBJ, & Claire, I do think the drains were pulled too early too, so I think this is just one of those times that I need to just get through. I think you used the right word -- balance. I am going to do alittle bit around the house and go to by breast cancer support group tonight. I think staying in and down is depressing and it doesn't help to be both physically and emotionally in the pits. Plus the therapist who leads this group is awesome. She sent me a great YouTube video yesterday by Deepak Choprah on mind/body connection and healing that was very interesting. I didn't know he was a neurologist and had a medical degree so his words carried more weight for me this time.
3jays: thank you for lighting a candle. I will bepreathe in the healing light. I will light one for you tomorrow. The MS really complicates things for you. I hope this doctor will be very empathetic. OMG! The mascot is so cute. That made me smile :-)0 -
Wow, Lindsey, what a strange thing to say!
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Lindsey, is your swelling contained to the surgical area or is it in your trunk and/or arms too? Lymphodema is something I am always on the lookout for. And I agree with what has been said above...some PS's say don't move much, others say move a lot! Personally, I think I was moving around too much and that did not help my healing issues. PS, I went to a body movement therapist a few years ago, she was remarkable. Haven't been since the BC though...I think I really need it. (She is in Altadena if you need someone closer than Ojai.) That retreat sounds great! But I'll be in NY. ;-( And I agree with MBJ, that was a very weird thing for that guy to say, that the plant's color reminded him of pain! OY! (File under "more dumb things people say when they don't know what to say.")
I am so over pink — and it is only the 4th day in.
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Lindsey-
I had the fluid build up too after my mx. I would go to the doc and they would drain it and I would use a binder, over and over again. It took several months and fluid was extracted 7 or 8 times but it DID heal eventually. It was very depressing to go thru so hang in there! It just takes time.
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Been slow to post as I am still using the Android notebok but have been reading and praying. Good luck to all who are still trying to heal. Saw a psychiatrist for LTD paperwork. Very interesting! He was wondering about PTSD but said my cancer was too RECENT at just 3 yeas ago.....hhhmmmmm. DH has to get a biopsy of his kidney tumour, but they're going to watch and wait 6 months on the lung tumour. Still hasn't had the spine CT for the two tumours there! Can you spell sstressss?
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oh, Barbe, you've been in my thoughts and prayers.. so much is going on in your life!!! hope you can get your computer problems fixed soon, so we can see you here more often.. know your loved, Gal..
Linsey; i'd try to take it, as he was trying to tell you he understood you were in pain, and was empathizing.. i'd send my pain to the flower, and believe this man was trying to soothe it... (just a thought. to not hate it) i think it still eats a pink flower!!!............3jays
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too recent for PTSD??? WTF!!??
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Weird,eh, MBJ???????? By the way, Louis Hebert is in my distant past on my maternal side. Settled Quebec City from France and that's where my French side comes from.
3jays, hoping to hear from your appt today. We know it can't be PTSD, right???????0 -
Ladies I have been reading your posts, but haven't posted. I am sorry for all of you that are going through such challenges. This disease is hideous and demanding. My dear friend I met in my support group a year ago has mets to liver, bone, lung and adrenal glands. The PET scan reveals the new chemo has not stopped the progression. This is what so many don't get.
Pink October is a hype. I am not sure it really raises awareness. There was a study and it does not show since all of this stuff that there is an increase in age appropriate women getting screened. Marketing ploy as far as I am concerned. There was a good article on breastcancer.about.com that listed the top five organizations that support true research and assistance. Top one is Breast Cancer Research Foundation.
My counselor said this to me a couple of weeks ago. I loved it as I try and as many of you have had to deal with - the issue of people disappearing from your life or minimizing what we are going through. I hope you find it helpful to reflect on.
"Nobody elses understanding of your story changes the fact that it is true"
Peace everyone
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3Jays - how did it go today? Anxious to hear. I love your idea too about directing my pain into that flower! This man is very kind and empathetic, so I know he didn't mean it to sound like it did. Now we will see what this plant is made of as I direct my pain to it! I think a pink flower would wilt! Ha ha.
Barbe - I don't have words. Just a big ((((((((((((((((((O)))))))))))))))))
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Renn - most of the swelling is in the surgical area and under my arms. But he did remove scar tissue from under my arms, so I guess that would be considered the surgical area too. I had no lymph nodes removed.
Baywatcher - so when they removed the fluid did you have hematomas? My PS says they can't drain generalizes swelling only capsulated lumps of fluid, which I don't have. It sounds like it took a long time for all of your swelling to go down. My exchange surgery is Nov 16, so I don't have a lot of time to heal. I keep telling my body Hurry Up!!!
And with that thought, I am off to meditate for 45 min with my tape. . . Ahhhhhhhh
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youmguys won't belive this.. so murs' home early we're out to lunch, and i get a call....after 3 months, they tell me "they miscalculated" and they're "too busy " to see me today.. someone made a mistake in shedualing.. after amny arguments, etc. thy're seeing me tommorrow...!!! i don't like the way this office is handling thigs..we;ll see . they said " be prepared for a 3 hour appt" like they were doing me a facvor.. i just hope the beginning is talking to the dr. and not tests... i expect an ultra sound, and probably a FNB: but , really, maybe he should Talk with me first?? i 'll letcha know.. maybe i'll get lucky, and he'll apologize for the srew up, and treat me like a live person..( do you sense i don't expect it, tho) im getting too cynical with this bc crap!!! i'll let everyone know tommorrow. thank you for worrying, praying, lighting candles. it keeps me sane, in the midst of insanity..
i can tell you, Murs boss is NOT going to believe it. they'll have to send a note. he's a royal jerk, too...
ah well... gonna TRY and get some drug induced sleep tonight....in the end, i don't think there's much they can do. i think the ms is attacking the thyroid. i can't take imnosupreesants, that'lll "invite the bc" not, can i take the synthyroid, as my eyes are changing, and the opth. is afraid i'll go blind if i do it long term... maybe a peds dose. anyway, i'll get it all done, but then, without a miracle , there will be no answer. Ms is a bad disease.... maybe this guy DOES have a miracle up his sleeve. thats' what im prayijg for tonight......3jays
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3jays--what kind of doc are you seeing today? If you told us I forgot. . . Can I throw him in the bonfire? He sounds like someone who is missing some empathy genes. Will be thinking about you today and I hope they give you some ANSWERS and RELIEF. Big ((((HUGS))))).
Barbe--You have more strength than I ever would. You are my inspiration.
Lindsey-any better today? Maybe your friend meant for you to channel your pain into the plant. Some peoples good intentions are not always so obvious.
"Nobody elses understanding of your story changes the fact that it is true"---Determined--that is so true. I think I may have to borrow that.
I'll have to say that my upping the dosage of my ant-d's seem to be helping. It's been a couple of weeks and I haven't had a bottom of the pit moment lately. I hate that it takes more chemicals to control my mind. I still can't sleep without meds, still worry obssively about work and don't have the energy to do crap--but at least I am not crying at a moments notice. Not yet happy, but at least not as sad all the time.
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Well, I have read and caught up. So much going on with everyone! And so many health issues to struggle with, wait for, and advocate with docs about. This BC and our bodies are so much more complicated than anyone on the 'outside' would know. I am sending positive thoughts to everyone for healing and peace.
Claire - I am taking Effexor for the 'menopausal' symptoms. I think it's been 6 months. I am so fatigued and don't know the cause: meds., surgery, BC, break up with BF, lack of sleep, night sweats or all of the above! I work and come home and lay down. Then there is more to do but if there were not - I'd lay down all evening!! Hard to even do the dishes sometimes. I am just so tired. Also - I am strangely flat. Used to cry a lot, get angry - now am kind of numb. It could just be another phase of the big 'break-up' but I don't know. I wonder if it is the Effexor. But again it might be lack of sleep. I don't turn in early enough and should - work comes and I'm not always mentally ready in the morning!! Never was a morning person.................
Hugs to everyone,
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ok, so, afterwaiting 3MOTHS ( and all day yesterday) this guy says I can't help you. your symptomology doesn't make ANY sense!!!then, i reminded him how sensitive i am bc i have MS.. so, he sends me to another dr...luckily, behind his back, i have an appt with him on the 11th.. it'll be the same thing, there, though, im sure.. they hear MS; and their eyes glaze over...
im gonna ask him for a peds dose of levothroxin.. see if i can tolerate THAT much (thanks for the suggestion, stanzie) this guy says, see your doctor every 6 months!!! if i did that, this;ll kill me bf bc ever gets to me!!!
i won't settle. we may have to wait, and pray the ms calms down a bit...so much for any QOL for who knows how long...onwards and upwards.. in the meantime, they get their co pays, and live it up!!!grrrrrr..........3jays
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3jays--I am so sorry you are having to go thru this. Isn't there an a doc that specializes in MS out there somewhere in south Fl? There has to be some relief you somehow, and soon.
Molly, I know what you mean about the flatness.I think anti-d's are a blessing and a curse. They can rid you of the crying jags but they also seem to take away those moments of spontaneous joy. Plus the whole meno moment can totally disrupt our world as we know it. Just finding a balance is my new focus.
To all who work real jobs--enjoy your weekend. I'm off to the world of books!!!
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Molly, when I get that "flat" feeling, I figure that my meds are protecting me. I use that feeling as a positve, knowing that I'll come around once I can handle the emotions that are being held back. Meds can be a blessing or a curse. I actually asked the psych I just saw if I hadn't grown emotionally because of being on meds for the past 30 years! I thought that was a good question and he was intrigued as well. I started to cry as I asked that and said that if I was balanced, it wouldn't make me cry to just ask the question. I wondered if my meds had kept me from growing up....
3jays, fcuk the thyroid specialists!!!! Get thee to an MS specialist!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Molly- I can relate to everything you described (well, except for the job thing- I can't seem to find one of those!) (And am absolutely amazed at all of you who navigate all this while still working full time.)
I also have the flat feeling. While I don't miss the lows of depression I do miss the highs- like joy, excitement, creativity, etc. And sometimes I feel like I don't always process things like I should. Sometimes things will happen, where any average person would be upset or hurt, yet I act fine for days, weeks or months before I feel the emotions. It's like the anti-d's put a delay switch on everything. I'd rather process now. It gets a little confusing when I go to my DH a month later and say, "Hey, you know that disagreement we had last month? That really pissed me off!"
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You know I have that delay thing too - always have. It's like I forgive and talk and everything is fine until about two days later. Then the anger comes. Very confusing to the man on the receiving end! I have always avoided the anti-depressants because of the 'flat' thing. Or at least the SSRI type. I didn't like that. But now I think it is really doing me some good. Some of you know I have fibromyalgia. Some years back I took amitryptiline (sp?) to sleep - I think there a brand name for it (Elavil?). Anyway, I probably took it for 7 years, a low dose. I wonder now if that flatness stole some of the joy from my marriage and contributed to it's undoing.. It seemed like when I stopped it, due to tolerance, suddenly I came out of a cloud and had more emotions than I could handle. I think it killed my sex drive and caused weight gain too. And I never knew those things until I stopped it. But now, I do think my meds protect me although I have wondered sometimes if I truly process. My goal now though is to maintain functioning and find some peace. I think the feelings will come in time for all of us.
I think some of the current flatness may be shock. I still can't believe I got BC!!
3jays - I agree with Barb. WTF!! (Excuse my my language)!
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I had hit a huge low many years ago: shoulder injury, uterine fibroid hemoraging, couldn't work, had to have surgery, on my back for two months. I think this is when I started having thyroid issues and I tried several types of antidepressants. I was weaning myself off of them when I met my DH and started my current carrier. It does seem to flatten all emotions which is why I chose not to go on them while going through all of the BC crap. So I have good days and some really rough days, yesterday being one of the rough ones. All of the jobs I thought I would be doing before I leave town are all disintegrating. I was really needing the money to help with the move. Made me really sad. Had a major betrayal by one of the designers/friends I have been working with for years. Guess it is finally time to move on emotionally and physically.
3jays: I agree, get yourself to an MS specialist! Whenever I have to go to the breast clinic instead of my PS's office, it's always a 3 or 4 hour ordeal. Too many women have BC.
Mybee: I was diagnosed with adrenal exhaustion prior to BC and what you describe sounds like what I was going through for over a year and still am trying to deal with now. I went to www.DrLam.com and I take many of the recommended supplements (I wouldbe happy to share) and they seem to help with my energy levels. I am still not back to my old self-not sure if I will ever be.
I don't really know how anyone continues to work while going through treatments, but I guess I did too, I just didn't have to anwer to anyone but myself so it was a little bit easier. Looking forward to my move so I can just breath a sigh of relief from all of the stress here in Los Angeles. Hoping this helps me finally heal from all of this.
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MBJ- Sorry you had a crummy day yesterday especially the betrayal. I know how hard it is to deal with stuff like that right now. I'm guessing that Kentucky, and a fresh start, are looking better and better. Hope things start turning around so you can have a easy smooth move to your new home. (((hugs)))
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MBJ, leave as much baggage at the curb in LA as you can!!!! Kentucky will feel like heaven for a long time as you watch the seasons gently change. I need the seasons to allow myself year 'markers' to aim for. A time to nest and heal, a time to be out and about, etc. The betrayal could assist you in cutting ties that you thought might be difficult. She/he made it easy to say good-bye!!
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Kate & Barbe: I so need to cut some unhealthy ties here. I have been here my entire life-moved from city to city within California, but within a 50 mile radius. BC changed me in such a way a fresh start seems so much easier then trying to do it remaining here. The appraisal valued our new home above what we are going to pay for it so the loan should go through without a hitch and I should hopefully know by Tuesday what's going on with everything else. Then I will know if I am moving by the 21st of October or the 7th of November. Wish I could click my heels together 3 times and just transport myself and my home. Thanks for the support! Hugs!!!
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MBJ- It will be so wonderful to have the holidays in your new home!!! Hope it's all good news this week!
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