Great saying about depression
Comments
-
Kate: as you describe the IV incident in your leg I am cringing! I just had a nurse tell me "I don't know how to take your blood pressure at your ankle, so I have to use your arm!" I don't like being a guinea pig! I am so sorry you had to go through all the "trys."
Barbe and Claire: I've never had kids, so I can't offer any sage advice, but I will come to your party. I will bring the hats and chocolate. I keep thinking that NO ONE can know this journey unless you've been walking on the road. That's why I am thankful we have this place to vent and cry.
Esther: Yes! Pushing down on the soad pump does the same thing to my chest. You are right, I wouldn't say horrible just weird.
I saw my PS today and he is pleased the swelling is down. He said some of the puffiness is from the mastectomy not being even on both sides and that FG later will fix that. We can't afford a third surgery with him, so I will remind him at the pre-op to do his best at the exchange to fix things. I start physical therapy on Friday, so hopefully I can get this stiff body moving again. I asked him about the pec muscle after the exchange and he said to think of it in these terms: The pec muscle has been reassigned to a new job in a new location, so you will never work or exercise it again like you did before the MX. Molly, I am the same way. If I overuse it right now I have spasms and pain. Boy, I really hope this part ends with time and it is NOT part of the new normal!
0 -
Kate, I like that quote. There's a page I follow on FB called "I
to Run". Lots of great quotes and photos, and they're mostly about staying inspired to survive with a good attitude, even though they're set in a running environment. Point is, you don't have to be a runner to appreciate them. It's really a case of when preaching to the choir actually does work. Here's the page, if anyone's interested. 0 -
Thanks Kate--I now have a new screensaver!! It amazes me how "unprofessional" people in the medical field can be. I'm sorry you had to go thru all that drama.
Lindsey- yeah the swelling is down!! We all want immediate healing and aren't sure its "working" until someone who hasn't seen you for days/weeks/months goes "wow, what a difference!"
So here is my dilemna. I am off to work. Ick. My dragon lady boss told me on Monday that Improvement plan is almost over and I have to speak to her today about all that I have done in the last 6 weeks. Her intonation was not positive. Part of me just wants to say--if you want to fire me--just do it-- so I don't have to live with this daily stress. Don't use me so you can get thru the holidays. Arrggh, Monday I took my ativan just to get past her crankiness.Last night my DH--who is just so over it all-- told me that I need to tell her that she is my biggest stressor. She is a serious micro-manager. Wish I had the guts to tell her to her face what a crankypants she can be. No ballz.
0 -
Claire, if she does 'fire you' do use the chance to tell her what she has been like to work with! She needs to hear it or the next gal will suffer the same.
I am due to go to my DD's house tomorrow as we are both getting more highlights. I AM planning on showing up I've decided as she hasn't dis-invited me.
Some of the things she said have stuck with me over night. She said even if this was the last summer on earth for me, she wouldn't have seen me more. She was at the end of her mat leave and I was on STD and hoped to see more of her and Zach. That killed me.
0 -
Well...I WAS disinvited just now by email! Now no hairlights, no daughter and no grandson! Can I say that I'm really hurt by that????
0 -
Barbe, I am so sorry for the rift in your relationship with your daughter right now.
As a parent of grown children myself, it's hard to know what sets these things off sometimes. My daughter has a bad history with her father. When she was younger, I told her that she was the child and he was the adult, so it was his responsibility to make the first move. However, when she was older (she's now 31), I told her that she is now also an adult, and if she wants a relationship with her father, she has to take on a certain amount of responsiblity to make that happen.
Were I in your shoes, I wouldn't worry too much about making immediate contact with her right now. I would prefer to wait until the dust settles...give it a week or so, and see if she reaches out to me first. You need to give yourself time to heal from the bitterness. And who knows, maybe her lashing out really has nothing to do with you (something else is eating her), but you were her safety valve??? Happens sometimes.
Hang in there, sweetie. :::hugs:::
0 -
Oh Barb, I am so very sorry. I don't begin to know what to say. Of course you are hurt as that is a terribly mean thing to do on top of everything else. Can your husband help intervene once she has cooled down a bit? Was she having a particularily rough time in her life? I am so very sorry, I'm hoping you all can patch things up soon but sounds like taking a little time off from each other will be good. But really so very sorry - words can be terribly cruel and hurtful.
0 -
Barbe I am so so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how sad you must feel. Maybe if she has a couple of days she will step back and see how this is really not how she wants it to go. Family can be so very difficult even in the best of times. I think sometimes they don't realize how they can hurt us.
Kate sorry about all of the mishaps with your MRI. I think we need to constantly remind them about what it is like in our shoes. I keep hoping if I take the teachable moments they will change. I am a nurse and I was totally amazed at the lack of empathy I experienced.
cmblastic I hate that you are under such stress at your job. If you get fired you get unemployment......
We keep each other lifted up and I am so thankful for that
0 -
lurking today, ladies, but too much to respond to.. sorry... ill be back, when i can get my thought together. just wanted you all to know.. I know.. and care......3jays
0 -
The same here. Must go back to work tonight for conferences. (((((Hugs))))))).
Kate - loved the 'pic'. Willl print for work and use as my screen saver.
Ciao my friends. Be strong as you have to be and not a bit more.
0 -
Barbe--I am so sorry your DD and you are at odds. Just asking--could she be suffering a little post partum? i was one cranky bitch and severely depressed the whole first year after my second DS was born. Giver her a little time and see if she comes around. I'm sorry, I wish I could be more help.
Work today sucked. I wish I could have the guts to walk out, but I need the money. I am just so tired of it all.
and Kate I really like my new screensaver!
0 -
Thank you so much for your responses! To me, our relationship was over! That's how hard she hit me emotionally, but you're all right, it too, will come to pass. Thanks for the validation.
Claire, I went on STD to get away from an abusive boss! I am now heading to LTD as I can't believe how I went to work every day with the amount of narcotics I'm on!!! I just did what I had to do. Now I'm living on 55% of my income. We were tight before, but we're making it okay as I don't use $250 gas for the car, insurance went down. No meals out and no impulse shopping or drycleaning! Not working does have some benefits!
0 -
oh, hadley, i think everyone of us on this thread understands the Dr, bs.. hope you're taking something for the panic attacks, for me, they build and build, and then i have "a breathing incident; or a heart incident) those are the terms they use in the er; where i end up if i don't take care of them.. so, save yourself the trip( and aggravation..) {{{hugs}}}}3jays
0 -
Barbe- I stalked you- WORRIED, and I just read back - PLEASE PM me here or FB, or call me- gonna give you my cell # Via PM here- you know I feel every bit of your pain dear sister - we can cry and be angry together- LOVE YOU- SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH
0 -
Just read through and group hug for everyone. I am a bit frantic, in the middle of this move, coming up to fast, will be off the boards for at least 2 weeks. Know that you are all in my thoughts and in my heart.
Kate: I get poked a minimum of 3 times per needle and always end up bruised.
Barbe: So sorry about your daughter-illness in the family can be just as overwhelming as the one who is actually sick.
Debbie: So glad you are home and healing.
3jays: Thinking of you!
LIndsey: I am not sure we are going to be able to meet up, but I have to come back in 3-6 months so lets catch up then. Hugs!
sorry, I am on overwhelm, my arm is in a sling, I have to have an MRI to see if anything is torn and I am moving. arrrgghh!
0 -
MBJ- Good luck with your move!!!! Take a deep breath and keep your eye on the prize- a sweet new life, new home, new friends!!! And your "old" friends here- waiting to hear all about your adventure when you're settled in! (((hugs)))
barbe- I think all of us want to be able to lean on our moms and be a kid forever. At some point, though, that transitions to where we are the ones our mothers lean on. I know that I am struggling with that transition and I am 51! I think it is difficult for your daughter to assume the role of emotional caregiver when she wants you to be that person. It's not like a relationship with a friend where there is give and take on both sides. It works fine when we have our own parents to lean on but when we lose them and we're the ones being leaned on all the time it can feel very unbalanced. Your daughter is probably feeling added pressure because she now has a little one leaning on her. It's too much from both sides and I know it's overshadowed by her fear of losing you. I think a lot of times there's so much anger expressed which is just fear in disguise. I really hope you two can work things out soon. The longer these things go the easier it is for people to start having their own dialogue about it in their heads. Maybe offer to meet her somewhere neutral and just lay it all out on the table- what you both need and crave in this mother/daughter relationship and try to meet in the middle? (((hugs)))
0 -
Hadley, the sample wasn't good and was labelled sub-optimal. There were no cancer cells found so the result was an 'all clear'. That isn't really setting well with me and my neck is still swollen so I might pursue it further. I don't know if I have any fight left so now might not be the right time!
0 -
Hi barbe...
I just spotted your name on this thread, and read a bit... I'm very sorry about your relationship with your daughter and I truly hope that you will be able to mend things in time. Cancer is so difficult for everyone... for those with the disease and those who must stand by and watch... I've been on both sides now, and they are equally bad in my opinion. Anyway, you're a generous, caring lady and I just wanted to send you my best wishes. With love to you...
Rose.
0 -
Thank you for the validation Rose. My daughter thinks otherwise!!
0 -
Barbe- Morning Cyber hugs- XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
0 -
Cathi!!! It's great to see you here, sweetie!! How are you handling all the crap you are balancing? I worry so much when someone disappears off a regular thread...
0 -
Hi All! Sorry Ive been so MIA. I have been swamped with upcoming tax deadline. and my stupid computer is slightly broken and I am afraid to move it (screen hanging on by a thread, hinge broken) I am using one I borrowed.
I have been reading since I get the email notifications...so much to say.
Lindsey so glad your swellng has subsided some...hope you are happy with these TEs. They are so uncomfortable but it does get better the implants are so soft it will feel like such a relief when they are in place. I had my TEs for 10 months and it was a hard time. When I got really uncomfortable I had my PS decrease them 100ccs . You do have to be careful with lifting while you heal I had weight restriction of 25lbs for 6 months following surgery (but like 5 lbs for the first couple weeks) I have no exercise restrictions now. It feels very tight but doesnt hurt. My PS said it will always feel tight.
Barb I am so sorry or all you are going through with your daughter. what a $hitty way to treat you and what mean hurtful things to say. I am so sorry...HUGS
Claire can I please come down to FL and tell off the Dragon Lady on your behalf??!! What a BIOTCH I think you need to moe on from there.
MBJ Sooooooooo excited for you!! I love how supportive you are your DH are with each other. I wish I had the guts to pick up and move, sometimes I feel like it would be nice to start over in a small town with a lower cost of living. I envy you! I cant wait to hear and see pics of you in your new home with your garden...sounds perfect! Sorry your shoulder is still giving you trouble. Go easy which I know is hard as you have to pack.
KATE you poor thing!! I can't believe you are still waiting for answers and getting poked and prodded again. I have MRI end of the month I hate it but my good friend Ativan comes with me so its doable. Also I am fortunate enough that they can use my left are BUT some of my veins in my hands and wrists are shot since chemo and all the ongoing blood work. Thanks for reminding me I need to remind them I am limited on what veins they can use. Will be sending positive vibes your way for some resolution to your pain.
Determinded HELLLLLOOOOO glad to see you post and glad to hear you are well
Esther Welcome!
Hadley Molly and anyone else I may have missed ...hope you are all doing well!!
I am happy with my tattoo but its so weird..I am gonna talk to my BS and PS about fat grafting they keep saying I dont need it but I feel like it would soften the look of my implant and give me a little OOMMPPH to my nip
I am off today to BREASTFEST!! It is a charity event that I have attended for years but skipped the last two. My old bf and friend are on the board and its another friends charity in honor of her mom who passed several years ago. My old BF got me a free ticket and a VIP pass AND a free tshirt voucher...now they have two different T's 1. Save the Ta Tas 2. Keep Motorboating Alive....ok can you guess which one I HATE..LOL. You just know no one with BC came up with either Tshirt. Under Armour is hosting the event at their headquarters so I am hoping for some Under Armour swag!
I hope everyone is having a better day! I love you ladies!!!!
Diane
0 -
Diane, good to hear from you...but what the heck does Motorboating have to do with bc? I'm missing something....we have a local 'do' called Tits and Glitz. Do you think I'M going???? NOT!!
I got so many emails from friends who saw I dropped out of Facebook that I decided to get back on and not let my daughter ruin it for me. So I log back in to see that my grandson has taken 5 steps!! Woo hoo...right? Right underneath that, my exes wife puts "That's what you get when he stays all day with Nana!" Well shit!! She gets him all day??? I don't even get to friggin' SEE him!!!!!!!!! I deactivated my account again without saying anything. It's like she did it on purpose. She also called herself Nana too, just like I did and I was FIRST! Now Zach says Nana, but I know it's not because of ME!
0 -
Just wanted to share this song with everyone. It's about her boyfriend but think of it about BC instead. Wishing everyone a week that's a little bit stronger.
0 -
Kate...I did the same thing with Beyonce's Survivor song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_RVId9OkgI&feature=related
Hugs to you.
0 -
Kate how are you?? Any word on your test results?? Hope you are hanging in there!
Diane
0 -
Hi Diane- I met with the neurologist today. He believes I have MS, but that it is in remission as there aren't any new brain lesions since the last MRI. He said stress and heat can make the symptoms worse and I've certainly had plenty of both the past 6 months. He said the size of the lesions indicate there has been some permanent neurological damage (I've had both hearing and vision loss on the left side the past few years) but he's optimistic that it's stabilized now.
0 -
Kate--NOOO, not something else!! At least its an answer to what you have been going thru--just not the answer anyone wants. Was this something they had ever considered before? ((((((((((KATE)))))))) What happens next?
MBJ --haven't heard from you lately--you must be knee deep in boxes! How exciting!! A new adventure, starting over fresh, I am so jealous!!
Barbe- I am sorry your daughter is being such a butthead. You deserve better. Wish I could help explain why kids hurt their parents, I know my sisters and I were angry at my parents for years--I finally got over it, sorta after years of therapy. My oldest DS, not so much. Still very angry at my parents. Some adult children still feel like kids and have a hard time moving past some thing(big or small) that they think they have been wronged.My heart goes out to you and I hope she comes to her senses soon. (((((((((BARBE)))))))))))
Work has been rough the last week or so. Can't seem to get past the sense of failure. Yesterday was particularly rough. Came home and felt so blue--haven't felt so low since I upped my anti-d's. Made me wonder if they are really working or if I just really am seriously out of it. Day off today and have to spend it on work from the store. Plus have to deal with one of my DH's docs bills that we paid but they swear we didn't. ARRGGHH. And then we get a letter from my sons' peds doc that their billing storage system was compromised and they will pay for one year free of credit checks to make sure no one uses their personal info. Joy.
0 -
Oh dear....Kate, sweetie, that's a blow of good news/bad news!!! Remission and all, but I do know that heat can really exacerbate MS. Would you move? How is your DH handling it all? My heart goes out to you at this time. Quite a load to bear.
Claire, what the heck do you have to do at home??? If that's the case, they aren't giving you enough office time in the store to do your paperwork! The stresses just keep on piling, don't they?
I just had my Seroquel DOUBLED!! I'm not handling my stresses too well lately and feel quite anxious. I'm about to submit the LTD paperwork and crossing my fingers. Going on it is also a good news/bad news deal. I'll have a steady income, but half of what I had at my best. I'm hoping the ease of the consistent income will offset the lower amount. I'm in the middle of trying to renew my mortgage too! No one wants someone on STD!!!!! Can you say STRESS???????
As for my daughter, she didn't give me a second of problems growing up, so I guess I deserve the crap now. It's just that the timing is NOT right!
0 -
((((Kate))))I just saw your post--I know it's not for everyone but I hear pot is really good for this! I've also heard pot is good for Alzheimers. Thank goodness it's in remission! Big hugs to you!!!!
I am really buried in boxes now and the truck comes day after tomorrow and we leave Sunday morning. Wish me luck-2000 miles with 2 cats is going to be interesting to say the least.
Claire: Why do you have to take home work? You should get paid for this if you aren't supervisor!
Barbe: Hope you are able to work things out.
Hugs to everyone else and I apologize for the quick note!
0
