Great saying about depression
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i'm in the doldrums, also, Kate; i can't take any of the tricyclates(sp) while im doing the synthroid.. like maybe never.. they're the only ones i can tolerate, so im in the proverbial rowboat, no paddle. its def. catching up to me...
christine, im so proud of you; thats a BIG move..esp. where you are now. we drag out own arses behind us; we don't need to drag anyone elses!!!....3jays
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christine, if nothing else, getting cancer brings things into focus that you let 'ride' for years, not wanting to tip the balance. With cancer you can't tolerate silly issues and it's easier to cut the dead horse off and let her drift away.....
You may think it's harder without her to 'help' you, but she also may have become yet another 'disease' you needed to treat!
Stick around and keep us posted on how you're doing. We care. Truly.
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Hi all! I have been high as a kite on muscle relaxers the past three days..total zombie. I hurt my neck and its just a giant balled up muscle. Anyhow I had my 6month check up with my BS and mammo and US all clear!!! Thank GOD! He also said my PS did the best recon he has ever seen...aside from my flattened nip. My BS talked me into fixing it...so one last thing ..or two...tattoo has to be touched up as well. Im gonna aim for that in the next few weeks since I have all this time off. I am also going to use the advice of MBJ with better protecting the nip this time around. My PS wants to put me on his website...which I would do if I have time to work on my muffin top prior to that!!
Christine..good for you!. I am sure its been difficult but you definitely dont need someone who will be emotionally draining to you right now. I havent even dated in the last two years because I just cant imagine having to worry about someone elses feelings and emotions right now..its not a selfish thing..you have to take care of you first. Good luck with rads!
Kate glad you had a good time with your sis and friend.
Claire hope you're having a great vacation!!
Lindsey ----- are you out there?? How are you feeling??
Hope all is well...very cold today...no snow in the City but COLD enough to have me slip on ice on my porch step! What happened to the beautiful fall weather I love so much?!?! Hang in there ladies!!!
Diane
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Hello everyone! Just a quick check in then back to working on the house.
Kate: I so wished we would have had time to stop and say hello while driving thru Arizona-it was beautiful and I was thinking of you the entire time we were in your Beautiful state.
New Mexico was also beautiful but Texas and Oklahoma were a challenge: long stretches of nothing ot the same old thing for hundreds of miles. Missouri and Indiana were just gorgeous with Autumn leaves and so is our new home here in Kentcky. It's so quiet we can actally here a train in the far distance or plane on occassion. Soooo less stressful and the people here are just amazing. We just met our neighbor, Vincent, who is 90 years old and he has a huge garden and he brought us over some gorgeous tomatoes & eggplants yesterday. Furniture may not arrive for another week or so so it's just us, the cat beds and an air mattress! Painting and fixing up the house so I won't be on for awhile more. Hugs and hello to everyone!!!
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Glad everyone is posting again! I was starting to have separation anxiety! lol!
Claire- Hope you had (are having?) a fabulous vacation!!!!
christineb- The biggest surprise for me with the whole BC thing was how many of us have ended up either being abandoned by, or jettisoning, those we thought cared about us. Even though we can tell ourselves it's for the best it's still a hard thing to do. I told myself I'd never say anything good came of having BC but one slightly "less bad" thing was me finally realizing I deserved better than what I was getting from some of the so-called friends. You deserve better, too.
Diane- How did you hurt your neck? With the patch of ice? Hope you're feeling better now and not just highonmusclerelaxants better! lol!
Mary- Your drive sounds wonderful (thanks for the nice comments about AZ- I do think it is beautiful, too) and your new home even better! Love the story of Vincent and his veggies. Sounds like a great community and just what you both need after the past few years. Hope the furniture arrives soon but in the meantime enjoy your adventure!
3jays- (((HUGS!!!!))))
Well, believe it or not I am off to L.A. this week for a consultation with 2 different PS's regarding my recon. (I'm like the little train that could- I think I can, I think I can...have boobs that don't hurt.) Not sure I'm ready but I've maxed out my out of pocket costs for the year, so another surgery would be completely covered if it's done by the end of the year, and that is giving me incentive.
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Stanzie, Debbie and Lindsey- Where are you?!? Hope all is well!
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i say go for it; kate: you deserve to be as pain free as they can get you.. completely, i hope... MBJ: Marybe is near KY she tells me, but i don't know what part.. maybe you can meet, when you get settled. she's a dear friend to have.... hope you all have a happy halloween...............3jays0
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MBJ how exciting!! New rooms to decorate!!! New placement of furniture - probably further apart than in L.A. too...hehehhehehe Hope the animals aren't trying to walk back to L.A. Are the cats using the air mattress leaving you two the cat beds? Who said animals are dumb, eh??
Kate, that would be great if a surgeon could clean you up before the end of the year. Where is the pain still? How is the fat grafting looking?? I feel so bad for you, you've tried SO hard to take care of it all...with spirits high. Hugs to you!
Diane, Diane, Diane...what the heck did you do!!! I've had a bad neck so bad that it tooks months of therapy and a hard neck brace before I was even near comfortable!
Hugs to all...gentle ones to some, bracing ones to others.
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Hi all!
MBJ- Wow, what wonderful neighbors!!! I love that! My neighbors here are not so friendly especially the grumpy older man next door who also has an amazing garden but... I thought he was being so nice when my alarm would go off then come to find out he was just mad it went off and was calling me to tell me to turn it off quicker... and this was a time I wasn't home so the Police did come and were checking everything out. Have fun with painting and making your new house feel like and become your home and get ready for cold weather!
Kate - I say good for you as well!! You have to do something about the pain and since you have met all the deductibles then now is the best time and I don't think you have anything to lose talking to them. Hopefully someone will have a great fix and it won't be too horrendous.
I think I've totally given up on more surgeries so I admire you. Just got my insurance increase for next year - going up another $150 for me and another $100+ for the kids! And for what? Nothing ever seems to be covered! Yes I have BCBS....
Diane - how awful! I'm so sorry, hope you feel better soon!
Well, Happy Halloween All!!
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MBJ so excited for you to finally be in your new home!!! Yeeeaaahhhh!! The idea of driving across country sounds nice...but I dont know if I could do it. I am too ansy...says a lot about your marriage that you BOTH made it to Kentucky..LOL! Love Vincent and his garden..its nice to know your neighbors. I lived in the heart of the City for so long and there you just never bother..but here I am in more of a neighborhood where we try to be more neighborly
Kate I say keep doing it till they get it right!! You shouldnt be in pain and you shouldnt NOT like what you see. I had 3 revisions and finally happy with the outcome. It will do wonders for your mental state to actually be satisfied with the results and feel good! Hang in there! Dont you wish your docs told you it might take multiple surgeries till recon is done. I told my BS and PS they should tell patients that..that it would have prepared me better mentally so when I wasnt satisfied I didnt feel like I was being picky or a baby about not being happy. Being happy with the outcome is VITAL
OK so with the neck...do you all remember my RV girls weekend???!!! Since I am always the shortest I got to sleep in the cubby hole bunkbed and I felt like I was sleeping in a coffin. Anyhow, i got a stiff neck that weekend that seems to constantly be aggravated by my big puppy thinking he can actually catch birds and squirrels while on a leash. Its been sore for about 3 months and Ive tried acupuncture and nothing so my dr finally gave me muscle relaxer which seems to only make me sleepy...no relief so far three days on the rx. He told me to give it another couple of days but I have to see my niece today in State playoffs for Varsity Field Hockey so I can't take any meds till I come home.
Stanzie I cant believe your insurance has gone up so much!! Maryland has good consumer laws and caps on how much insurance premiums can go up. When I started this journey in 2009 my premiums were $197 a month then went up to $215 now $250. I can't complain I am stuck with it and the rate seems reasonable despite my high copay and deductible. I have Aetna and they have been pretty good about covering most of my diagnostic test and have never denied surgery.
Happy Halloween to everyone! Hope you have a great stress-free, pain-free day!
Diane
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Kate: I can't believe you are headed to LA just as I got to Kentucky! Which dr's are you going to there at which hospitals? I too hope you get some relief.
DiDel: Since my shoulder/arm is getting worse, not better, I can so relate to your pain. A good PT should be able to help, right? Me, I think I have a torn ligament or muscle and I am in a sling and I am still waiting on an MRI. Sucks to not have insurance. We tried to be good neighbors in the city but we usually befriended one or two people tops. Everyone here has lived in their homes for over 25 years! I have never experience this before.
Stanzie: I sure hope we can't ever hear the neighbor's alarm going off! We used to have a downstairs neighbor who would leave for days at a time with the alarm going off. Drove us crazy, but I would never call the police! Crazy.
Claire: Hope you are having a wonderful vacation.
Happy Halloween everyone-wondeirng if we will get children here? We bought candy just in case.
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MBJ- I've got an appointment with Dr. Lawrence Koplin and Dr. Suzanne Trott both out of Beverly Hills. Not sure what hospital they use for surgery, yet.
We've been very lucky with our neighbors. We've become great friends with 9 different families and have been on vacations with most of them as far away as the Dominican Republic. I have to say they are the main reason I wouldn't want to move from here as I've never lived anywhere like that before. Tonight we are dragging our fire pit out into the circular drive with some camping chairs and we'll visit (and have some adult beverages) while the kids trick-or-treat through the neighborhood. Back when the kids were small one of our neighbors would throw hay bales in the back of their open trailer and we would drive the kids from house to house. (Each house is on an acre so it can be pretty tiring when they're small.) Hard to believe our kids are all in junior high and high school now! Hope everyone is having a fun Halloween! Be safe!
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it sounds like you have a WONDERFUL neighborhood, Kate. my sons is close. they throw block patries for everything.. its so much nicer, and gets all the good neighbor feeling together... we're in an over 55; no kids treating. sat with my gkids, at their party... im only close with my next door neighbors here, but i've been sick since we moved in. hope to meet more, in the pool this winter. we all end up there in the winter here..too hot, in the summer hahaha happy halloweenie!!!!3jays0
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MJB- no the neighbor's didn't call the police my alarm was going off cause a door was open - sort of an odd thing, I have 17 glass doors and one of them was locked but somehow not closes( kids going in and out all the time) so I was in a hurry when I left and I always look or glance at the doors and I saw the door was locked but it just wasn't shut all the way. They have some leeway before it registers with the alarm. Anyway, either the wind or the cat opened the door so the alarm went off - I was about 45 min. away so didn't get there in time so my friends were the ones there with the police to face my nighbor who just wanted the alarm off.
Kate, your neighborhood sounds like a dream. I have always hoped to live somewhere like that. When I was married we did/do have some amazing friends who live next door. Now my ex is still very close with them,and we are friends just not like before...
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Hi everyone, Trying to catch up with everything as I haven't been on since surgery on the 20th. I told the anethesiologist I have a thing about not remembering getting into the operating room and over onto the table. I know..... when I had my mastectomy I remember saying I love you to my husband and then nothing about getting into the operating room. So he said that is ok. So I said maybe it is a control issue ha! With this being the fifth surgery in less than two years I figured I get to pick when I go loopy! He laughed. So we are in the operating room just chatting it up. My PS and I attend a wonderful fundraiser for the Cancer Resource Center here in Feb. We have a live auction with over the top things. I need to find someone with a 2-4 seater jet who would be willing to donate a plane trip from Chicago to WI golf course. So my PS and I are telling the other doc and nurses about this wonderful fundraiser (this center is free to anyone who has cancer or their families! Tons of groups, programs, yoga, nutrition classes, massage, and on and on totally free!) I have benifited from it myself so much. Anyway then we moved on to Dancing With the Stars. Finally the anethesiologist said ok you are going to sleep now!
I think it was the right decision. Softer, right now no ripples and I think they are going to be more comfortable. Hopefully I won't feel like cookie cutters are pushing into me all the time. The shape is good. Well as good as a fake boob can get
Still sore and zingers but improving each day. Part of the reason I have not been on is because my plan to be wheeled after my surgery up to my friend's room who was diagnosed one month before me. But they were in the process of getting hospice in place so not good timing. We have tried to get together but I traveled for two months for work then she started going downhill. I went home Thurs. She went home Friday and died early Saturday morning. I never got to say goodbye. But she did get the last card I had sent on that Friday. I hate this hideous disease. She was such a wonderful woman. She truly walked the journey with honesty and grace. She did not put on the Pollyanna Pink baloney but told it like it was but with courage and honesty. That is my goal to maintain the honesty of the journey.
I am so excited for your move to KY MBJ!
Kate good luck with new docs!!
DiDel I hope you get relief with your neck!!! Did you have NSM? If not what procedure for the nipples. I hope you feel better soon.
Barbe how is it going with your daughter? I have thought about you a lot and hope time is healing.
For those who have lost friends and partners, that is one of the hardest things. But maybe it is a good thing in that we can filter out those that are toxic to us. We can chose to surround ourselves with those who are real and sincere and trustworthy to be a partner with us through one of the hardest things we will ever do!
Sorry so sorry this is so long. I care about all of you so much. We are going to do this!
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i texted my daughter on Sunday to see if I could come visit her at work. She said YEP!!! So I drove the 40 minutes and got a hug and a brief chat. I thought the fight was over. Then I said something about my DH and she said she didn't believe anything I said about him and she thought he was a saint!
So, yesterday evening I had my DH text her to say that what I said was true. She texted him back to say that her and I were in a bad place, and I had treated her "VERY poorly"!!!! I have NO idea what this is all about so I am just gutted. I don't need this crap right now, because:
Yesterday at the surgeon he said that my DH had an 80% chance of the tumour on his kidney being cancer. Yep, 80% positive for cancer! So, we are awaiting an MRI and if conclusive, he will get radio-ablation to kill it off. I don't need the crap from my daughter right now. Truly! I want to tell her to grow up, but she'll remind me of that in 10 years!!
We signed our mortgage for a 5-year term yesterday even though it was at a higher rate. We told the broker that we needed the long term as we wouldn't qualify every year and in fact, we didn't even know which one of us would answer the phone at the 5 year renewal time!!!
How sad is that?
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Barbe I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. I will keep your husband in my prayers. There is the 20% that I am praying for!!!! Your daughter is causing so much stress and unhappiness. I can only hope that it will get better with time. I am glad you were able to see her even if it didn't turn out like you hoped. The door was opened a crack.
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Thanks Determined. She is REALLY good at hiding her emotions, as I thought we had kind of settled things for now. Makes me wonder how she felt other times when we got together. I haven't seen her son for two months. I think that surprised her when I told her it's been that long. It's like she's enjoying holding Zach back....now she has a way to 'punish' me. But I have to just let it go and pretend I live too far away to see them regularily. The irony is that we moved closer when she had him!!
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Barbe, can you make plans to see/do something with Zach without her? Take him to the zoo or a movie, or just have him over for a sleep-over?
It occurs to me that just because your relationship with your DD is strained, it shouldn't mean that your relationship with your DGS is strained too?
Just a thought...hang in there. :::hugs:::
Martha
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Martha, she won't even let me babysit him!! I have a lot of physical issues with pain and limited motion and never know when I'm going to feel good or not. I have my DH at home with me, so I don't know why she won't let me with him to help. She makes it a big poing that her Dad babysits. He is only one at this point, so a sleepover would be hard for him. I just try to be happy NaNa when he doe see me.
I'm going to have to change from NaNa because he calls my exes wife Nana and my daugher has an older Nana as well. He is already saying Nana, but I know it doesn't mean me. I don't want him to think all old ladies are Nanas!! I want to be different.....Grammie?
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Barbe: i so can relate!!you know how hard it is with my son/gkids.. there are MANY subjects im just NOT allowed. i accept it, so i can push my way with the kids.. keep your eye on the prize (zach ) say nothing your dd doesn't want to hear; at least, for awhile.....im so sorry: their KIDS give them power over us they'd never have, otherwise... im praying you'll get something settled soon. just keep quiet, and let her lead.....3jays0
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What an incredible mess to go through, Barbe! I sure hope your daughter comes to her senses!
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Thanks guys, I'll take all the prayers I can get!
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Barbe, my kids called my mom grammie when they were little, then switched to gram when they hit high school. She passed 3 years ago (age 81), and still call her Gram to this day.
I like Grammie!
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Barbe, here's another thought. Can you send him stuff in the mail? Small toys, a blanket, stuff like that?
Just a thought. Hang in there...never give up on the grandbabes. Some time when I have more time, I'll fill you in on what an a$$ my ex was to my daughter and tried to take her son away from her.
Never never never give up!
:::hugs::: from one kick-a$$ granny to another!
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Martha, I sent packages to her EVERY week when I found out she was pregnant!! I mailed packages of socks, bath cloths, clothes,etc so she knew I was thiking of her all the time! She had a treat every week to look forward to. Zach is too young to connect the dots that I'm the one who sent the gifts if I continue to do that now. He'd probably think his 'real' Nana gave them to him!!!! It'll be interesting this Sunday if he even knows me!!
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whats' happenning sunday Barbe???....3jays praying for a good visit!!!!0
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Hey All, I've been MIA for several weeks. Doing physical therapy because I couldn't lift my leg into the car. I was so physically week. Feeling pretty good right now. My exchange is on Nov 16 so this week I have two pre-ops. Both my hubby and I are feeling the stress and sadness of going through another surgery. Honestly, I've been up and feeling good for the past two weeks and now here we go again.
Kate - did you consider Dr. Kao? I see him tomorrow for the pre-op. He really is a perfectionist and does fat grafting. When will you be here? I am leaving tomorrow for a five day retreat east of Santa Barbara. Some nice meditation, drumming, massage, art, Tai Chi, and in five days I will hopefully be breathing and not holding my breath like now!
Sorry I haven't been on the thread. Just needed to get some of my to do things done. Made a gorgeous vision board with pictures of Hawaii and then a dear lady offers us her condo for two weeks next June. Her lanai looks right down into the water with gogeous fish. How serendipitous is that? I love it when you put out to the Universe what you want/need and it answers! :-)
I didn't get a chance to read and catch up, but I promise I will!
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On Sunday, I am having a get together for my step-mother's birthday. Wish me luck with EVERYONE in the room! It hasn't happened in two months and the older grands are now mobile (walking) and George is pulling himself up on things. T'will be lovely chaoa!!
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Go away for a week and so much happens. My chemo/tamoxifen/middle age brain couldn't even begin to remember everything I just read to catch up. Determined, so sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer sucks. Kate--how did the consult go? When are you planning surgery? Lindsey-- sure sounds like some pretty good karma about Hawaii---looks like your vision board did its job! Hmmmm. . . think I need to make one now. Barbe-- I am so sad for you and your daughter and your lost time. This weekend with my sisters we vented a lot about the troubles we had with our parents growing up. Here we are 50,54,57 and we all remember different sad tales that the others didn't know about. We all have our own memories--right or wrong about our parents. My parents think they did no wrong growing up--do not realize how their words and actions hurt us. I am in NO WAY saying you did anything wrong--but some how your daughter has some issue she needs to work out. Her timing really bites that she has to play this out when you and your DH's health is not its best and with the birth of your DGS. Question, where does her DH fit into all this? Could he be the instigator behind her angst? anyway, I hope she gets her crap together soon--life is too short to hold grudges. . .and you deserve to be a part of little Zach's life. BTW--I vote for Grammie, my boys called my MIL Granny--she's is very youthful and very OK with that--she actually came up with it!
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