Great saying about depression
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I love the depression quote, thanks for sharing. It's been 2 years for me of post-surgical pain and I fall into depression now and then. I think it's okay to allow it.
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barbe, I just popped onto this thread after quite a while and saw you were back in surgery??? Big Hugs!! I hope eveything went the way you wanted. You are such a beautiful light!
Didel, I hear you on the expenses part of this. It can get so hard. So glad you got paid!!!
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barbe, I am so glad you are feeling better.
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hi gals: im glad youre back, and well, Barbe.. i bet with the synthroid you'll find life an easier road to negotiate.. at east, thats my prayer for you..
hopeful: i know exactly how you feel.. i didn't have recon, but other issues plague me, health stuff, there seems to be no end to it!!!I don't always plaster my "haapy" face on, it takes too much enrgy some days.. i wonder some days if it will end soon, or will i?? not knowing the answer, i still have to keep slogging along... hope you can get through this rough patch soon....3jays
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3jays, it's Thyroxine I'm on. Is there much difference? I still feel WONDERFUL! So full of air!! Haven't tried doing anything yet, but did stop in at WalMart for my prescription on the way home from the hospital....!!
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I'm having problems coping with coming up on my 1st year since dx. I have an "event" on FB - "Thursday, February 23, 2012" - I'm throwing cancer a party. I'm going to release some pretty pink balloons full of DEMANDS FOR CANCER CURES from my heart! We are all AWARE OF CANCER - NOW WE WANT A CURE! You are welcome to join me in spirit by thinking CURE CANCER at 4:00 pm, PST. I'm not a huge fan of the "pink" for BC, but it seems appropriate to me. I am overly emotional & so close to tears lately. My daughter is a 13 yr BC survivor & says it lessens as time goes by. I can only hope....
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The party is to help get rid of my rage - it is for me
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well then, party on, and i'll make cookies! ( I make really good cookies!)
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Mostlymom, do whatever it takes to let go of the rage. Let the tears fall so you can get the release. This is a terrible layered complex disease. It does get better with time but we are forever changed. Both physically and emotionally. So you do what YOU need to do to get through each and every day and especially on your anniversary day.
I will be thinking of you.
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mostlymom- For some reason the magic number seems to be 2- two years from DX before life stops feeling so topsy turvy. I think we typically need about a year to get through the physical part of treatment (DX, surgery, rads, chemo, recon, etc) and then another to start processing the emotional part. I hit the two year mark in December and have to say it was a turning point for me. Not to say there isn't still some fall out, like trying to get back into the workforce after not working for 2 years, or the occasional pity party but it has gotten so much better. It no longer consumes my thoughts every day and I find myself feeling like myself again. So don't be too hard on yourself in you're still struggling to cope. And I say do whatever helps you move forward. I think the party is a great idea if it helps with that!
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I also think it revolves around when you are done with all treatment and reconstruction. As I head into the six surgery today for recon and still not done I am not where Kate is. I still have several more after this and my two year anniversary was in December. I think it is hard to move forward when you are still going through all of the treatment in whatever form that may be.
I do know that it does become less intense and spread out. Last week was horrible for me as I contemplated what to do as there are limited options due to someone elses mistake. It is hard to feel optimistic when so many things have gone wrong.
But here we go. Procedure at 4pm today. They called at 5pm on Friday!! to tell me they were moving the time. Not a happy camper.
Just brings up all the other stuff over and over when you go in to have something done that shouldn't have had to be done. I keep thinking I was suppose to be totally done with 2 surgeries by June 2010 and here I am Feb. 2012 this being my sixth and still a couple more.
Guess a bit frustrated and angry about it today.
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hope- I think revision surgeries are the worst as far as anxiety, anger, etc. I just kept thinking that if someone had just done it right in the first place I wouldn't be here right now. I know it takes a lot out of you to muster up the energy, courage, etc. to put yourself through it once again without any guarantees. And most of the people in our lives don't understand why we're putting ourselves through it again. I think everyone, except my wonderful DH, thought it was a vanity thing when really it was a sanity thing. I'll be thinking about you today and sending positive thoughts your way for a wonderful outcome. (((hugs)))
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That's a good way to put it Kate - a sanity thing. I mean, really!! why can't they do it right the first time???? Do they figure you'd be happy with just anything on your chest? That you should be grateful??? I am stunned at the lack of skill of the breast surgeons!
I had my double mast done by a general surgeon. I was having lunch with a couple of bco sisters last month and I showed them my incisions. They were shocked at how clean and neat my scar line was. They both had breast surgeons and had lumpy irregular scars with pockets of unevenness and bulges. WHY?????? How could a general surgeon do better than a breast surgeon????
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I am worried about MJB. I PM'd her and emailed her and haven't heard back. The last we heard she was still in pain with her shoulder after her move to Kentucky. Anyone heard more???
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Barb, I agree haven't heard from her in a long time!
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barbe- I find a lot of PS's (my first one included) seem to have this attitude that we should just be grateful we're alive and satisfied with whatever recon they can throw our way. Yet, they will bend over backwards to please their augmentation patients. I don't get it. I'm on the picture forum and am sometimes appalled at some of the results.
I haven't heard from MBJ, either, but last time I did she said it hurt to type but that she was reading the posts. MBJ- If you're reading this WE MISS YOU!! Hope you're doing better. We're all here for you! (((hugs)))
I've been in a HUGE funk, too, but it seems to be less BC-related and more from just everyday life. But I think the BC has made me less able to cope with everything. I'm just feeling very tired and old today.
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just stopping bye to say hi. still down with the thyroid stuff. trying yet another dose, another drug.. itll take awhile to see if i can tolerate this, but i am feeling better with more vit d and this.. hope you all do well.. just feeling the feelings is all i can do on a daily basis.. its all i can handle... 3jaysmom0
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Hi ladies,
Well it is done. Had the fat grafting at 5pm on Monday. Didn't put me under just got super loopy with Valium and Zanax. So much so that my they had to help me walk out of there. They took the fat from the top of my rear. I was kind of surprised I thought they would take it from my thighs. Only two spots. One on each buttock. I can see there is an improvement but think I might need another round. He didn't touch the left areola as he said the skin was too tight. He removed one area of it that was mishapen from the failed NSM. He did move the right one up some but not totally symmetrical which really upset me but maybe that is as high as he could move it. I just feel like again we settle for "it's good enough". I should be happy that it is better probably then it was. And he isn't done.
I agree they give more consideration to those who are having augmentations. However, my original PS who doesn't do fat grafting and recommended me to this new guy called last night to see how I was doing and asked if he could check on me again next week. He does get it I think. We have been through so much these past two plus years. So I should be grateful right that it does look better. My husband tells me over and over how he thinks I look beautiful. He promised from the beginning of all of this he would never lie even if it made it harder for him or for me. Why can't I believe him?
I hope MJB is ok too.
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So I forgot to say the next steps would be another round of fat grafting, then take off the top layer of existing areolas and graft new ones and then nipple. Then tatoo. So we are looking at the end of the summer I would imagine. Which will be almost three years from my original surgery.
No wonder people don't get this. They think we are all done the minute we heal from the mastectomy!
Why can't I feel joy about this as being one step closer to the end?
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hope- I think it's hard to feel joy when you're taking extra steps required because someone screwed up along the way. It's hard to feel happy about being where you are, when you know if they had just done their job, you'd be much farther ahead. I think your feelings are very normal. I would be feeling angry, resentful, sad, mad, too. Just keep telling yourself you are moving forward and you are incredibly strong for doing so. You could have given up at this point and been unhappy your whole life. But you know you are worth going through all this and I hope in the end you can feel whole again. (((gentle hugs)))
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kate you are so kind. Thank you for your wonderful words of encouragment.
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Hi Ladies! Ive been so busy with work no time to log in...but I have been reading your posts. I was thinking about MBJ as well. MBJ if you are reading ...we hope you are well and just having so much fun decorating your new house or into a new fun hobby that you havent had time to get online.
Hopefulhealing so glad you have this surgery behind you! I am going to do some fat grafting when I slow down with work...around fall. I had a little lipo from the fatty roll that developed under my arm and that was so painful so I am a little worried about how bad it hurts when they "harvest" the fat. How are you feeling?? Have you been able to take a peak? Did it make a big difference?
Barbe so glad you had such relief from your surgery!! Thats great news! You get your biopsy results soon dont you?? Any word? Hoping the results are benign.
Kate thanks for the Valentines...
I laugh at work we accountants are so busy this time of year no one really cares about Vday...BUT at one of my new clients the firm bought flowers for every female employee and ME!! They were so cute and it was so thoughtful. I was surprised to see them on my desk when I arrived to the office yesterday. Ok so here is my stressor for the week. In the last month or more I have been having terrible migraines blurry vision and trouble with my balance. In the last two weeks its become worse to the point were just sitting in a chair I get vertigo and feel like I am going to fall. Today I was carrying a scolding hot cup of coffee when I lost my balance and burned the shit out of my hand spilling coffee everywhere. I see my onc next month and was going to wait cause I am still playing catch up with my bills... but finally gave in and called my PCP. I am seeing him tomorrow and really hoping its some virus or inner ear thing. I'm not gonna lie I am a little worried it could be something else. I am thinking of playing hookie from work with my friend whose divorce is final tomorrow. I am thinking an afternoon drink may be what the doctor orders.
So for my funny of the day...I get to my doggie daycare this morning for drop off when I see this very tall, dark handsome man...with the cutest puppy..that of course Charlie wanted a piece of..so I am looking at this guy like he looked sooooooo familiar..he was wearing a MD University jersey with Number 82 and I was trying to catch his name on the jersey but his dreads were in the way...from his height and build he was definitely an athlete but I'm a girl so I had no idea who he was. So I am all chatting with him he was asking me about Charlie,..complimenting him etc. So as soon as I got in my car I pulled up the Ravens roster and there he was #82 Torrey Smith!! UUUhhhh my thrill of the day! He was such a cutie and so nice it just made my morning. Then my afternoon was made by my friend scoring me some AWESOME Madonna tickets!!! She comes to DC right around my bday so me and my twin are going. I am so excited.
I hope you all are having a good week/weekend!
Diane
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OMG I just read some terrible news...MBJ posted on TNS thread that she is stage IV and in terrible pain. She did some radiation but no further treatment. I am sobbing right now, and MBJ just know we love and miss you...we are all thinking about you and hope you find relief from the pain.
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Oh Diane, I just PM'd her again!! I mean, isn't bone mets the least met to worry about?? I wonder if that was what all her shoulder pain was and the docs discounted it for SO long!!!! I am just sick with fear and worry for her. MBJ PLEASE let us know whats going on if you can share it!!
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MBJ- I'm struggling to find the words right now. I hope you are reading this because I want you to know how much we all care about you. I feel you are one that I have known the longest on here. It seems you were always there encouraging me and supporting me as we made our way through all these challenges. It breaks my heart to know your battle isn't over. This is just never the fate I imagine for any of us. I hope you are finding strength and feeling the love we all feel for you.
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Barbe in her posts she also said she had bad lymphedema and just got a computer so maybe her computer was down for a while and she will begin to post when she is up to it.
I am too sad to post right now...will be reading.
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I just heard from Mary (MBJ) and she does have a recurrence which was misdiagnosed as just a shoulder injury. It's bone mets and has spread to her liver. She is stage IV. She's been in a lot of pain and was given morphine but had an allergic reaction which caused further problems. She said she is undergoing some kind of surgery to strengthen her bones and relieve some pain and then will begin treatment. It sounds like it's going to be a long road with rehab, meds, etc. but she sounded optimistic. (Or maybe that was just me being optimistic that she was being optimistic but she just has to be o.k.!) I know everyone has been worried about her so I just wanted to pass on the information. Hope everyone will send out prayers, good thoughts, kharma, juju- whatever you believe in for Mary!
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I just heard from her as well. A response to my PM, the same as yours Kate. She sounds a bit better than she did in her bco post. It seems the allergy to the morphine was just beating her down until they figured out what it was! Hopefully now she can begin to gain the inner strength and desire to fight this friggin' thing!!
We LOVE you MBJ and our prayers are with you.
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