Great saying about depression
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Most of the anti-d's have a warning about suicidal thoughts for some reason or other. Drugs take weeks to get in your system. Most people don't give them long enough to work. Then they may be the wrong one, and you have to start the wheel all over again. That's the fine balance. So if someone was suicidal before they started drugs and expected to feel better immediately and didn't, that, too, could be bad!!
I reread my paragraph on depression and function. I don't take drugs when I'm "fine" so I'm not sure what you meant. That was just an example of function, not necessarily what I'm doing. Your brain is wired differently, just as mine is. Sucks, eh? But at least we know what we are dealing with, right?
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Lindsey I am so sorry for the loss of someone you had connected with so well. It doesn't get easier as someone said. The grief continues as we see those who could be us. The anger is ok. It is part of it. It would be strange if there wasn't some anger in the begining and even when we reflect on what we have lost. It is part of our identity, our femininity, our intimacy our whole. And anger or frustration at those who are so blind to what this really is.
While we are ever so thankful of being here and having recon if that is our choice it doesn't mean we don't grieve and get angry at the circumstances we find ourselves in. The beauty of all of this if you can find some in it.............. is that we DO get through. We ARE courageous and strong.
We DO come to acceptance. We DO find our voices to educate and speak out and advocate.
And all the while we must find the comfort zone that let's us do those things and it is a cycle. Where the grief will lessen and then rear it's head and then subside. And that is the nature of this journey. It is something none of us would chose and we grieve mightily when we lose another woman to this hideous disease. And we reflect and quiet our souls and start again.
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Barbe, So sorry I wasn't clear. I was speaking only about myself and trying to say that I was mentally fine before taking the drug and afterwards had the depression, non-function just as you described and that it was even worse than that. I was just using your description of what drugs help you overcome to describe what they cause in me. Again totally speaking about me and my personal reaction to many drugs. Like you say my mind is wired differently. I know that and when I am respectful of that fact I usually end up with a better outcome. Hey, my body is a manufacturer's disaster area, why should my mind be any different.
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I was in my 30's before I discovered I was over-sensitive to Novocain and not terrified of dentists.... All those years of shaking, sweating, nervousness - were reactions to Novocain & not fear of dentists! What a waste of time - why didn't they or I discover that from the first???? I used to think my Mom took a lot of meds - now I take twice as many - go figure. At least I haven't reached the point of taking meds for side-effects of other meds....yet....
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Hopeful healing (hi!). You said it well. I don't get angry very often, but was so sad Zoh died. It was shocking actually.
I think what is hard today is that I know I am strong and courageous, but so was Zoh, so THAT does not change our outcome. You know the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" that has been quoted to me dozens of times over the past six months. Well, some of the women I have met on these boards are so strong and resilient and yet bc DOES kill them.
Maybe I am wrestling with a deeper spiritual question. Today I am thinking by the grace of God goes I. What makes it different for each of us? There was a cartoon in the New Yorker and a doctor was looking at his patient and said "why not you?" I have never asked why me because I think this is part of my soul's learning and I am SO thankful and So grateful to be alive with a good prognosis, but it feels hard to write it knowing there are BC sisters in a very different and hard place.
I know we all have our own journey and I am not asking for answers, just saying that I feel guilty saying I am thankful to be alive, when Zoh would have wished for the same thing. Survivor guilt--maybe from experiencing my first angel. May she rest in peace.0 -
Lindsey- It's definitely tough the first time you lose someone on here who has touched you emotionally. Then this disease becomes all too real. It's easy for me to lose sight of that with a DX of DCIS and, of course, never being on the "tough" threads- later stage BC, chemo, etc. I think it's really easy for the world in general to forget this disease is frickin' killing women. (40,000 a year in the US and over 450,000 world wide.) Way too many angels especially someone like Zoh.
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Lindsey I hear you. I hate when someone says if anyone can beat this you can. Stay positive and you will beat it. It is just what you said. Some of the most positive wonderful women and men sucumb to this disease and it has nothing to do with how brave, strong or positive they are. It is because this is a hideous disease that kills.
My dear friend that I knew in my hometown died in Oct. from this beast and I feel like I best honor her by living well and continuing to educate and mentor.
I wish you peace.
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robo- "The only thing Pink about breast cancer are my scars...."- that would make a great tagline. It is so true.
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I like that too, robo!! We should start a pink scar compaign this October...ehhehehee.
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I was following Zoh too...so sad and how quickly it happened. There have actually been quite a few who have lost their battle in the past two months. It never gets easier ..even if you dont know them every loss to this disease brings up that question Lindsey poses...why do some of us survive and some don't. I guess once we have those answers we will have discovered the cure for cancer.
I hope someday we do have those answers and that no one has to endure this diagnosis, treatments, surgeries, meds and the sadness of loss.
Happy Friday the 13th!!! Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. GOOOOOOOOOO RAVENS!!
Diane
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Robo- I like the idea. Maybe this kind of wake up call is what the public needs instead of pink ribbons, t-shirts and teddy bears. I think you should do it. They want to see courageous? That would be courageous.
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I was thinking Rambo as I read this Robo. I love the idea - at first that's all I got - pink shirts, necklaces, even a water bottle. I think we are all fighting a battle and are very courageous. Sorry to hear about Zoh. I have read some of her posts. Glad I found this group. I have a couple friends who lost their mom last summer and they both got put on meds recently for depression. I can't wait to share quote with them. It is so true.
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hey girls, i'm very much feeling the same, about Zih,,i always feel a deeper sense of sadness with you "girls" that are young.. 1st, that "the beast " has interuptted your young lives, and then, we lose some of them, at such an early age.. i feel ancient since bc.. now, more sickness thank you, chemo.. but , i'vr lived a full life, i'll be 62 in march.. i want more birthdays, don't mistake me.. but my kids are grown, with kids of their own, my parents and sister, grandparents .. all gone.. i still have a super supportive DH, and still want to get a quol; but with so many health problems, its becoming more and more doubtfull..
it saddens me grearly to see young lives cut short, but ANY lives from BC is such a travesty, with every fikkin October!!!!
i have a friend here, part of stage IV forums, who remain nameless; she's going to the funeral.. to represent all of us. pray for her driving saftey, if praying is what you do.. some of us seem to just shoulder one more thing.. im so greatful for the friends i've made here....try to rest, and take deep breaths..........3jays
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love to zohs' family here, and at home.....3jays 0 -
3jays, I'm only 53 and feel like I've lived enough to give my life over for one of the young mothers. I have 3 grandsons and the thought of any of them losing their mother brings me to my knees. I would absolutely lay down my life for any one of them.
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Cherie- Just wanted to welcome you. I'm sorry for your friend's loss. It is interesting, though, that a lot of times people are given anti-depressants to deal with grieving. But, in the case of a woman losing her breasts, most of the time grieving is never discussed. Yet we do go through all the steps of a person who has lost someone close to them. I wish the medical community would realize the loss of breasts is not wrapped up in vanity but goes deeper than that.
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Kate, I have one doctor who says it's the loss of "health" we are grieving. If we can get breasts out of the equation, maybe they'll take us more seriously? Also, some women with breast cancer don't lose their breasts, but we all use our health.
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I have just recently started taking celexa it's only been three days but the side effects are killing me. They gave me Xanax for anxiety attacks but I don't want to get addicted and it puts me to sleep. Did you get any side effects with the celexa and if so did they go away. My heart starts to race and I get really agitated. I take it at night cause that's what the doctor said but I'm tired the whole next day all I want to do is sleep. And I have the shakes all day. It's only been three days and I can't see doc until next week. Do you know of any other meds that don't have as many side effects?
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mamalu13 - try cutting back to a half-dose of Xanax....
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mamalu- Sometimes it can take a few weeks for the side effects to subside and several weeks for the anti-depressant to start doing its job. And a lot of us have to try several before finding one with few SE's that work. I think I've been on them all. The one I've found that works for me, with the fewest SE's, is Wellbutrin. Unfortunately, what works for one person won't necessarily work for the other. If the meds are making you too wired I would try taking it in the morning with food.
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Mamalu, I agree with Kate, if the med is keeping you awake, take it in the morning. Our chemistry is all different so that may work for you. Use the Xanax at night to get a good sleep while you need it. You won't get addicted that fast. A good sleep is SO important to your mental health that I can't stress it enough! Good luck, sweetie!
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I agree not sleeping can make everything so much worse and so overwhelming. Sleep is just tremendous. I'm so sorry to hear of Zoh, I didn't know her but it does bring all of us to a screaching halt as to how terrible and scary this disease it. Kate, I agree with you, I don't know that much about the higher stages other than they fight for every day... and I can't imagine and can't quite go there..... But I do think about them all the time. I think it is good to know and remember how cruel and horrendous this disease is.
I agree the sweet pink ribbon just doesn't capture the horrors of this disease. Not only losing your breasts, going into menopause (especially the very young- robbing them of the chance for their own babies) and then of course mets and death. It isn't a sweet pink fluffy disease - it is a horrible cruel hateful disease so I love the idea of the scars! As the scars are certainly physical but just as much mental and emotional and those voices need to be heard!
I think about this disease every single day- never get relief from pain from uncomfortable feelings from fear and from worry.....
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Hi Ladies!! Hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend. I saw this on Ellen on Friday and it was so stinking cute I thought I'd share it with you all. It made me smile so I hope it does the same for you.
Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBluUZ4NnZg
Diane
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Robo- if you would be courageous enough to do it, have your poster printed on the front of a T-shirt and I will be courageous enough to wear it at the next Relay for Life event in our city. I am sure it would get a lot of attention, but it would certainly bring home the point!
After my exchange surgery I had four drains and my husband took a close up picture of the tube coming out of my skin and put it on my blog! Yikes that looked sickening and scary. Believe it or not, people commented that even though it was so graphic and hard to look at, it helped them understand just a little more what our journey is about.
Hopeful healing, I agree that the best way to honor those who have passed is to live well and to educate and mentor others. I am sorry about your friend.0 -
3Jays, the rose and candle picture for Zoh was beautiful. Thank you for dong that to honor her. You are ONLY 62 and I know the health problems are mounting, but your voice is important here and I hope you live a long time with ever increasing better health. I like hearing what you have to say. Age brings wisdom to these boards. Thank you for your contribution.
And Barbe, you truly have the heart of a mother and I got teary when you said you would give your life for one of the young ones.
I had a great long cry last night since my DH flew tp Phoenix for training. I keep thinking of the poem someone sent me when al of this started again last April. "there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." Well with all the cracks and scars we have, we should each be bursting with light! I do find warm rays from each of you!0 -
Mamalu----when I started Celexa , my overall s.e's with arimidex skyrocketed. Chose to go off both, But only on celexa a short tome -2-3 weeks. But there was a huge difference. My new PCP put me on Savella and there has only been progress ever since for depression and FIBROMYALGIA induced by Arimidex-------I stayed off arimidex, then tried Femara--same symptoms as Arimidex. Off I came Femara after 3-4 weeks. On Savella and aromasin for one year and one month together------Almost quit Aromasin July 30th b/c of same Ai symptoms--------norvasc cut in half- b/c she felt Bp was to low---antihypertensive with known drug interaction to AI's------symptoms subsided + - 36 hrs. That very day July 30th talked with PCP about going off Aromasin b/c of QOL issues, counselor 3 days before. Didn't include ONC b/c his attitude was known, so was cardiologist--------neither cared about the drug interaction.. Then when my brain tumor was shown to be growing, I made a choice to increase the dose of Norvasc again. Norvasc enhances AI's----meaning it makes The Ai's work at a higher level, you are getting more AI. Therefore, more s.e's
How did I perceive that was the situation in my case besides all other symptoms reducing--------My moustache stopped growing------No growth. Once back on the higher dose of Norvasc after a couple of weeks the moustache was growing. Moustache only went crazy growth when I took Ai's and Norvasc together. Until the brain tumor is resected and tested. I won't know if Brain tumor is ER+. Then I may reduce Norvasc dose. That will allow Aromasin to be in the clinical range that the FDA approved.
Have no idea if this is clear, but............Ask questions getting tired
Anyone on a antidepressant --------do not- NOT go cold turkey------can have SEVERE consequences--------MUST wean-----
Will try to find where I posted Dh's response to effectively cold turkey response to stopping zoloft.-----he was on it several months. ---------be back
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Found it----- Taking out members names that I wrote this to, on another thread otherwise it's intact with typos fixed
Jan 9, 2012 02:04 am sas-schatzi wrote:
Heartily concur.. Stopping antidepressants cold turkey can have outrageous serious consequences. You must wean over many weeks --very slowly. Please. My dear husband wouldn't listen and lost all nerve sensation superficially and deep nerves of all four extremities. The testing showed he would eventually get back deep nerve sensation, but that is skin would never recover. I begged him to wean properly, but he said his doc(ONC) said he could just quit. He was on Zoloft 50 mg, He should have weaned no more than 10 mg every 2-3 weeks. Instead he did 50>37.5 for three days>>25 for two days >> 12.5 for one day. In 48 hrs the loss of sensation occurred. The onc tried to blame chemo , but he'd been off chemo for 6 weeks with no neuropathy. He said one time close to the end that it was so strange to touch anything and have no feeling yet, he could see himself touching things. He said that as he was petting the dog he loved and could not feel her warmth or fur. My heart bled for him b/c I tried so hard to get him to listen, but he took his Onc doc's advice over mine. Oncs aren't trained in antidepressants. PLEASE talk with a Pharmacist orPsych doc or follow the companies advice. Even PCP's that prescibe may not have a clue how dangerous immediately stopping these drugs can be.
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I'm curently weaing off 2 psych meds slowly, but they are causing heart problems, which is why I have to get off them. Deadly ones! Yet, I know I can't go cold turkey. SAS I'm wondering if your DH will improve. I used to be on 250 mg of Zoloft a day and weaned off successfully over a couple of weeks. Maybe he wasn't on a high enough dose for permanent neuropathy? I got sad when you said he couldn't feel the warmth and fur of his doggie love....
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I have been taking the xanex for a week now
I am only taking half of .5 which I guess it about .25 every four hours
The prescription says .5 every 8 hours. I don't want to get addicted cause I already went through withdrawals with tramadol. I hope once I can get on the right anti depressant for me I can wean off the Xanax . I've heard lots of people say that Wellbutrin works really good. Is anyone on Xanax and if so does the tiredness ever go away... The problem is I got my prescriptions through the ER cause I can't find a doctor who really cares. They just want to write scripts and go on to the next person. So I'm on the hunt for a Physc cause they know more about the meds. What else can I substitute for Xanax that does not make me sleepy..I'll take all the advice I can get. So afraid!!!0 -
SAS- Good advice. So many times doctors just write scripts without warning patients about things like that and the patients may not read the literature, too. I'm so sorry about your DH. I never really thought about it but losing the sense of touch would be devastating.
mamalu- I had chronic insomnia for years and usually after being on something for awhile it would stop working for me. So my GP would often prescribe "off label" drugs to help me sleep. Many of them were just a low dose of another anti-depressant that could be used in conjunction to my Wellbutrin or whatever I happened to be on at the time. Some examples are Trazodone, Amitriptyline or Doxepin. They all worked great (for awhile anyway) and the Doxepin helps with anxiety, too. Do you have a good family doctor who would help you with this? I hope you can find someone to help.
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