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  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    UPDATE:  he started blowing cold again and I asked him about it, and he said he can't continue to give me hope anymore, that he sees women here and there and it's not fair to me, blah blah blah.   Then said if I wanted to be friends (I don't).   I did not respond and never will.   Am very sad.  

    Meece was right, it wasn't the photos.   There was someone else.  Frown

  • changes
    changes Member Posts: 42
    edited February 2011
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    Fearless,

    So sorry about this! You deserve someone better, who is able to commit to you. Hang in there,

    Karen

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I know months down the road I will hear from him, I always do.   But this time I promise to never speak to him again.   Not to be mean, but to protect myself.

    Hadley, you were right - I let him hurt me again. 

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I agree and have no intention of being friends with him.   I don't even think he wants that, he probably was just trying to soften the blow.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    So sorry fearless :( As hard as it is don't let him upset you again and again. I know how it is though believe me, I was just telling my friend this morning I am queen of chance after chance with people, not just men in general. Cancer and bad relationships has taught me to be hard, which is not a good thing either. The first sign of a red flag I'm ready to walk away, granted they aren't serious relationships it's just when I'm getting to know someone..... Advice is so much easier to give than follow.

    Update on my situation, we hung out the last weekend of January, had that great time, and then the talk about him liking me, and blah blah blah but needing just a little more time to be physical. Well it seems to me he's been less chatty since then even though he said he doesn't want anything to change. So I know this weekend coming up he has no kids, I sent him a message and said hey if you're not busy we should do something this weekend, and that we could talk about it tonight (that was yesterday morning). He replied with OK. Not the response I hoped for, and then he called last night briefly and didn't bring it up. So I'm as of now just taking that as he's busy or not interested in hanging out, it's in his court now! I'm so frustrated, why must I make things so complicated and why must men be so confusing? 

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    Also, the thing I have been really trying to remind myself of lately is that I am a stronger woman, I deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and loved. I refuse to settle for anything less. I will focus on my family, friends and be happy being ME!

    This song is great!! http://billboard.sing365.com/Jewel+-+Stronger+Woman+Lyrics.html

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    Dragonfly, he is responsive and wants to see you - that's a good thing!  I know it wasn't a lengthy response, but still.....

    And I don't think being "hard" is a bad thing.   I feel incredibly naive for my age.   A tougher woman would have told my guy to take a hike months ago.  He "can't decide" - like I'm a side of potatoe salad.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    He hasn't made any more effort to see me this weekend or respond to my invite so not 100% sure on that.

    Try and find that middle ground, not too hard but hard enough to know when to be that "stronger woman" and walk away first! 

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    Well he called as usual tonight, talked for an hour and he still didn't bring up my invite to do something this weekend. Undecided
  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I think you are looking for trouble where there is none.   The main sign that a man has lost interest is lack of contact from him, and that is not happening.

    I don't think I will ever hear from M again.   This was different than the other times - void of emotion.   He is preoccupied with the new person in his life, and it was painfully obvious.   He said there are women "here and there", but I think it's just one.

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    2 years I had a torch for this guy, I just am very sad.    And he sounded very cold, like I had meant nothing to him, like it was a co-worker or something.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    Looking for trouble, I think you're right. We (me mostly) as women make things so much more intense and complicated than it should be. Guys are simple and not clued in to the crazy ideas we get in our head.

    2 years is quite a long  time Fearless :( I'd be hurting right now too for sure. Try and stay busy, make plans with friends, go get a pedicure, do some baking whatever it is that you like to do. I know for me staying busy and spending time with friends is the best medicine. In fact, I called my friend last night saying that he never addressed the invite to hang out this weekend, so she's coming over and bringing dinner and wine Saturday. You gotta know that you deserve the best, before cancer I knew that, and damn it, that's magnified 100% now. I know time isn't on our side and I'm not going to jerk around playing games. He's still winning and has control over your emotions if you let him.

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I had countless times to say goodbye, but I always welcomed him back into my life whenever he resurfaced.   I am an idiot.  Cry

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    Well at least you are recognizing that the only way the cycle will end is by YOU not allowing him into your heart and head again!

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    Well, i'm pretty sure he's already done the ending, but you are right ......i learned my lesson.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    Learning lessons like this "sucks" :(

    Fearless, where are you from? I see you're having surgery in a couple months!

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    Yes, they do suck...and I should have learned them by now, I am 45.    I feel like I am a teenager in the sense that I am so naive sometimes.  

  • Onetoughwoman47
    Onetoughwoman47 Member Posts: 132
    edited February 2011
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    CryGod, your posts here really hit home....keep that chin up deary, you sound tough and will get thru things....I'm 47 and feel the same.  I tell myself am I more afraid of going out and living alone and making it or rejection from perhaps a partner or man I would date, I'm in a relationship and it's come a long way....slow, merging and a lot of patience...no one ever said finding a partner and support system was going to be easy, I don't feel flawed, just a work in progress and sure have a hell of a lot to offer any man, it's the one's that can't see "past" what it is we dont' have, or lack of having, inside or out....and it's THOSE that finally realize just what it is they DO HAVE and appreciate everyday!!!Innocent Stay strong and ((((hugs)))))
  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I wasn't the most secure person even before BC, but now it's like I can't even hold my head up.  

    And this guy that I carried a torch for to just discard me like chewing gum while my hormones (or lack thereof ) are going crazy from my hysterectomy a month ago, I just feel so sad.   Lots of crying jags - I hate this...

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    I wonder how much of this is related to hormones? I'm only 34, but did have the ooph last year as well. I'm normally a strong person, and didn't cry a lot. I sure do now, a song, a show on tv, this guy I've told you about I've cried over, and for no good reason probably. I been thinking about that a lot lately, just feel blah and sad and I should be living it up!

    I sure hope you can get a boost to your confidence and self esteem Fearless, live up to your name ;) I know it's hard, one thing goes wrong and it really knocks your feet out from under ya! 

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I think the hormones play a role, but my emotions were always raw when it came to him for some reason.   I just feel like he didn't even care - like it was no big deal to him that he hurt me. 

    I'm being a big baby now, sorry - no more.Cool

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    It's ok, that's what we're here for :)

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    I also haven't been taking care of myself, since I've been in this rut.   Been drinking, which I am not usually a big drinker - taking pills here and there - nothing heavy, just my muscle relaxers or xanax, whatever.   But I know I shouldn't be doing any of those things.  

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    No you shouldn't be, and those are not going to help your mood or confidence. Be careful :(

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    Yeah, I'll start fresh tomorrow - some green tea in the morning and a big fat organic salad at lunch - no alcohol or any meds in the evening.   And I will start doing my yoga and tai chai again.   I need to get out of this depression .

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    Yes you do, it's a funk believe me I know! You may want to chat with your doc about it, or talk to a support person for ideas?

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    My doc will just try to put me on antidepressants and I don't want to take them.  My problem is I am terribly lonely, I don't feel I need meds, although I was contemplating it.   But changed my mind. 

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    What about a counselor or support group, with NO meds?

  • Fearless_One
    Fearless_One Member Posts: 905
    edited February 2011
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    That I would do.   But I work full-time.   I found that most of things were in the middle of the day.   I wish they had them at night or on weekends.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2011
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    I'm sure there is something out there, just have to look into it, and know you need to get out of the funk.

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