Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Painted Lady - I don't know about these good looking men- Yikes! I think nice seems a whole lot better! I can't believe both had a criminal history.... and gosh I don't think it would have occured to me to look them up online. Actually how did you do that? I mean it must not be very hidden which is also a bit scary or are you signed on with one of those criminal record type services (which is obviously a good idea - or how ever you are discovering his info) Wow!
After seeing my ex-boy friend, well first off I gained 5 lbs??? not exactly sure why - must have been more upsetting that I feel. Anyway, I filled out profiles with e-harmony and match but haven't joined either. My ex-boy friend is out of town with his grand-son and part of me is thinking maybe I better try dating so I don't get sucked back into the same relationship. It was odd he said afterwards he was surprised we took off where we left off... hmm. not sure what he expected but we went for a walk and we just talked general current events so no clue what he expected.
Anyway, just kind of scared to actually commit to one of those dating services.... but at the same time... interested in trying... sigh.
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Stanzie I know this sounds weird, but I always pray just before I meet with someone for protection and if there is something negative that I will find out asap. When I am talking to them I find out their last name then I get them to talk about where they grew up and where they lived. I never tell them where I live and I talk to them in a public place. If I go dancing, I have the guy meet me at the place. I do not get in his car.
Once I get the information, I google them. There is a site called mugshots.com. This came up when I googled the guy. So I clicked on the site and there was his mug shot and his criminal history.
I havent paid to get background checks. I dont know how good they are because I never tried it. It might be worth it because you never know who you are dealing with online.
I even checked out the cop to make sure he really was a cop and lived where he said he lives etc.
Yes, I think I will stick with nice! lol
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Thanks - information all good to know! Yes I like the sounds of nice too!
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whoops sent too soon. Of course nice and attractive would be lovely! LOL!
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Nice to hear from you Stanzie.
I pd. $2.50 to find out that my ex BF actually moved out of the county. I must say I am feeling a bit freed up today, knowing I am not going to run into him at Home Depot or the grocery store....LOL.
I can't believe those guys were on Mugshots.com. How creepy.
I have never heard good things about eHarmony but I have known a number of people who have found a good Match on Match.
Really. I would pay for that if I were ready. Avoiding re-involvement might be a good thing Stanzie.......only you know for sure.I am having surgery tomorrow. New implant will be placed higher, with a slight augmentation to the 'other' breast and microfatgrafting to fill in my divot where I had the mastectomy. Wish me luck! Maybe prayers too. Found out I don't have to have knee surgery today. That's a bright spot.
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Molly - thoughts and prayers are with you ... Let us know how you make out.
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Mybee best wishes to you on your surgery tomorrow. let us know when you can how you are doing.
Nice and I had lunch today: It was nice lol
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Yes!!! will be thinking about you on your surgery! Hope it all goes well and yay to no knee surgery or running into your ex!
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Lovemyfamily Are you ok? You did not tell us how the date went.
Mybee prayers coming your way as you are undergoing the surgery.
How are the rest of you ladies?
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Prayers for your surgery mybee. The date was ok, he talked about himself the whole time--seemed to have very little insight and little ability for self-reflection. Not my type. Tonight a new one--we will see how it goes. All in all,I am feeling bored with the whole thing. Thank you for asking painted lady! Love to all my sisters! xo
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Hope you ladies in Florida are doing ok with all the rain (and winds) --- keep safe and dry.
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Joanne Thanks for your concern about the weather here in florida. In the town that I live in several sinkholes have opened up in the roads. I had to take alot of detours today to get to my destination.
Lovemyfamily Hang in there. I do understand that it gets boring really fast. I am feeling that boredom with this online dating myself.
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Hi. New to this forum and wanted to share. I met a guy before my diagnosis and treatment began--was slowly getting to know him over the course of 4 months--and we started dating the weekend of my first chemo treatment which was May 11th. I feel completely comfortable with him and as does he with me. He's incredibly kind and tender and not freaked out by my hair loss. He even considers me his "sexy GI Jane" and we are now boyfriend & girlfriend.
I'm 40 years old and feel silly but elated to be his girlfriend. I wasn't even going to go for it with him, but we kept running into each other around town and I felt it was meant to be that way. What helped me feel even more comfortable was reading Gina Maisano's Intimacy after Breast Cancer: Dealing with Your Body, Relationships and Sex. Yes, the title reads "after" bc, but I wanted to know now what women were experiencing. Enormously helpful!!! She spoke of experiences that do matter now--like making good decisions about the men that come into your life, as well as keeping things working well down there.
Anyway, I'm glad to have found a group of women with similar, yet so vastly different, expereinces. Be well.
--Patti
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Patti Welcome
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Welcome Patti!
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Bruce was really nice! A gentleman,seems kin and easy conversation. Much better than the other guy who wasso materialistic. We shall see! Welcome Patti! how are you feeling Mybee? Hope all went well
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The book that Patti refers to above was written by someone who frequented these boards.....and I contributed to it!
Initially Gina collected some posts regarding dating/intimacy after bc for a magazine article; later she expanded it into the book.
There are some good guys out there.....but it is not so easy to find them and there are many heartaches along the way.I was lucky and found that a friendship changed into something more; I think the internet dating thing is hard work.
Good luck to all of you.
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Well ladies ~ I am checking in but briefly. It is hard to type or be on the laptop much as i can't sit! With the microfatgrafting, I am swathed in gauze and wearing a very tight body suit type of thing. I have lots of swelling but the pain is better than yesterday and my spirits much better than this time last year, when I had my MX. So far results look good but there is a lot of swelling and some places I can't see due to the gauze. I am glad it is behnd me and I am moving forward. I have been thinking of all of you and wanting to check in!! It's the funniest thing - I go to do something, fall asleep in the middle and then when it is time to sleep, can'!t But it will all straighten out!!! I'm up icing alot, drinking a lot of fluids and battling this heat too.
btw - I have heard good thngs about that book. Read a review somewhere. My ideal would be to run into someone in 'real' life.
My ex H took me to my surgery and took care of me when we got home. My PS got a big kick out of it!
Ciao for now. Love.
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So good to know things are going well for you mybee, you been in my thoughts and prayers ! Love my family, glad you had nice date! Have not been posting much, my fathers in hospice and my mom has been haveing rough time. She's not in too good of shape herself.
So veryemotional time for me. Also in the middle of all this have partial custody of my 3 year old grandson. Major juggling act with me going on. Bit with all this going on D. has been with me every step ! He amazes me ! He's been my rock...I was alone a very long time...but he found me. As some of you know we started out as friends, but it turned into so much more. God truly blessed me bring D. into my life like he did. Sorry for typos, its four thirty in the morning here. Be well my sisters, and know my thoughts and prayers are with you all ! Kiley0 -
Oh, welcome Patti, painted lady, stanzie hang in there ladys, it really does happen ! And so very happy for you Denise ! Hugs, Kiley
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mybee glad to hear things went well - keep us posted on your progress ...
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Mybee - happy to hear you are home and on the mend.
To all of you other ladies who have found someone special - Hooray!
I've put the online dating thing on hold. It IS soooo much work. My 81 year old mother who lives alone 100 miles away from me, fell 2 weeks ago and broke her shoulder and 3 ribs so I've been driving back and forth to be with her and then returning home for treatments. Whew! I'm too exhausted to date. Fortunately she didn't break a hip and the rehab/nursing home is taking good care of her until she can return home. Trying to talk her into moving in with me but she's so stubborn!0 -
Mybee Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. It is wonderful that the surgery is now behind you and you can concentrate on healing.
Rak Sorry to hear about your Mom. But how wonderful that you go back and forth like that even with your treatments going on.
Lovemyfamily. I am so happy for you that you enjoyed your date. Maybe you found someone special.
I was taken to a pro baseball game last night. Baseball is tolerable, I guess! I much prefer football. Now if someone took me to a pro football game that would be exciting. I did want to buy a pro football ticket and go myself but the good seats cost $135: A bit too expensive for me lol.
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He felt "no connection". Oh well, I didn't really either. I am going to put it all in God's hands and let go! xo
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Hi Ladies
Well, I had a few dates with a guy. He seems very generous: takes me to pricey restaurants, took me to a pro baseball game, dancing etc. Yes, the "but" is coming lol
Whenever we are out and there are women around, he seems to stare at some. It makes me feel like I am not really satisfactory. I dont like the feeling and it is disrespectful. I brought it up to him, he didnt seem to say much.
He is taking me out to lunch today and to dinner and a firework display tomorrow. Although I enjoy all the activity, I dont like him looking at women. It makes me feel like he is just settling for me although he is very complimentary.
Dont know what else to do except S***can him.
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painted -- is he staring at the other women or just looking? are you being insecure?if he does it again today at lunch then tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and see what he says .... you have been out on a few dates with this fellow so I would still see what he has to say .... don't shoot him yet.
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lol Joanne your last sentence made me laugh.
I dont know if it is staring or looking. Lasts about 5 seconds at a time. It really makes me feel bad.
I never did like that behavior. I think it is rude and disrespectful.
I did mention it to him. I dont like it when men do this behavior. Of course, he tried to justify it by saying if you dont look to long than it is okay. The behavior turns my stomach!
When I go into restaurants, I see guys sitting there with very plain women; yet they dont look around.
I am wondering why it happens to me
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My ex used to do that and I'd say it depends on how long he looks, the expression on his face as in why is he looking.... is it only really pretty women, is it any female at all, are they out of the norm-lloking? I agree I'd tell him again it makes me uncomfortable and ask what exactly is he looking at?
The only reason I'd say to really see how he is looking first cause I know I will also look at people - both male and female especially is they are really gorgeous, have on something I admire or something I think is truely dreadful. One thing he did that really upset me is he would make comments - ugly ones about overweight people. First of all - he is overweight! So ummm.. Anyway, when we first started going out there was this really large woman and he said something and I immediately stopped him and told him she doesn't want to be that way- and I'm sure she is uncomfortable enough without you being so disrespectful and rude. He was very quiet then admitted his ex wife got him into doing that as she thought it was funny. Guess what his ex wife does for a living? She is a Family Therapist!!!! I was stunned.... Anyway, he maybe did it two other times but I made sure I found that offensive and embarassing and disrespectful! He did get it. So perhaps you can turn it around so he can understand not only how you feel but how they may feel if he is looking at they lustfully or something icky!!! Hope not....
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I would say the family therapist was not the instigator there. Sounds like a lie.
PL - Why is he moving so fast? Three/four dates in two days? Not a good sign. Eyeballing other women (objectifying them) and them minimizing your feelings about it by coming up with a lame excuse. Three bad signs.
My suggestion would be to try to slow this thing down - say 1-2 dates a wk. See how he responds. If he can't handle it or moves on, then you have seen how respectful he will be of your feelings and what his true intentions are. Men who move fast are trying to sweep you off your feet to keep you unsteady. You can't think clearly when you are wobbling.
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mybee how are things going?
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