Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Hi Ladies
Stanzie hope your arm is all better.
Denise seems like you are doing well after the surgery.
Mybee How are you doing with the healing process?
I caved into my desires and have sinned! It has been 12 years of no intimacy with a man.
To my surprise everything worked and I didnt forget what to do. Still, I have done it without being married to the guy. Certainly, my church wouldn't approve and I dont appprove either but I did it anyway. Go figure.
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Painted - we are human and intimacy is very important --- do not beat yourself up. I am a bit surprised though because I didn't think that there was anyone that you found that appealing for on going dating ---
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Goodness Painted Lady! Sounds like everything was good? Yes!!! Is this the guy with the roving eye that you have tamed? Well, sounds like you are happy- I hope so!!!
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paintedlady - God has made us for 'relationship'. We need people; we need each other. One can only be strong for so long, sometimes. I am glad to hear 'everything' worked. That is nice to know. I am happy for you. Sort it all out with tenderness for yourself.
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Hi Ladies
He just stopped "rovering" by himself, but since I wanted to stress how I disdain rovering eyes, I told him anyway. He apologized. Hasn't done it again; so far.
He is very generous with money and taking me out. Plus, he is a good kisser and romantic;
so I did it. I really cant let anyone know in my immediate environment because they would judge me harshly. They all have long term marriages and no money problems: It is easy for them to judge me because they havent experienced a crappy man and very limited income.
Have to go, he is taking me out to eat and maybe a nice bike ride if it doesnt rain so more.
Have a great evening
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Oh, I forgot to mention that we both deleted our profiles from the dating site in front of each other. Once this happened, he seemed to get even more romantic.
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painted --- I am glad you are happy. Please be careful but go with the flow and enjoy.
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Painted Lady, go, have fun, be careful!! So happy for you! xo
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I was sorting through some papers today, and found some pages I had copied from this thread from sometime this past school year (I think in terms of school years), and I was clearly able to see......we've come a long ways ladies!! We have hung in there and we have grown. That is why this thread is quieter. So happy to have made it through the year with the support of such a great group of women. I don't know if I would be the same today without all of you. Knowing I had a 'group' here really did help me to become stronger.
I wish you all a loving, peaceful weekend.
Molly
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You are so right Molly. I wish peace for all my sisters here. What have I learned? That I get overly emotional, and that is not good for me. That I need to be hit on the head with a hammer to accept a reality that I do not want to accept. Franklin's last email to me--"please take this is in the spirit i am sending it--our relationship was meaningful, fortunate and over". No last goodbyes. And guess, what sisters, I am OK!! Not great but ok lol.
On a sad note, I dated a gentleman for a year and half. We were together when I first got diagnosed. He ran when things got ugly during chemo. We remained friends for a while and then drifted apart. Anyway, yesterday I heard that he died last May 20. What a shock and very sad. I don't know what happened, but it makes me sad to think about it--he was 60 years old. I hope to hear from his sisters about what happened.
Life can be a trip. xo
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This thread is really very good -- a great place to learn and a great resource. Many of us are learning not to recreate history but it is hard. We learn from our past mistakes and from each other. Thanks for being here for me.
lovemyfamily -- I am glad you are OK -- that is good -- and being honest that you aren't great is good too. You will be great eventually and know that I am here for you. I am sorry to hear about your friend.
Molly, how are you doing?
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I am doing well, with more and more satisfying moments, that stretch into longer pieces of time.
lovemyfamily - How hard this year has been for you and yet you, like all of us, have learned so much. Sometimes reality is pretty hard to take and to accept. What a strange twist of fate for your friend who passed. All we can do I suppose is our best at the time and in the moment. Sometimes doing what is right is hard but it is necessary. This is of course true for ourselvess certainly, but some of these men we've been with, seem to need to learn this the hard way. Sounds like your friend may never have. I was amazed as this thread progressed how many commonalities there were in relationship dynamics among us. Being left or mistreated or just alone during BC is tough. But I am glad to say it looks like most of us are coming out of it with our hearts still full of love. Maybe a bit scarred like the rest of us, but smarter and wiser too.
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PaintedLady - I'm happy for you! We are human and will "sin" occasionally. I caught Tony praying one time shortly after we had sex! We try to refrain but sometimes we give in to our desires. God knows we are human and fallible.
I moved into my own place last week so I have been busy unpacking, decorating, etc.
So glad everyone seems to be doing well. I find it hard to believe it's been almost a year since I had my DMX. So much has happened. Remember the on again off again boyfriend I had before I met Tony? The one that almost demanded I have chemo? He got married last month! What a hoot - I can't believe he found another sucker to marry him. We went out for about 5 months and had a major fight every week it seems. Tony and I are still doing well, one brief misunderstanding that we quickly rectified. Since I signed a one year lease, I don't feel pressured to get married until at least next summer!
Later ladies,
D.
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D.,
Is Tony moving in with you? Still feeling good about the situation? xo
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Denise - I am so happy things are going well for you. You sound happy and content. It is very nice.
Blessings to you dear! And congratulations on your new place
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No, we are not moving in together. He owns a condo about 6 miles from me. I am renting for a year. We will see how things go over the next year before we make a serious commitment like marriage. We plan on a loooonnnng engagement.
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How is it going Denise? WE are very happy for you! xo
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Hi Ladies
Well I am very upset: The explanation may be a bit long. First let me say that D took me on a dinner and dance cruise Friday night. Saturday night, he took me to a very nice restaurant. He also spent $70 fixing my riding lawn mower and then mowed my lawn. He also calls and checks on me if I am a little late to see if I am okay. All of this means alot to me. He hasnt done any looking since that time I mentioned.
Lately, he has been commenting on how pretty various actresses are when we seen them while watching a movie. Today, he was viewing news headlines on his laptop and there was some topic about the Kardashians. The mother, Chris Jenner photos were in this particular article. Well, he went on and on to me about how pretty and beautiful Chris Jenner is while trying to show me the pictures of her.
He also did another weird thing. He was renewing a newspaper subscription on the phone.
The person on the phone with him was a woman. There was no problem when he was talking to her. Then he got off the phone and said "I like that woman's voice. It makes me horney" Is this nuts or what?
I ask him if he was trying to get rid of me. He said "No" I love you and want to marry you" He has got to be kidding!
I cant understand why he is telling me about what he thinks of other womem. I tried to tell him I dont like it, but he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong.
Is this crap normal? Is this what men dish out? I cant stand it!
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I know it upsets you but I don't think there is anything wrong with him say "so and so is attractive". Much more is out of line. It would be like you watching a movie and saying "Mark Harmon is handsome". You need to really address this because it upsets you. You will not be able to put your guard down or trust him until you do. Just because some men look doesn't mean they stray.
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Insensitivity is not a good trait in a partner.
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Okay. I have thought about it and this is what I have come up with:
He is testing you to see what he can get away with as far as slights, later it could become meaner.
He is also showing the beginnings of trying to make you feel 'small' or 'less than'. He also is using a tactic to confuse you. This leaves you unsteady but also thinking about him. A double whammy. He becomes the center of your world and he gains power. After all, why would a guy be so nice and helpful, and then show this type of (admittedly very slight) insensitvity? Because he is feeling you out. See what you will take. If you tolerate, you play his game, etc. Too bad.
The whole thing sounds odd to me...........
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Okay. I have thought about it and this is what I have come up with:
He is testing you to see what he can get away with as far as slights, later it could become meaner.
He is also showing the beginnings of trying to make you feel 'small' or 'less than'. He also is using a tactic to confuse you. This leaves you unsteady but also thinking about him. A double whammy. He becomes the center of your world and he gains power. Afterall, why would a guy be so nice and helpful, and then show this type of (admittedly very slight) insensitvity? Because he is feeling you out. See what you will take. If you tolerate, you play his game, etc. Too bad.
The whole thing sounds odd to me...........
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I used to point out pretty ladies to my late husband. As long as he doesn't ogle them, I don't consider it to be much of a problem. But then my husband never gave me any reason not to trust him.
Is he really discussing marriage already? How long have you known him?
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Remember wayyyy back when I talked about this fast forwarding - as in talking marriage and commitment before they know you? It's a pattern. It's locking down the deal and getting a woman, more than it is getting to know, and love, the REAL you. Lots of these types later back out of their commitments. I've had this happen to me several times, read about it in lots of books and .......I think some of you experienced it when you got your BC. Where were these guys?
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I receive a weekly newsletter. This was in my inbox this morning.
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Molly, wonderful article ... Been there, done it and NEVER again.
Painted, please be careful ... Don't let thing move to quickly.0 -
It was the whole 'dirty carrot' piece that reminded me of the discussion here today.
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How are you doing by the way mybee?
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I agree. Since you already told him that you don't like him looking at other women, he should know that saying stuff like that will be upsetting. So the fact that he is doing that suggests that he is doing it on purpose and that is pretty troubling. Don't let things move too fast...
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Painted Lady,
I vote for "be careful". It sounds kind of disrespectful to me. Especially the horny part. Don't forget that your thoughts and feelings are valid! xo
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