Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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It wasn't until reading the message above that I remembered that my ex (nightmare) used to see a good looking woman -- 30 - 40ish and call the "yummy mummy". I would get so angry and he would laugh. That says everything about WHAT he was.
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JoAnne wrote: "Just because some men look doesn't mean they stray."
She is right. I know everyone is different. My partner(s) and I freely make comments about people we find attractive, most especially when it comes to actors/actresses. I like to look, but I'm not shopping around. They're two very different activities/orientations.
Also, even though I'm a looker, I've never cheated on anyone -- ever.
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p.s.: paintedlady, I agree with others' advice: take it slow; be cautious. Though I don't mind sharing attractions with my partners, I certainly wouldn't feel in the mood if it was another's woman's voice that suddenly 'put them in the mood.' That scenario would make me feel like a mere recepticle.
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I know that "just because some men look doesn't mean they stray" is true. And if you are in a relationship where you point out attractive women or don't mind if he looks, then it's no big deal that he looks. But paintedlady is really uncomfortable with this AND she's made her feelings known - so the fact that he is still saying inappropriate things is very bothersome. I agree - I feel like he is trying to keep you off-balance. Not cool.
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Hi Ladies
Thank you all so much for your posts.
After he made those remarks, I broke up with him. He tried to call me a few times but I wouldnt answer the phone. He left me a voicemail asking to "work it out"
I went out dancing. He then call me again. I told him to meet me at the place. He met me and said "You didnt waste any time over me, did you?" I said "nope"
When he asked how he could correct it, I asked him if he is really this dense. He said that he has been "behaving like this his whole life." I told him in very blunt terms that I dont care how he behaved his whole life, the choice is knock it off totally with this behavior or I am permanently out of here.
He apologized and agreed; so time will tell.
I hope you all dont think I am stupid for giving him this chance.
Got to run now. Thanks again Sisters
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No, a second chance is cool. I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself - I want to be you when I grow up!
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Sounds like a plan. You deserve to be treated respectfully at all times--especially by someone whe says they love you!!!! Go sister, proud of you!! xo
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Way to advocate for your relationship needs and stand your ground, paintedlady!
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New to this thread...on top of being scared of cancer, side effects, losing my hair, breasts and finger nails...I now have the fear of never finding someone to accept me. I hate this!!!!!!!
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Welcome. It is great to see you here!! How old are you? Divorced? Never married?
I am so sorry to see you have this diagnosis to deal with and see too that you are recently diagnosed. You have a lot to deal with right now. I think one of the most helpful things someone told me was to take each day, then take each week, one by one. Life is full of surprises, some good, some not so good. So breathe - today has enough trouble of it's own, that is for sure.
It is scary, there is no doubt. But you will feel better at some point than you do now. I guarantee it. We just don't know when......... ((hugs))
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Mybee....thanks for the warm welcome. I am 34 years old and I've never been married. When I tell people my dx they hold my hand and say, "oh honey, you're so young, are you married...no...poor thing....do you have children...no...OH YOU POOR THING". Yeah this f*cking sucks but I can't change it. It's funny, before this I thought 34 was SO old. Glad I found this thread. I'm not alone (even though none of you wanted to be here either)
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Tpolychron- you are very young. I'm so sorry you have to join as well but we certainly Welcome you and you will find a great deal of love and support on this and other threads.
Those are the things people say and they do mean well but it is hurtful when you are living it. I'm sorry. There is a thread about stupid things people have said to you... some are so awful they can be funny but in a dark way but you might want to check it out. I hope you will find some one very special to share your life with. Don't give up. You have a lot to deal with just getting through the diagnosis and treatment but there is somone wonderful out there for you and children don't have to be biological so you can still be a Mom and live your life....I have a lovely amazing adopted daughter who everyone thinks looks just like me - They don't know I had to go to Siberia to find someone to look like me - LOL! Hang in there and we are here for you!
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Tpolychron - I have heard a number of wonderful stories of young women finding love after their diagnosis, and then some even going on to have families. In fact, your diagnosis may help you to weed out, possibly attract, some wonderful, great, salt of the earth guy. If you look over our thread, remember the majority of us are at least 20 years older than you and the pickings are slimmer, so to speak. We have also been through so much in previous relationships. I have high hopes for you
Where are you in your treatment?
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Mybee...thank you for the kind words. I really needed that. I actually start treatment Monday. I had to wait so long because I was going through fertility treatment and got my eggs harvested last Thursday. The dr thinks my cycle should come back, but wanted to keep my options open. So the plan is port on Monday, chemo on Tuesday. Then eventually surgery and radiation. Seems like a long road ahead but trying to take it in baby steps.
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Hi Tpolychron,
I'm 38 and was diagnosed right after my 37th birthday. I am also single, no kids. The guy I was dating when I was diagnosed split almost immediately. (No loss, he was a jerk.) I did chemo, surgery, radiation, Herceptin. I'm doing Tamoxifen and getting ready for a tissue transfer reconstruction in the fall.
I'm not dating anyone right now, but that is my choice. I dated some earlier in the year, but decided to take a break. I moved to a new city in the fall and decided to spend my time making friends, rather than trying to date. Now that I have friends, I'm ready to date.
I have found that guys are fine with the cancer history. I get asked out a lot. Guys just want to know that you are OK - they don't really overthink the situation. Or even think about it at all.
I'm really sorry that you are going through this - I know how much it sucks. But there is life after cancer and trust me, guys are not putting as much thought into this as we are. You will meet someone, I definitely believe that.
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Sweetbean - I feel that you were very strong to go forward and make friends. I have lost a few friends and family along the way. Sometimes I feel that between my last relationship, my divorce just 5 yrs. ago, and my breast cancer, that I am in a world of my own. Life has a seriousness and weightiness to it. Add to that being a single Mom - My kids seem to need an awful lot of support right now. One is starting HS (and easily gets into trouble unless he knows he's being lovingly watched), the other going away to college (and naturally shy) and another struggles with his disability altho' 19 and growing more independent. I just am not feeling that leaves time for friends or even much money for friends either. But it seems like BC has made every moment so much weightier. Like I can't fill my time with fluff. I hover at home, touching base, and being Mom and keeping my little family grounded. I have a sense of a much shortened life expectancy or maybe that life just moves too fast and then is gone. We've been through so much. I am so guarded and my walls are up in that I don't reach out. I really don't know what I would say to people anyway. You have to have things you are doing to be interesting to talk to, it seems. The so-called dating 'experts' emphasize that you should have a full life before you meet someone but how does that full life occur around responsibilities? Any thoughts ladies? I wonder sometimes if I've tipped over some sort of mental health cliff or something......I have begun to be more active in my church and that is good. I sing in the music ministry. We had two cancer deaths this week at church. One our bass player - I am singing at his service on Monday and the other a boy only 21. So sad. The funeral was just today.
I still miss my old BF, who was an awful partner, was mean during my BC, and am exhausted from 5 surgeries in the past year. Sometimes it is enough just to do laundry, cook, grocery shop and exercise.
I start back to work again in the fall. It will be great to see people but the work is exhausting. I work in a school district as a social worker and we have a boy on hospice. The ending of his life will be very traumatic for our staff and students; it is expected that he will only live a matter of months. His Mom is an employee; I work with her closely and his 3 other siblings are in our schools too. The year is going to start out hard. The school held fundraisers, vigils, wore t- shirts, all in support of him.
Sorry everyone - it's late and I can't sleep. You know, I have all this going on, and more, and no one to tell it to. No wonder sleep doesn't come......
I would like to have a partner but I don't know how I would fit him in...........
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Sorry to be so overwhelming. Kind of a middle of the nite rant. I know there was too much there.
As always, thanks for listening
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I was reading it earlier today and was trying to think of something to say...but the truth is sometimes you (and all of us) need to just let it all out. No need to apologize. Life is shitty for us right now, but I truly believe that this doesn't define us and there's more out there for us.
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Just want to let you know that I heard you Mybee! Keeping your family grounded sounds like a very important job to me! And not a particulary easy one at that. You are not alone! xo
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Thanks sweetie! I think in some ways it's my depression talking too. I'm thinking of switching up the meds a bit or maybe increasing supplements or..........something!! Thanks for your support!
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Yesterday was port surgery. Today is chemo #1....maybe my nurse will look like Dr. McDreamy!!!
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Yesterday was port surgery. Today is chemo #1....maybe my nurse will look like Dr. McDreamy!!!
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We will be starting a novena Tuesday Aug.14th . I have asked Frank to pick the novena. Please, keep him in your prayers daily as he is being chemo challenged at present. The herceptin has stopped working. We have many members that are having condition changes on the Catholic thread and throughout BCO right now. Please , join us on the 14th.
A Novena is prayers said daily for 9 days with stating the intention of your prayer. An intention can be for a person , group, or a thought. This will be posted on threads also. You don't need to be Catholic. Prayer is Prayer. If something in the prayer doesn't fit your belief system, substitute or omit that portion. We are an Ecumenical group which means inclusive of all.
Send your intentions to me by Pm or post on Catholic thread on sunday (preferrably) or monday and I will combine them into a one list. It takes awhile to do the composite list, thats why I ask that intentions be sent on Sunday, Pax Sheila(sassy)
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I will be praying for you Tpolychon. You are being very brave!!
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Novena notification update:I unintentionally made it sound as if the novena was just for Frank. Franks change of condition triggered us to want to do a novena. The novena is for all of us on BCO and others that are added by members. The link below goes to the working copy of the combined list of intentions,If those unfamilar with a novena would like to take a look and see how it's being put together. The next paragraph is the first intention.
Dear God---May all, of many Faiths, come together in prayer and support of each other. Jesus Christ,Mother Mary , and the Holy Court of Heaven, hear our prayers for all the sisters and brothers of BCO in this there time of need. Strengthen them and their families and let them not despair. Heal them if you will, or guide them to understanding and acceptance of your plan.
community.breastcancer.org/for...
So, if you want an intention added for you , or someonelse please PM me any time now. Probably should put this link in your favorites to refer to on Aug 14th. At this point we are leaning towards ST Peregrine Patron saint of Cancer as two members are willing to take the intentions to ST Peregrines shrine near Pheonix Az.
Sorry for muddling up the first communication. It all seemed logical at the time. It was only after multiple messages received that I realized the problem Thanks for your involvement. SAS
The prayer that will be added is said once a day and the intentions are said once a day
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As I posted a few pages back, I found love after breast cancer, a couple of times, and I continue to have suitors (who all know I'm brestless!). In fact, one sidelined me yesterday, seeking a committed, long-term relationship. That men continue to be interested despite my breastlessness and diagnostic history is, to my mind, pretty compelling evidence that love and lust continue in spite of cancer. It also communicates that both -- love *and* lust (and men for that matter)-- are more than skin deep.
Take your time. But also know that love will be there for you when you are ready. You are loveable and desirable no matter how you choose to dance with breast cancer. The dance is individual, unique to each one of us, and it's our authenticity that attracts, not whether we fit some conventional archetype.
Peace,
Anne Marie
* edited to insert apostrophe.
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Tpolychron,
Wishing you strength and good health as you make your way through your course of treatment. May the side effects be minimal! I have a friend who had a 6+ cm ER+ tumor with some node involvement and is 13 years out and doing great! (She doesn't know what her Her2 status is; they didn't test for it when she was diagnosed.)
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Tpoly - how are you doing? I am hoping you will have an easy time of it.
annemarie - where do you meet your men? I would like to meet someone in 'real' life, if you know what I mean. As opposed to online.
Kids are keeping me busy. My son made the JV HS soccer team (yay!) after much prodding and pushing by Mom to get to those practices before tryouts! Oldest son a worry - got laid off but is looking again. Darn economy. I work to keep him pumped up. Daughter is restless. Needs to order textbooks for fall, wants to fly the coop, move into her dorm room. And they all need $$$ to keep it all rolling along! And a loving cheerleader
Spent much of today working with the school district crisis response team planning for the impending death of a 9th grader, son of my friend and co-worker. Many schools involved. Many students and staff will be grieving. District will have staff presence at the funeral home and funeral, perhaps at other locations too for decompressing. This will be huge. I am trying to physically release some of it now, give it over, so I can sleep. Unfathomable tragedy. Light a candle for us.
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Painted lady, we haven't heard from you lately. Hope all is well.
Mybee, sad about your friend's son. It is always difficult to lose someone young. I work in a school so I understand the impact this has on the school community. I will be thinking of you over the next while.0 -
Thank you Joanne. That is very sweet of you. How are you doing?
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