Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Oh I'm so sorry to hear about that! What an a-hole really... Stories like this are what make it really hard for me to let anyone in. I know you can't realistically live like that but still. I hope you do NOT let him in again, and that talking to this lady gave you some closure!
xo xoI think with "my guy" i just have a hard time trusting him, and any little thing sends my heart/head in a frenzy thinking oh this is it, we're done.... When in reality we're not, I guess I just keep waiting for it to go bad like the others. I'm looking forward to our camping trip next weekend together!!
This weekend is girls weekend and I got sunburned but it's been so worth it, we're having a blast. Me, my daughter and 4 friends and their daughters!!
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Sunangel, I am sorry this happened to you - I was in a similar situation and learned from it. Never go back to someone. Always move forward. Never go back to someone who has let you go and then resurfaced .
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It's hard to say never, because you want to give the benefit of the doubt they've "changed" and seen the error of their ways. Rarely does that happen though in all reality!
Things are still going good with my guy, there have been moments of course that I've created in my own twisted head and eventually work through on my own. if that makes any sense, it's a hard habit to get out of when you've been burned and tend to over analyze things. We spent last Monday together fishing, then Thursday I went over after work and stayed. We talked a couple little times this weekend but I'm out of town with 4 of my best friends and their daughters. We had a BLAST!!!
I talked to him last night about our camping trip and stuff, and I said did I leave my earrings at your house. He said yeah I did, and his little boy found them and said "Dad who's earrings are these". I said oh no, oops!! (Because he hadn't told his kids about me at all yet) I said what did you tell them. He said I told them they were my girlfriends! I was surprised about that, he said I'm sure they'll tell their Mom but whatever. At least he's getting it out there with them and letting them get used to the idea? 0 -
DF, I am glad things are going so well. I feel so bad that I gave you such terrible advice early on. I guess I have grown so jaded from my past experiences. Glad you went into this with a trusting heart and didn't walk away from this guy.
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No worries fearless, I stll have a jaded heart at times believe me! I hope his kids are ok with his girlfriend comment and don't freak out so maybe some day soon we can meet. Patience grasshoppier
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I have learned from this, next time I meet someone I will try to be patient and trusting, even if I see them on-line. I need to stop expecting the worst from these guys.
I used to be so naive when I was young, then I went the other way and became too untrusting.
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There has to be a middle ground right? But it's a battle to get their, and we are usually our own worst enemy!
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I used to think positively about each guy - never thinking that there were similarities. So I trusted and believed each one. And guess what! Each turned out to be a--holes but in different ways. Never in my life did I imagine this would have happened to me. As hurtful as they have been, the last one was the worst because he left me whe I got my dx despite promising tat he would stick with me. If I couldn't keep a relationship when I had hair, breasts, and slim, there is non point anymore. I wish you all lots of luck in the romance department. Unfortunately, that part of my life is also gone - along with my hair, my breasts and my hope. Hope none of you end up like me
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hrf that breaks my heart.... not to sound cruel but I am so afraid of that, and it makes me not want to even try really. I'm happy with me, my friends, my family etc.... and yet it seems like something is missing still but is it worth the effort and potential heartache????
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DR ...keep trying. You are much younger than I am. I've just had the sh**iest luck with men - a husband who was emotionally abusive, another man who had so many women going at one time that it was totally unbelievable -- couldn't believe that men could do such things. I never thought It was my fault for picking the wrong guys but I sure screwed up. It's too hard for me to try anymore. But I do have 3 great kids
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I am 46 and never been married. I feel like a leper - that's pretty old to have never been married. To be honest, I would rather tell men that I have been divorced (which is normal) than never married at my age (which is not normal). Believe me, you can see their antennae go up when they find out.
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hrf - I swore to myself if this guy didn't work I'd be done trying but we'll see! Maybe that old saying is true, when you quit looking and focus on YOU, love will find you? Time will tell if that worked or not for me.
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But you hadn't quit looking, lol! Being on a dating site is actively looking. I think it's a combination of looks and attitude (sorry, but it's true - looks do matter to them)...it's happiness and serenity, I think. I think men like those things....as long as he is physically attracted to you. If not, none of the other things will matter.
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I meant if this guy I'm dating now doesn't work out I don't know that I have the effort to keep putting myself out there. It is always about looks and attitude and many other things. I wish I was more confident honestly. I already am nervous about being gone to NOLA, and Boston back to back and not seeing him for 3 weeks. I think oh man what if he finds someone else while I'm gone
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Df, things are going great between you. You have nothing to worry about. In fact, I bet he will be worried about you and will probably call you every night.
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He better call me every night
lol!!! It's funny, I noticed when I was with all girls this weekend for our annual get away he didn't text or call as often and said have a great time. But when I went to a party a couple weeks ago and it was guys/girls he text me constantly lol!! I don't know if it was just a coincidence or what. But out of the blue the other night he asked me what the guy I was seeing off and on for a couple years name was, and if I still talk to him. I told him his name and said I haven't seen him in almost a year, and that no I don't still talk to him. I said why, would that bother you and he said uh YEAH!! HA HA HA I love it 0 -
DF, no, it wasn't coincidence. He is very into you and doesn't want other guys honing in on his woman!
Hrf, there are many days I feel as you do. I never had a truly lasting, loving relationship, either. But I think unless you are 105, there is always hope. Please don't keep telling yourself that's it - I admit it's a LOT harder as you get older, but please at least put yourself out there, you know? Now, if only I would take my own advice....
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Thanks fearless, that's what I was thinking!!
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Oh, I'm glad I found this post - I was so miserable I didn't even THINK about dating during chemo, and for about a year after. I dated one guy off of eharmony for a couple months, and had scheduled my reconstruction before I met him. I thought things were getting serious, but as soon as my drains came out after surgery he dumped me.
My lame onco let my tamoxifen prescription lapse which gave me a funny side effect for a couple of weeks of a SUPER RAGING libido and I was able to meet with a couple of guys for casual sex; none of them had an issue with my weird-looking chest.
Now, I have met a great guy off of okcupid and we've been dating a couple of months so it's too early to tell but he is very supportive and loves my weird-looking chest (which will be symmetric once I get around to my last surgery). So, fingers crossed!
I hope all my fellow single survivors have good luck! xoxo
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Jen, I am glad you met someone nice.....there is hope in this thread for us singles....
I learned from you ladies, too - I need to trust more, especially in the early dating stages. I have trust issues.
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That's a good lesson to learn fearless, but so so so hard to actually do, believe me!! Things are still going great with the guy I met a couple months ago. We went camping this last weekend together and had a blast! We went fishing, road the jet ski, sat around the fire, went for walks etc... It was just so much fun. I leave on Saturday for New Orleans for the final part of my recon, so he's trying to get enough work done today and be off early tomorrow to come see me before I leave town. He was so cute, he said you are going to call me while you're gone, right???
He did mention all of us going camping sometime this summer with the kids, probably to them it will be just as him and I are friends to ease them into it! Good luck to you Jen
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Dragonfly, glad things are going so well :-) These are the stories that give me hope.
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I still have the doubt and trust issues believe me and 2nd guess his motives or what not. He's so sweet though, honest and seems truly genuine, except when we rolled the jet ski in the FREEZING lake and I had to swim to shore this weekend
But that gave us a great laugh! He wanted to make me breakfast in bed, and when I asked him what he wanted me to do to make dinner he said nothing. Sit and relax!!!0 -
But I don't know why you have trust issues with him still - he seems so perfect and gives you no reason for doubt.
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They have drastically diminished but are still there, some habits are hard to break. It's much improved from when we 1st met believe me!
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I am dying to try on-line dating again, it's been so long. But I am afraid no one will contact me. I don't feel very attractive. I mean, I'm not Atilla the Hun or anything, but I don't think I'm all that pretty. Then if no one contacts me, I will feel worse.
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Don't be disappointed or think that way, honestly. I was on 3 sites, and hardly had anyone contact me. I don't think I'm necessarily ugly but I know there are better looking girls out there. It's a tough battle, but hang in there and really truly try if that's what you want to do.
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I didn't realize you were on 3 sites before you met him (and you are adorable!). Guess it take lots of patience. I guess I should at least wait until my exchange surgery, though? I will probably look and feel better after that?
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Well I had just signed back up for match and eharmony. Coincidence that him and I were both matched according to their systems on those 2 sites. I mean of all the people to be matched up with, and we were matched 2 times? Well thank you, I feel better about myself than I have in years. You could always try and get out there just to date for fun, nothing serious, and see what happens. Maybe you'll meet someone great, maybe it's better after the surgery??? I dont know... I'm having my last stage of recon on the 21st. We leave Saturday for New Orleans!!
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The problem is that I do want something serious... it's hard for me to go into it "just for fun". I know that is not the best way to feel, but I have to be honest with myself.
You better write us as soon as you get back! I know everything is going to go great for you! Is your mom going with you again?
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