Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Dragonfly, he asked and then denied you? Okay, that's messed up. Not sure about this guy.....I mean, I understand not wanting to go on FB (I don't) - but he asked!
And not to sound jaded, but since he has not invited you to his house yet (another red flag for me), I would do a county records check and make sure he is in divorce proceedings (all divorce is public record).
Do NOT mention the FB thing. Let him contact you.
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Whoa.... ok, so I had logged in from my ipod to see that it said add as friend. But I got up this morning logged in on my laptop and it still says friend request sent? Wth? So he hasn't denied me yet? That's excellent news, glad I didn't text him over it!
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Good, I am glad - yeah, that didn't make sense - that he would deny the invite. I still don't like that his account isn't hidden or that you've not been invited to where he lives yet -but that's all I am going to say as far as that - I don't want to be negative - just want you to be cautious, that's all. I know I come across harsh at times. I don't mean to.
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Sunangel, That one definitely sounds like a gameplayer. Dragon, glad you clarified your FB deal....I was wondering why he would do a search on you and then deny your request, but now it sounds as if he didn't. I have mixed feelings on FB, never liked it because all these people I really did not know were requesting to be friends. People who did not even say hi to me in the halls at highschool suddenly wanting to be friends...I did not like it so unjoined. Now I am on it,but in a closed group with just some BC women I met on the boards and I am sure I piss people off when I deny their friend request, but I just tell them that it is a closed group and that I just can't say yes and let someone in since the others would not know them. But sometimes I comes in handy....I was just in a contest to win miles and most of the votes I got were through people on FB. Sounds as if you are communicating on a regular basis and all is well. I still think you are smart in giving him time, not rushing things....the last thing you want to do is make him feel pressured. I have a friend who has been seeing a man since Jan....they had "date night" every Friday, then she met his family on Mother's Day and this past weekend she went with him on a spur of the moment trip to Florida. She was really taken by a guy in her last relationship so is not rushing into things( went way too fast with the other one) and I myself feel that is the way to go. Like the song, which I am sure is way before your time "You Can't Hurry Love"
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Maybe my experiences have not been the norm, but I have found that men move pretty quickly, actually - whether it was wanting to be with me - or whether they had met someone else. It is usually women that prefer to go more slowly (as in Marybe's friends case).
But everyone is different and our tolerance levels are different. If I had a fair amount of dates with someone and they were still on-line and we discussed it and still they did not hide their profile, I would be inclined to end the dating relationship. But that's me, not you - and you need to do what feels right for you.
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It's ok, I am my own worst enemy. I try super hard to relax, and not question him. But he seems so up and down I can't really get a good feel for how he feels about me some days. I guess until he tells me otherwise he's still interested
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He is definitely interested - no doubt about that. It's just that as long as he is on-line, he is still in the game - and you should be, too. But I am like you - I don't like dating more than one guy at a time.
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Hadley, don't go back to someone who didn't contact you for 5 months. Sorry about the email thing - I was getting emails from an ex awhile back for Viagra ads and things like that. I knew someone must have hacked his address.
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Sorry ladies not much updating. We're still dating, he's always surprising me or I guess you'd say not reacting the way I'd expect him to, meaning I tend to expect the worst and so far it hasn't happened. We talked for a while last night, he mentioned maybe coming down after work one night next week to stay if that was ok with me
So sweet, sent me a text this morning saying he hoped I had a good day and that he missed me! So far so good I think....0 -
Dragon, Missed you...that is good. Have you sent a Hi message back Hadley?....no harm in being friendly.
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Yes him missing me is definitely a good thing
It was funny because when he spent those few days here last weekend he was teasing me if I got a text, is that a boyfriend, or he'd say is your boyfriend coming over when I leave. So of course I'd tease back and say uh yeah, what time are you leaving so I can tell him to come over. Last night he said something about the boyfriend comment again, and I said look is this your way of saying it's ok if I have some guy over other than you. He said um NO, and I said well you better stop saying it then! HA HA It's funny, he also accepted my friend request on facebook. I've never had someone I'm dating on there as a friend! 0 -
DF, he is not still active on the dating site, is he? Sounds like things are going well. But it's important to not confuse sweet talk with exclusivity.
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We've had the dating only each other talk enough times, I'm comfortable with it. We were talking last night for quite a while, he didn't get home til almost 9 last night. He was kind of irritated with it ya know, just being such a long day etc... I was saying well at least it's only for the summer right. He said yes, but I really want to see you though
I said I wanted to see him too, but what can we do. I told him any time after work he wants to he's welcome to come over. He said or you could come here, so that's HUGE, he's never asked me there before. I said sure I'd like to do that, in fact it may be easier because if he's working til 9 at night or what not. I said something about well I'll see if I can figure something out for my girl at least one night a week, he said I can come over any time I want. I said well then you wouldn't always have to come home to an empty house, he said he'd like that. He also said I could hang out at his place til he gets home from work, or he could call me when he's heading home and I could drive over. So we'll see... my neighbor/friend said she can stay Wednesday nights with her and or Fridays so just have to wait and see if it pans out. I won't bring it up again though, leaving this up to him. 0 -
Dragon, If he's saying he wants you to come over to his place, I seriously doubt if he's going to be looking at women on line while you are there, so how active can he be on the dating site? You need to learn to trust, Fearless. Not all guys are bad.
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I'm done worrying about the other girl or match thing, I can't let it get to me. He's with me enough, or talking to me, or working and we've had the talk like I said about neither of us wanting to date anyone else. He's made that clear many times.
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Marybe, I never said guys were "bad". I only have stated that it is important to be clear on exclusivity and not to confuse sweet words and a few dates with "being exclusive", that's all.
I actually think he sounds like a nice guy. It also appears to be progressing. DF didn't answer me as to whether he still had his profile active, but hopefully he does not.
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I thought I answered, I don't know if it's active and I will not be looking. I can't do that to myself, if he says we're only dating each other and he's not looking then I need to trust.
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You're right :-)
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I went to an event (a BC fundraiser) the other night and met a guy! We talked all night and then we went to a bar and wound up making out a bit. I'm not ready to date yet - just had my final fill, found out I am Her2+ (WTF), and will be starting radiation in two weeks - but it was a nice pick-me-up. He was cute and thought I was totally hot, even after I told him.
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I am assuming DF and her new beau had a good weekend - I guess Maryb was right - perhaps I do have trust issues. It's good she was patient and let things develop.
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Well I had a totally amazing weekend, however the boy was with his little boys. It's hard with the kids involved but we still talked and text all weekend quite a bit actually. He really wanted to go with me this weekend and hang out with my friends but it just wasn't possible. He took his boys fishing saturday. He has to work out of town tomorrow so he's driving over tonight to stay the night and leave for work from my place. He was so sweet ladies.... I told him my daughter of course will be home, he said ask her if it's ok if I come over 1st please. So I did, she thought he was nice and was totally ok with it. So then he asked me what her favorite kind of ice cream is
He's super excited to come over, and I can't wait to see him. I may go to his house on Thursday night as well. It was so funny he spent all day yesterday cleaning, he said some stuff he'd been putting off but I was coming over so he was motivated to get it done. I had made a spur of the moment camping trip with my 1 friend this weekend, just a little girls night up at the lake. It was a blast! He was saying how jealous he was and wished he was with me, so we talked and made reservations to go camping just the 2 of us in a couple weeks when he doesn't have his boys. We can't wait, and he's all anxious to get his camping stuff ready and figuring out what food we'll take etc... My friend and I were camping, he asked what we were up to I said oh just girl chat and having a couple drinks by the fire. He asked what is girl chat, I said you were married for how many years how do you not know what girl chat is? I felt so bad for him, he said we basically lived seperate lives, they did none of the things together like we have going to play golf, camping, bowling, etc.. We talked about meeting each others friends, and he said he really doesn't have a huge circle of friends. I said I think you've really been burned by a lot of people, he admitted he had. His wife cheated many times, some of those were with friends of his. I said well by now you should know you can trust me but complete 110% trust I understand will come with time for both of us, and my friends are amazing. I've been through hell and back the last 2 years, and my group of friends (excuse me) kicked ass and helped me through it, I would trust them with my life. He said I can't wait to meet more of your friends, and hang out with them.
I think that's all of it??? Sorry I totally rambled I'm sure.
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Clyn that's totally up to you how you feel about dating or when you're ready. Everyone handles it different. I see your diagnosis was recent. Mine was 2 years ago, so just be patient, work on getting better and fighting like hell, don't worry about the boys!
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Clyn, I feel as you do. It's just too soon after my surgery. Maybe when my recon is 100% complete, which will probably be around the holidays.
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HOLY CRAP! He asked me out for Friday! Now I gotta find something that hides my port scar- haha! Very surprised...was NOT expecting to date during this, but oh well. We'll see - at least I know I will have fun!
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How exciting
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Just checking in to see how everything is going with all of you ladies??? I think things are back on track for me. Had a rough couple of days but things this weekend were great, and we're looking forward to our upcoming camping trip. Funny little story..... I have 1 part of my recon left, leave for NOLA on the 18th, and that's to get the nipples. So yesterday we were out on the river, fishing, and I was freezing at one point. And he said something about my nipples, then he was like oh uh... ha ha ha i laughed SOOOOOO hard
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Happy to report that yes--it IS possible to find a caring guy after BC. Too early to tell if it's love or not yet but things so far are going very well. You never can tell what happens when you try something new. I went up to a small hotel owned by a friend in a Massachusetts resort town to ring in my 48th birthday alone after the roughest year of my life. I ended up literally being picked up by my cab driver (who's also a flooring contractor) and got asked out to dinner. I told him no--maybe just drinks--and asked the hotel staff to make sure he was a good guy. Several people called around and all reports were positive so I called him for drinks the next day
Just like the car commercial--best first date ever! I hadn't been out on a date in over 4 years and was pretty nervous. Had a great time and he took me out the next night to an incredible French restaurant for my birthday. He's not someone I would've considered years ago but so far he has made me laugh and feel comfortable and safe enough to cry--and thinks I'm a gift from the angels above. Don't get me wrong--there are some serious challenges--such as his own battles with colon and prostate cancer--but he makes me feel beautiful and special and told me that he wouldn't care if both of breasts had to be lopped off.
So there are good men out there--I met Jim by taking a chance and going to a new place with intentions of just healing--but ended up meeting a guy who makes me feel like a princess (lopsided and all). It happened to me once I let go of the hunt for the guy and made myself a priority to heal. After a horrific romance/business partner, I've taken a break from men and wasn't looking for anyone. I'm also learning that you teach people how to treat you--and that a good strategy is to date a couple of different guys for some comparison shopping. Now, if only I can find some other guys--my next challenge.
Good luck to everyone--enjoy and stay strong--Kim
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Kim - I enjoyed your story. Congratulations. I met a great guy on EHarmony after I finished chemo who loved me for me. Unfortunately my feelings for him werent as strong and I ended it and heve re-entered the dating scene. Have had a lot of first dates and have decided to see where it goes whith one guy right now.
Best of luck to all...
Karyn
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Hey ladies......... life takes funny twists and turns and some.........not so funny.....very hurtful.
Dragonfly.....I didn't listen to my head again.....not even my heart that tried to tell me what was going on.....I just didn't want to believe it!!!!! I let Adrian in AGAIN!!! Then when he did the same thing a few days ago, I thought what the hell am I doing to myself?????? SO I decided NO MORE!!!!!! I AM DONE FOR GOOD!!!! Well.......he had sent an email a few weeks ago, a joke forwarding email. There were a fewww names on it, and then there were two email addresses that didn't have "names" on them. One was mine and another one. Well, I decided to do something I thought at the time was stupid, but in the long run.......it was probably the smartest thing I have ever done in my life!! I sent a message to him but hit "reply all" to it. and ya know what?? I got an email from a woman that had been dating him for four years!!!!!! She too kept feeling like he was cheating on her, and seeing someone else for quite awhile!! Well, she dumped him in March and hadn't had anything to do with him since. SOOOOOOOOO we emailed each other quite a bit last night and found out a number of things.......all the times he wouldn't answer his phone to me or my txts'...... he was with her and vise versa! It has really helped my heart good to know now.......
NOW I CAN STOP!!!!! this merry go round I have been on with him off and on for two years and go on with a clear heart and mind and know that I AM WORTH WAY MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!
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Thank you Hadley!!!! It is strange cause this last few times he has done this to me has made me block my heart to a point that it hurt bad, but not as much as I thought it would! I guess I am just glad to know so I can move on and know he won't be in my life anymore........is that weird??
xoxoxoxox
Paula
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