Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I think men meet far more women on-line than they would in every day life, usually. But with that being said, I do not believe this guy is still looking :-)
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Well I know this guy said he didn't get that many people emailing or contacting him, so I'm sure even if he gets an email or wink or whatever hear or there it's nothing to worry about. If he's going to look he's going to look, period.
First of all, thank YOU for listening to me vent and whine and bitch
So last night he was out of town working (he will be for the next couple weeks) he sent me a text and said I miss you, I said I miss you too, then I made some comment as a joke about it being a long time. The conversation kind of went sideways with that. He's like are you sure you can handle my insane summer work schedule. I said yes I am, don't you think so? He said that is his biggest concern honestly, and that it was a big problem in his marriage. Which I'm sure in turn lead her to all the cheating she did. So I said when you guys get done eating and back to your room just give me a call, this would be easier to discuss over the phone. So I said I'm honestly not concerned about your work schedule, and I wish you'd believe me. He said I'm just really apprehensive, the past experience was not a good one. (You see ladies, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine here) I said well we both have apprehensions, or bad past experiences that make us leery going into the next relationship. I said however, it's not fair to you, or to me to let that affect what we have and are trying to build. I told him, my ex was a horrific pathological liar. That it made it hard for me to totally trust someone instantly. But that it builds over time, and that I want him to trust me as well. He said his ex was the exact same way, so I can see why he's nervous also. I said just be open, and honest and trust me, and I'll do the same and we'll be just fine and keep moving forward with this good thing! He said ok if you don't see my being out of town for work as a problem, I will take your word for it, until you tell me otherwise. I said it's a job, it's 3-4 months of this out of town stuff out of the year, does it suck, sort of, but it's not that big of a deal, he has to do what he has to do to provide and jobs are hard to come by. He said he was so happy to hear me say that, and appreciated it. He's home on the weekends, we see each other then. I also even if he wasn't traveling, because of us living 35 minutes apart we don't normally see each other during the week. I said my weeks are busy too with volleyball 2 nights a week, errands etc... I told him, all I ask of you, is to make the same effort you have been into getting together whenever we can on the weekends or what not. He said we've been able to get together a lot, and that he hopes it continues, and that he's really happy. I said well I hope we're on the same page then, that I see this continuing, and gradually working into seeing each other more and more over time and involving the kids etc... I told him I'm not interested in dating someone for 3 years and seeing them 1 time a month. He said we're on the same page! So he said he will continue to make the effort, will call me every night when he's out of town etc... I said just please relax and trust me, he said he will.
I guess for me, the work thing doesn't bother me. I'm a pretty independent person. I don't need him there every night, even if at some point down the road it came to us living together I wouldn't be bothered by the schedule. Just makes the time together that much more special I'd hope. My ex husband worked a lot, 12-14 hour days, picking up extra shifts, and he always worked graveyard or swing shift, so I am accustomed to this and know that I am independent and can handle it.
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Wouldn't bother me, either. The man's working.....gotta get what work you can these days....
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Exactly, especially since I won't be working in a month ha ha ha
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Is this the same friend that made some negative comment before?....or maybe I am getting people confused on here. it sounds to me as if this one is just trying to rain on your parade. To me it sounds like he is a nice guy and is being honest with you. So far as his working out of town...absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say....and maybe he could stay there and you could go visit some weekend....I sometimes found it was good if both were strangers to an area, exploring and learning about it together rather than one of you being the tour guide....if there is nothing to see there, you could always just explore the town, go on a picnic in a local park....Just a thought. Would finding a babysitter be a problem?
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I feel better talking to him last night, he even called me today just to say hi while he was working. So I hope now that we've talked about it, we both can relax, learn to trust and see how it goes!
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How have you ladies been, looks like I was the last to post a few days ago.
Not much new to add on my part. My guy that I met is great so far. He's busy working a lot, which is ok because I'm busy during the week too. We have a lot of fun together. This Friday after he gets off work he's supposed to come over and we're going to hang out this weekend.
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Hey ladies. Hope all of you are doing as good as can be expected
Dragonfly, read up on your dating this wonderful guy and am so happy for you!!!
I have been busy working, and going to drs. left and right!!
but finally getting a bit ofrelief from some of this dam pain!!
Still seeing Adrian and things are going good. Hope you have a good night and good luck with the weekend visit!!
Hugs to allPaula
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I wish I could say I thought things were still going good. I saw he's still logging into match.com and I'm really tossing around how to bring it up again
Other than that yeah things are good, he's in constant contact with me, and plans on coming over this weekend. 0 -
I'm glad you're getting some relief from the pain, and Adrian is still making you happy! That's awesome
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Dragonfly, I PM'd you....by the way, I love your new pic!
SunAngel, I am glad things are going well with Adrian!
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I got it and responded
I love the pic too, thank you!!0 -
Thank you so much
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Hello Ladies - I'm more of a lurker than poster but after 10 or so first dates I've found my "match"... pretty much instant chemistry from the beginning. We met on Match.com. Although it hasn't been long we talk about our future and have a trip planned to Paris is September. Best of luck to all, be positive, there are great guys out there....
KAryn
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Welcome kward
Well, things went to pot in a hell basket.........oh well. I will SURVIVE!!!!
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Dragon, I just saw your new aviatar....very nice. Sounds as if several of you ladies are having success in the love connection dept. Others maybe not so much, but it can happen, I can attest to that.
Listen, I have a big favor to ask. I am trying in a last ditch effort to get votes for myself in this contest I entered. I will putting a copy of what I posted on several other threads this morning....there are only two days left to vote and although I know I will not win by being in the Top 4, I am hoping maybe I get recognized for something since my votes have really been adding up in a short time. If you aren't on FB,maybe you can forward it on to a friend or family member who is. You can vote today and tomorrow, once a day. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your help.
DREAM & REDEEM from American Express apps.facebook.com Check out my photo at the Memorable Miles photo contest from American Express. Vote for my entry and help me win 100,000 miles!
OK, ladies, a non BC related request and I won't bug you any more after tomorrow at 11:59 PM....I am in this contest to win miles....I will not win, but I am up to 23rd place and am pretty proud of that....all you need to do is click on dream and redeem and then a page comes up that will be facebook and if you wait a sec a pic comes up on the memorable miles page and it is a picture of me with my friend Kathy when I went to MDAnderson, post chemo hair....all you have to do is click on the red VOTE box....it will say thank you for voting....but then again you probably have to use your facebook login , then it will tell you thanks for your vote. If you are not on FB, maybe you know someone who is. This is petty I know compared to cancer and the SEs, but I like to concentrate on the little things and honestly think doing the everyday life things are what has kept me going for so long. You can vote today and again tomorrow and then it's over. Thank you.
DREAM & REDEEM from American Express apps.facebook.com Check out my photo at the Memorable Miles photo contest from American Express. Vote for my entry and help me win DREAM & REDEEM from American Express apps.facebook.com Check out my photo at the Memorable Miles photo contest from American Express. Vote for my entry and help me win 100,000 miles!
OK, ladies, a non BC related request and I won't bug you any more after tomorrow at 11:59 PM....I am in this contest to win miles....I will not win, but I am up to 23rd place and am pretty proud of that....all you need to do is click on dream and redeem and then a page comes up that will be facebook and if you wait a sec a pic comes up on the memorable miles page and it is a picture of me with my friend Kathy when I went to MDAnderson, post chemo hair....all you have to do is click on the red VOTE box....it will say thank you for voting....but then again you probably have to use your facebook login , then it will tell you thanks for your vote. If you are not on FB, maybe you know someone who is. This is petty I know compared to cancer and the SEs, but I like to concentrate on the little things and honestly think doing the everyday life things are what has kept me going for so long. You can vote today and again tomorrow and then it's over. Thank you.
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sunangel what happened? Fill us in!
The guy I'm dating, worked 14 hours on Thursday, drove 1 1/2 hours home, showered and came back to see me. So he spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday night with me. My daughter was having a sleep over at her cousins so it worked out good. For the most part it went good. I know I have some things to work on. I tend to get bugged by something and will get quiet instead of just saying what's bothering me. He noticed it a coule times and mentioned it so I know it's something I need to work on just saying what's on my mind and not letting it bother me. We had a good talk about us dating, and not other people. He said he doesn't think he has the right until we're in a serious committed relationship to say I can't date other people but he would be really mad if I went out on a date with someone else. Which I said wow, I feel exactly the same. I know we're dating, and not dating other people and that's how I would hope it is. I said I don't agree with dating more than one person, especially if you've been physical. So glad we're both on the same page with this! I feel better. But...... last night we were talking at dinner about our ex's and the kids etc. He said he wasn't raised to get divorced and that he thinks kids need both parents. I said i agree, but sometimes it can't be helped. I asked if his kids were having a hard time with it, he said he thinks so. Kind of game me an uneasy feeling. Like he probably is nervous about introducing me to them, or doesn't want to, at least not any time soon??? How do I approach this with him. I am not in a hurry for it to happen, but I guess I want to know if he's totally against that. He has them 2 or 3 weekends a month so without meeting them and including them it's going to make this pretty hard.
At some point in our conversation this weekend he made a comment about IF it was a serious relationship and being committed, then he would feel like he could ask me more about who's texting me, or knowing I'm not going out with anyone else etc... So ladies help me out here. This is all new to me. We're dating, and not daing other people..... what does this mean??? Do you do this for a while, then decide it's serious? What's the difference?
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It sounds as if it is getting pretty serious to me, but I would let him bring up the subject of you meeting his children. The fact that he says he would be mad if you went out with someone else, also means he would be hurt and that means he cares.
Thanks for the thought, Hadley....maybe someone on here is on FB.
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I know your'e not, hadley and believe me I've wondered many of them myself. I don't want someone to tell me what I want to hear.
So hadley, what would you suggest I do if this scenario is correct. I haven't told him I know he's logging in to match. but I do want to bring it up. Because it for sure does make me feel very mixed about his effort and where this is going. It's hard for me to feel comfortable, and trust when I see that. I feel exactly like you said, that he's interested, but not enough to have a long term relationship, or looking for something better to come alone, he went through th divorce over the last couple years. Final the end of 2011? I know he has trust issues too, so I don't know if he's thinking I may bail on him so he's still looking, or if he's truly playing the field?
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Man what the heck??? Guys are really a big pain in the butt. I can't believe how gutsy that guy is.
Ok, so I said to him...You wanted to know what's on my mind so... I have a question for you. We talked about dating and not dating other people. But that the match.com thing is really bugging me, because I feel like you're still looking for someone else/better. I like you and want to see this through and see where it goes. Further down the road I would like to be in a serious relationship. Please know that Im in no rush but I just wanted to see if we're even on the same page at all?
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I did. He said he's not looking, or searching, he's waiting for the account to expire. If he gets an email or notification he'll read it, and his phone auto logs him in. Something like that anyway. I don't know what more I can do???? He didn't answer the stuff about the (seroius) relationship or anything. but he said it's good I asked him if it was bugging me, and that he's not looking. So I'm not sure what to do now??? He asked if I have mine still, I said it expired, and my profile is hidden and I don't get matches.
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Hi Dragonfly, just tuned in here - broke my foot Friday, on top of everything else. Anyhow, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it doesn't sound like a committed relationship to me (yet). I really think you need to be very careful here. I really feel you should be communicating with other men at this point, as you have been out with this guy several times and he is not yet committed to you. Clearly, he likes you - but it is not a committed relationship yet. He is still logging on, so he is still looking. "Waiting for my account to expire"? What kind of **** is that? It should be hidden. He is still responding to emails, etc.
"He said he doesn't think he has the right until we're in a serious committed relationship to say I can't date other people but he would be really mad if I went out on a date with someone else. "
"At some point in our conversation this weekend he made a comment about IF it was a serious relationship and being committed, then he would feel like he could ask me more about who's texting me, or knowing I'm not going out with anyone else etc."
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I'm just really torn... He says he is not communicating with people on there. My account is hidden and I still get 3 or 4 emails a day from match. About promo offers, this and that ... I mean I know it's early to decide if you're in a serious or committed relationship. That was my other question to him. Would you know by now, or am I jumping way too fast into this?I guess I don't know if what he's doing is out of line. He's not communicating with other girls. We looked at that stuff when he was here, we looked at facebook pages. He showed me who each girl was on his friends list and told me who they are/how he knows them etc...
I just am torn between he's being honest, not looking and interested, and he likes me but not interested in a serious relationship?
How do I ask him that??
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If his profile is still active and visible, he is still looking. If he is not "communicating", it's just because no one has contacted him that he is interested in. If he was in a committed relationship with you, he would hide his profile. And no, it's not too soon.
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Fearless, so sorry about your foot
How did you do that? How is it feeling now?0 -
I tripped over my own feet, lol! Just had my mastectomy April 5th and now I am in a foot cast. I am grateful it didn't happen sooner. And I am okay to drive, which is good -
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Wow, you're a mess
Ok, I sent him a message and said. I just noticed you didn't answer my other question. Are you only looking for a casual dating experience, or are you really wanting a serious relationship in time? I think I know what he'll see. I'm not in a huge rush for it to be serious, but if he doesn't see it going there ever then he should tell me. I like him, but I've done this before. Dated a guy off and on for 2 years and it was never serious. I don't want to do that again as much as it hurts
I hope he doesn't think I'm being pushy, but I just want to know what's going on. 0 -
Hi Dragonfly,
I feel like sometimes we want the guy to say that he is in a serious relationship with us when we still don't know him enough to be sure that this is what we ourselves want. From what you are telling us it sounds like it is really a beginning of a relationship even if you spent a few weekends together you provably don't know each other enough to make that statement. If I was in your place I would just try to enjoy the moment and get to know him better. Asking these questions so soon may feel to him like pressure, he may not be sure yet.
Try having fun and not worrying so much!
Daniela
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I know, I am torn. I did ask him, and I know it probably sounds pushy to him. I'm afraid I'm rushing and I don't want him to think that. I just like things in black and white, it's hard for me. So I told him, no big deal, I'm just curious what goes on in his head about this. Man this stuff is frustrating. I do like him, is it long term potential? I don't know yet, so why would I expect him to know?
I think what I was getting at, is some guys have no interest in long term relationships, or just are content with dating people and never getting serious. I've been in that situation and it sucked.
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I know, it happened to me too, it does suck. Maybe it's more about framing the question that way, about what is he looking in the relationship, and not so much where is he at the moment. He sounds like a pretty steady and serious guy.
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