Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
Comments
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I know we talked about a lot of this stuff up front before we even met. But that was a couple months ago and now that we've met and went out many times together I wanted to ask it again I suppose? He probably thinks damn girl, we've talked about this, what more do you want from me. grrrrr....
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I would continue to date him but keep your options open. He is.
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My options are pretty limited !
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Now this is just my opinion, but I am giving it. I dated a lot after my breast cancer diagnosis, mastectomy and reconstruction....always thought having one boob I did not consider real would turn men off, It doesn't if they are any type of man at all and not just into physical. I went went many guys, was engaged to two even before I finally got married 3 years ago. I don't see what crime he is committing, by still looking at his Match.com or whatever service it is..Maybe he is just curious...that is like me reading some threads that I don't post on....and it is not as if he is hiding it from you. He said he would be mad if you went out with someone else and I wrote earlier that shows right there, he cares about you and would not want you going out with someone else. So far as commitment, How long has it been...three or 4 months?....you still have a lot to learn about each other, don't you think? Why not just take it for what it is?....someone you enjoy being with and who seems to like to spend time with you....he did spend his 3 days off with you right?...he could have been out with his buddies, someone else, or trolling the bars. So far as men not being trustworthy....well, many of them are not, but there are a lot of women out there who aren't that trustworthy either. Maybe he just wants to take it slow since for fear of being burned....you don't know if what he says is true, the same thing could be true about how he is feeling about what you say. Is she for reaL? Does she really care about me or am I just someone for her to go out until someone better comes along? Normally you can sense if something is wrong...have a little faith in the guy and dont make him feel pressured. As Daniela said, just enjoy the moment.
I have been in many relationships as I said and have also been friends with a lot of men and still do have male friends.....Women are a lot more devious than men, it's just our nature. I also think in general women are smarter. If they are giving you a line, it is usually pretty easy to see through it. Don't look for problems where there aren't any. Now if he reups his membership....that's a different story. Just my opinion.
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You are beautiful and I am sure there are some decent single guys where you are - don't cut yourself short by limiting your distance - at least 60 miles, IMO... and make sure your age criteria is not too narrow ....I like to go up to 10 years older, but it's up to you....
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I agree with part of what MaryB said. He has been totally honest with you, and made it clear he is still on-line and has even told you it is not a committed relationship (yet). So you can't get mad if you see him on-line. But at the same time, clearly, you are on different pages as far as committment at this point (and here is where I respectfully disagree with M) - it does not take a guy months and months to decide whether or not he wants you to be his gf. Men usually know pretty quickly.
I would keep dating him, but understand it is not a committed relationship yet and you may be seeing him on-line. Set your own time frame as far as how long is this acceptable to you.
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I think I will take both of your words to heart. He has been nothing but honest to this point. Until he gives me a reason to prove otherwise then I shouldn't be concerned. Same goes for him. A good friend of mine told me 6 months is a decent timeframe. If it's not gradually becoming serious then you haven't really lost much. I need to relax. I'm not ready for it to be serious like moving in or meeting the parents and stuff. Like I was saying, I dated that guy for almost 2 years off and on, he met my parents, i never met his or any of his friends. So that and my ex have a bad taste in my mouth, just like his ex did to him. So we're both trying not to bring those things into this "relationship" some days it's easier than others. I don't know, I'm no expert that's for dang sure.
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You are willing to wait 6 months for this guy to be willing to enter into a committed relationship with you? I hope you at least date other people in the interim.
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well 6 months of dating him and if it's not moving forward to anything more than dating casual than forget it. I am not too focused on dating other people honestly. I have stage 2B recon coming up in NOLA next month, gone for a week, home for 2 days then to Boston for 2 weeks so I'm just focusing on those things, this guy for now as dating goes and everything else.
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I understand. I don't like dating more than 1 person, even when I don't have a lot going on. It's just that I burned bridges by doing that so now I preach to women to always keep their options open until the guy wants a committed relationship. But I realize that can be easier said than done.
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I really am just not that way either, we talked a lot about that this weekend.
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That's good you are communicating. Hopefully things will progress.
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time will tell I suppose huh? I have so much else going on I need to focus my energy there instead of stressing over the what if's!
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But you are indeed stressing and putting all your eggs in one basket (that basket being him). I just feel he should have hidden his profile by now. But hopefully that will be short-lived and he will come to his senses and realize he may lose you if that continues...and I DO know he likes you very much.
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You're right fearless. Ive made it clear how I feel about the profile so if in another month or so he's still active I think I'll have my answer. Time will tell and I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt
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Another month or so certainly seems reasonable. I don't think he will let you down - he seems to really like you.
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I really don't either. I think he genuinely cares. I know yesterday we did talk about him telling his boys. He said not yet, but when he thinks they're ready he will. He said everyone else knows about us. I think with his younger boy who's 5, it's no concern. However he does have a boy that's12, that is really testing him and has some issues. Such as defiance disorder, and ADHD or something, he's very manipulative, so I'm sure he's worried of how he would react, or maybe how I would be seeing that. My nephew is almost the same way, so I'm used to it really.
When he was here this weekend we were talking about me not being comfortable completely with him seeing all the scars. He said what are you waiting for, if you think it's going to still bother me, wouldn't you rather do it sooner than later. I said well yeah but I guess I worry that because in my heart I know he could easily find someone else without the scars/baggage etc...He said we both have issues, or baggage etc...He said I'm here aren't I? I didn't run, I came back, and you can't sabotage something potentially long term for a what if... He was so sweet about it really, he asked a ton of questions, about the procedure, this and that, and what each scar is from. He said he's not going anywhere, does it concern him, like if it came back, yes but no different than it concens me too.
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I understand how you feel but he hasn't gone anywhere. I say Take a Leap! I am not dating...finished chemo a month ago...had te exchanged for implant and will be starting radiation soon. i am scared to start dating but i have to sort out work, etc as I was laid off a month before my diagnosis so I feel like I can't think about a man at this point. For all you gals who are dating...good for you! It's about moving forward from this ordeal and I hope to God that I can soon!
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I am taking that leap, or I should say I'm doing my best.
I know all too well about the lay offs. I got laid off right before my 1st reconstruction surgery! Radiation isn't so bad at all. Good luck to you with everything. 0 -
Hi Dragonfly, I am so sorry to hear that you got laid off too. Talk about double and triple whammys all at once. I'm actually nervous about my treatment ending....can you believe that? But then, I have to start looking for a job and my disabilty ends which I had to fight for through a lawyer....when you get diagnosed during a severance period you are entitled to disability from the insurance carrier but you have to fight for it! Just another thing to worry about.
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I've found through all of this, not only are we fighting cancer, but the insurance, and work and everything else. No wonder it's exhausting!
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I know....it's funny....my left mx went well, my chemo was actually a breeze considering what some women go through...I've just had implant exchange surgery and am waiting for radiation but it is the work/insurance thing that is stressing me out....go figure. I wish things were easier. I am single so the financial thing takes it toll a little more. This is what is totally exhausing and stressful!
hugs to you!
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I can so relate cat, I'm a single Mom of a 10 year old. So I had to work full time through chemo, and radiation and my MX surgery. It really wasn't that bad. Actually I think the worst of chemo, radiation, and surgeries was the MX, because I lost something. I did the DIEP recon and that was a breeze with beautiful results. But yeah the finances take a toll for sure when unemployment is 700 less a month than what I normally make! That's why this is dominantly a women's disease, we are fighters!
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Hi ladies! havent been on for awhile. Trying to get ready for the games to begin! Surgery is scheduled for may 24rth.
Dragonfly, i think your guy may just be being a voyer on match just as Maryb says. He really does sound into you. I also think 6 months is too short of a time to be committed, after everything you both have been though. i have learned the hard way that there is nothing wrong with slow and easy, and taking the time to get to really know someone.
My childhood friend keeps e-mailing me, just to say hes thinking of me, and to send me a funny joke from time to time. I think hes so sweet. i recently had my hair cut shorter preparing myself for the inevitable. He told me how pretty it looked. Even though, Im not prepared to date anyone right now.. I love his gestures. i feel like he is truely genuine, and not just showering me with pity. Feels good ; )
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The 6 months time frame is more for like, ok is this going anywhere, is it even progressinf towards a committed relationship. I only say this because of dating that other guy off and on for 2 years and finally ending it because it was going absolutely no where. Not what I want. So that's just a time frame in my own mind to kind of think about where thinkgs are and talk about it, IF we're still dating.
I'm glad your childhood friend is showing you some attention, it sure does feel good ,especially going through all this! Just enjoy it
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Thanks Dragonfly! Btw, your new pic is cute. Im going to post one with my new haircut her soon!
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Thank you, I like the black and white
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Dragonfly........ sorry I haven't answered you......it's been a rough week. I got another nerve block (spinal) yesterday and am in no pain this morning........FINALLY!!!! Hopefully this one will continue to work! I just can't handle that much pain any more!!!
Adrian has just gone back to his old bullcrap again......not answering my txts' not answering my calls on certain nights......He had called me and asked what I was doing the other evening. he called when I had just woke up. He asked what I was doing that evening. I said nothing but work late that night. He said ok, I will call you and see what I can get done around here.... supper later. Well, an hour later I called......no answer......I called later.......no answer. Waited till the next morning......no answer to my txt. Then about 45 mins later he calls and asks me what is up my ass??? NO! Thanks but no thanks!! He was doing this the last time he was seeing someone else besides me......I'm not going for it again............. my heart is breaking, but I can't continue this.....It's been two years last Feb....... I have to move on........
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Oh sunangel, that's awful
I can totally understand your hurt. A clean break from him would be best, he obviously doesn't know what he's screwing up. I just can't believe how dumb some people are. 0 -
Gotta love modern technology. We were talking about facebook this weekend. He rarely uses it and half his friends list is family. He did a search for me, but I said mine is totally private so you wont see anything. I decided later to send him a request so he could see my profile and everything. I just looked this morning and he denied me. Wth?
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