Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Juliebell, sounds amazing!! It's so great to hear stories like this about good guys still out there!!
I am continually impressed by my guy. He had to be to work at 6 today, but drove down here and surprised me last night. We had talked about him coming down but he never said he was for sure because he had to be to work so early, staying here meant he had to get up at 4:45. So around 7:30 he texts me and says he's in town! He said he'd really missed me, and that I'd be gone another 11 days, that it wouldn't be right if he didn't come down and he had to see me before I left. I also told him we get home on a Friday night when he doesn't have the kids for the weekend. So I think he's going to pick us up at the airport, so excited! His sister called him while he was here, she must have asked where he was, because then he puts her on speaker phone and she's telling him to tell me hi and she's asking how I'm doing etc...
He is so awesome with my daughter, he's like a little kid really. He decided since we were going to be gone for the 4th she needed to do some fireworks. So I told her if she wanted them, she needed to use some of her own money to buy them. She was not impressed with this idea at all. He said he'd match it if she put in 5.00, so I also gave her 5. We were getting ready to go to the store and he had grabbed her money off the counter. She thought I took it instantly and was trying to look in my pockets and purse and I said I don't have your money. Finally she figured out that he had it, but before he gave it to her he said you need to apologize to your Mom! He spent a couple hours outside with her lighting the fireworks and stuff. She really likes him and has fun when he's here so that's pretty awesome!
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This thread has been very quiet lately. Where is everyone?
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Hi hrf!
I'm doing well. I'm really lucky - I've been dating my guy for only about 3 months but we're already talking kids, marriage, and wedding rings!
I just scheduled my next breast reconstruction surgery where my surgeon will swap out the chest expander for the permanent implant. He claims I won't have to take more than a few days off work but I'm nervous because when I had my last surgery, I ended up having to take almost a month off, almost lost my job, then the guy I was dating at the time broke up with me before I was fully recuperated (really? he should have done it earlier before I weaned off the pain pills ...
) and I also had months of debilitating fatigue afterwards.so, I'm a bit nervous about this surgery, and hope I still have a sweet and loving boyfriend during and afterwards .... fingers crossed!
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JenXX - nice to hear you've met a nice guy. Right now my guy is still browsing on Match so I've decided to browse too (he knows) and I'm happy that we are open about it. Last week I had dinner with my old bf (who met me weeks after stoping chemo), met a new date for dinner and played golf with the current BF... I'm keeping my options open but hope to end this ride and date just one. The old BF wants to get back together but I'm not convinced that is the right thing for me.
Hope all is well for all the ladies...
Karyn
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I wish I could say I knew what was up with my guy.... we had kind of an off weekend, my girl was acting out like crazy. He was supposed to stay over last night, and when he was in the shower I peaked in his duffel. He had packed work clothes. So then when I got out of the shower his bag was gone. I said I thought you were staying, he said no he couldn't he had to be to work at 5 this morning. He left later that day, and sent me a text last night that just said good night erika. Not babe or sweetie like he always does. Then not a word from him today, my daughter is staying at a friends. So I sent him a text a couple hours ago and said hope you're having a good day, would you like some company tonight and that I'd bring dinner. He said sorry, it's not a good day at work, working late
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I have a date on Wednesday - third one with this guy. It's been sporadic - I'd be more interested if I had hair, I think...LOL. Wearing a wig on a date kind of bums me out. That, and I am super self-conscious about my rock-hard boobs. Can't wait for the exchange! But he is nice and a great kisser....:)
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Well not a word from him yesterday, and none so far today. I guess even with all this modern technology he still doesn't have the balls to say to me that he is not wanting to see me anymore. I can't think of any other reason for his lack of contact/communication since Sunday.
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I find this all very strange.....surely it can't simply be from your daughter acting up.....did anything else happen that might have upset him? Men are so weird.....no two ways about it, they just are.
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Nope, nothing. I mean clearly her being a turd stressed me out on top of the whole surgery, and 11 day vacation etc.. But nothing happened that I can recall. It's weird, and so very hurtful that I meant so little to him, and that ALL of the talk the 2 weeks I was gone meant nothing, as well as the rest of the time we were dating. That he could just not talk to me again??? Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but really???? What other explanation is there?
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Dragon - guys are funny and tend to retract when things "seem so good" - trust me I know. Don't over analyze it -
KAryn
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Dragon .. I've been following this thread for some time. I was lucky to have the support of my BF during treatment, but we did meet on the internet.
It sounds like your guy might just be tired. He works long hours and it's hot and awful up on top of a roof all summer long. I think Karyn might be onto something .. try not to over analyze it all. If you don't hear from him by this weekend, give him a call to see if he's okay. Don't assume the problem is with you or your daughter.
hugs,
Bren
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Well time will tell, if you ladies are right and I'm over analyzing it. It just hurts, seeing the jekyll and hyde act from when I was out of town to physically home. I'm leaving it up to him to make a move to contact me or see me.
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have you read any of the Mars/Venus books? There is one on dating that I found super informative.
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He did text a few hours ago, asked how my day was going. He said he's super busy at work today and was yesterday and didn't get home til almost 9:30. So I'm not sure if I am blowing things out of proportion and it's just his crazy work schedule like he fully warned me about, or if there is a legit reason for concern. I guess we'll see if I hear from him again tomorrow since I didn't hear more from him again at all tonight and how the rest of the week plays out.Plus every day I was in Boston we talked at night for an aveage of an hour. It's hard without me working I have lots of time to sit and dwell on things.
I've heard of those books but haven't read them. Maybe I should in my spare time.
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Update -
Ok.... So the boy finally called tonight, about an hour ago. First thing he did was apologize for being so out of touch and that he was not trying to ignore me. He sounded beyond exhausted. He's drained from work, some drama with his ex tonight, his one son is acting up. He said he's at his wits end. We talked for about 30 minutes or so about that, about stuff in general and he kept apologizing for not having called til now. I said hey, you gave me fair warning about summer, and your schedule, and he said yeah he did but this is crazy busy, worse than the last few summers. I said well at least it's only for another couple months and then it will start to wind down for him. So I feel somewhat better that he called and I know it's work. He also said that it's been getting crazier and crazier over the last couple weeks and it's finally coming to a head, which would explain why he was tired and a little off too this weekend.
I'm going to just try and ride it out and see what happens. It's not like he's ending it, he's not choosing to tell me he doesn't have time for me at all, he made it clear it has nothing to do with me the stress he's under. Hopefully if WE can make it through the summer then that's a good sign. I'm not in a hurry to look for someone else, so we'll see what happens.
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Dragon - I've learned from experience to let things play out rather than come to conclusions. Glad things seem to have settled.
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Dragon,
Why on earth did you look into his duffel when he was in the shower??
Are you going to check his phone too?
You need to start to trust this guy, otherwise you will lose him! I'm not writing this to be mean, but you need to look into yourself and your behaviour.
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I chose to look, he said he's an open book and that he has nothing to hide. So I did.
Anyway... he called that one night, and has text 2 times since then, that's pretty much it.
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Well ladies, all good things must come to and end. No more boyfriend for me. My heart is really hurting. His son as I've told you has some issues defiance disorder and such. He's been really acting up at school and daycare etc... They had a meeting with his counselor and talked about some stuff that's come up. My "ex" I guess you'd call him
said the meeting was a mess, his ex kept crying, how sorry she was that she ruined their marriage, etc.... Now he's torn on if they should try and get back together ONLY for the kids sake or what to do. So he's not wanting to see me any more because he's so confused on what to do. 0 -
Oh Dragon .. I am sorry to hear this. Getting back together with the ex for the sake of the kids will be a disaster IMO.
I know you must feel so sad right now ... I'm so sorry.
Sending you a big hug,
Bren
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Dragon, Sorry it didn't work out.
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OMG, I can't believe it.....I am so sorry. That just came from nowhere - I had no idea he was considering such a thing as getting back with her. DF, how long had they been separated? Or are they officially divorced?
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They were seperated for a year or more, and the divorce has been final for about that long too. He is the type of guy that would have stuck it out in a miserable marriage just for the sake of the kids. So he's really struggling and a mess over what's best for them and what he really wants to do. He's asking me to be supportive and understanding while he works through and sorts this stuff out. He mentioned talking with his parents today about it, so I'm praying they are going to tell him the same things I did. He just wants to make sure he's being fair to me and giving me ALL of him.
I told him it's killing me, and that I don't know how I can be there for him and be supportive and not see him and talk to him every day like we have for the last few months. He said that's not what he's saying at all... So I'm super confused. He's supposed to be calling later so we can talk but I'm lost ladies. I really like him, is it worth waiting to see what happens or....? I just don't know, but I've cried enough last night and today to last me a life time.
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Oh, Dragon, I am sooo sorry, but I would not give up, depending on if you really have feelings for him and how patient you are. There is nothing worse than staying together for the sake of the kids....it doesn't work. You may think it is working, but usually when all is said and done and the kids are grown it is they who ask Why did you two stay together. Kids are not totally oblivious and as much as they may love both parents, they often are much better off not seeing them together, but separately. Perhaps his wife is just using this as a ploy to get back together. He needs to think not only of the children, but of himself and ask himself what he wants. Wait and see what he has to say....let him do the talking. I have not had a broken heart for a long long time, but well remember the feeling like there is a big hole there and am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
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Thanks Marybe! I didn't want to tell him how I'm feeling to avoid any more stress or pressure for him but I finally did last night. I told him I'd be patient and listen and will do my best to be supportive and understanding of what he's dealing with. I'm in no hurry to even look for someone else, my heart is still with him but it's just hurting bad right now.
I also started to tell him my 2 cents worth on getting back together for the kids, then stopped because I said I don''t feel it was my place. He said we're dating why isn't it your place, I need you to tell me, I value your input. So I gave it to him, aLmost saying word for word what you did and then some. I do care for him a lot, and am not ready to throw in the towel, I don't think he is either but he just needs to get things situated and his son on the right track. He said his heart is saying one thing and his head is saying another, not sure which is which at this point
Like I said he's supposed to be going to talk with his folks and sister and them and get their input. I am praying with all my heart that they are on the same page as I am. They have made so many comments to him over the last few months. How it's great to finally see him happy, smiling, living life and having fun with me. They ask about me all the time and want to meet me.
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Oh, I doubt they will want him to get back together with her. I bet they think she has caused him enough grief. Marybe is right - getting back together for the kids never works. (And if they break up again, it will really be devastating for them.) I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!
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Getting back together won't resolve his son's issue and might even make it worse if the atmosphere at home is tense. Maybe you can suggest that he and his son go together for counseling - just the 2 of them
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With his divorce a year behind him, you could never have forseen this. I just can't believe it - last time I checked into this thread, everything was so great.....
I think it's selfish of him to sit there and ask you to be supportive while he decides whether he wants to go back to the ex...
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Thank you ladies so much!!
I have suggested all these things. My nephew has the exact issue his son has and my brother & sister in law just got divorced a year ago. So it's almost the exact situation, so I was able to tell him what's worked for my nephew and that it would not be good at all to get back together and that yes they need to be united in raising their kids but that's where it should stop.
I can't imagine his parents wanting them back together, especially if it's for the kids only.
He is truly a great guy and we had so much fun together, and I thought we were a great fit. My heart is just hurting so bad, and I have this sinking feeling I'll never see him again, but I'm trying to push that to the back of my head, for now. I was totally blindsided by this!
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Isn't he supposed to call you tonight to talk? Have you heard from him?
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