Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
Comments
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Dragon - I understand the trust issues - My husband had cheated on me and I'm afraid of being hurt again. The guy I'm dating now is awesome but newly divorced and has been on and off of match since we dated. I think he's afraid that I'll hurt him as well. Time will tell but I agree it is hard to let your guard down.
Best of luck to all.
KAryn
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Kward your situation sounds the same. I really think this guy is amazing, and has no intentions of doing anything untrustworthy. But I also really feel like he doesn't completely trust me yet, and is afraid that he'll get hurt. So we both have issues, but I will tell you time does help and the doubts are slowly fading away. How long have you dated this guy?
Fearless, I get that, I'm the same way I'm either in or I'm out. I can't do just for fun stuff, if I'm remotely attracted to them or interested in them. I just was trying to think of a way to get you out and making friends and having fun
I will post from New Orleans I'm sure, just to give a heads up! My great friend is going with me. We are spending the 3 nights before surgery at a hotel with a pool and are SO excited!! I went over a year with no boobs, and have such great ones now. I had to go splurge on this dress, going to try and post the link:
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Df, I can't open the dress link - but I go on Pennys site all the time, what item # is it?
Kward, how long have you been dating him?
Df, did he pretty much call you every night in the beginning? But you sometimes would initiate getting together, right? Like with Brewfest? I guess I am too old-fashioned and it hasn't served me well. I always expect the guy to do everything, lol!
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Bisou Bisou® Print Halter Maxi Dress Item# RN224-8397D
Yeah he did most of the initiating for calling and texting, but I've gotten better about trying to call or text or invite etc... I wasn't raised that way, I was raised to NOT call boys. I also have it in my head to let the guy do everything because I don't want to seem needy or clingy. But then on the flip side I think that makes me seem uninterested or stand offish. It's interesting for sure. He did tell me that I can call him any time I want, and that I am welcome any time I want at his place, the door is always open for me.
He's heading over here pretty soon to spend the evening with me before I head out Saturday. So nice of him since he has to be to work at 7 and it's about 45 minutes from here. I'm making ribs, corn on the cob and baked potatoes! Yum
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So my guy came over last night. I had put ribs in the oven all day to cook. I asked him what he wanted to go with it, corn on the cob or baked potato or both. He laughed, he said, are you always going to do this? I said what do you mean always. He said are you going to do this every night I come home from work, ask me what I want. Guys don't care they just want food
Interesting comment huh?? Also, may be TMI
lol... we were on the couch, and I was feeling very exposed might be the word. He asked me what was wrong, he gets so serious. I said nothing; he told me he thinks I'm sexy. I kind of snickered about it. He asked me what was wrong, or why I didn't feel sexy. He asked if it was my weight that bothered me, not sure how to take that comment??? But I said no, I told him it was my scars and he said so what, it's not like they are UN-sexy. It's no big deal. He said he thinks I'm sexy, and sexy to him is more about personality and everything. Wow... I don't think he's ever said anything like that to me. So maybe I won't feel so freaked out now in front of him, I'm really not that bad anymore and have come a long ways. I'm sad, and miss him already, silly since he just left a few hours ago. He is helping his brother in law build something this weekend and has his boys all week. So in reality it's a good week for me to be gone.
My bag is packed, and I'm ready to go 0 -
He sounds like he cares so much about you - I have a really good feeling about this.
Btw, the dress is gorgeous!! More later - I am at work....
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Thanks fearless, it was so out of the norm for him to say. Now that I know how he feels I hope I will be even that much more comfortable with him. He's such a good guy!
I LOVE the dress.... I can't wait to wear it
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Don't give up Fearless! There are a lot of decent online sites: eharmony, okcupid, match, plentyoffish.
I also felt really unattractive, especially before my reconstruction, but still managed to find men to go out with. I was SHOCKED at how many men were sexually attracted to me, even when I was upfront about my Frankenboob. I was joking with my boyfriend about it last night - how the first time we were intimate I broke the ice by asking "do you want to see my Frankenboob?" Last night I joked "I guess you couldn't say anything other than Yes without looking like a pig" and he admitted that he was more nervous that night about how I would react, like "will she let me look at it? will she be okay if I touch it?" it was kind of cute, and not at all what I would have expected. keep in mind that I haven't finished my reconstruction, so right now the new one is just a smallish, scarred lump with no nipple.
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See, neither one of you ladies have even completed your recon yet and still your bf's think you are hot!
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ha ha so go for it fearless, it's worth a shot
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Yep, but writing them off completely, feels sad and final. Even when you see them go back to their ex wife. Hurts! Time is healing, though, I have found myself somewhat bitter. I am trying to not care and pray that God will take the CARE OUT OF ME. It is working, but really slow. I see him and wish I could be next to his bare chest and kiss his beautiful lips. :- (
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Dragon fly so happy for you everything is still going well! So ladies,,,,ALOT has happened to me since I was last on! Had my uni mx on may 24rth, recovered well, just preparing myself for the next step....gulp... chemo scares crap out of me! Anyways had an old friend/ boyfriend contact me after dx. We had texted, talked every single night for 6 weeks. finally had the chance to meet up, and boom! Major feelings came immediatly flooding back for both of us! Hadnt felt that since the 15 years since we had seen each other last. He was always my best friend more then anything, we have known each other since we were 15, dated on and off throughout our 20s, but timing was always off....Anyways.... we are mad about each other! he has seen my incision and is fine with it. Told me he was more upset about me being in pain then anything else. He has always been someone I pined for, as he is a wonderful, sweet man. i told him i was probably going to back away during chemo, and he told me he really didnt want me to. He wants to be here for me. Im so freaked out about my hair, and his reaction.... He keeps telling me to get off the vanity kick, its only hair and will come back. the important thing is that its getting this crap out of my body! Im smitten as a kitten! Crazy that bc actually brought the love of my life back to me! So YES definatley possible to find love during this horrible process!! Just had to share!
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Well, I think you are very pretty Juilebell and young, should work out for you. Don't worry about losing your hair, it does seem like forever to go through it all, the lost and waiting for new hair to come in. I bought a wig that said Human Hair under $70.00 and fought at the thought that it wasn't HH. Then I finally got a curling iron to it and wow, it looked great, kept the tangles out as well. I fought the tangles for months, before the real look finally was to be enjoyed. My friend whom I see, was with me when I was 16 years of age. I finally called him after my divorce at 59 years of age and going into Chemo. He has been with me for over a year now as a friend. He gained sixty pounds, but since I am in his life he is losing it slowly. He has fourty more pounds to lose and his eyes and face are getting cuter and cuter to me. The young guy I knew is appearing more and more behind the flesh. He has waited for me to transform into me again and now I am waiting on him to do so. But we enjoy each other,, we sing, talk, hold hands and share the Lord together. I fight the thoughts sometimes of he can't be the one for me, but then he hangs in there to be. After being married for fourty years, it is hard for me not to search for other men to date, but I don't. I want God to bring them into my life, not me looking for them. Congradulations on you and your guy, sounds wonderful. Good luck!
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Julie, that is wonderful! He sounds like all he wants is for you to get better....
Hope, I can't imagine coming out of a 40 year marriage - and having to battle BC. You must be an incredibly strong woman - and don't feel guilty for "looking" for love. I think God approves of us being proactive in what we want in life. That doesn't mean it's going against Him.
I can't wait for Dragonfly to get back, am anxious to know how her final stage of recon came out!
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hey hey ladies!! First I'll say my guy impressed me big time. He text and called EVERY day I was gone. Even when he was working 60 hours or more this last week. He was cute, he said what are you bringing me back, a shirt that says "My girlfriend went to New Orleans and all I got was this lousy shirt" ha ha ha I wish I could of found one like that. Also he brought up camping in August again with his boys, I said you should totally do that, and he said um no... WE... as in ALL OF US are going camping in August. So that's great! I'm bummed though, he has boys this weekend, and can't find anyone to watch them for a night so we can see each other before Boston. I told him no worries, that his boys come first and he doesn't have them that often. I'm going to suggest Sunday night after he takes them home but if not then it is, what it is. I think he's picking us up at the airport when we get home.
So New Orleans was a blast. If anyone has facebook, I posted some of the pics on there. Anyway, surgery went great! I got nipples
I haven't really looked that close to them. They are bandaged up. He also did lipo EVERYWHERE! My thighs, inner and outer, hips, back, right above my butt, my upper stomach, dog ears etc.. I can't wait for a few months to go by and see the resultsI was so mad at myself, yesterday morning I put my antibiotics in my purse instead of my pain pills. So when I was hurting on the 1st flight I took an antibiotic, and couldn't figure out why I was still so sore. Went to take another one and realized what I'd done. By then the pain was so bad I was almost in tears. First thing I did when my suitcase came around on baggage claim was down 2 of them!0 -
During the 20 odd years I was in remission from breast cancer I was in a marriage with a very unsympathetic and emotionally abusive man. I ran away from him and made a promise to myself I would just stick to living with cats. But as lonely as I was for human touch I vowed off men.
Then out of the blue when I was not even looking my soulmate appeared. He is the most kind, patient, loving and understanding man I have ever known. We are the male and female versions of each other and it is amazing. Then a few months after meeting him my cancer came back a third time, then a fourth time and suddenly it did not seem fair and thorns appeared in my rose garden, but my wonderful husband is an excellant gardener. We are married now and I just want to say that there is someone out there for everyone and in my experience when I stopped looking is when the love of my life appeared. I was not meant to find him, he was meant to find me.
Good luck to everyone waiting for their loves.
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It's funny you say that.... the old saying goes opposites attract. But I find more and more that the guy I'm dating and I are SO much alike. Just as you said the male/female version of each other.
So happy for you!!
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I am happy for you too Dragonfly. For me it is very insightful to be with the other half of myself, finally I get a taste of what it is like living with me. Oh dear!
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Well I am trying to be happy, but am pretty mad/hurt at his reaction since I've been home. Granted he's worked 60+ hours this week and has his boys all weekend. But I've made a couple comments on the phone about not being able to see him til I'm back from Boston and that I'm bummed, he totally avoided it. He has his boys this weekend, it's beautiful, we could all be doing something fun, but no he's not ready for that. I said what about Sunday night after you take them home. He said well that would be like 8 or later before I get to your place and I have to work or leave for work at 6. Which has NEVER been a problem before. Just the Thursday before I left for New Orleans he had to leave at 5 for work. So I'm not sure what's going on, but it's really upsetting. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass in the next couple days
Either way I am DONE asking about getting together and making the effort, hell I just had surgery! 0 -
DF, I told you he would call you and miss you while you were gone :-) What is all this talk about Boston? I don't recall that... you are going to Boston? He is?
Shaa, if you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?
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No, I'm going to Boston to see my brother for 11 days, leaving on Monday! I feel better, he just stopped by and I got to meet his little boys finally! So happy about that.
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Dragon - I'm dating a guy who has his kids every other weekend. Sometimes I'll see him Sinday night after he drops them off while other times he needs the time to relax. Don't stress over it.
KAryn
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Dragon - one more thing... While you are in Boston - if you need an escape or girls night - give up New England girls a shout out. I'm only 40 miles south of the city (everything is closer here).
Karyn
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I hadn't even thought about that, I'll pm you my #. who else is back there? It would be great to meet up.
I remembered last night, that a couple months ago he was really worried about his crazy
Summer schedule. He works 60-70 hours a week, and was afraid I couldn't handle it. I assured him I could and not to worry. So that's what I'm going to focus on. The next month or 2 will be crazy busy and exhausting for him. I did tell him last night that I would love to see him tonight but that if it doesn't work I totally understand and will see him when I get back. He said thank you and that he really appreciates me being understanding. His schedule was a real issue with his ex. It's not his fault I was gone to NO and now going to Boston so I shouldn't expect him to make some big sacrifice or jump through hoops to see me the night before I leave. We're together so I need to relax.0 -
Wow, you met the boys. That is a big step. How did it go?
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It is huge huh. I was so excited to get to meet them, so far they just think we're friends. He's wanting to ease them into it which is fine. My daughter doesn't know he's my boyfriend either. It went great, they have a lot of energy, and I could tell he was exhausted. He said so now you've met them, this was a good first meeting right? I said yeah of course, I'm so glad you stopped by with them
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Dragonfly - So glad it is working out for you. You are right, you are the third party and believe me, with him working 60-70 hours a week, it is the same when he doesn't work, but have the kids + work = sixty or more hours a week. You had better be ready, the guy gets tired and needs to rest. If the new wears off he may be resting even more. My advice is since you are going this far and sounds like farther, you better get yourself some books on how to be a step mother and the third party. The kids will come first a lot, it will take a lot of your mercy and love to be the perfect wife and step mother to the kids. You can do it. Enjoy your outtings, but remember you are weak too, with the anesthetic that you had in you, don't rush things. Your relationship sounds like mine with my ex minister. He was to me my soulmate. A little of my little brother, a little of my big brother and the love of Jesus within. He also worked 60-70 hours a week, half custody of the children, had them every other weekend. He chose to go back to his wife and save the toggling back and forth for his children. He had them 5 days a week for breakfast, took them to school, went to bed at 9:30 am to 1:30 pm, picked up the kids, kept them until mom came at 6pm, went to work at 8pm, worked third shift until 7:30 am. The cycle wore him out. That was 5 days a week, because they didn't want to leave the kids at a sitters, they shifted them back and forth 5 - 7 days a week. Then the benefit was no more child support to the ex and it was easier to take her back, then he would have more freedom. She is at home again, taking care of the kids and again, no more child support to pay her. She is under his roof again, sex and all. It hurt like the dickens, I am just advising you to be careful and watch your heart. He needs help that is for sure, so take care of your health and enjoy him while you can. Hopefully we will hear wedding bells, but read all about the single dad's life. Catch ya later.
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Thank you SO much... I know he truly would love to have that partner/team to help with the kids. Which would be fine with me honestly, he said it's his job to be the provider. I know nothing about it would be easy though that's for sure. He normally does NOT have them during the week, but with it being summer he has them a week now, and 2 weeks in August. The rest of the year it's just on the weekends so he has more time during the week to do stuff and the weekends he doesn't have his boys. He came down on Thursday before I went to New Orleans and I was making dinner. I was trying to ask what he wanted with the ribs. He said are you going to always ask me this? I said what do you mean. he said every night when I get home from work are you going to ask me what I want for dinner? I'm a guy, just feed me
lolI'm used to doing it all honestly and function best that way. My ex husband did NOTHING to help with our daughter, house, or yard or anything and worked a ton of hours and crazy shifts so it's not new to me. I know this guy though is a lot different, yes he works a lot but he doesn't stop when he gets home he really works hard all the time at everything he does.
Thank you for the advice, I will look at some books like that to read if it keeps going in that direction. I do like him a lot
I am SO sorry your guy went back to his ex, that had to hurt so bad and will continue to hurt
I sometimes wonder if this is all worth it, but we have to try right? 0 -
Thank you so much Hopefloats for the lovley compliment!, and you too fearless! Met my guys girls today! Can not believe how easy it was. His youngest is 6 and oldest is 8. They were so wonderful with my daughter ( who is 4) We all played while he grilled for us. (pizza! and hes a good cook!) The younger girls, his Ella, and mine Bella were like the bobsy twins. they were immediate friends. The oldest one and I built a fairy house. I then made all of the girls clover bracelets! when I left, they were asking me what I was doing tomorrow,lol! I think my guy may have some competition! I love these girls! The girls understand as much as they can @ my bc. It was hard a few times though...as they want to make plans, such as camping, etc. dont think they really understand im going to be sick for afew months. My guy promises we will work around it, when i know what my "good" days will be. he assured me again today about the hair loss. He complimented me on my hair, told me how much he liked it.. I replied, "me too" : ( His reply.... its temporary! He is also going to go with me to my first rad/onco appt. next tue. I think he is truely an amazing person ( as i have known for along time) to sign up to go through this ugliness with me. Feeling so blessed to have him!
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Wanted to share ladies......
saw an amazing video on you tube.... Mat kearney..... closer to love. WE ARE ALL LOVABLE BC OR NOT!!
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