Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Me too
I am not as confident as you that he will call, but if he does I don't know if I'll want to hear what he has to say. I just have a bad gut feeling, no matter how hard I try to push it aside!0 -
Hey girl,
Can you tell us more about the bad feeling?
I recently forayed into match.com again and had one date that was less than stellar. Putting yourself out there is hard! xo
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What do you mean tell you more about the bad feeling?
Dating is so hard, and I spent so much time on there before this guy, I hate to think of starting over!
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Well, I'm older than you and I've had my heart seriously broken 5 times - not including my marriage. The last time was when I got this dx and had to have bmx. I don't think I will ever put myself out there again. I've totally lost all confidence I think I've had unusual bad luck.
Dragon, I know it's hard but try to stay strong.0 -
hrf, I'm slowly coming to your side of the fence on giving up. It's sad, at 34 I shouldn't be having this problem or struggling so hard.
I guess the bad feeling I'm talking about is the lack of confidence that I'll hear from him, or that he'll all of a sudden see the light and realize he wants to be with me still and not go back to his ex. I don't know if he'll ever make that decision or if he'll make it before I give up. I guess I'm trying hard, but losing steam tonight! Too much time on my hands isn't good!
Then on top of that, one of my best friends sent me a message that she got engaged, my other great friend sent me a message that she's maybe pregnant... Then here I am
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You are too young to give up. Just take it a day at a time
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Dragonfly, I should have introduced myself before I just jumped in the conversation. Iguess I was wanting to hear more about your bad gut feeling and wht do you think that means. I am so sorry you are feeling hurt.
I am 57 and have flashes of hope then despair. Gotta have a pretty tough skin to play the match game.
Take care of yourself!!
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Don't worry about jumping in, I just didn't know what all you wanted to hear. It's ok
As it gets later and later tonight I think less and less that he'll call.
Thanks so much for your kind words and input!
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So I just got a text from him: Wanted to say good night. I am thinking about you... What am I supposed to do with that?
I sat on it for about 30-40 minutes, so he wouldn't think I was waiting by my phone to hear from him. I wrote him back and just kept it simple. I said good night, hope you sleep good.
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That's a good start. Since he did text you, can't you text him later today, just asking him what's happening?
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Okay - personally, I would try to forget someone once they told me they told me they were contemplating getting back with an ex-wife - BUT I think it would be a really hard thing to do. I know how much you are into him - and I know how much he cares for you (you ARE special to him, you know).
However - you really haven't been dating all that long, right? So to say you want to "give up", please don't think that way. You are so beautiful inside and out, and I hate to hear you say that.
I'll tell you one thing, if he DOES go back to the Ho, it won't last. I can promise you that. And then he will be kicking himself for letting you go.
But who knows what will happen - he is thinking of you, I do believe that....
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Lovemyfamily, yes, you need nerves of steel to do on-line dating. Why did the first date not go well?
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I agree with Fearless. Many many years ago I was seeing a separated ( not divorced) guy. He decided to go back to the wife. Three years ago he contacted me to tell me that he made a huge mistake in letting me go and that ultimately he and his wife divorced.
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Yes, it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Hopefully he will come to his senses before it is too late.
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Time will tell ladies. All I can do is just keep plugging along and hoping for the best. I won't initiate contact with him, ball is in his court. If he hexts me I will respond in time.If that makes sense? I waited a while before responding last night, so maybe he'll realize I'm not sitting on my phone waiting for him. I left my emotions out of it, didn't say I was missing him or thinking of him.
I really truly don't know how much he's considering going back to the ho, I know he wants his kids to be happy and not acting out, and she's boo hoo'ing saying she's so sorry, and he "THINKS, MAYBE" them together could fix their sons behavior. Like I told him, be together with her, united, not arguing as a parental unit. Not married to her. I don't know though that he's truly in his heart considering her, or just trying to get his son under control and trying to figure out how. We ALLLLL know it would be a big mistake for them to get back together, but...when will he realize this?
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Yes, I think he is just trying to keep his son's best interest at heart and is totally stressed and conflicted right now. Clearly, he does not love this woman. Hopefully he will soon realize that he is not doing his son any favors by going back into a loveless relationship.
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Hi Dragonfly,
I'm so sorry that things are so hard at the moment, I think that you should follow your heart and do what feels right for you. I just wanted to comment on calling his ex Ho, it may not be my place but it bothers me that we, as women, call other women names, relationships are hard and complicated and I feel that we shouldn't judge others unless we have been in their shoes.
I hope that things work out, good luck!
Daniela
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I understand where you're coming from, but a person (can't call her a lady), walks out on her family and cheats multiple times with friends of theirs. One of the times was while she was suppposed to be caring for her Dad on his death bed.... doesn't serve anything more than being called a HO, but thats just my opinion and nothing I'd say to him!
It's so hard, because while I was in Boston we talked every day many times a day. Mainly at night for over an hour, about everything from our days to the future etc... It just breaks my heart to not see him or know if and when I will again
He is a friend of mine on facebook, so I'd love to say how sad I am but I just keep my chin up on there, post about going out with friends, and cheerful posts! 0 -
You know, I know you are doing great with going out with your friends and keeping your chin up, but it's okay if he knows this is hurting you. It's okay that he knows that you want to be with him and that this was not just a fling for you.
We try so hard to not let it show them that we are hurting, but I think it's okay to be vulnerable when something like this happens. I'm not saying go cry to him (God no, lol!)...but if and when you speak, and I think you will - don't be afraid to express how you are truly feeling.
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Oh I told him this weekend, he asked so I let him have it. I told him it's killing me not being able to see him, how I thought we had something great together and that I hope he can figure things out so we can continue etc.... I haven't told him since then though. I guess part of me is hoping he'll miss me, he'll choose me and come to me and tell me that. Make sense? I just don't want to be that person that's begging for him to be with me.
We both LOVE Eminem, so I put this as my status on facebook: Some days you just need to crank up the music and drown out the rest of the world! Thank you Eminem
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Sounds good - you told him how you feel, but didn't beg or chase. I like Eminem, too. I love how he came from such a dysfunctional backround and crazy mom (like I did) and it didn't hold him back.
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Exactly!!! I could listen to some of his songs over and over, the boy "friend" always called Eminem a lyrical genius! lol
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Dragonfly,
Do you think he has hooked up with the ex? That would worry me. You have a wonderful spirit, and I wish you the best! Re: my first match date--no sparks, kind of boring. Feeling kind of stuck!
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Honestly.... I can't say that thought hasn't been running through my head. I don't know how I would know???
Should I ask, or just leave him and it alone for now? Thank you so much, it's a struggle lately, but I'm sure I'll come through this fine in the end, regardless of the hurt now.
Do you have any other matches you're talking to? The no sparks is such a let down after you usually talk so much to them at first.
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Lovemyfamily, if there were zero sparks, I probably wouldn't pursue any further. But keep looking!
That's a good question about the hooking up. This whole situation just sucks. Thing is - I KNOW if he thought YOU were seeing someone else, he would be on you like white on rice. But I know that's the last thing you want to do right now - and I would feel the same way.
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I would just love to sit down and talk with him and find out more about where he stands and answers to questions like this. Modern technology makes it too easy to not have to face each other. I certainly hope he would tell me if he was talking with her and seeing her. That's totally different than giving him space to sort things out and get his son under control. He's been completely honest so far, but I can't help but wonder..... damn, this is an insane situation I never saw myself in
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I am sure he is speaking with her. But who knows about the rest. So when did you last hear from him (either by phone or text)? I don't like that his contact has diminished so much. If he goes 3 days or longer without contact, I think you should put your profile back up on the dating site. You are too kind and too pretty to be waiting for him to make up his mind. He is starting to piss me off!0
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I agree he is at least talking to her. But I agree that he should at least be staying in touch with you even by a short text. Not doing so is being insensitive to you. But again, who can figure out anything about how men think
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Yeah, he either needs to end it with DF, or dump the Ho. Typical man.....just HAS to string someone along until he decides......
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Fearless, he is starting to piss me off, I was just telling my friend that last night. I feel like I'm starting to make excuses for his lack of contact. I almost sent him a message last night, then there's that small part of me holding on to the hope
He text Sunday night. I think he has his boys all this week??? The message I had typed up said: I'm still a little shocked by the events from the last week or so. Where we were before I came home from Boston to now couldn't be more opposite. You have asked me to be supportive, and understanding while you take a little time to work through this and get things under control. I told you I'm willing to do that for you, because I feel we have something good together. What I am not willing to do is be ignored with the exception of a generic text every few days. It's hard to be supportive and give you time if my trust in you and your character is going to start being tested. I don't believe you're doing this intentionally and you've always told me I can talk to you about anything, so I'm letting you know how I feel. I know you're boys are your main priority and I don't want you to feel like I'm putting additional stress or pressure on you, because that is not the case. I'm here for you and I miss you.
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