Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Sweet bean.... Dating is a little foriegn to me so I'd love some tips. You say you always get a 2nd date? I met a guy on match a few months ago as you know and I thought we hit it off. Here I am again so I don't have a lot of experience in playing the field so to speak.
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A firefighter in a hot tub sounds wonderful to me!!
I have a YMCA right by me. I will definitely look into it and see what they offer. My kids are always off with their friends (as they should be!) and I am basically sitting here all by myself all the time. I am about to put on a marathon of Sex in the City tho' and get on the treadmill so life is not all bad. Am feeling better.
I could always get a second date too but I can't stand most of the men. I think tho' that some of the reasons why I do are contributing to my man problems. Too sweet, too compliant, too flexible. I have to change some of this if I am ever to have a fulfilling, equal partnership.
Fearless - It is okay to be 'fearful'. Life is tough out there. I am choosing to be alone right now. I guess it is whatever makes you happy. Some women I know are wonderfully happy manless. Others are happily married. There are different seasons too. The important thing is to not let fear run our lives. I totally understand about getting the body together too, before getting out there. That is definitely a personal preference. I tell you, the one date I did have, even though I didn't care for the gentleman, did lift my spirits. A drink, an appetizer, fixing up and having conversation. It was a little pick me up.
I enjoy this bouncing off too.
Hugs all!!
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DF, are you talking about loser guy? Because he was lame and you can totally do better. I can almost guarantee you that you were out of his league and it made him insecure, so he acted like a jerk. (You are really pretty!)
I do really well on a first date. I dress nicely, seem to say the right things, etc. So I always have the option of a second date. The problem is getting guys to commit once we have been dating a while. For me, that seems to be the challenge. I actually think I haven't required enough - gone out of my way to seem like I'm "cool," that guys think I have no standards and they can treat me poorly once we are seeing each other. That. Will. Change. Now, I know my worth and I'm not settling for some idiot who doesn't recognize it.
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Yes loser guy, but I know I was way out of his league. I just was saying that's he's really the only guy I've officially dated. So to go out with different guys and keep looking is foriegn to me. I had a great time on my date with the last guy, he's even the one that said we'll have to do this again some time. I didn't push, I said sure, then the next day I sent him the thank you, I had a great time message and that was it. He sent one as well... then never heard from him. He updated his profile to say that he only likes skinny chicks. So yes I have a few extra pounds or am a little chubby but apparently that's all he saw, he didn't see me for me. So its a blow to the self esteem and really hard to go out with anyone else
If they are easy to talk to I can make great conversation. I know I do try really hard not to be pushy or clingy that I may come across as uninterested?0 -
This dating stuff can be really wierd on so many levels. Dragonfly, be YOURSELF! As women, we are unfortunately socialized to be all caring, pleasing, meet some ridiculous standard of beauty --it is all bs. I am still dating my guy and things are going so good-believe me I never thought it would happen to me and it did. Hang in there all my beloved bc sisters!
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It's funny, I have no problem making friends, and many of them are guys. Guys are attracted to me as a friend, sweetbean has problems making it into a committed relationship, and I have a problem making it more than just friends. It's strange..I don't know why that is, I am just myself all the time and it gets me really great friends.....Not that I'm complaining, just wonder where the difference is? I can be friends with guys, or they want 1 night stands/fwb... or nothing? Keep searching I guess, just not putting a huge amount of effort into it. I've been talking and texting a great guy but he lives about 40 minutes away. He was supposed to come over last week and the weather here was super stormy so we put it off til this week. Honestly, I have MAJOR anxiey about meeting him. I just keep playing over in my head what happened last time I met that guy, and he was put off that I wasn't a size 4. I have pictures on my profile, it says a few extra pounds. I know guys grossly lie about their body too, what is average to some is not to others as we've noticed. We'll see what happens!
Congrats to you though, sounds like you met a wonderful man/person! I hope you keep having a great time with him ! XO
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Had my 3D tattoo done yesterday. Looks awesome. Id be happy to send anyone a picture if they want.
Karyn
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DF, It is not you ! You are a beautiful, loving, giving lady. When you meet the right guy, you will see that. I hope you have fun with the man your seeing this week. 40 miles isn't so far. Your busy with your daughter and job during the week as he is probably busy too during the week. So if you two click you can commuicate and see what happens, thats all any of us can do really. I think being able to build friendships with guys is a great quality DF. A great starting place for a true relationship, at least for me has been true. A man who can be a true friend will not lie or play the games other men will play. At least thats what I've found. Just be yourself DF and I know the right man will come along. Your a great gal and deserve to be treated well ! Hugs, Kiley
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Thanks do much Kiley, you're so sweet! I forgot to mention he is also older, 44! So maybe he's past the immature crap? We'll see... He was in a relationship for quite a few years, no kids. He said that's a story for later in person. Meaning not really a quick texting convo. He did say he's still somewhat interested in having kids, which for me thanks to BC is not possible. I told him I can't have more but that too is a story for later. Plus for me, my daughter is 11 I really would have no interest in having to start all over even if I could. So not sure if that's super important to him or what? He seems really nice, and funny and owns his own business. We did talk the other night on the phone because he couldn't come to town, that went really well!
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Awesome Df ! I'm Glad he does sound nice. I would not like it when they first want to talk about their former partners. And I do believe being an "older" man has many advantages. Maturity ! You don't need another flaky guy, so just hope you both have nice time ! when its the right guy things will work out for you. Just be you and I know you will have a good time. I know their are men out there that do want a commited relationship, its just hard finding them and the right chemistry! Cheers, Kiley
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Just wanted to let you know that there isn't a thought out there that you have expressed that I haven't had myself at one time or another. It's validating to know that my thoughts are "normal". I get down, have low self esteeem, want to lose some weight, don't like my chin, etc. I try dating and then lay off for awhile. I've tried different techniques...talking on the phone, not talking on the phone, meeting for drinks, meeting for dinner, etc. I'm still not sure I am completely "whole" and healthy in my emotions. But then again, who is?
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Happy New Year to Everyone! Boy, we sure do have some things to deal with don't we. I'm 54 and after a bad divorce 10 yrs ago was not ready to date for a long time. Met a man 4 years ago that i thought was the one but it ended after a year and put me off again. After that I went through several years of soul searching and self improvement so I could be in a good place and choose well the 'next time'. I got braces on my teeth in Jan 2010 and thought when they came off last September I would be ready to start dating and hopefully find a mate. It was not to be!!! Got the BC diagnosis in August and here I am on New Years Eve with no one to do anything with. I am blessed to have dear close friends who have seen me through this whole thing and are wonderful, but in relationships. Makes for lonely weekends and sometimes holidays..
I think we all have to stop telling ourselves 'once I fix this thing about myself I will be acceptable to date' and realize that obvioulsy everyone else out there is pretty much doing the same thing. that includes the men! My wish for all of us for the New Year is first HEALTH and then that we all find acceptance in ourselves and confidence that we are worthy and beautiful no matter how many or what kind of boobs we have!
For those of you struggling with pain and other issues that other members in this forum have recomended physical therapy to.....It can change your life! I am blessed to live in the Atlanta area and have access to Turning Point. It changed my whole outlook after my DMX. In one visit I went from my arms being limited to moving 6-8 inces from my sides to almost full range of motion. I hope you are able to get the help you need. It's worth the effort!
Blessings to all!
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This is sure a bumpy ride for all of us twoputter. On that note I'm going to go color my hair. Maybe that will perk me up ! hugs
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Also alone this New Years Eve. Don't want to be a third wheel anywhere. Might go out by myself for a bit. Missing old BF, inexplicably as he was bad for me. Have read all the posts. I see we are all struggling in our ways and I do have friends but boy do they not understand. Just 'talked' to my daughter who just wants to focus on her own life, understandably.
Made an appointment to get some highlights next week. Also hoping for a pick me up.
Happy New Years ladies. Here's to us!!
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Yay for hair color and HiLites!!!
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Amen sisters! xo
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Guess we're not alone after all. We do have each other and even though it seems like EVERYONE else has someone, it's just not the case. And sometimes those who have someone are more unhappy or lonely than we are. So I ditto, "here's to us"!!!
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Cheers to ALL !
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Such a great support system we have here! We should plan a get together wouldn't that be fun
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Yes that would be DF ! I'm sure missin my dog, Chubs right now. Coming home to an empty house without him just sucks ! How's your new pup? I've narrowed my pup search down to 2, both rescue dogs and great but.....I just miss Chubs, so haven't commited....yet. Hopeing all of us have a Very Happy New Year ! Hugs To All, Kiley
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I didn't tell you all, but my Shih Tzu, Sadie, died in October. She was 13 years old and had congestive heart failure. Miss her so much; she was the sweetest dog. I know what you mean about coming home and missing your dog. For 13 years, I had to be home at 5:30 and Sadie would greet me, and I'd always look for her on the couch in her later years. Still do it sometimes out of habit.
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Ladies my condolences to you on the loss of your great companions, your special dogs. I LOVE my dog and she is getting old and having health issues. It really sadens me to realize she won't be with me that much longer. She was my "chemo angel" stayed at my side the whole time. I send you BIG HUGS and wish you many happy memories of your furry friends!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I wish us all hope and peace for 2012!
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DF, if a guy doesn't want to date you because of a few extra pounds, then that is his problem. Especially since you are honest about it on your profile. Guys can be such asses about the profiles - they aren't honest on theirs, but then they ignore what we have written on ours. For instance, I don't have kids yet and I definitely want them, so I put that on there. Do you know how many guys ignore that? I have to point it out. And then they say, "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right, but let's get together anyway." So annoying! Don't waste my time. 'Cause you know if things went anywhere, the kids thing would be a big problem. Grrrrrr....
Point is, forget about him. He's lame and I can almost guarantee you he doesn't exactly have the body of Adonis, either.
So I had three dates and all three said that they wanted to get together again. However, nobody's asked me out yet, but I am thinking that might be because I am leaving on Friday for three weeks, so I won't be home until the end of January. (I have nine concerts in Florida...Florida in January....and it's sweetbean for the win!) So we will see if they ask me out when I get back. I'm definitely not contacting them.
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Oh I am not thinking he was any great loss, just a blow to the self esteem ya know?
What's this about concerts in Florida? Sounds great, enjoy yourself
I'm not much into contacting guys on the dating site, I think out of 10 I would send a message to 1 would respond but not have much of a conversation really.
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sweetbean - if there is someone you particularly liked there is no harm in letting them know that youll be away - perhaps you can exchange emails or text and you'd like to get together when you get back. Guys need to know how you feel. They aren't very perceptive. Just my opinion. glad your dates went well.
Karyn
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Twoputter, my dog also had his "couch" I find myself looking across the room all the time expecting him to be there. I still have'nt sat on the couch since he's been gone. When people come over now and sit on the couch it seems weird, cuz Chubs alway assigned us the recliners or floor LOL. He was the one constant in my life for 17 years. He left gently. I could give him that. I am wishing you Fl warrior treasured memories with your dog as well, and good luck with your new job ! Sweetbean, concerts and Florida awesome ! DF, the reacurring theme here seems to be FLORIDA ! If I get alot of money this year I'll pick you up and we'll all go meet in sunny, warm Florida ! LOL ! Heres to All dreams to come true in this very New Year !!! Lots of Hugs ! Kiley
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I'm so sorry your Chubs is not with you anymore, he's running and playing in heaven! I have a few pets up there as well!
What kind are you looking at from the rescue? Kiley, lets do it, I'm all for a trip to Florida! I've only been to Miami and it was gross and humid, but SUNNY!! You and I know in Oregon this time of year there isn't much of that! Count me in
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I would totally go to Florida anytime - I'm off every Friday...
My skin needs the heat...
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Oh, the guys all know. I think that is why they all asked me out so quickly - because they knew I was leaving. I'm a professional opera singer - I'm doing a bunch of concerts down in Boca Raton in January. Can't wait! And when I come home, I am having the exchange - scheduling it this Wednesday. Can't wait for that, either!
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Oh sweetbean that is Awesome ! You've got lots going on girl, enjoy the sun in Florida and beautiful music ! Oh what I'd give for some sunshine, freezing fog here today. Finally, got the fire warming up the house now. DF, I had a staffordshire bull terrior, or as some would think "terror" at time LOL ! Tomorrow, the rescue gal is bringing a dog, Jazzy Osborn is her name over to stay the nite. She is a staffordshire rescue dog I've been visiting up in Grants Pass. Yes I am dreaming of warm Florida Weather !
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