Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I am 38 and am often contacted by guys in their 50's who won't date women older than 42.I think it is super lame - pathetic, really. I actually won't date any man who won't date a woman his own age -it pisses me off.
I had a second date tonight. Meh. It was OK. I was kind of bored. But he wants to see me next weekend.
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Also, I don't think I have ever had true love. Sad.
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I don't think I've ever really been in a loving relationship. It's hard not to give up hope. I may not be actively looking but I want to keep believing, someday, one day I will find "it"
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Good Evening Sisters
Well I went to the dance and came back early. The guy that was bugging the heck out of me was with someone else (woohoo)! I was so happy for that..
I danced with a few men but nothing caoght my interest. I should say that there were 2 that were attractive, but they are Snowbirds. One just stays in Florida for 2 or 3 weeks than goes back to PA and the other is a Snowbird from the midwest.
Another guy is only 48 years old: I am not into younger men. I could handle maybe 58 but that is quite a spread.
Well that was my evening. Just want to meet Prince Nice Guy.!
Sweetbean you seem to be at least going on dates with men: That is encouraging.
I am going to bed Sisters You all sleep well. Goodnight
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Even though I was married, I don't think I've ever been in a truly loving relationship either.
Sweet bean, you are right that men in their 50's want women in their 30's. What I don't understand is why those young women go for the older guys unless the guy is very rich.0 -
Funniest thing happened to me today...I found out that one of the guys I've been emailing back and forth on POF is an oncologist! He's a pediatric oncologist. I got his last name today and then googled him. We hadn't talked about his specialty...just other stuff. I'm not surre what a Dr. was doing on POF, so I'm moving slowly although he does sound nice. Other guy I'm talking to coincidentally is a retired dentist. Didn't look for these guys...they came to me. The other guy I'm seeing is the opposite of what I think these guys are like. He's a down home country boy and that is refreshing. Nothing really going on yet with anyone. I'm always hopeful at first. Not counting on anything but maybe end up with some new friends. Also looking for a Shih Tzu puppy. May get one next month.
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Yes, sadly I don't think I was ever in a true love relationship as well...I'm still with D. and he is wonderful to me, but....I don't know where this is going, if anywhere. I think I need counseling. I've had so many health issues, emotional issues, friends and family dropping out of my life, I just feel so hurt, and as another posted the word that comes to mind is broken. I I don't think I will ever be the strong independat woman I was 5 years ago. Even though things were always a roller coaster ride with my former husband I always managed to power thru, keep focused, make decisions. Now...I just don't know.....I feel as if I am disconnected, afraid, not the way I used to be for sure. Sorry for the downer post....Wishing you all the very best, Kiley
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Kiley ~ I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I am feeling the same way. I hid my profile on POF partly bcuz I don't feel I have anything to give emotionally. I've been through so much like you - I've lost friendships (people I thought were my friends turned out to be 'his' friends) and other people I thought would be there, just weren't. I expected so much more support from my family. It seems like for them it's over now. But it's not at all. I've got a number of health issues, tons of hurt. I do have friends but it doesn't seem to be working. I think that's it. I keep trying to be strong but it doesn't seem to quite work anymore. I just switched cancer centers to one closer to my home. They have free ReiKei sessions and free sessions with a social worker (finally some sort of support). I'm hoping these things help. I don't seem to have the strength to take care of myself consistently, as there is no one really in my corner to encourage it. I went out with friends last nite, but just feeling empty today. BF was so mean sometimes. I'm trying to rekindle things with my ex-H - he seems like a saint now compared to some out there - but we are both cautious.; Neither was to go back to the bad parts. I grocery shop evey sun. for my elderly father; will need to do that today. Wish I could just sleep. The work week seems so long sometimes. So I guess i wanted to tell you that maybe this is part of BC. It is a pretty traumatic thing. I don't know if I will ever be truly strong and energetic again. Some days I am strong, but it takes a lot of effort and a little acting.
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twoputter, i have met doctors, lawyers, judges, scientists - all manner of professional men on line. The fact that they are highly educated does not meant that they are exempt from being jerks. A man is a man regardless of his education. There are good ones and not so good ones everywhere. The man who abandoned me when I got this dx was a medical doctor who specializes in supporting a very high risk patient group. So you'd think he'd be empathetic and honest????? Wrong. Don't get carried away by the letters after a guy's name. Just look at what kind of man he is.
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two putter - I vote for the dentist... LOL - my dad was one and my sister and I now work in his practice...
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what sites are best for meeting these professional types?
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They are on all the sites ... it doesn't matter where you look -- POF, Match, eHarmony .... I would say that most of the men that I met and dated were "these professional types". It's possible that when they put in their search criteria that they specify education as one of their criteria ... I really don't know. I happen to have 3 university degrees so maybe that made a difference in the searches. But as I said, a university degree or profession does not come along with a guarantee of being a decent guy. It's also not a guarantee of money.
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I don't think POF has that kind of a search option. Maybe. I don't search really. But my profile indicates I am seeking a bachelors degree or better. I've gotten some heat for it too. I know when I click on the thumbnails there are very few with greater than an associates degree. Maybe it's where I live.
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I don't really care if they have a degree or not, it certainly does NOT make them any better of a man like HRF said. If they are a jerk/loser they will be no matter what profession a mail man, doctor, gas station attendant etc..
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I'll keep you posted on the Dr. and dentist after I talk to them and meet them. We've just emailed. I do know the down home guy is pretty decent. We're going slow and I am really comfortable with that. Kiley...so sorry you're having a rough time. I've felt broken too. Maybe it's part of the human condition??
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Hi Sisters
I would appreciate your opinions.
Here it goes: I decided to join an online dating site this weekend. Well I am getting alot of messages by old, ugly geezers. I did communicate with one guy. He seems real nice and he seems goodlooking. Only problem is he is 73. I just turned 63. It seems like quite an age gap. I was hoping for more men in their early to mid sixties, but I am getting responses from men in their late sixties and early seventies. Except for this guy, most of them look ugly to me.
Maybe there is something wrong with me: how is it possible that so many could be so ugly.
Next problem is the guy that is cute lives 4 hours away. He thinks we can work that out.
The age thing is bothering me. Do you all think this is too much of a spread. 73 !
What do you all think?
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yeh, i vote that 73 is too old for you. The seventies seem very far away from the sixties to me. To my sisters who have been honest enough to open up about their desire for love--thanks! xo i am taking a break from the dating scene for awhile.
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Yes - 73 is too old for you. I was just viewing on Match last nite. I saw that guys my age were freq. looking for someone 5 years younger. But men 5-10 yrs. older than me seem A LOT older than me, look older than I am. They are at a diff. stage of their lives too. I am actively working and raising a family. Most of them are ready to retire, travel, etc. I don't know where these homely guys get off seeking fit, toned and athletic triathlete women who are 5-10 yrs younger than they are!! Some of what they are looking for is kind of crazy. I mean, none of my friends are doing multiple sports, kayaking, ready to travel at a moments notice, ready to devote every minute to making their man happy, etc.
To clarify on the degree thing: It's because I have had a couple of relationships where I think the men felt insecure and inadequate to me because of my level of education compared to theirs. It was a problem. Our interests were sometimes diff. then too. My ex-husband identified it as difficult for him.
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I don't think 10 years at this stage of life is too much of a difference. The issue is really if they are younger at heart and wanting to enjoy the same activities as you. Even a 45 year old guy can be an "old man" There is nothing to lose by communicating and meeting. The guy isn't asking to get married. If his profile doesn't appeal to you, that's a different issue - just don't worry about the age thing.
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I agree with you HRF. As for the degree thing, I see your point, but I think it's eliminating a whole lot of potentially great guys based on a degree.
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There are lots of good guys who don't have university degrees.
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Thanks for your replies.
Some of these guys have a false image of themselves. They consider themselves "very good looking" Omg I would not even think that they are average looking.
Most of the problem is that most of the guys responding to my pro file are in their late 60"s or early seventies. It does not seem like most men in their early sixities are interested in me
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Painted lady...give it some time. I've found that those that are the least desirable are the first to respond. I'm betting if you give it some time you will get someone who appeals to you at least enough that you'll want to talk and meet him. The older less desirable ones are usually first out of the gate. It's just my opinion, but I'm 61 and I would not go for a man ten years older than me. Especially at this time of my life, I am still active and hope (hope) to be for some time. With ten years on me, he'd be 71 and going on 75 reaching that more inactive stage of life. I know it's not all predictable, but I'm not looking for anyone over 64-65.
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I'm with mybee - I can't date anyone without a Bachelors degree. I've tried and the guy always winds up feeling inadequate. (I have a Masters.)
I really don't know if I am ready to be dating. I thought I was, but I think all I want right now is some new friends. But maybe it's because I'm not meeting anyone who really floats my boat. Also, i just had my exchange and it turns out that it is going to be a while before I look really normal. I'm thinking about taking a break from dating until the summer. One guy wants a third date, so I'll go. But then I will probably end it.
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Sweetbean, I'm curious as to why you say it will take you a while to look normal. I'm having my exchange on Monday...
I'm not dating at all but my trainer is really nice eye candy. We joke around about my over filled te's. But I'm really tired of looking like a freak with these outrageously huge "boobs" and would like some normalacy soon. My trainer has been awesome and has worked with bc patients before, but as a female, I'd like normal boobs and not to have to keep explaining...
As far as degrees and men, in the end, what matters are the things you have in common and enjoy together.0 -
I guess it's just me, it seems I'm the one out of the norm but only dating people with a degree of some sort, and not dating anyone without a degree seems shallow. If you ran into a guy at the store, or bar etc... is that the first thing you'd ask, can I please see a copy of your degree to show that you're a good person? Maybe you should ask for a copy of a resume, background check etc...
lol Because only losers don't have a degree. Sometimes the hang ups come from within, not the people lacking in a degree. 0 -
I don't think it is shallow to want to date someone with a certain degree. Its like women who want to date guys of a certain height or body type. I find some guys have a problem dating sucessful educated women. Truth is... most of us are atracted to people who are like us and share similar interests. We all want different things but in the end we all want the same... to find love.
Lets all agree to keep things positive...
Karyn
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Things are positive but thanks anyway Karen. I was expressing my opinion it's not personal. I guess I'm not the the type of person to discriminate against someone based on education, height, hair color, what not so it seems odd. I just feel that people could be missing out on someone great, some of the best men in my life (Dad&Grandpa, uncles) are amazing with no degree and if I could ever find someone half as great as them I'd be damn lucky.
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I am 57 and have been told I look much younger so when I look for a guy on a dating site I put down my age specifications as 48-60. I get responses from guys almost 70 who look 80. Can't they read or do they think they look so fabulous that it doesn't matter??
Plus I'm beginning to feel that a good looking successful man isn't going to need an online dating site. He probably has plenty of women in his 3-D life who are dying to meet him. I have never seen a truly, great looking man on: POF, eHarmony, Match or Christian Mingle.
Yes, in 3-D looks wouldn't be so terribly important because if you get the chance to know a guy and he's great, the looks aren't all that important. But on internet sites, their picture is all you've really got other than their profile if they write one at all.
Denise
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Klynnz, when you wake up, your breasts will not look the way they will in a few months. If you are having implants, they will need to drop and fluff and soften to look more like natural breasts. Right now, my breasts look super fake. There is NO way I would be intimate with someone, looking like this. I was hoping that they would look a bit more normal out of the gate, but that is not the case. It is typical. So, if you wake up and don't like what you see, Do. Not. Panic. It will change. Mine have changed already and it's only been 12 days.
As for the degree thing, honestly, I'm 38 and I have just found more luck when dating someone who went to college. In this day and age, going to college is really common. Forty or fifty years ago, it was much less the norm. My dad is the only person in his family to graduate.I have a dear friend who didn't graduate college who is smart and wonderful. But for the most part, I end up having a lot more in common with someone who went to college.
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