Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I actually think the profiles tell very little. Unless a guy writes something obnoxious or offensive, most of the profiles sound the same. In most cases, really need to meet someone before passing judgement. Although with 160 messages, it might take 5 years to meet them all.
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Hi ladies
Dragon it was not a typo lol. Only thing is now after the initial burst of messages, it was dwindled downed suddenly to 2 or 3 a day. Most of the messages are from guys that live in different states or they are too young or too old. I got men in their 40"s sending me a message. That is ridulous. I could almost be their mother lol. Many of the messages had no pictures; so I deleted them too.
The guy that I met for coffee last night, he asked me for a date before he left. I said "Ok give me a call" Then today, I get a message from him that he "doesn't think we would be compatiable"
How is that for flip flopping. Wonder what chaged his mind. I wasn't attracted to him anyway. He claimed that he had a sense of humor, but I didn't think that he did.
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Painted lady, I know with pof, not sure about match you can set the email settings to not accept messages from people that live more than 75 miles away and other certain things.
Most guys do that, I think because they have no clue how to end a date and assume you're expecting them to make plans for a 2nd date. The last 2 dates I went on, I had a great time, they said so too and then they never followed up even though they said they'd like to see me again.
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160 emails, I'd be in hog heaven. Hey, don't delete the one with no picture, just respond saying you require one. If I ever go online I don't think I'd do a picture right away. More out of fear. But seriously, even 2 a day is awesome.
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painted lady - the guy who sent you the email probably thought you were not interested bc you said "call me" - guys are very black and white...meaning you have to spell everything out for them - Just my experience.
KAryn
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i also think that some of the guys online have a "standard email" they send - you'll know bc there is nothing specific about your profile - but it is rather generic.
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kward - that is absolutely true. They hit everyone 'new' with the same email then see what they get back.
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That's how you get 160 emails in a week and then dwindle down from there.......I think after that point you finally can see what you've got. Also - if too many come in the beginning, you can hide yur profile and then cut and paste to become 'new' again; It's an easier way to pace. I've never done this but thought about it for next time
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I can't stand those emails, so generic!
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Hi Ladies
The guy I told " to call me" was a guy I was having coffee with. I told him it was nice meeting him, thanked him for the coffee and started walking away. As I was walking away, he called my name and I turned around. He approached and ask if I would go on a date with him and hugged me. (oh yuck!!!). I just became stiff. I said "ok why don't you give me a call." The next day, I got a message from him saying that he did't think we would be compatiable.
I am really at a loss as to what to talk about at these meetings. I am shy and I get totally nervous.
I get the feeling that these guys are looking for romance asap. How in the world would you know if you want to do something from one meeting. I think guys should take a cold shower first lol
I am really confused about this dating thing. I thought 60 plus year old guys would be slower
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Guys are guys; I don't think age matters. I don't like much contact on the first date either. They are just too much of an unknown. Plus I think it's harder to 'see' the person for who he is once you did do a physical something or other. Unless there is something you definitely feel that 'yuck' but if there is chemistry, it's good to take it slow.
paintedlady = maybe he felt you stiffen up and knew you wouldn't be an easy lay for him. i have a gf who gets in the bed very fast and man, she gets her heart broken waaaayyyyy too much.
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Even if he wasn't looking for sex right away, if he felt you stiffen and response was "call me", he might have had the impression that you just weren't interested at all. That would be my interpretation. If you felt there was potential, I don't think there would be anything wrong in giving a hug and saying, "yes, I'd like to go out again." It doesn't mean that you are promising sex. You are just showing interest in getting to know him a little better. I agree best not to get into bed too quickly. But nothing wrong with being warm and friendly. Don't assume guy is looking for romance right away. If that's all they want, they'll make it crystal clear. Go back to those 156 that you discarded and check them again. Forget about the age thing (unless you are old enough to be their mother) ... so if you are 63 anyone over 50 is ok ... and as far as older .. as long as they are active to the same degree you are, go for it. Don't let age be a deterrent. Also geography - I'd say living within an hour away is reasonable. And if there is no picture, then ask for a picture. By discarding 156 men, you are saying you really are not interested in meeting anyone. There must be a few who are worth meeting out of 156. Might even make some new friends. Nothing wrong with that.
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Thanks for the pointers Mybee and Hrf.
Well I was on the phone with three guys today.
I have a meeting with one for tomorrow afternoon. He is 59. I was more relaxed with him on the phone because I was joking. We will see.
Not sure about the other 59 year old. He sounded like he was into alot of physical activies and basicly wanted someone to do it with him. I didn't tell him about the BC or my fatique. Didn't really think that it was any of his business at this time.
The third one was also iffy. Left it by telling him that he could call me when he came up with a plan. Sounds like he works alot going to fairs etc.
Going to try to be less stiff. I just get so nervous!
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I just wanted to mentioned that I see your picture Mybee and you look beautiful. Guys must chase you.
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Why thank you for the compliment. i don't think they chase particularly; I think I have attracted my share of players and narcissists. My profile is currently hidden on POF. Again - thanks. I am wearing my new pink ribbon rhinestone necklace in it, so changed the pic!! i have thought of wearing it on dates - maybe it will say it all!! jk.
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I've been keeping myself out of the dating world because I just don't want to have to tell them about the BC. I have foobs but no nipples or areolas yet and my scars aren't healed yet. While I don't plan on going to bed with anyone for a long time, I just don't know how to broach the subject. I feel like I'm not a whole woman anymore. My foobs feel cold and I miss my nipples. I could always count on them to rev up the engine if you know what I mean.
I've tried POF and OKCupid and I think since they are free sites they just don't attract the right kind of men. It's like they are window shopping and even though you may go out with one, he's afraid to commit because "a better one may be on the computer tomorrow".
I just can't be bothered anymore!
Anyhow A BIG WELCOME TO TAMMY HH.
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Denise- I feel much the same. I have one natural nipple left, it is a little hard and numb as I had a lift. I will miss my nipples and breasts as they were during lovemaking, unquestionably.
I am getting a revision in June, tattooing in Dec. i don't feel quite done yet either. it is a strange kind of feeling.
You may be right about the free sites. I did some just looking for free on Match - I was unimpressed and the mens standards seemed awfully high. Painted lady - as you said, lot of guys looking for high energy, athletic women, slender, with apparently no life of their own so they can devote it to being someone's trophy. Maybe if I lowered my search income standards.....
It does seem an awful lot of trouble. I think to be sucessful online, you have to be emotionally strong. Otherwise you can attract the wrong type. I'm not there yet.
Couldn't sleep much - Arimidex fooling with me!!
Yes- hi Tammy!!
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PaintedLady, Just wanted to send you a hug of comfort in your loss of Charlotte Rouse. I lost my cat Purls three days after I was diagnosed in April. I hurts so much in the heart. Purls sent me quite an awesome sign, however, that she is happy and simply in another spiritual plane. My parents and I were flipping one of those sand canisters with different colored sand that swirl and make designs. After 30 flips that all resembled nothing special..... the last flip all the black and white sand separated from the gold and green sand to the bottom corner and there she was, Purls. Her ears, markings, tail, everything. It was her birthday. Your pup was/is one lucky pup to be loved by you.0
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Purl thank you for your caring message. I do so appreciate it.
Went to coffee with another guy this afternoon, He was quite easy to talk to. No sparks. Then I find out that he is just working at the local hospital as a temp. His permanent home is on the east coast.
Suppose to meet another guy for lunch tmorrow at 2 pm.
Been talking to a guy on the phone. He has called me for 4 days in a row. Claims that he wants to see me but he "has guests visiting right now" He seems nice but time will tell.
No one that I have encountered so far is really turning me on. I think there is something wrong with me
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Well then something is wrong with me also. I lost all sexual interest in men. Actually I've lost all interest in men period. I'd rather be single than go through all this crap.
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Sometimes
I feel the same way Denise!
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Count me in on that too Denise, I don't give a rats a** about men right now, it's such a waste of my time.
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How did we get like this? Is it our meds.? Our fears? Our experiences? Our ages?
Thoughts?
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All of that combined, except I'm only 35 and am not on any meds. I just feel like I have so many other things going on in my life, and I was not meeting anyone that I'd even want to consider spending the rest of my life with. I love my life, love who I'm surrounded with and don't want to get hurt again, the stress, the fears, the drama.
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Molly, good questions. I don't always feel that way, sometimes, for example after my date with the gentleman with NO TEETH, I feel that way. For me it ebbs and flows.
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Dragonfly - there should be a like button!
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More than anything I'd say experience. Starting as open, optimistic, and confident and finding men (not just online either) who lied and didn't give a $hit has changed me. Then throw breast cancer and surgeries and drugs into it and I am no longer the person I used to be. That has changed my interest in men.
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Hi Ladies
Just got back from the meeting with the guy.
First, the positive:
Went to a very nice restaurant. He certainly wasn't cheap. Very good conversationalist. We talked for 3 hours.
Was a gentleman.
Likes dogs.
Negative
Told me has been married 4 times.
Told me in the first marriage when he "was young" he cheated on his wife. He didn't explain why the other 3 marriages failed.Now he said he wants a partner, but he doesn't believe in marriage
My impression.
He was okay looking. Doesn't seem to be interested in too many activities except going out to eat. Doesn't seem like he likes to dance. He did give me a hug and a gentle kiss.
What did I feel?: Absolutely nothing. Omg! Maybe I have no estrogen! I feel like I am neutered!
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Yep, that's how I feel. Granted I take an anti-depressant, Ativan daily and 2 BP meds. All four of them have a side effect of low sexual libido. Throw in poor body image (foobs with no nips or areolas & large scars), the extra weight, loss of husband 18 months ago and dates with losers from dating sites.
Maybe I should become a nun or perhaps a lesbian? Do lesbians want a lot of sex?
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Denise You made me laugh. I am still chuckling.
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