Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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I forgot to ask Lovemy family to let us know how the coffee meet goes today
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Dud sisters!! lolz
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DF, good response from him and once again, perfect message from you. One day at a time........
Lovemyfamily, well only a cup of coffee....
Paintedlady, how old is the old geezer? Sounds like he must be 85 yrs old0 -
I just wanted to tell you ladies that my neighbor is a 22 year bc survivor and has had no recurrences in that time. She had a radical MX with 18 nodes removed plus chest muscle when she was 29 years old. She had chemo and all. Didn't even attempt reconstruction for over 1-2 years. She does have lymphadema but apparently handles it. Anyway, since I was diagnosed in Jan she has been connecting with me and talking about her ordeal. Anyway, she has been married for 18 years and they have 1 daughter who is now 12.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that she met him right after she had her mx and didn't think anyone would want to even look at her let alone touch or marry her with only 1 breast. She was wrong. They are still happy today. It will happen for most of you, you just have to have faith and open your heart and take care of yourself and your mind. HUGS for all of us.
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Hello Sisters
Came back from the dance about 1 hour ago. Hardly any one asked me to dance. I must be losing my touch lol. Don't know why I was only asked to dance twice. Usually when I go, I don't even get a chance to sit down. Seems other women were getting asked to answer. The only thing different was I had a different hairstyle. I can't believe that would cause such a radical change in behavior of the men there .
Sorry about the meeting Lovemyfamily. But at least you went and checked the guy out.
Hrf the old geezer will be 71 soon lol. To tell you the truth, I can hardly wait to meet the guy that lives near Naples. He is so attractive. I hope he is as nice in person as he seems to be on the phone.
At least he is sparking my interest and as you all know this is rare for me lol
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Dragonfly --- good luck with your date. I hope everything goes well. I dated someone like that five years ago -- remember if you can't get him pinned down for the first date, just realize what it will be like trying to "date" him. We would make plans and he would cancel. I would ask him to do something but he couldn't because of his daughter or other commitments. I put up with this behaviour for about 9 months when the "light" finally came on. To believe it or not, I never realized how unhappy I was.
Also as hrf said "what happened to the telephone". Those of us who meet on-line tend to email everything. Make a rule to use the phone. Emails are good for the initial introductions but lead to too many misunderstandings.
I know I am comparing your guy to mine and maybe that is not fair. Please just be careful. It takes along time to heal our emotions.
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Emails are good for the initial introductions but lead to too many misunderstandings.
Joanne .. absolutely 100% .... this is true for everyone. You said it well. Even in 2012 ... telephone is better than email after initial introductions. Email has a place but it does not help to build a relationship. In fact, I believe it keeps barriers up and allows people to not show their real selves. Unfortunately, I also speak from experience ...... and I'm guilty of it as well .... when I keep my protective barriers up, I use email as much as possible. When I'm relaxed and trusting, I use the phone.
Again, I don't mean to refer to any one person here ... it's just a general comment.
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Hadley, I don't think it has anything to do with you. I just think there are all kinds of people out there. Unfortunately, once you get to a certain age, people have lots of baggage and don't always handle it well. I kinda agree with you about the independent woman thing but then I see very strong women who do have partners ... so I really don't know. Just know that you are not alone in your experiences and you have nothing to be ashamed about.
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Don't delete it Hadley, it's a great post! Honesty is always best.
As far as the phone vs. email communication. I much prefer the phone for conversations. This guy and I have talked on the phone and he mentioned that too, he's not a fan of texting in fact he doesn't text to my knowledge. From my own experience phone conversations are a good judge of the people too if they can carry on a conversation or not. However, just for me it's so hard to carry on a conversation on the phone because I don't have much privacy. My drive home from work is less than 10 minutes, I have my daughter 24/7 and of course she's curious who I'm talking to and the details etc... So it is a little limiting to get alone time to talk and get to know someone.
He did respond to my email about meeting this next weekend: Maybe we can go check it out and if it's to crowded go someplace a little quieter where we can sit and have a conversation.If that would be ok with you.
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The joy of having kids....LOL....like no privacy even in the bathroom. But then they grow up too quickly......
DF, His message sounds nice .... did you settle on a day/time and meeting place?
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I found love 4yrs after my mastectomy in 2004......My dear ex called me half a woman and walked out on me, best thing he could have done as I was never happy with him!!! I decided i would be fine on my own, after all who would want a middle aged woman with one breast??? I had a couple of dates through well meaning friends, but nothing interesting...that is until I met Paul in 2008...We met on the internet and chatted for months, then he asked for my mobile number and we text each other for a few weeks, then he phoned....we met up on the 8th November 2008 for a coffee in my local town.....that was it...we liked each other immediatly....It was during the month of December that I told him I had had major surgery, but I didnt tell him what it was.....then in January I plucked up the courage to tell him....It didnt make any diference to him at all....In fact we are getting married this June...and I will be 62 this month...Paul is 57, so not only did i find love, i found a toyboy!!!
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Good for you!! Lots of positives on here today. That's nice. DF - that was a nice message. He checked in with you to see what you wanted and that is a 'green flag".
Too much to comment on here today but I'm reading and it's great we can all be a support to one another here. So much I can relate too!
Still seeing my ex-hubby and had a great time with him last nite........all is well. luv.
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LindaUK - thanks for such a great and encouraging story! Congratulations to you!
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LindaUK ... that is indeed beautiful story. Congrats.
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LindaUK - not only did you find a toyboy, you are a cougar !!!
Congratulations -- you deserve so much to be happy.
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The last email I got from him was that he would check with his sister about a time and let me know! We'll see....I refuse to get my hopes up, and maybe that will help because I will have a carefree attitude and fun no matter what next weekend brings!
LindaUK what a great story, brings hope to many of us
I hope you ladies are all having a great weekend! I know I am! All kinds of things done around the house, lots of walking I did 19 miles last week, so excited! I know for some people it's not much but for me it is. I started out doing 1 mile or less a day, now yesterday I did 4.25! Off to visit some friends, and will check in when I get back. 0 -
Hadley - I sometimes feel like that too and have cut ties with a few friends who I felt were just not there for me. For Halloween I really wanted to go out, dress up and go dancing. I sent an email out to all girlfiends. No one wanted to go - few responded. I went by myself and had a great time. This has happened a couple of other times too where I have tried to organize get togethers but there is no interest. Everyone is busy, they have a lot that pulls at them, I have only one unmarried friend. Once I asked a former friend to go with me to a local restaurant/bar, nice place but she said her husband would not want her to go.
But I am okay with all of this for the most part. I don't think it is about me. It's just more about their priorities. If I want to do something - I do it ayway.
Wish I could be more profound than this but I try to just enjoy my life and not let other peoples 'stuff' or busy-ness, get to me.
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Happy birthday Hadley! your bc sisters are here for you!! xo
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Hi Ladies
Happy Birthday Hadley!
How are all my Sisters doing?
Well POF went really slow suddenly. Guess I am losing my touch there as well as that dance I told you all about lol
Met the 71 year old yesterday. He looks older than my Dad and my Dad is 90.!
He seem very nice, polite, gently. We had some coffee and pie at a restaurant. But as usual
there was nothing. I found him rather boring. I did feel sad for me becaue he was saying how he wanted someone special. He wanted someone to have coffee with in the moring etc. I want this too,but not with him
Don't understand why POF got so quiet so suddenly
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I'm 61 and get responses from guys that are 73! I've started telling them they are out of my age range. What makes them think I'd be interested in someone that old at my age. Somebody needs to tell them.
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I thought on POF you could set your mail settings on who can message you. Like must be single, must live within X likes miles, has to be between 55-65
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paintedlady - I felt like that happened to me on POF too. I think I had turned down all the guys that met my criteria or something. Then I started contacting people but would ususally not hear back.
I remember years ago, when my Mom was single, she used to go to PWP - parents without partners. They had dances all the time. She used to say that alot of the guys were married!! But to me it sounds like it would be nice to meet people ni person. This one by one thing and going by photos - Idk - it's kind of slow going.
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Hadley - I'm so sorry - but at the same time I have read this has happened to so many of us, me included. I have come to the conclusion I expect way too much of friends and boy friends and such and I am always disappointed as they don't go to the level I would go for them. So met a new friend who just out of the blue was talking and said they had given up on expecting anything from others and therefore no longer was disappointed. It made me think. Don't know if I can actually do that but I'd like to try - then to be happily surprised someond showed they cared - wow that might actually feel good.
Need to catch up on this thread but yours caught my eye. My teenage son fainted today and they are worried and want him to see a cardiologist - his twin who is special needs already goes to one ... but this really has me a bit unnerved and scared so will get back with you all as this is just a lovely and supportive and interesting thread. Thanks all!!
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Let us know how things go Stanzie--thinking about you.
Getting clearer perspective about F., so I think I am finally really getting over him. yea! Now just wish the ones I am meeting weren't so boring. ugh! xo
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Dragon How to you get the different criteria on POF
Prince Charming called me this evening. Originally we were going to meet next Sunday, now it is Saturday.
We were going to meet half way first (a 2 hour drive for each of us) When he called me tonight, he said that he wanted to drive up here; so I wouldn't be facing all that driving.
I am trying not to get excited. But it is getting hard not to.
Lovemyfamily, most of the ones I have talked to on the phone are boring!
Hopefully none of us will have to fish too much longer!
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Log into POF, then go to your inbox, right beneath all of your messages in your inbox on the right hand side is a button "mail settings" go in there and you can edit all kinds of things about who is allowed to message you.
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paintedlady- love that he doesn't want you to do all the driving - I'd say that is a good sign!
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Getting burned out ladies, may be taking a break for all this shiz for a while and focusing on getting strong and healthy. Freakin boring men. Sorry for the disillusionment! xo
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lovemyfamily, that's EXACTLY what I'm doing. I just got fed up with the duds, and trying to weed them out. It's exhausting and discouraging. So I'm working on ME, getting healthy, living my life and being happy. Spending time with friends and family
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Good Evening Ladies
Dragon Thanks for the info
Prince Charming called me this eveining, we talked for another 2 hours.
Stanzie Now he is driving right to my town !
We are going to meet in a restaurant at 2 pm on Saturday. What do I do, if I want to kiss him? I don't want him to think I am easy. Is it just better to keep it non romantic for the first meeting?
The old geezer called me today. He wanted to take me out to dinner and movie . I told him the truth: I thought he was very nice and caring, but I am looking for someone closer to my age. He tried that "age is just a number" line. Told me that he is very healthy. He forgot that before he asked me to dinner and a movie, he told me that he had to take a medication for swollen ankles this morning. I would be willing to bet that he has Congestive Heart Failure disease.
Dragon and Lovemyfamily Yes, it does get old and tiring dealing with these guys. If it doesn't work out Saturday, I am going to feel the same as you all do.
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