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Comments

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    Denise, I LOVE your post!

  • rakulynda
    rakulynda Member Posts: 151
    edited February 2012

    I found the same thing happening on Match and pof. I'd get a flurry of responses when I first joined up and then nothing......or just very infrequently. I guess when starting this on-line dating thing I thought that everyone wanted what I wanted - to love someone and be loved back. Pretty simple idea but it turns out not to be true.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    There's sharks in them thar waters missy!!Smile

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    I used to think the same thing too.  That they were all looking for love and partners.  Or most anyways.  Now I think few are.  It's just so easy to go back fishin'............

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    Paintedlady - I think you felt nothing because there wasn't a 'real'/whole person there.  Lots of red flags. Too many conflicting messages can leave you feeling numb or a little blindsided.  Throw him back.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    Oh my gosh ladies... So there was this guy that I met on match.com a couple months ago. He was so nice, single Dad of 3 boys etc.. Most of you probably remember me telling you about him, we were supposed to go to dinner he had to reschedule then decided he wasn't ready to date yet. Well then a month ago he emailed and apologized and said if I wasn't seeing anyone would I still like to meet, I said sure why not, we were going to meet that Saturday for a drink. I said let me know when and where and I'd be there. I never heard from him again. So out of the blue I get another email from him today. Saying "Hello Erika,I apologize if it seems like I have completely blew you off, things have been a little hectic lately. Hope things are going well for you. I would still like to meet you. Please email back if you are interested.Mike"

    So I wrote him back and said actually you have blown me off 2 times now. I'd like to still meet you, but I'm hesitant to commit now. 

  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 433
    edited February 2012

    I wouldn't go out with him.  Once can be forgiven.  Twice is a pattern - plus, he was super rude by not calling.  However, I'll support you whatever you do.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    I expect I'll never meet the dude, wth I don't know why he keeps messaging me.

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited February 2012

    DF, I think your response was perfect. The ball is in his court. If he wants to meet you, he'll have to ask you out on a proper date. You would have nothing to lose by meeting him. However, if he doesn't respond again to your recent message with a definite date, then forget it. 

    As a single mother with 3 sons, I know how things can get out of control and without a doubt the children have to be #1 no matter what else is going on. That's why I would give him one more chance. You have nothing to lose.  

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    Thanks, I'm not expecting to hear from him again he's kind of proven his interest. We'll see.

    I'm so proud of myself, been doing the visalus shakes for 30 days and walking like crazy. I finally invested in some good walking/running shoes and walked a total of 6.5 miles today. 4 in the morning then the rest tonight. I feel so great, who needs men??? :) 

  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 228
    edited February 2012

    Dragon sometimes I feel like who needs men and then I get in moods where I want one.

    Just wish I could find one that didn't want much sex. I basically have zero libido.

    Talked to a guy on the phone today from POF. He asked me if I was interested in sex lol

    He had been running into women that didn't have an interest in it. He didn't realize he was talking to another one of those women. Because he wanted to meet me, after I got off the phone with him, I messaged him and told him that I didn't think we would be compatiable.

     Had a meeting last night with a guy. He was physically attractive but a poor conversationalist.

    Yuck!!

    Suppose to have a second date for lunch with another one. Hope they put sex hormones in the food lol 

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited February 2012

    I wish they had a dating site for people with little to no sex drive. Wouldn't that be great. I talked to somebody from POF a month or so back and naturally he wanted to know if "at my age", I was still interested in sex. After a few more sex related questions I told him I didn't think we would be a match as sex seemed to be his number one priority.

    Have you ladies found that since having cancer you speak up more? Normally I would not have said anything to this guy on POF but I have a whole different attitude now. Not sure why but I like it!

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    I have found I do speak up more; people don't always like it but pleasing others is no longer my first priority.  I want to live my life the way I want to, while of course still being there for my loved ones. Life is too precious to me to kow tow to others priorities for me.

    DF - I have a friend who has been going through something very similar with a guy. He calls and cancels (twice), sets up a significant dinner date, then doesn't show, then sent her a V Day message. He just sent a text the other day.  My fear is that he is just playing with her and then she will meet him, like him and then start putting up with mistreatment. She is just SO big-hearted.  Just thought I'd share.

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    BTW ~ My libido comes and goes and sometimes it seems to depend upon how I am feeling about men that day.  And if one has been nice to me...............or if one has been a d#*@ to me. I'm getting along very well with my ex-hu. these days.  When I'm not afraid of involvement, I do feel the stirrings of attraction.  We are taking things very slow, which is good.

    Maybe if you (any of you) met a good guy, you might feel something again too.  Trusting is such a big deal.  

    I really do enjoy talking to all of you.  I only have one single friend in the 'real' world!

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 762
    edited February 2012

    Ok guys, spent the night with Franklin.  Our dog died and I was feeling really down.  Texted Frank.  He called and invited me to a concert in the city, which was a beautiful choral concert (same chorus we had seen before) and then we stayed the night with a couple  who are his freinds, who I had met before.  You may remember that F. and I decided to be friends, (his suggestion)  I was really bummed and you guys helped me throiugh it, as did my girlfriends, who advised me to regain my self respect and forget the guy.

      We actually slept in the same bed but he wasn't interested in making love.  I would have in a minute.  Anyway, the next day he was working on fixing the storm door in this couple's house.  We had been having a really good time, laughing and flirting and talking about being "buddies", etc.  On his way down the basement he says "What if I fall in love with you"--This guy is full of mixed messages.  I want to write to him and talk about it.  What should I say? 

    I did have such  a wonderful time being withhim, very easy and loose, lots of hand holding and snuggling which feels great and I need, but I don't want to be stupid, but is it okay if I am doing it for myself?  And it was good, because the reality of who is became clear, vs. the fantasy I had built up in my head.  Not a long term guy, but a little sex? Yikes, whathave I become??  Don't judge me!! lolz xo

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited February 2012

    Funny - I was just telling my mother a little while ago how I have no friends anymore. I used to have friends from work but I haven't worked in 8 years, then I had friends that my husband and I used to go out with but once he died I became the 5th wheel.

    My mother and I are so bored we could scream. In case I didn't mention it, my stepfather died in Feb, 2010 and then my husband in August of 2010. Then I was DX in April 2011 and in June I moved in with my mom. I'm 57 and she is 76. It just made sense from a financial standpoint and it works mostly.

    I just don't know what to do with myself half the time. I'm waiting for my reconstruction to be completed and then I want to volunteer at a nursing home in my vicinity.

    Anyway this has nothing to do with love or lust for that matter. I don't think Tom Selleck or George Clooney could get me fired up these days. Dead from the waist down. LOL.

  • Denise2730
    Denise2730 Member Posts: 320
    edited February 2012

    Loves my family - you want sex!!!???? Give me some of what you are drinking please.

    Do what you are comfortable with is all I can say.

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 762
    edited February 2012

    HI Denise,

    Can you find some kind of activity or group that you like?   I know it is not easy to force ourselves out of the door sometimes, but maybe it will help with the boredom.  Good luck to you and your mom!

    xo

  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 228
    edited February 2012

    Love my family  I am so sorry to read that your dog died. As I wrote here, sweet Charlotte passed away almost 2 weeks ago. I feel  for you

    Denise you are so funny. I love to read your posts because they make me laugh.

    Mybee  I don't have many friends either. Plus with those I do have I just can't be this open. I tried bringing up the topic once with a friend or two and they looked at me like I was from outer space. They basically had nothing to say and changed the subject.  So I am glad we can talk openly here..

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    I have friends - and they really are my true support (not family) but they are all married. And you are right.  There is only so much you can tell them and that they can understand.  How could they?

    Denise - i am so sorry to hear you have been through so much loss and pain in such a short period of time.  No wonder you don't feel like doing anything much of the time.  Emotional upheaval is exhausting.  And then with surgery, treatment.......i think it's okay if you take it easy as long as you can afford too. My blessings to you!

    Lovemyfamily - why don't you just see what he does next?  His actions may tell you something........

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited February 2012

    Lovemyfamily, before continuing with him, I think you need to find out if the 2 of you are wanting the same thing. You need to protect yourself.

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 762
    edited February 2012

    Thanks hrf, my voice of reason!  I apprecite you! xo

  • mybee333
    mybee333 Member Posts: 672
    edited February 2012

    I would concur.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    Well the boy has emailed a couple more times so we'll see. So far it's set for Saturday night, I'm not hopeful at all... He lives about 35 miles away, and asked if I wanted to meet there or here. I know he's new to the area so I was tempted to say I'd go there... However with his track record I told him to come to me :)

  • sweetbean
    sweetbean Member Posts: 433
    edited February 2012

    I broke it off with the guy I was seeing.  We had only been on three dates, but I just wasn't feeling any spark.  But it might be me - I'm not certain that I am ready to be dating.  Although there is someone else I think I am interested in and that kind of terrifies me.  He's a really cool guy so I don't want to screw it up.  Dating after cancer is HARD, y'all!

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 762
    edited February 2012

    Tell us about him sweetbean

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    Dating period is hard, and not fun at all. That's my opinion anyway.

  • paintedlady
    paintedlady Member Posts: 228
    edited February 2012

    Dragon good for you. They appreciate you more when you make them work for you.

    I also agree with all of you that dating is not any fun.

    I had a second date today. Don't think  I will see him again. I noticed that he has a roving eye: I hate that! Also, he was talking about sex: he thinks women have 8 plus climaxes in one session. I don't know what woman he is thinking of but it isn't me lol

    While he was explaining all this, I was just thinking omg he has to be kidding.

    I think if I could just find someone that was impotent that would solve the problem.

  • Dragonfly1976
    Dragonfly1976 Member Posts: 1,552
    edited February 2012

    I don't know about you ladies, but guys that talk so much about sex or sex period in their profiles or on a first few dates it's a big turn off to me. I really don't have a huge sex drive myself, and I'm young. But after cancer, chemo, no ovaries what can I expect huh?

    We'll see what the guy says if he actually makes plans. I mean he's gotten this far before, so to pick a place a time and show up... Not so much :)

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited February 2012

    Painted lady, that conversation would be a turn off for me too. I guess some women have been telling him big lies.



    DF, you'll have to keep us posted as Saturday draws nearer.

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