Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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Situation with ex-H blew up tonight. I went over there following a confrontation with my father (crotchy old man) and my son (sassy teen, what a mouth), I was blowing off steam., actually quite upset as I argued with both of them tonight. Seems like all I do is take care of people who are totally ungrateful (I have 3 teenagers, remember?). I have been making some plans, with my exes okay of course, with things we could do becuz I like to have fun. I got some restaurant.com coupons, another coupon for a couples massage for later in the year, decided we would hold off spending money so we could go on a three day trip the first week of April - Niagara Falls- room with a whirlpool, adjacent to a casino, with a trip to Niagara on the Lake for a wine tasting whirl, some free entertainment. Three days. It was a great package with dinner and breakfast vouchers, a great room rate. He had talked about how people he knows do things, go to casinos, go out, enjoy their lives. With his full agreement I booked it. Now he wants out. He has been sitting home doing nothing for 6 years. Now he feels it is too extravangant and self indulgent for his values. It is all going too fast for him. He doesn't want to get the physical (which he hasn't had in god knows how many years) to get the Viagara, feels I'm putting financial demands on him, (I was going to go half on the trip), feels I jump on him when he doesn't react like I want (I am sobbing I reach for him, hug him and he doesn't hug back- like hugging a statue). I point this out and he says he's not going to jump just becuz i say so. Says he wants to live a simple life. What a horrible night after such a lovely weekend, watching movies and having dinner Fri. and Sat. together. I feel I am destined to be alone. I do so much for others.............for what? (Should I really have to convince a 60 y.o. man to get a physical?)
I know this is a vent............I do tend to do that too much. I am so tired of loving people who can't love me back!! (Dad, kids, ex H, ex A**hole BF, first husband, too many bf's to mention - and it all goes back to daddy. Man was he mean to me tonight - critical and ornery!) 80 yrs. old and can't take care of himself but was always a difficult man.
Well...my 19 y.o. was just here. In tears. Trying to fix the problems btwn his Mom and Dad. I just want him to worry about himself. He has a disability and life is hard enough for him. Way too much drama. Why does life have to be so tough?
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Wish I had you mybee to plan my trips! But woe is me...I'm not gay. So sorry for you that you were treated so badly and had your hopes broken again. Sounds weird...why did he agree and then back out? Maybe you need to find a guy (when and if you're ready) who is more active. Again, so sorry.
The rest of you...go girls. Glad you've had good first dates!
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Mybee, sounds like it has been tough emotinally for you. Understandably so--you expend all this positive energy trying to set up nice plans and get smacked down. I feel for you sister, and hope that things get better for you. You certainly deserve to be treated well by ALL your family members!! Hang in there sister.
Believe it or not, I am still working on getting over Franklin, although I am MUCH stronger now--beginning to see him for who he really is and not who I would like him to be. Emotional growth sucks! LOLZ xo
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My bee Very sorry to hear this. You know as you were posting, I kept wanting to tell you that ex"s are ex's for a reason. I did not say that to you because I was hoping you and your ex would work things out. Many times people just will not change and compromise in a relationship.(Been there and done that) When this is the case, there is nothing much you can do. All I can say is when you feel ready, look for someone that has more interests in common with you.
Lovemyfamily glad for you that you are getting to a better place with your situation
Denise thanks for your post. I was laughing.after I read the first paragraph.
Find someone on cardiac meds. Apparently it makes them impotent.
Thank God for these drugs lol.
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MyBee - I'm not gay - but I wouldn't mind going to Niagara Falls! Just 2 friends hanging out! I haven't been on a vacation in years.
Sorry you are feeling unappreciated. Do you work full time? I was wondering because if you had time and could volunteer somewhere like a nursing home or homeless shelter, you WILL be appreciated.
I had to cut people out of my life that were adding to my stress. I realize you can't do that with teenagers living under your roof but if your father and ex-H are being jerks either pray for them to change (if you are a Christian) or get them out of your life. I had to do that with my 25 year old son because everytime I spent anytime with him or spoke to him on the phone my BP would go up and would start having an anxiety attack watching him do nothing with his life. The only time I hear from him is when he needs $$$$.
We don't need add'l stress, it taxes the immune system.
I hope you have a better day. Feel free to come here and vent all you want. WE understand!
Denise
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Okay so I finally see an attractive guy on Christian Mingle. I look at his profile. He's a widower. His wife died about a year or so ago. I'm thinking, hmmm, maybe I should send him a smile. Then I look closer and notice he's wearing a Susan Komen Race for the Cure t-shirt. So much for that.
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Oh Mybee - I'm so sorry! I was hopeful things might work out with your ex but wow that was rough. Even if he did want to back out he certainly could have been a lot more gracious and tackful and kind about it all. Seems like since he did agree to do this and thought it was a good idea why on earth did he attack you like you are forcing him into something. Did he do things like that when you were married. That would drive me crazy. I can tell how terribly upset you are with him, you Dad and son.
You need to go do something for yourself. something you enjoy and be with a friend who makes you laugh and just take some time to relax and pamper yourself. I think we all need to remember to take care of ourselves too.
Dragonfly- so happy things are going so well, that is exciting!
Denise- oh... it took me a second but wow, yes that would be hard for the guy..... Keep looking hopefully there are normal decent men out there for all of us!
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Still waiting to see if I hear from him again.... Not too hopeful, but time will tell!
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Is that a deal breaker Denise? He may not even be aware of the contraversy. xo
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lovemyfamily, sorry you are still getting over Franklin.....but the fact that you are now seeing the real him just proves that it does take a lot of time to get to know someone. At first when there is someone new it is exciting but we can't be fooled by that first blush of infatuation....hopefully getting to know him better will make it easier for you.
DF - hope you hear from him ...... my sons tell me that most men wait about 4 days after a good date to re-connect.
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DF - why not send hm an email or text - Guys need things to be clear - especially if you liked him. Just my opinion.
Karyn
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Exactly what I was thinking. He probably doesn't know about the controversy. Maybe he is just a generous person who donates to a variety of charities.
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I have to tell you guys about a date I had with a guy I met on POF. We decided to meet for breakfast at 9. When I got there, an elderly man was pacing up and down and looking at his watch. I knew it had to be him. "Oh, he said, I thought you weren't coming" I then told him that it was exactly 9.
During the breakfast he talked a lot about himself, but didn't ask me ONE question. I found that odd. We had a love of dogs in common so he could have asked about mine or did I have any kids or grandkids and how did I like retirement, etc. etc. But he didn't.
And when we ordered he insisted I have a full breakfast even though I only wanted a muffin & coffee. I asked him if he was a control freak and he agreed that he was!
Anyway, as we walked out he suddenly grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. I managed to turn away so his kiss landed on my ear LOL
Then ----here comes the best (or worst) part. He said "See that big car over there, that's mine'; I mumbled something polite and then he said "You know what they say, big car, small penis"
ARRRRRGGGG
Needless to say there will be no other dates. He never called again anyway. My grandkids thought the whole date was hysterical.
I suppose it is hopeless when you are 76 to find a guy who is not just looking for sex? Unbelievable!
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So funny dogs--sounds horrible! Run the other way sister! xo
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Narcissist
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dogs - Really ??? Oh my gosh! umm ewwwww! How totally awful! I'm so sorry. Makes me think being alone isn't so bad....
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Oh Dogs ! Toooo funny ! Thanks for the laugh !
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Hadley you got it! If he was wearing a Susan G. Komen t-shirt I would assume his wife died of breast cancer. I can see that going over like a lead balloon on our first date. I wouldn't put the poor guy through that hell again even though I don't know him.
I have a date with someone I went out once before Joe came into the picture for the 2nd time. He had polio as a child as uses an electric wheelchair. He's very nice but I beginning to see a pattern here. I go for the types that I know will most likely not reject me. What does that say about me? Poor self image, low self esteem. I'm sure there is a psychiatrist's visit in there somewhere!
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I think we all feel that way to an extent. I look at guys that are on the dating sites and see they're good looking, great job, etc.. and out of my league! (So I think?) Working on US and our self-esteem should be a priority, part of the big reason for me not even going on the dating sites any more. I just am not ready.
I think about that a lot the cancer part and what affect it could have on people. The guy I went on that date with, their mom walked out on them. Well then in my head I play out all the what if's... What if we kept dating, and something happened to me and I had a relationship with the kids too? I can't help but get those thoughts going in my head.
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I guess some of us feel "damaged" by this damn BC. How long before we can put it behind us and not let it effect every part of our lives? Especially when you're single and want to start dating again. Then the mind starts doing overtime. "Should I tell him before we meet, on the first date, when things look serious"? I don't want to tell a man too soon if it's not something he needs to know because I know there won't be a second date. But what if I go on a first date and really like the guy and it seems mutual? Do you tell before the second date so he knows you will always have this monkey on your back?
On another subject I have a blind date with an Italian guy from Christian Mingle. He's 8 years older than myself. We're setting things up now. He's not very communicative on email so I have no idea what to talk about. He was born in Italy so I'm hoping I can understand him. Even though I am also Italian, the language wasn't spoken much when I was growing up and I have an Italian friend who is hard to understand sometimes.
Life was so much easier and uncomplicated when I was young (and didn't have BC).
How is everything with you ladies today?
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Thanks for asking Denise. I want to remind you that you are a beautiful person--anybody will be lucky to have you!! xl
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Denise - this really doesn't have any bearing on your Italian guy but reminded me of a couple I met last spring. I had an ad for a catalogue shot at my house. So the woman who booked my house shows up and she is about my age early 50's and next to her stands this man who is certainly older and in excellent shape as he is wearing skin tight and I do mean skin tight clothing. He is Italian and has the most poofy hair style I've ever seen. She introduces him as her "eye candy" aka husband and guess what he is 82! I could barely understand him at all but he seemed very nice. I asked if she spoke Italian and she said no. Cannot imagine how they talk together....
Yes I agree with the whole damaged thing, I get to add in MS and some how having 3 teenagers 1 with a disability probably isn't going to have the men lining up at the door for me. So as I said I did start an e-harmony profile and it is just awful - I wouldn't go out with me. Will have to work on it, perhaps after some wine then perhaps it would get wittier. Anyway, I decided well if I'm going to be rejected I'm thinking I'm going all out and I'm going for the out of my league men! I mean why not at this point I'm thinking rejection is rejection..... Of course I haven't even finished the profile so lots of talk without anything to back it up with ... yet
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Denise You look very attractive in your picture plus you have a great sense of humor. Also, when a man gets in their 60's plus I bet they have physical stuff wrong with them too. Don't sell yourself short!
As for when to tell someone, I go with my gut feeling. If I don't feel very relaxed with the person, I will not tell them..Sometimes if I definitely know I am not interested at all, I will tell them in an attempt to get rid of them. I told Princes Charming on the phone just before He was going to drive 4 hours to see me He handled it very well and he did come and see me. He is suppose to drive up this Saturday again. . I told another guy on the phonethat i had bc because he sounded obxious and boring.When I told him, he hung up on me: So my gut feelings were right about him: He is a Jerk!
Stanzie You look very attractive too..If the guy can't handle your physical issues than thank God that you found out sooner than later.
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Okay - this guy is 65 but he had in his profile that he was looking for someone 34-48? WTF is up with that? Granted nobody takes me for my age (at least not yet) but I can't compete with women in their 30's!
Stanzie - accentuate the positive on your eHarmony profile and leave out most of the negatives.
PaintedLady - a guy hung up on you when you told him you have BC?! How rude is that? I don't know if any of you are Christians but on Christian Mingle they have a great saying "Man's rejection is God's protection".
I guess we can use the cancer card if we don't like somebody but of course there are always a few good men out there who won't care and then what do we tell them? I guess I could say I was gay or a smoker. That should chase the ones I don't want away!
Love you all - wish we could have a group hug!
Denise
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Denise You make me laugh. It is so good!
Good Night Ladies
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Hey I aim to please - I'll be appearing at the local comedy club.......
Not really.
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Where is everyone? Strange not to see anyone on this thread in 22 hours. Is everyone okay?
The date went well. He seems a little stern and judgemental so it should be interesting when I mention I have a gay son.
I think the reason he was looking for a younger woman was because he wanted another child. Not sure but that's sort of what I gathered from our conversation. Which is kind of weird considering he is 65. He actually is more attractive in person than on his Christian Mingle profile but my heart didn't go pitter patter. Of course it didn't when I first met my husband but it didn't take too long before it was pittering like mad!We are going to see some evangelist tomorrow. I'll be able to determine more after the second date. The jury's still out on this one. I wonder like Charlotte said on Sex and the City if we are only destined to have one great love and maybe I will never have another one? Can you ever love another man as deeply as the soulmate you lost? I'm not willing to settle for anything less.
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Denise,
That is a good question --- I don't think you will ever love someone as deeply but I do believe you can love someone again -- but it is a different kind of love.
This dating sucks --- I have this guy that I have dated before and we are seeing each other again -- we get so far and then he puts the wall up -- he was really hurt by his wife and he has a hard time with trust --- I won't last much longer this time --- he is going to need to figure out exactly what he wants and realize I am not the ex.
Have fun tomorrow --- but yes what does a 65 year old want with a kid?
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I think men think that it is possible to start over...as though they were 25 again. So if they marry someone young and have a baby they think they are young again. Idiots!
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Denise That is promising in that you have a second date. I really don't know if you can have more than one soul mate. Guess I would like to think so.
I have just finished a phone call that lasted 3 hours with a guy from POF. He is an attorney and a good communicator,but here comes the but: He got on the topic of kissing on the first date.
He then said that he thinks it is okay if the two people are intimate on the first date because "lust
is needed to have a foundation for a relationship" I think rushing into sex clouds your judgement of the other person. Our conversation was going along very well until he said that. He wanted to see me this weekend but I told him I have a previous engagement That is true: I am planning to see Prince Charming. Now that guy I would have no problem kissing. But even though He makes my blood boil, I still wouldn't have sex with him right away.
What Evangelist are you going to see Denise?
Let us know how the date goes
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