Physical aging appearance
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I care about how I look for me. That is the truth. Sure, I like it when my hubby says I look great, but for one of the first times in my life, I truly believe he loves me no matter how I look as long as I am alive. It hit me yesterday at work...at the office I always am always*dressed* and ready to go...I don't like how I feel when I look draggy it makes me more draggy....yesterday was a rough day physically and mentally shaking off the crap from the AI last week and lack of sleep from worrying...well, even my office "camo" did not work yesterday...I looked as bad as I felt...and I have to say it made it WORSE. Everyone was so very nice and it so very pissed me off and for the first time since all of this started I felt like a $patient%...it was horrible. Call me shallow. That is ok. It is not so much about looking young, it is about looking like me, the best me I can be. Aging is inevitable and frankly a GOAL! hahaha...but after being a really chubby kid at 14 after my sister died....it was a rough time...emotionally and physically...people were mean...I went from pixie to pudge....so the best revenge was weight watchers and my wonderful mom who made it all possible...creating inspirational meals out of liver for god's sake. She was neverone for much make up but always led by example in what true beauty is. I cried when Jack LaLanne passed away...I remember being a little kid fascinated as my mom would put on some kind of leotard thingy with a big belt around her waist and work out in front of the TV. I thought (and still do) that was the epitome of beauty. I guess it helps now, that at 54, with her being 84, I am still beautiful in her eyes. She rubs my back when I cry (i can be patheitc-I literally can crawl in friggin little lap so she can love on me-how weird is that! but it make us both feel good. she says-Ha! you still need me...I say YOU BET) and tells me the more I heal, the better I will be. That the inside has to be better and then the outside will follow. SHe is so right. It gives me a break. Such simple sh*t but something i need to hear. I was hysterically crying this weekend scared I had somehow permanently damaged myself from the pill and the phone rang. My sister and Mom were in Dallas and my sister said Mom told her...call Annette, she is not doing good...now mind you, mom has some demnetia, alzheimers...whatever the hell it is and so many in our family focus on it...but her heart and mind *work*...anyway, I answer the phone sobbing and my sister says..wait a minute..and then I hear Mom saying "Are you ok? What is wrong?" I blubbered like a little baby and thanked her for *hearing* me. I mean really, the sheer miracle of someone loving me that well made me feel a hell of a lot better...It freaks my sister out hahaha...she said you know, your BC has been the best thing for mom since all of this started. It is like the primal mom switch clicked on...indeed. When I try to BS her that I am doing great..she looks in my eyes and shakes her head...saying don't lie...it is ok not to feel good, you just have to work through this...you will be ok..but don't lie to me when you don't feel good...it is ok." And then, somehow, it always is....argh i did it again...blah blah blah...so emotional and where this stuff is coming fro inside of me I do not know...but thanks forlistening..
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Wow, sounds like a very special link with your Mom. I am envious......
I am letting my gray come in too, which is why my hair is so short. My DH and I cut it last week. I'm about 1/2" left of natural, the rest is sliver. I love it!! I want to put low-lights in it (darker streaks) and have some fun with it. I earned every gray hair.
Agada, I had a very hard life but few wrinkles except laugh lines because I learned to laugh at the life crap. But I didn't smoke, which I know from University Biology is the worst thing to break down collagen!
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Thanks Marybe, Iago and HeartnSoul- I guess I would like to feel as good as people say I look !
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Annette-your mom sounds like a very special woman. I cried reading about her and how much she loves you.
I decided that I had way too much gry hair so I decided to try coloring it a little. Did not do an overal color just streaked it a little with more of my natural color so some of my gray is still there.
I am trying to decide if wearing eye shadow makes me look more wrinkled or not. I think I have come to the conslusion that I like myself with mascara and no eye shadow for everyday wear. I think my wrinkles (laugh lines) show less this way.
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Sherry, good point! If all you get is accented wrinkles, then eye shadow is NOT for you! I've noticed that a lot of women over 50 don't bother with eye shadow, but my eyes are deep set, so if I don't use something, they're kind of lost.... On the other hand, there's a lady in my store at 65 who wears bright blue and it looks horrid!!!
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Barb-bright blue on a 15 year old is one thing, as we get older not so much! haha
Just realized I was not even allowed bright eye shadow at 15 and I have all boys, Maybe I should have said 20.
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Maybe our mom's were on to something when we weren't allowed the blue eyeshadow! I just use "shadow" colours, browns and purples. When I wear green or blue I look like a Barbie doll....sigh.
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Barb I am the same as you just browns, grays, and purples nothing bright.
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I'm with y'all... browns and cream shades mostly. I'll have to try the "just mascara", but I'd have to line my eyes, they just don't look right to me without a liner pencil!
Annette-your comments about your mom really touched me. I feel the same way about mine. She has been through so much (colon cancer and colostomy, regenerated half of her liver after they removed it, now bladder issues.) She's upper 70's and beautiful inside and out, always has been. She is such an upbeat lady and she is my idol! She never has a bad word to say about anyone and NEVER complains! We are lucky to have such great role models.
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annettek
I have to say that I too cried reading your post. It is very touching to know how much you are loved by your mom. My mom (in her best own way) showed me how much she loved me when I got my BC DX. I also know that my husband loves me no matter how I look…even though we are having a rough go at it right now.
I feel that BC has aged me as well, but I am too lazy to do much other than slather creams and (since reading this post) coconut oil all over my body. I have never been one to wear make-up and don't see any point in going there now. Every once in a while, I think that I should dye my hair (which is a little more than salt and pepper), but don't want to deal with the upkeep. I am trying to adopt the feeling "that I have earned" all of my wrinkles. Naturally, I know that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my looks as I am the only one who seems to notice!!
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I can't use eyeliner! I look like a hooker. My girls do it just fine and look savvy. I look like I cost $50....
What am I doing wrong? I use mascara because I need the "line" it gives. And powder run underneath my bottom lashes for accent with a dab on the outer corners of my eyes. Lighter on the inner corners to brighten that area, blush and lipstick and I'm good to go. But liner? Beats me every time!!!!
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Maybe I need make-up lessons!! barbe I love your new avatar.0
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barbe- I am an eyeliner disaster too ! I would love to use it because my lashes aren't what they were. But, I start a line over my eye and end up with a road map ! I've had people show me but it just doesn't work !
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Annette~thanks so much for sharing your story. My mom passed away 7 yrs ago and I have felt her presence and reassurance so much this past year. Love heals!
Re: eyeliner and eyes, I am LOVING my eyelash extensions. I paid $50 and they are made of silk. It looks like I have a bit of mascara on them and I don't. Since my hair is only 1" long, the lashes make me feel so much more feminine. I was told they would last a month - we'll see. I have also concluded that I need bronzer - it makes me look healthier and helps me look less puffy. ~ Daiva
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Annette--"the more I heal, the better I will be. That the inside has to be better and then the outside will follow" ... those words I feel. Smart woman, your mom.0
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This is odd .. I posted this same subject on another thread .. 2 days ago. Aged about 10 years due to diagnosis, chemo infusion, stress and surgeries..
I have continued to hydrate my face and neck vigilantly, only to see my laugh lines deepen (I have'nt laughed much in the past 18 months) my skin looks tired, and stress out.
Continuing to slather creams, oils and miracle potions .. to no avail. LOL Now, I think it times to start taking E .. healing from the outside in.
Vicki Sam
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do most of you get the coconut oil from Whole Foods? I saw some coconut oil online from a company that made some specifically for use on your face--100% pure oil...wondering about it.
I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 3 months. My whole face is drooping like a basset hound.
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Normal aging versus chemo aging? Who didn't have chemo can't even imagine it. I did have the advantage that I started taking care of my skin since I was in my teens (still can remember Mom saying "if you're putting cream on your face when you're 16 what are you going to do when you're 60?") but even this didn't mean much when it came to chemo. What is the worse part and takes forever to go away, is the greyish hue of the skin and the really "aged" appearance, with large pores and all kinds of bumps. I did not get wrinkles though. I always looked younger.
The way I changed between 48 and 49 is more than double how much I changed between 38 and 48.
I used to use a mask kit named "Sudden Youth". Can't find it anymore. It was rejuvenating your face with years and years. I wish I could find it again. It was made out of white clay combined with about a dozen natural seed oils.
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Chemo really messed up my face as well.sometimes i thinks it looks like I was punched my under eyes are so dark.Without concealer I stillm look sick.Also never did get my longeyelashes or eyebrows back.
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I got my eyebrows but never my eyelashes they way they were before chemo.
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For those of you with eyeliner troubles, I solved that problem by getting permanent tattoed on eyeliner. I had them do a very fine line on upper and lower lids. No more eye irritation from liner and no more smudges and sagging skin making application difficult! And I'm always ready to go. Eye liner was the only makeup I used most days. For special occasions, I add mascara as well. Has anyone looked into Latisse for growing eyelashes? I've heard that depending on your eye color, a possible side effect can be a change in eye color.
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have been curious about latisse as my eye lashes have thinned out over the years
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I was told that latisse is the only hair regrowth product that actually works (per oncologist). There is a chance eyes could turn brown. I think in spots not all over. It talks about it on their website but the stuff is very expensive so I decided against it...
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x-ray girl -
Who knew there was such a thing as eyelash extensions! Could you tell us more? Do you leave them on 24/7 or are they like fake eyelashes you put on in the morning? If you leave them on, about how long do they last? Where did you get them done?
This sounds like a great solution for those of us who have given up on eyeliner/mascara.
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My husband had had a very serious illness just prior to my being diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time of my diagnosis I had developed eczema around my eyes and had seen four separate doctors to try and get rid of it. My PS has an esthetician working out of his office; I made an appointment with her. (He did not at any time encourage me to do so. I did it on my own.) She looked at my skin under ultraviolet light and told me it was so dry she could hardly find any oil. We believe that the stress probably did this. She put me on a three-week program designed by PCA Skin for patients undergoing chemo and/or rads. (I had neither, go figure.) It helped, and then I purchased a series of chemical peels from her, six for $400. These are nothing like you see in the movies, they're like deep exfoliation. They do them in salons, too.
I also use skin care products I bought from her. Please, I'm not trying to sell anything, just telling you what I did. I find I have to take care of my skin more than I ever did. I was very spoiled, hardly even used moisturizer. Now I follow a strict regimen. Getting enough sleep (which on Tamoxifen, granted, can be a challenge) also helps.
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I was only diagnosed this past Dec and I'm already seeing more wrinkles and haven't even gotten to the heavy-duty treatments. Those "worry lines" between my eyebrows get deeper every day.
I've got a couple products/tips to share which I can't say are cancer-specific, but things you may find helpful.
There was a TV show once about women who looked decades younger than their actual years. My take-away was moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. After seeing that show, I put a 16-oz bottle of Aveda Botanical Kinetics Hyrdating Lotion with a pump cap next to my bathroom sink. The pump part might be more important than the contents. It's always there and easy to squirt a little out and put it on my face. Goes on before breakfast and before bed and sometimes in between.
Retin-A Micro gel 0.04% helps prevent wrinkles. You need an Rx and my insurance won't pay for it. I pay myself because I think it works better than those department store brands and it's no more expensive than some of them.
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Retin-A -- my sister used to always use that and looked beautiful, much younger than her age. She liked to call it her "magic medicine" !!
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I haven't read through this thread, but I was told (I think in my chemo class, but can't remember for sure if that's where...see my signature)....ANYWAY...was told chemo would age me 10 years and I believe it.
I use Arbonne products and am happy with them.....but there was a MARKED difference in my appearance pre and postchemo.
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Annette - Wishing there was a "like" button for your post. So sweet to hear about you and your mom's relationship. I don't have that with my mom... but I hope to have it with my girls someday.
Barbe - I agree, your new avatar is very nice!
That's it... I am asking about the retinA tomorrow at the doctor's office. I have heard all good things about this on a couple websites. I can't remember who was saying on here quite a few posts back, that this is all "normal aging"... Bullsh*t. I have pictures pre and post treatment... No where in my life did I ever age that quickly and now that I don't have ovaries and hormones being made, it has only accelerated that.
I am still swearing by the Clarisonic... my skin looks better the last couple weeks than it has the past year since my hyst/bso. LOVE it!
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