OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid
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OMG this is so damn funny! Thank you Fuz for dropping the hint. A friend of a friend gave me a book called "Tomorrow's Cancer Cures TODAY" Wha? That can be SO misread. Anyway, I shelved it right away, but maybe I'll brose through it for some humorous suggestions!
I'm glad to know that cancer is an accident, because I certainly didn't INTEND to get it!
LOL
Michelle
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hillck Since you are the interrogator, you should most definately be able to get info out of anybody concerning the location of the 'Cure for Cancer Guy', just pack up the used Bounty Rolls - nothing makes pee stink worse that chemo drugs - and line a sealed room with them, place the 'informant' in and they will likely last about 2 seconds before spilling all the beans - oh, speaking of beans - for added flavor, we could collectively let loose a few chemo farts into the room as well....0
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I just bought an 8 pack of Scott towels (they were on sale). Do you think it'll be alright if I substitute them for Bounty? If I had just forwarded some more of those candles, I could have afforded the Bounty.
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Yes, FB and bra colors will help find a cure for cancer...woohoo! I know this was brought up earlier, but maybe its my chemo brain, I still don't understand how this will raise awareness for BC? Can someone please explain?
When my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I was given "cure for all cancers" book, yes wormwood and some tincture will cure everything!
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I'm from Louisiana. Maybe I need to re-look at my voo doo roots.
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I need to get a copy of that book. Hopefully they will have it at Walmart and I can pick up some Bounty and asparagus. Maybe even some pot in the parking lot??
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I think I'd try the pot over the book, Bounty and asparagus!
Bren
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Ya'll have got to quit. I just peed on myself!!! I wonder if that is a cure or a cause?
Susan
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Better get yourself some Bounty!
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I truly believe a cure for all cancers will be found before a cure for stupidity can be found. The thing I hate most on facebook is where people put that stupid status that says something like, a cancer patient only has one wish. . . to get better. Repost this as your status.
No, I'm selfish. I have more than one wish! haha
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Hahah I do believe that if someone told me I needed to "fight what ever negativity in me caused the bc", I would have a real cure for stupidity involving a sock full of nickels. You can't be stupid when you're unconscious.
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I hate those too and never post them. Only people who haven't had cancer post them!
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thanks ladies I needed the laugh today.
I knew I shoulda smoked more pot when I was younger...and ATE MY GREENS!!!!
Diane
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I just HAD to come back and compile our earlier research findings for ease of reference:
Cure for cancer
Have on hand:
73 rolls of Bounty ( cheaper brands will do in a pinch)
2 joints of "medicinal" marijuana
1 enema bag
1 handful dried sage
1 crockpot
Recipe:
3 cups diced asparagus
1 cup juice of organic alkaline lemon
63 cloves garlic
1 cup distilled water
Bones of an old chicken
1 spritz of fungacide
Simmer the above in crockpot for 9 days until the consistency of mucous.
Set aside:
1 cup of concoction for enema
2 cups for topical application
1 cup for oral ingestion
1 cup for remaining body orifices ( to cover all the bases)
Remember to let cool first before administration.
Administer enema while standing on left foot.Then apply topical mixture while pointing north. Prepare the oral portion and drink slowly from an old chipped cup. Light sage and insert remaining mixture into remaining body orifices with a spatula.
After 2 days, expell the enema and then shower ( with the Cure Guy from NM if possible). Towel off with Bounty and then insert a roll in your pants.Smoke 2 joints.
Congratulations, you are now cured.
Did I get this all right?
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WAIT! I'm all confused!!!!! I started reading this and couldn't figure out what the lemon juice and asparagus was for AND who is the guy in Roswell that has the cure and why is he smoking pot in Bounty paper towels???? I couldn't figure it out! It finally dawned on me that I have been reading page 3. I didn't see pages 1 and 2 until just now. Now it comes together. The light is getting brighter.0
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i love this thread. have nothing to add, but am loving it! thanks everyone :-)
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Emily, I swear I have not laughed this hard in MONTHS!!!!!! I need to print this for the next time I have a bad day.
Susan
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Emily, yes, that should do it. Let me know how it tastes... and feels.... don't forget to film it all also.
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Emily, yes, that should do it. Let me know how it tastes... and feels.... don't forget to film it all also.
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Ohhh!! I can't wait to see the film. I will make sure I stock up on Bounty incase is funny!
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Wait a minute! I believe in Aliens (see my Avatar location). In fact, I've been visited by them in this very site. But you'd have to ask the gals in the TNs thread, because I've deleted all my posts. Can't risk them finding me again...
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The cure receipe is good, but you forgot the most important part, to forward this to 7 people within 7 minutes or you won't be cured..............
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Youtube might be the way to go...SO tragic that I don't have a webcam..so any volunteers ? Could lead to a spot on the Dr. Oz show.
hillck..that's one fast car you have there. If anyone can track him down, you can..
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This is off the subject but I was married young and didn't want to have children right away.
People were trying to tell me what to do to get pregnant and I remember one relative saying.
Going to Texas was the answer because her DD got pregnant there.
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Good point jenn...forwarding is so very important to the success of these things...maybe we could add that not only will you be cured if you comply..but you'll get a million bucks by the day after yesterday?
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So, now the 'Cure for Cancer Guy' knocked up some chick in Texas and then spllit for NM - wonder if the 'child' holds the cure???? Hey, it did in some movie I watched recently - Cindy..we got anybody in TX that can track down the child or the mother that the 'Cure for Cancer Guy' boinked? Crap, we don't have any DNA to do the blood test...well, maybe she knows where HE is...
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Goodness, I decide to go not go on BCO for 9 hours and I find out I've been missing out on the fun???
Okay, I got the asparagus email too! But I also got lemongrass and soursop as well. AND a well-meaninged relative on my hubby's side told me to take Transfer Factor daily. She said that she has seen women "bedridden" with ca who have taken it and they are fine.
One of my aunts was talking to a lady and mentioned my diagnosis and apparently the lady said "Why, was she depressed before?
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OMG...I'm down to my last roll of Bounty and if I keep reading this I'm going to be in trouble......oh....wait, I also have some Bounty napkins...whew.
This is the greatest thread! I seriously just got the asparagus email today from my MIL...the trick is your'e supposed to LIQUIFY the asparagus and drink it. All I know is I'm about to break out a bottle of vodka and some sugar w/ lemons and have myself a party!
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That's what missing from this thread, the alcohol.
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I think wine, beer, and/or vodka/rum/tequilla/gin definitely needs to be involved as we're dealing with the stupids!
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