OMG They Found the Cure for Stupid
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....puff puff, okay I'm still stuck on a point pages back about that guy and the electrical antenna or something! Figures as women thinking about a cure, we wonder where to "insert" the antenna. As a guy thinking about the cure he just "stood really close to it". HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH
That is the funniest thing I read!! What did he do while standing there? Admire the plug? Scratch his balls? How did he know when he was "done" standing there???? HEHEHEHEEHEHEHHEEH
passing the pipe......
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i had a lady come into my work once, never met her before, and tried to push videos about the dangers of chemo and radiation. my best friend was there at the time and pretty much took care of my dirty work, told her "not interested"
duh, we know chemo is poison and we know radiation is bad too, but it kills cancer!!
i would much rather put my money on chemo and rads than aloe vera juice and 200 vitamins a day!
did you all see that "dateline" with suzanne somers pushing her book about cancer? and all these docs that tout a "cure" with coffee enemas and like 200 vitamins a day? but the evidence showed patients were not even benefitting from it!!!and these people were writing a check for $15,000- $20,000 just to have a consult with these quacks!!
BIG puff and pass.....
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P
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Sorry....choked a little....puff puff....
Passing....0 -
Whew...look at all the smoke in here...what are you ladies DOING?? *L* I'll try to update the "cure" after supper..looks like I have some catching up to do since last night!
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And lets not forget the Scientologists have a cure as well, they just wont share it with the rest of the world
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I wonder if SMOKING asparagus would help...*lights up an asparagus tip*
*cough* *choke* I think ... *cough* ...it's helping....
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Wouldn't it be hard to keep the asparagus lit? Just asking. Puff, puff, passing.
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We need to dry out the aspargus and then smoke it. Maybe layer it in bounty so it will get the moisture out quickly. Then we can squeeze the asparagus juice from the bounty into a mug, add lemon and drink, after a brownie.
Puff pass
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Make sure you are not using any plastic mugs to put the juice in. Plastic causes cancer!
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Whew...what a day! As I was heading off to the Valley of the Jolly Green Giant to search for the Cancer Cure Guy (diguised as a huge asparagus), I got delayed when I had to stage a protest to free Konakat as someone on the 'I say yes yada, yada, yada thread reported a Konakat post (the nerve to attack our wonderful Koffee Kitty) to get her out of time out (suspended from posting for immarybell) which was not offensive in any way, by the way. The KK Posse rallied and success was attained and our much-loved KK is back and posting.
Stopped back home to get the blender and lemons that I forgot and finally headed south. Reports abounded of a 'strange looking Giant' wandering in the corn stalks but found no footprints or any real physical evidence so I headed to the University to see if he had changed into the hippie-looking diguise. Again - many reports but no confirmation - this sucker is tricky. Stopped at the local farmers market for the veggies and I think I will hang out with the students tonight and remind myself of what was once life before cancer...it should be a hoot (don't worry, I packed extra Bounty). Word has it that the hooch they have on campus is quite high test - the foil hat is in the hotel room already, just in case it gets a bit out of worldly.
I think this was a false lead - have we heard anything from the knocked up mom in Texas? One report indicated a VW Flower Power van headed south on 35 - which runs direct from Minnesota into Texas...
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Okay, just saw this and no way can I catch up...I'd have to smoke a lid! (that's how old I am..the term of my time) I tried my best and came up with this...
Back to the request of the OP for a cure for stupidity, may I offer:
Run for the Cure!!!
Ribbon color: fuschia with electric blue polka dots
Create a team of those wonderful folks who send angels, candles, and especially cures for cancer.
Create a second team just for those who tell you what caused your cancer.Send team 1 off on a hot, hot day on a trail marked by closely-spaced torches blazing (for the candles). Angels will be spaced every hundred yards to provide mugs of steaming hot tea, coffee, or cocoa. Tell them that this is a run for the CURE! (Don't tell them it is a cure for stupitity)
Team 2 will probably not volunteer, so kidnap them. Force them to do whatever they claim caused your cancer...eat junk food, drink an offending beverage, etc. etc. etc. Release them when (if) they develop a modicum of intelligence, compassion, and/or common sense.
Money raised will be divided equally between the members of Victims of Oncological Stupidity
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Quack Watchers International reports he is headed to a sweat lodge in Arizona. Everybody knows you can sweat that cancer right out of you.
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As requested here is the Updated Cure based on recent findings by our team of experts. Note : if you are just tuning in this will make absolutely NO sense if you haven't read the whole thread.*L*
Cure for Cancer ( New and Improved)
Have on hand:
73 rolls of Bounty ( cheaper brands will do in a pinch)
2 joints of "medicinal" marijuana ( may be substituted by 2 asparagus spears. Note: Dip spears in kerosene or they won't stay lit)
1 enema bag ( pink, if you can find one)
1 handful dried sage
1 crockpot
1 CB radio antenna
1 roll duct tape
1 pair rubber boots
1 roll tin foil
Snacks: ( aka Cleanse Diet) breadless sandwiches, doritos, brownies, pepsi, alcohol
Note: A recent Scientific Study (see page 6) had warned that consumption of bread causes choking in newborns and brings out latent criminal tendencies.
RECIPE
3 cups diced asparagus ( handpicked by Tibetan Monks preferable)
1 cup juice of organic alkaline lemons
63 cloves of garlic
1 cup distilled water
Bones of REALLY old chicken
1 spritz of fungacide
1 road apple ( seasonal variations acceptable)
Eye of Newt
Pinch of sea salt
Simmer the above for 9 days until consistency of slime.
Set aside:
1 cup of concoction for enema
2 cups for topical application
1 cup for oral administration
1 cup for remaining body orifices ( to cover all the bases)
Remember to let cool first.
Instructions:
Consume "cleansng" snacks ad lib. Stuff fruit of your choice in bra . Fashion tin foil hat. Don rubber boots and duct tape CB antenna to your forehead. Administer enema while standing on left foot. Then apply topical mixture while pointing north by northwest. Prepare the oral portion and drink from an old chipped cup previously used by a Scientologist.Light sage and insert remaining mixture into all other body orifices using a trowel. After 4 day, expel enema and shower ( with Cure Guy if possible). Towel off with Bounty and insert 2 rolls in your pants. Smoke joints or asparagus.
Congratulations, you are now cured.
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Emily- Nice summation!!!! LOL!!!
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I'm undergoing recon and I love when they ask: "What size cup will you be"? I don't have any boobs....WTF???? Right now I'm a 'turtle shell size 450cc!!
Also, when people see you they say: Boy, you look great!!! I can't imagine what they expected to see?
Jan
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emily that is hilarious!!!!
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Love the Updated Cure! Should we save the expelled stuff and give it to the stupid as a intelligence elixir?
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Jan...I too now get told how good I look. Apparently, two surgeries, multiple injections of radioactive dye, countless blood tests, two biopsies, two rounds of chemo and NO HAIR ( not to mention the cancer) has somehow improved my looks ??? Nobody ever commented on how I looked before. If all this has IMPROVED my looks I shudder to think what I looked like before...*L*
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* Looks back at Emily's update *
Oh no!
I thought I was following this thread and preparing the cure properly. I must have smoked a little too much and missed that the recipe was supposed to simmer for 9 days. I also missed the important detail of taping a CB antenna to my forehead. Other than that, I followed it to the letter.
Damn, now I'm screwed! Would someone please help me towel this stuff off of me and pass the asparagus??
Thanks crazy women ... I needed this thread!
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Ok - I've started the kidnapping ... I never realized how many stupid people I know but I GOT 'EM! They're in holding until the Race ...
OH CRAP!! (Get the Bounty) I ATE BREAD!! I don't know what to do!! I'm in a haze (the pot, naturally
Is there an anti toxin cure!!! HELP ME HELP ME!!! I can't think ... lemons? Garlic? Enema?? Brownies??? mmmmmm....brownies .....puff puff ... passing
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EMILY!!! LOVE YOU .... passing your way ...
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Huh what did I do? Or should I say what did I do that I don't know about. Usually I am pretty aware of pissing people off.
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Smokin' a little asparagus! Please pass..0 -
*passing the asparagus* Cheese dip? You'll have to relight if you dip...
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Emily - for next update don't forget to add do not cook it in teflon pot
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This just in ,... do not light the asparagus with a lighter!!! (Causes cancer) Must use a wooden match with organic tips and only in a moonlight!! Might need to add this to the receipe ...
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I can see now that our "cure" may need to be updated on a regular basis...*L* I'm still thinking about an antidote for "bread poisoning"...
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Let us eat cake of course! With cream maybe and other things.
opps can't type straight
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Wondering now if our "Cure Guy from NM" trackers have been caught in an ambush.
Cake sounds like an excellent antidote for bread poisoning..maybe chocolate cake..maybe double chocolate cake with chocolate icing and garnished with chocolate chips...and brownies.. and maybe even some chocolate sprinkles...
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