INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
Comments
-
Finally catching up after a hectic couple of days.
Susan, Nice pictures!
Junie, What is your volunteer job?
Shep, I loved your description of the, "other social media place!"
Jazzy, I hope you had fun with your friend Sunday.
Loverly, I'm sorry you and your family had such a hard time last weekend. I can imagine your heart broke into pieces watching your two DD's say good bye. Shep worded my thoughts perfectly. It is my DD that is sick this time, a fever and bad cold. She didn't even want to go to her dad's tonight. (Typically every Tues and Sat nights) With my DD medical history a cold can turn serious quickly and she has to be watched closely.
Hi Rory & Fran!
Jazzy, Loverly..No, this is not the same friend that came over a couple of weeks ago. I've known J since we were in elementary school, but I moved away before 6th grade. We have kept in touch all these years, sometimes living in different states or countries, but we now only live 1/2 hour apart. We are very different people, but have the history. With the bc she has supported me emotionally from the get go, but other then going with me to pick out a wig, never really did anything for me. (Meaning, no help during chemo with meals, kids.) In my mind, she was doing her part supporting me emotionally. Despite living close by, we see each other every 1-2 months. She never calls or emails, it's always text. The times I call her, she doesn't seem into it. When we do get together, we often do a lot of talking..catching up on each other's lives. So, I felt it was a mutual support system and was really floored that she feels I'm asking too much of her. This whole text "fight" actually started a couple of weeks earlier..too much to go into, but it's just been really eye opening. In fact, when R was staying the night with me I told her about the first text fight with J and R asked me, "how well do you know her?" My immediate response was, well I've known her X years. R said, "Not how long, but how well?" I had noticed in recent years that J really prefers to keep conversation to the surfacy or fluffy stuff, but we had a history of sharing the hard stuff and I continued. What really bothers me, like Jazzy said, is that she didn't sit me down with a heart to heart and tell me how she was feeling. Instead she hit me with something in a text that apparently has been bugging her for a while. J did send me a text today saying she was sorry for anything she said that hurt my feelings. I've discussed changing relationships with my therapist and she has told me that I can't get everything from one person, but I honestly didn't think I was asking that much of J. In fact I feel like I was conscience of sharing my difficulties with various friends. I could go on and on about this topic (ok...I have), but I've thought so much about it, because so many of my relationships have changed since Dx. It is really hard when you don't have that one steady person at your side. This whole thing the last couple of weeks has made me feel self conscience, like I have to be careful not to burden people with my reality. Having two kids with special needs it's hard enough to maintain friendships, but the bc has made it worse. And yes, I, like many have to hear about others cancer stories. I hope to handle it as well as you do one day, Jazzy.
0 -
And now this is purely for amusement...I did have a nice time with my 80 yr old friend who came for lunch on Sunday. She is actually turning 80 in October and over the weekend I got a text from one of her son's letting me know that he and his brother's were planning a surprise bday party. He wanted my input on some people that should be invited. Here's the interesting part..this son, D, used to live in my neighborhood, so I have known him a long time. In the fall of 2014 I invited him over for dinner, and we started seeing each other. But, we kept it secret. It was a physical thing..we had fun together. When I was Dx in early 2015, I told D I didn't expect him to stick around, and he didn't. Just another thing bc took away. His actual response was, "just take care of your health." Once in a while he checked in on me, and I knew he was getting updates from his mom. I actually ended up spending palm Sunday with the family this year, and it was awkward. So, now this bday party is coming up..hopefully with enough people there that it won't feel weird.
0 -
Hey Owlettes, just checking in. I've had family here for a week, and even though they didn't require caring for, it's exhausting having that many people around. They left at 9 this morning and I crashed and slept till 3. It was my oldest sister and her DH, they live in Pittsburgh now, and we haven't seen them in several years. Friday night, my next older sister came over and spent a couple nights. Friday night her granddaughter, her grandson and his wife, and their 2 year old daughter came with her, and we all went out to dinner then came back and played dominos until the baby got fussy. We pretty much played dominos every night, it was fun and normal feeling.
Yesterday my sister took me to see MO. She has not been around for any of the cancer stuff so I wanted her to see. MO says my jaw pain is a known side effect of anastrozole and faslodex in about 15% of patients. He actually looked it up when I told him about it. I told him about the teeth, he looked at them and was really surprised, but asked me to hold off on having the dental work done until we see what the next scan says, which he's scheduled for one month out. Mouth pain is the pits - but it's not the teeth that are hurting, and I figure that's because they are already dead. To give you an idea, it looks like those awful pictures of meth mouth, where the teeth are rotting from the inside, as well as chipping off. Not pretty.
DH had surgery on badly inflamed tendinitis in his right hand last week, so he's been in a cast for a week and he's not a very good patient. He wants to do everything himself, and he can't and that frustrates him.
I have more, but I'm tired and have a headache. I'll try to write more tomorrow. I too have a story about a friendship that ended via text. And other stuff.
Nini for now.
0 -
wildtulip, feel your pain. It doesn't make sense, I have tried hard to understand people. Lost my best friend over this cancer stuff. Thought I had a close extended family..ha..not so much. When the cancer recurred, ( I was on meds the whole time before it came back), Had to cut my clients back a ton. Can only do so much, and like everyone else, we strive for balance. Had 150 clients, (I do hair) , cut it to 30. Some of them were friends, but most just clients. I got yelled at by some and it's been 5 yrs since I cut back. I have not heard from one...no card, text nothing. It hurts, it's unexplainable, but I have learned the hard way, not to expect but to accept. And I hold my friends very close to my heart. There are truly great caring wonderful people out there. When we find them, hold tight and don't let them go
. Hope you can find peace and get through the tuff yucky stuff . We are here for you :0 -
WildT, we are not made to be alone. Wish we could all go there and to lend a hand. You have so much on your plate. They need to be shared.
Mags, hope you get the rest you need.
I think I figured out how to post home video. Will see. Reese's older sister was trying to get her two year old brother to laugh by making farting sound. Lo and behold they heard laughter on the other side of the room. It was Reese. Unfortunately, my niece got the weird humor gene too.
0 -
Loverly ~ ooooh that laugh! Delightful music to hear before bedtime...... even with the "tooting" 💟
Ever so want to stay up and visit but am too sleepyish. Will check back in the morning.
Sending up prayers for healing for our ailing owlettes and baby chicks (owlette-ettes?)
0 -
Wildtulip- not hearing this person has been there much for you, maybe more interested in you listening to her and when you share your needs, you get shut down. She also clearly wants to swim in the shallow end of the pool, and projecting some kind of weird stuff with that always looking to get everything from one person. Sounds like that is something going on in her life vs. yours? Don't let other people tell you what to think or how to feel. RUN!
I had a friend like that too who made a lot of judgement around my dx and how I was coping. Some people are really just looking for an audience, they are not really interested in what is going on with us and upset when they don't have that anymore. I knew her for a long time too and never really got it about her until cancer paid a visit. I wondered later on, why did I not see that before? Because she never really showed her cards until the worst of the worst happened. I am done making excuses for people who are unkind around this stuff. That being said, loosing friends as part of this is some of the most unexpected experiences we can have.
If I can give any advice here, don't waste your time with people who don't care and make you feel bad. People who are not kind have to go, no excuses. Focus on the people who do care and do help. Cultivate those relationships. There are a lot of good people out there. Not everyone is afraid of cancer stuff. Cancer is everywhere.
Loverly- that was cute.
Mags- good to hear from you and hear you too on how tiring company is, event though fun. I have a friend coming to visit who is high energy and tries to push the whole time she is here. She has family in the area so I have let her know the time I can spend with her and where she needs to go do other things. I won't be 24 by 7 for anyone anymore. I hope you can get rested up and that DH is better soon. Sorry about the friend who ended things by text. Not kind.
Susan- sorry you lost your BFF and that those hair clients were not kind. I hate to say it but after going through everything I have at this point in life, I don't expect people to be nice during a crisis. My experience with sick family in my 20s and 30s, eldercare, etc. taught me that. I work for myself and kept my dx pretty private. One of my BFFs told me I should tell more people for better support but knew that was not a good idea professionally. But I also knew that if shared too much, I was putting myself in a path of more emotional pain with people. Just learned this lesson very early in life. I don't assume people are going to be great anymore.
Time to get to work!
0 -
jazz, so true...not everyone wants to jump in the fire with you. But I have found such beauty with the pain. I hold on to the beauty. Odd how such yucky stuff can also be the cause of such wonderful beauty and real deep hearted emotions between people, and uncondional love. Have fun working today
0 -
Found this and wanted to share. #2 is not easy for me.
Have I told you yet? You ladies are amazing and wise. Time to get to work here too.0 -
for shep and lover, here's the jeans that were missing. Just see the jeans!
This is what I worked on Saturday at a workshop. It's call one block wonder. Going to do more sewing on it today. None of these are sewn together yet.
Haven't forgotten the blueberry muffin recipe. They turned out very heavy, I put too much cereal in them. I would have liked them to be a little sweeter next time. So next week I'll try again then post the recipe for you.
Happy hump day.
0 -
Smaarty!!!!!
I was reading this on my tablet.......first thing I see in your post is those bee-uuuu-ti-ful blue jeans. I scroll down and just the first line of text underneath comes into view......"This is what I worked on Saturday...... Going to do more "
LOL - I always have admired your work 😜
(your other "project" is a feast for the eyes as well)
0 -
lover, great sayings.......I could add a few more right now but they wouldn't be appropriate...lol
Brother called to get dog back. I said she is not even remotely trained yet. Going potty isn't the problem, bring a puppy is. Into and on you've furniture tables and every thing, underfoot, biting, chewing ...regular puppy exhausting stuff. My brother said he doesn't care, mom is driving him nuts asking for the dog back. Broke her arm cause of this puppy, I am trying to prevent further harm to mom. Brother doesn't care, doesn't want to listen to mom anymore. I told him no, not safe for mom yet. Things went south really quickly from there. He has such an angry mean side. I am out of his life again. And the wheel continues. Counseling tomorrow yeah. I might give the dog away now, so my brother can't show up here and take it. So so bad for mom. Way to rambunctious for her right now.
0 -
Mags, I'm sorry about your mouth/teeth pain. It sounds awful and stinks you were told to put off the dental work.
Susan, thank you for the nice thoughts. I really like what you said, "not to expect, but to accept." I'm sorry about the exchange with your brother. I just don't get mean people!!
Loverly, The baby laugh made me smile! It's so helpful to me to have all of you to talk to. My captive audience!!
Oh, and #2 on that list is not easy for me either.Smaarty, Nice pics...both of them!
Jazzy, It was my therapist that actually said to me that I cannot get everything from one person. I do agree with this. I have my friend I go dancing with, a friend that likes movies, my older friend, etc. It's that common ground thing binding us together and I know that there is no one friend to meet all my social (interests) and emotional needs. These days when I imagine this long time friend, she is sitting with her fingers in her ears saying "la la la." If she doesn't want to hear it, she's just going to block it out. And you're right...in one text she told me I'm mad all the time and it's unhealthy. I told to stop judging me and telling me how to feel, and she told me I was being defensive. From here on out, I'm just going to refuse to get into things via text. She's constantly reading tones into my text, and when I respond to something tries to shut me down. The friendship may continue, but it's definitely changed. Like you, I think, I now really want to spend time with people that I have real connections with and not waste my time talking about fake stuff. Thanks for listening and your input! I hope all goes well when your friend visits.
Sweet dreams, everyone. Thanks for listening.
0 -
wildtulip , me too. Gonna work with my counselor tomorrow to remove toxic people from my life. I actually googled, don't laugh, will I go to hell if I walk away from family members....lots of hits!!! Who knew. Came across a site Luke ( something or other). I saved it. Had many many questions posed. Not one I could answer with a positive nice answer. Wow, it put things into perspective. This puppy has been such an eye opener for me. I have realized my health is not as good as I thought. I really can't train a pup. Don't have enough energy anymore. So the question is, where do I need to extend my energy...easy answer, with those who love me and care about me. Now, put it into action. Go me...go for the peace:).
Nighty nigh
0 -
Susan, you always crack me up. Who googles that? Of course I do not believe in Heaven or Hell, but I understand how helpful it is for the majority of folks. I just was not raised that way. I told a 4-5th grader a few years back, when I worked at the school, that the devil was a thing of the past, no longer exists. I was mortified at myself, none of my buisness what his family is teaching him.
Sorry I have been MIA for so long. The baby photos are precious.
So much has happen here, I was not able to keep up.
Mags, not sure if I told you how very sorry I am you joined the other side. It just stinks. I had kyroplasty on 2 vertebraes one week ago. Everytime I have a test or scan there is a bunch of crap to deal with, physically & emotionally. My expectations of getting back to a semi-normal life is slipping away. Very little energy, when I do push myself, I become very winded or dizzy.
Waving hello to all, the newbies, Jwoo, CHEVY.......
HOOTIE Hoo to you know who. Think of you often.....
PhylisswhomightbeintheFBI.........keep on truckin
0 -
holeinone, sooooooo glad to,see your post. So sorry you are pooped. There myself now. Not happy about it. You think you can push yourself and then you are heaving to breath. Not fun.. Got myself into " reformer" Pilates classes. Look it up in yoga studios . Something I switched to. Only 2 classes so far, so jury is still out on if it will help or not, but I am not struggling to breath.
You made me happy to see you here...take care my friend
0 -
what happened to our 20 questions thread
0 -
I am happy to see you here too, HiHo, but sad you are struggling.
Susan, I can't believe you google that...hahaha. I think Ms. Ducky has forgotten. For awhile I thought I inadvertently took it out of my favorites. I vote for rehoming Marley. Shoot, I might end up inhell.
WildT, hope DD is better.
Ms. S, I love the whatever you call it. So bright and cheerful.
I have spent nearly two hours trying to help DD set up her wifi printer. Nada
It worked at home with her MacBook. Oh well. She can contact technical support tomorrow because this IT person can't do it from far away. Good learning experience for her. I need to cut the cord. I need to cut the cord. I need to cut the cord. Got to shower and go to bed cuz tomorrow has its own challenges. Nite nite0 -
WildT - I volunteer in the admin. office of our local Men's & Women's homeless shelter. I do data entry of the volunteer applications and other forms in an Excel spreadsheet, some filing, and some other odds and ends tasks. Been doing this for 3.5 years, but starting to feel like it's time to do something else.
Mags - Glad to hear you had a great time with your family. Sorry you're having problems with your teeth and jaw.
I saw my rheumatologist today and when I told her the arthritis pain in my finger joints (mainly my right thumb) was making it difficult for me to do my knitting, she said "I can do an injection for that." I hestitated, but then decided to go ahead and let her inject my thumb joint. I was really expecting it to hurt, since finger joints are so small, but she numbed it really well and used the smallest needle and it was over in a few seconds. She did an excellent job.
Loverly - I'm sure it's so hard for you to cut the cord, especially since you love your DD so much. But you are not abandoning her, only letting her spread & test her wings a bit. She'll always be your little girl inside.
Susan - So sad to hear you are not able to continue training Marley. How are you going to go about re-homing her? Any prospects for a good, loving, safe home? At least you'll have the knowledge that you saved her from a horrible fate if she'd stayed where she was.
Sleepy time for me now too. Goodnight to all.
0 -
Susan- now that is awesome, googling "will I go to hell if I walk away from my family?" Well, I think not. Think of it also as creating "healthy space". Sometimes we just need family in small doses. Friends too. Anything that takes away from our well being should be reduced or eliminated.
Wildtulip- how is your sick child doing? Is he or she better?
Hol- good to hear from you and know things are not easy for you. Send you love and hugs.
Loverly- I am pretty good with all things computer, but forget wireless network set up. Got a computer guy that does that.
Sassy- sending you a PM now.
0 -
0 -
My DD is still running a fever on and off, but what's really concerning is her cough. Her oxygen saturation is fine, but she has a history of coughing so hard that she wears out & then it settles in her lungs. So, today I started inhaled meds (nebulizer)...a steroid and another to open her airways. School starts Monday, so need to get her healthy!!
Susan, I understand the heartbreak of family distance. I have several aunts near me that haven't even acknowledged my cancer, and my dad walked out of my life. After my surgery in June he wanted to come visit. I told him he could visit the kids, but I was not going to brush everything under the rug and if he expected my engage with me we first needed to have conversations. He, again, decided to say "I'll stay away then." I had to set boundaries for my health and I decided that if my dad couldn't work with me to improve the relationship, then I was better off without him. Definitely go for peace!!
Junie, That's awesome...I have a passion for working with the homeless and although I don't right now, I have in the past. I'm sure your are appreciated!
Loverly, Be gentle on yourself..you will always want to do what you can to help your DD.
Off to call Dr about DD and tend to kids.
I hope for a no/less pain day for everyone.
0 -
wildtulip, hope your daughter is feeling better today.
I'm going to call my primary too. Can't get rid of this congestion/ cough. Will be 2 weeks tomorrow.
Jazz, lover, you will be glad to hear that (Googlehell)) said I wouldn't be going there....lol. But after counseling today....I might be committed. Should I fess up if keep my googling to myself
Yes, I have a home that wants her. I have her at doggy day camp today in case I get an unexpected visit from you know who. I am going to send her to boot camp training before giving her to theses people. It's a couple that I'll be getting married soon. I would like to keep her, especially after being trained, but it's a connection to my brother and I have to cut those . Gotta go to work
0 -
On a mission BBL HUgs Reposting this from another thread
A few seconds ago sas-schatzi wrote:
Folks I think John's link should be posted around in the threads you frequent.
1.Reason is most here have sleep problems.
2. It is a naturally occurring in the body
3. we need to use any thing that gives us an edge.
My personal experience with it is I used it for several years after BC @ the 10mg level along with Ativan. I had horrible insomnia. My ER+ path report said unfavorable outcome in two places. Always wondered why I haven't met'sd yet. Now 7 1/2 years.
I keep wondering if there was "something" I was doing that was helping?
Recent research is keying in on other things other than standard chemo drugs we need to keep these on our radar and make the decision whether they are reasonable to add to our regimen.
We all know it's still a crapshoot. I find that word the most disgusting word in the dictionary. So, this is an emphatic statement.
John reposting on my usual threads. Thanks for all the research you do.
18 hours ago JohnSmith wrote:
New article: Pre-clinical models reveal that Melatonin reduced proliferation of breast cancer stem cells in ER+ tumors.
https://blog.cirm.ca.gov/2016/08/24/sleep-inducing-hormone-puts-breast-cancer-cells-to-rest
TAGS: CSCs, transcription factor OCT4, encoded by the POU5F1 gene, mammospheres, Bisphenol A (BPA), MCF-7 cells0 -
Jazzy, I got it, now I just need to get my butt in gear and mail. That's the part I drag my heals on. I have a tulip bowl that is cobalt. It has a name and pattern so it's officially collectible. BUT I would have to relook up the name. It would be subtle, yet I think pretty on the center of your patio table. Casting a low but visible glow with a votive. I'll post a pic. ........On the ADD and communication. I always was the one that was willing to focus and state the problems, which generally pissed others off that were either of an opposing view or a boss. You got invited to do eulogies. I got "invited to meetings" when folks wanted trouble areas to be discussed. I finally caught on and chose carefully when I would chase the windmill b/c the same inviters were happy to have me take on the windmill, but were silent in the debates(chase)
Shep, LOL, deep very deep. Like cow cakes...... I decided to unfollow, but not defriend all those idiots on bf. It was very liberating. I had already done some. But now going to do more.
Rory, HI welcome here. Yes, pretending to be normal is exhausting. I adore the small group close friend scenario. But no one whose known me in my past life would believe that. I loved it when my counselor dx'd me as ADD/ADHD and his explanation. Made so much sense to my whole life. But I was 59. Would have been much more useful at a younger time. How old were you when dx'd. Since we have decided to say all is normal within any abnormality. When you got a "Label" for the new normal, how did it impact your life? My short suit is small talk at big parties, unless the party is my own. It also would have made a huge difference in school. ADD'ers just don't focus on what doesn't interest them. That was me to a tee.
Tulip, just leave her alone for awhile and see if she comes around. So, many all over the boards have described similar friends with all kinds of different resolutions. I had two that had to be cut out of my life after a very similar story as yours. Then they wanted back in. I chose to not let that happen.
0 -
CHEVY WHERE ARE YOU?????????????????
0 -
Susie, Sorry your feeling the chemo chit...........I like the phrase "We are all meant to be Here"
0 -
Wildtulip- I hope your DD is feeling better soon. School starting up quickly now.
Susan- sometimes we just need someone like a therapist to say "it's okay to not talk to your family, or limit it, etc." I have a sister who is trying to make me feel warm and fuzzy about a visit with a former SIL who has always been ugly with me. I told my sister she needs to go find her Norman Rockwell moments on her own time. LOL!Sassy- the bowl sounds like of cool?
0 -
so very behind on this great thread. Smaarty as you can see no wild haircut for me. It started to fall out on day 11 so I shaved it, and this is day 14. Haven't been up much for posting are lurking. Ended up with slight mouth infection and am on antibiotics. Finally feeling better. Hope to lurk on all the post I've missed tomorrow, not sure if I'll get a chance to respond. Then my sister is taking me out of town for the night. Much love to you all! 0 -
Sensi, hair loss sucks, but it grows back. Not about the ads on TV. NO Clue. But mine came back in an unruly inconsistent curly. Then went dead straight after-------a time. No clue what the time was. Frankly, I preferred the curly. I was prepared for the loss from my twin, she said when your head starts to hurt cut it all off.
DH Greg and I got out the electric shears. It was a together thing, b/c I warned him what sister Sue had said. We shaved me. It was interesting to see myself bald. Then I chose scarves versus wigs. Sister Sue had sent her wigs. In Florida, too hot. I chose scarves. Ironically, I kept the scraves from the 60-70's
In the Bc world, I forget what organization that allowed for wigs and scarves. I was at a BC place that allowed two wigs and several scarves. I did my 60-70's thing and they brought in all 4 people. to watch what I could do with scarves.. It was a hoot. They were youngers. They asked where I learned how to do it. I said with great shaded delight "The sixties".
0
