INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Yes that was AMAZING and a blessing
What I wrote on chemo/anesthesia brain was from long term memory. Short term memory is what these chemicals affect most...If you interfere with short term memory , it interferes with it being put into long term memory.
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Okay Gina enjoy your visit L&H&P Namaste-USA sheila
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Their is a nurse Karla on the Nurses thread who described that when she was on a trek in the Himalayas. She would observe the Sherpas greeting each other with hands as folded in prayer. Their greeting was Namaste. She asked for a translation. They told her it meant "I SALUTE THE GOD WITHIN YOU" After hearing that story, it so gripped me, within the deep soul of me. The strength of the statement in analysis goes to the heart of our belief in God. For if we believe that this statement regarding God-- being within each person. Then he is a part of our being. If that be true, then we are each joined together with him, and therfore we are each apart of each other. So, what happens to the one, happens to all. Yes Paula, thank you for reminding me. A periodic telling of the story helps my forgetful mind. Namaste Sheila
Dear night friends, I was adding this to another thread. Some here have seen it before, but the southlanders haven't. Some here may be athiest or agnostic. I respect each persons choice to their belief. I add this here for those that it might give solace too.
Namaste --I SALUTE THE GOD WITHIN YOU ---USA SHEILA
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well; 548 am -------------no sleep-----------is it because of drugs Aromasin ----------or grief. tonight I think it's grief-------I miss my guy so much . His favorite movie was "FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL" when It comes to the scene where-and I should know the characters name ------only watched it several dozen times. The funeral scene where AUDEN's poem is recited. The lines " he was my north, my south, my west, and east" I'm stiffled, I'm lost he was my heart, my soul, my humor. I Don't care about much. I go out less and less. I have lost him and am loosing my twin. Two parts that made me whole. No medicine can make this better --------no medicine can heal this hurt. One is gone , the other won't do anything to prevent her from going,
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Well judith I guess this thought is just going to be between you and I.
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SAS, I'm here, you are not alone. Yes I love that movie also and in particular that scene. Yes you have lost but you are here and life does go on, not the way it was before but it does go on. It is always hardest in the wee small hours. ((((((hugs))))))
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Chrisyb yes you saw that before I deleted it ----------- I felt it was to sad to leave here. Now I wish i would have because it was such a burning feeling between he and I that poem . It so rocked us because we had never heard it before. I could have come back here as if to a tombstone. Chris Have you gone through this?
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I have lost my Father, my Brother and my Son. I have been there,
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Oh chris thats too much. Well we were on the same page before the delete.
Judith read it
Actually I feel sorry for the mods-----sorry----you all do such agood job-----------------but when someome decides to let their heart bleed it must be hard on you.
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I think the mods do what they do because they care............it's good to pour your heart out sometimes.....it seems to clear the air before taking a deep breath and carrying on.
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Chris-- what does " found my peace which gave me strength" mean---I read and surmise, but it obviously has great significance to you. If you wouldn't mind sharing?
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Chris I know you are writing , but I have to take the garbage out--mundane but i missed the last three passes because i wasn't up.
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I don't mind at all. I wrote those words because that's how I feel. I no longer fight the flow of the river of life. It is much easier to swim with the current of the river than against it and if I swim against it, aka rage against what life has dealt me, all I'm doing is exhausting myself for no particular reason that just being pig headed. By going with the flow, life is so much gentler and in that gentleness lays peace. You can float on the surface of the water and let it take you where it will, life becomes an adventure once more. By floating, your strength is building for when you need to swim in the rapids of the river of life. BC is a large set of rapids in my life and while my meds keep it controlled I can float but when the meds no longer work and I need to change it make it such an easy thing to do without stress.
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I accept without challenge = peace
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chris sorry if you are gone I totally get what you are saying . but the last 2 years have been my purgatory. if not hell. It wasn't just me It was my husband too. In 2010 he had 10 hospiatal admissions before he passed. I've forgotten if I had any. My thing was 09.. Mind is still not right we had 38 years together. and There were so many errors along the way---with me being a nurse. I 'm just doing harder on this . Just past the 8th month. it sucks. You've been there. I am going forward , but there are days or nights it's worse. Sorry, you had so much too.
Your probably gone, so you will read this the next time you're here. Thanks Namaste usa sheila
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I'm still here Sheila
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Everything for you is still as raw as if it were yesterday.....I get it.......your stress load over the last two years has been tremendous and even the strongest person has to buckle under such a load. We are only human and all humans make mistakes and it is only with hindsight that we recognise those mistakes but we must never blame ourselves because at the time we did what we thought was best. Allow yourself the time to grieve, you need it, and take as much time as you need and don't let anyone try to cajole you or push you. This process is as natural as breathing and must be allowed to run its course................time is as they say a great healer.............you never forget but the hurt diminishes which allows you to carry on anew.
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Good morning SAS and Chirssyb ~
Sorry I had to go last night SAS, my daughter came and I ended up visiting for a while before getting a few hours sleep.
Chrissyb~ can I copy what you wrote about going with the flow? That was so beautiful and fitting to those battling cancer, and those just trying to find a more peaceful existence....I have a journal on caringbridge and with your permission may I share?
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Gina, thank you for your compliment and if you think it will help others, please be my guest and share as much as you like.
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Gina never went to bed yet-----------------that sucks-------------yes chris's post were helpful and brougth tears to my eyes because the truth in the statements. -I think I'll go for a swim L&H&P sheila
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dsgirl- yeah...the cancer word is pretty phenomenal the power it has, right? I think itis also the associatio with 'survivor'....months before the heart attack I remember saying to a friend "Why don't we say heart attack survivor...it is also a disease....you survive it or die on the spot....wouldn't it make just as much sense?" but we don't seem to think in those terms...I was actually completely calm during th eheart attack...BP 109/72....breathing deeply, went up and opened the door for the paramedics etc...calmly waiting for them....it is the not snapping back to it immediatelt aht has me freaked out. I was back in the gym pumping weight (not huge amounts but 20+ pounds in classes) within two weeks...here I am 4.5 weeks out and have been told I cannot go to apump class until I get the ok from the cardiologist....and i undersand I need my heart pumping efficiently to be allowed to do something like that...but I plan on trying african dance tonight anyhow..no weights there and if I get out of breathe, I will sit down. It is the fear of being somewhere without help that has me scared. I was supposed to be in Nepal....trekking...my kind of vacation.....don't want to have to change what I do to some metropolis in a 1st world country and circulate my trip around the hospitals..and that is how it feels right now....I know this feeling will change...just got my car back yesterday so once my laundry is done, I am going to go to a beach and sit and read for a bit.....not a balmy 80+beach but a Nova Scotian 13+ plus windchill factor beach...might bring a blanket too!
Thanks for understanding...glad you have done so well with it....did you feel as impatient as I am feeling now? oy.
As for the scans and biopsys etc....ativan is indeed your friend....sleep is the key...sleep and laughter I think so do what you need to sleep....it is ok.
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SAS ~ I can sing you a lullaby? Always worked for the kiddo~ maybe she pretended to sleep so I"d stop singing? lol
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Sas- what a tumultuous two years you have had...i really beleive the energy out there since May 2009 has sucked....not many people I know have had an easy time of it healthwise or relationship wise...hard to process it all....be gentle with yourself SAS...being a nurse does not make you invincible...being in the medical profession does not mean you see everything or know...don't add tha guilt to your plate...not necessary and will only slow your healing down my dear...go gently.
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dsgirl- well...didn't go to dance class...went downtown, realized K was exhausted and decided to go for a chai tea instead....came home, ate some salmon and watched Off the Map....had chest pain....guess this is what angina is? Took the nitro spray under the tongue one time and now I am afraid to go to sleep....afraid to take the zopliclone....."what if I don't wake up next time?" is running through my mind....silly thought ...if I don't wake up next time I won't be here to know it but think I will stay up awhile longer and check email or watch something else until the thoughts calm down a bit....scary doing this alone..
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Want to chat Sandee?
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How are you Chrissy, I am so sorry you have so much going on in your life right now, but it actually might be fun having everyone together even if it is at the hospital. Lasagna, huh?....for some reason I just never thought that would be a popular dish in Australia....you know how we get these impressions in our head of what another place is like. For instance think they sit around having tea and scones in England and eat beef and kidney pies. And Wienerschnitzel in Germany. Am not sure what I think of for Australia. I do hope they get your daughter's pain under contol soon.
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Well, I think my timing is off again so I am headed to bed. Hope you all have pleasant dreams IF you are able to sleep tonight.
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So do I Marybe, control would be good. My family looooove Lasagne, that and my Chicken Parmasiana are the two most requested dishes.....and I always have to make heaps and it just seems to be inhaled as it very quickly disappears.
How is your eye feeling?
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Greetings, late-night ladies! Looks like everyone's starting to gather - what a spot for middle-of-the-night hugs and advice, laughs and fond memories.
Judith
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Hi Judith, nice to see you.
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