Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
-
deb - i am so sorry...you ex husband was so low to hide the assets. it happens that good things happen to bad people. but regardless, don't focus on him, you should focus on you.
enerva - that case, you should cut him lose. a wise friend told me, do whatever that please you and you want to do it and don't regret when you look back. don't do it with the mind set to please someone else. with that mindset you can do almost anything that you'll come out a winner. at this moment of our lives, we should be selfish, especially in men dept.
0 -
Wow... lots of activity and a little scary what you ladies have written. My husband hasn't even moved out yet, so I haven't dated or anything, but assumed it would all work out for me. The idea of old men creeping on me is disgusting. I did have a POF acct just to see what is out there, but yuck. I deleted the acct. I also have a Match acct, but I don't subscribe, so I have no idea who has emailed me.
Within the last two weeks, I heard two stories about the husband of friends (and acquaintances) getting their girlfriend's pregnant. My one friend got a divorce in 6 weeks. She is living in Aspen, skiing etc while her ex has lost his job and is changing diapers living at his girlfriend's house. The other case is a high profile one, and she will end up with the multi-million dollar home and all the friends, and he too will be changing diapers. SOOOOO it does sometimes work out for the woman, even when her husband has been spraying his seed around.
I feel I need to keep the faith.
0 -
Well damn if the young air force dude didn't text me tonight. LOL!
That's what I get for "talking" about him. Sadly I am ready for bed (my
bed-alone). Told him I was in hibernation. HAHA the space thing. Tmi, I
am so bloated right now I swear I could float. That said, funny how I
never would have cared 5-10-20 years ago. Now it is a process. find
clothes, do hair, make-up. Not to mention shaving-UGH! I haven't shaved
in dayssssssssssssss. Besides all of that-long story, but I kind of grew
tired of him for reasons not even related to sex. He became a little
intense and demanding for a bootie call.I have only read back a few pages and I
am sorry I did not realize how much everyone is going or has gone
through. As if going through surgery, tx and such doesn't kick us
around-people (family) and life add to it.And now my
brain is going wonky, but I am just getting to know some of
you...Deb-you have testing tomorrow? And Junie you have surgery ? coming
up as well-on thurs. I will be thinking of you both...extra extra
hugs...Enerva-you know your heart and your boundaries
Bdavis- I have a friend/coworker who has had an amicable divorce and she and her ex continue to be totally supportive of each other and most important successfully coparent their 2 girls. Their friendship post-divorce is so foreign to so many that even I was suspicious of it all. But I have met him and his new wife and even the new wife (love her) put the girls on her health insurance. Gosh if grown men and women could stop being so damn immature, hurtful and selfish.....while they may be an anomaly in this day and age what a shining example they all are. And so I am hopeful that you too will continue to experience a positive outcome.
I am losing focus at the moment.Sorry.
Here's to self love-may we be able to build on our strengths and find wisdom and comfort through each other
Sending much love and hugs to all here.
Piper
0 -
I can believe my ex surgery is in 6 days, i want it over with.
0 -
WOOOOOT E.
It will feel good to move on!!!
XOXOXOXO
0 -
Holy crap. we missed the party at DEBS!!!!
I am so happy for you Deb so far so good!??
I have to admit that the last 2 weeks has been one of indulging in a bit of vino on my days off from work.
I dunno if it's the holidays (which I do not celebrate) but apparently I need to celebrate something.
Soooooo here's to clean reports, quick recoveries, moving forward, self love and working cars (ok so I am having problems in this department)
*cheers*
sweet dreams
xoxoxoxoxo
Piper
0 -
lol Deb, i hope your bs finds nothing to worry. So the 26th you see him? well i will love to go over for the party, lol I still cant imagine how you are so strong all you have been dealing with. I hope 2014 will bring all health, piece, happiness, love, and prosperity
0 -
Deb - That's good news. I hope the MRI confirms that those areas are nothing to worry about.
Enerva - Good luck with the surgery! It will feel great to finally be over with it.
0 -
Thanks Life, 4 more days lol i cant wait, at the same time i am worry, hopping all is ok
0 -
had the surgery yesterday. Doc said its great. Had 2 nodes positive and she took 2/3 of the nodes out for biopsy...
0 -
Oh Juneping, hope you are done with that surgery. Take slow steps, rest as much as you can.
0 -
Juneping - I'm glad your surgery has finished and hope you recover quickly! I had two positive nodes myself. I know that waiting for test results is the most nerve-wracking. Once all of the results are in and your oncologist puts a plan together for you, I hope you will feel more relieved about the whole process. Sorry that you're going through this ordeal. It's good to have other survivors to talk with, but I wish none of us had to be here.
0 -
Hugs June for a speedy recovery from he surgery. As Life says now you can get your next steps in place. Please keep us posted.
Deb - LOL RE the party.
Enerva - so exciting to be getting so close to your exchange surgery!! I won't have mine until March - 8 weeks post chemo.
I think I am in a chemo fog- backed my car into a shopping cart thingie today. I am done - exhausted - just can't do anymore. My holiday spirit has been sucked out of me
Hope everyone else is doing well!!!!!!
0 -
I've been away (from the boards) this week bc of doing 10-12 hr days on top of being a single mommy.
Wow, girls! June you were pickpocketed and Deb, hokey crap girl. I'm so sorry everyone is going through all of this crap. My car died twice this week. I went through a car wash and it broke the arm of my drivers' side wiper. That is NOT something you go without during a Michigan winter. Then work stress, lack of sleep, and ....
I had started dating this guy I briefly dated from 4 yrs ago. I was hopeful.
The freakin' breast cancer made him run for the hills I think. He recently said " It's one thing if a guys been married for 20 yrs and his wife gets it and he sticks with her. It's a total different story when you've only gone on a few dates and when you asked me to come see you at the hospital sh*t got real, quick." Okay, keep in mind this guy had claimed the feelings he had for me back in the day were "stronger than what I [he} had for Kelley {his second wife}. Then the bc turns it into " a couple of dates" NICE.
Why can't we just wear these invisible signs that say " I'm already dealing with breast cancer so don't pickpocket, cheat, or dump me already" that the universe with respond to?
0 -
big hugs to all
0 -
hi ladies,
Just checking in and let you guys know I am doing fine. Sis has been taking care of me. We had a chat last night and I was crying...we talked about single hood.
It was a good cry and I am very thankful that she's here for me.
Will read more and post more....have a nice day...
0 -
Juneping, i am glad your sister is there. One of my sister is also here she came with my nephew. Nephew leaves on Dec 30th but my sister will stay till Jan 13. My surgery is this Tuesday and i will need the help, been single and completely alone during surgery is just not nice. My family is far and i wish i could be there instead. Keep us posted on your recovery. I am hopping my surgery is easier this time but i am so afraid, i have this strong shell all around me so my sister and family think i am fine but I in the inside i am scared this is my exchange surgery and i want things to go right, i am scared that the PS may not do the best she can, BTW I lost trust for the PS but its too late to change her. I must be positive it will all turn ok. I am here if you guys need to ask anything regarding the BMX i went through it this past March, still feels as if it was yesterday. Anyway wish you get well soon and i will let you all know every detail of my experience as soon as i get back from the hospital.
Dec 24. 0 -
Tessa, i was able to get my PS to agree on the type of implants i want. But not sure which size she will use. I made sure she knows i want at least 600cc in order to end up at least with a full C. I will let you know as soon as i get back from surgery this Tuesday. I am hoping cuz i was a D and I want to be close to my normal me. I am not happy with the way my PS does things but like i say not easy to change dates or PS at this point, i just need this done and over. Next year if anything goes wrong i will find someone else. I hope you manage to agree on a size. Like Wheeptmom says we should be able to get this right at one shoot.
0 -
Hugs June & Enerva,
I know the ' it's too late to change now' feeling E. I'm right there with ya, (and single too). Girl, I wish we could sit down and have a laugh and a good stiff martini. I'm really freaked out too, but you made it through your BMX. I'm hoping your exchange is easier.
I understand the being alone through surgery. My mother can stay a week after my BMX but that's it and I have a 9 yr old son to take care of. So, trust me, I understand where you're coming from. I'll pm you my # if you ever need to vent, feel free.
0 -
Enerva,
Here's to you getting the size you want and deserve after going through all of this crap for Christmas! (Raises glass)
0 -
Thanks Tessa, I will for sure give you a call
0 -
I'm sorry you're depressed Deb. I get it, trust me. When I read what you wrote about things just piling up I totally felt understood. It's utterly ridiculous sometimes.
I didn't want to wait and then drop a bomb on this guy. Besides, my BMX is in two weeks and I'm a D cup so it's not like I could hide it much longer. Pfft.
Hey, didn't someone here mention a cancer dating site ?
0 -
No, Deb, it doesn't make you a bad person at all. It's all personal choice and I respect that.
That's why I wondered about the cancer dating site someone had mentioned.
The thing that gets me about that guy was that he just flat out ignored me. I asked to at least be able to be friends and chat online if he didn't want to date. Nothing. He wouldn't even acknowledge me. Does that sound like someone who was totally into you like he claimed to be? It doesn't to me. At least respect me enough to say something like " No, I don't think I want to remain friends and chat online for [whatever reason....] " Don't just outright ignore me. Ewww that makes me so mad.
0 -
I figure if I find a guy who's already been through a cancer battle he'd probably be more understanding and not as freaked out.
Whadda ya think?
0 -
I think there is cancer in one's past and cancer treatment currently going on... big difference. Personally, I wouldn't have an issue dating someone who had had cancer, had gone through treatment and was NED. I think it would be harder to date someone currently going through chemo for example. Deb... I think you are (as you said) in a place where things just keep piling on... This is a phase. A dark phase. A depressing phase. But a phase. When you can get past your ex-husband's reluctance to pay support and can get yourself good reconstructive results, you will pass through this phase and pop out the other side. I have faith it will happen. Keep your eyes on the future, as hard as that may seem.
0 -
Hi ladies, Yes i am stressed i cant lye to you, i am so nervous and scared at the same time. I do want to move on and at the same time i am scared of going back to work looking different with short hair, more wrinkles and having people look at me and question me, all is making me very nervous I just wish it could be tmw instead of Tuesday, these last 48 hours feel as if its a year. For some reason i feel my rad side painful, i did some yoga today to try to stretch and relax but it did not work, anyway i just got up to take a sleeping pill cuz i cant sleep. Its almost 1 am and here i am looking at my bedroom ceiling. lol hope you all have a good night.
0 -
I remember how stressed I was going into to work the first time with a wig... Truthfully, people who even knew I was in chemo thought I just hadn't lost my hair... didn't know it was a wig. So I was the ONE who was stressed, and no one really noticed. Then when I went in with super short hair, same thing. People thought I was being edgey... So I realized that NO ONE cares... At work we had a lot of women with cancer/chemo in the same year and I was the first to take off my wig and go with it. My hair was SUPER short... like a little boy. This picture was 13 weeks post chemo. The second one is 17 weeks post chemo. The last one was this September.
0 -
Betsy
cool pics. The first time I went through chemo I took pics of my hair monthly to document the hair growth. I also found that pple didn't even realize my wig was a wig (coworkers).....most I had to tell. I went to my company Christmas party last Weds, and again, pple didn't realize it was a wig. I think that we all feel more self conscious --- I stopped wearing my wig when I had about 1/4 inch of hair...people thought I was daring too lolenerva - thinking of you.....
Tessa- bless u for even thinking of dating.....I can't even think about that now,,,,but I'm bald and boobless, so not feeling very pretty at the mo.
Hugs Deb- I had a crappy depressed day on Saturday. A bit better today but have redness on the back of my hand which is causing me concern (in the middle of chemo).
Anyhow- hugs to all- chemo brain is preventing me from from remembering other comments lol
0 -
Hello to all of you. :-)
Great photos, bdavis!
I wore a wig for the first few weeks, and then I put it away and never wore it again. For me, it was uncomfortable, especially in hot summer weather. From then on, I wore cute caps and hats until the hair grew in again. Only a few people looked at me funny, and one made negative comments, as if I'd chosen to shave my long hair off just to be, like bdavis said, edgy. Also, once or twice I answered the front door completely forgetting that I wasn't wearing a head cover. The look of shock on the visitor's face was always priceless. (lol)
Enerva - I had my exchange this past summer. It was such a relief when it was finally over. I had trouble with the radiated side, too, and still do. Massage and exercise help.
Tess - Sorry to hear about the guy being a jerk. I noticed that, with the BC dx, that's when I found out who really cared and who wasn't really a friend, etc.
As for dating, like Tess, I've wondered if another cancer survivor would understand more, that we'd have more in common. On the other hand, like Deb said, cancer can be a bit much to handle - for anyone, even another survivor.
Some guys are just being jerks, but other guys might be thinking: Suppose I become very involved and have strong feelings for her and then... the unthinkable happens. Recently, I came across a post on another forum. It was written by a man who said he lost the "love of his life" to breast cancer. He said he was heartbroken as she transformed from a beautiful, intelligent woman into a very ill woman who, at the end, could not even recognize him. Also, a male relative of mine with terminal cancer met a very young single mom who stayed by his side to the end; she was heartbroken and crying at his funeral. So, I can understand someone not wanting to take a chance with us.
But, many women never diagnosed with cancer are having the same problems in singlehood that we are. Divorced/single moms. Other factors. As the years pass, it becomes more difficult to find a "soul mate," even when you're "healthy." And even if plenty of men would want to date us, the question is, would we want to date them? Because they have their own baggage. ;-)
0 -
yah I always joked that my brain fell out of my head when I turned 40 - then I got cancer and had chemo shortly after.......and now freaking chemo againnnnnnnn..... Grrrrrr no brain cells left at all
0
