Single life after a mastectomy
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boooooo on the pickpocket for sure
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thanks ladies...
Talked to our insurance adviser and he already ordered a new one for me and he also forwarded me a electronic copy for any emergency. Sigh.....
I think I am getting edgy just bc the surgery is coming up. And very anxious about the pathology report. To really know how much BC I have.0 -
June, sorry if this is a stupid question, but I will blame it on chemo brain. Can you remind me what your surgery is and when it is??? (Sorry if you have already posted it.....I don't remember....)0 -
Awww big hugs Deb!!!! You certainly have a lot going on......plus the holidays.......ugh. Sending warm comforting thoughts to you!!!!0 -
Deb - I hope you receive good news very soon about this latest finding so that you can put it all behind you.
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I don't know much about DIEP - except that I am in awe of ladies that had it!!! I was going to do it, but my breast surgeon said I had to have the cancer out of me ASAP and I was unwilling to do delayed reconstruction. Turns out that I was not a candidate for diep anyway as I didn't have enough belly fat for two breasts (I had a double mast).
Really does sound like you have sooooooooo much to process.... Deep breaths and vent away.......I'm a firm believer in it..........one step at a time is all we can do.
Hugs!0 -
yes I'm so sorry - my PS was totally up front with me and very clearly stated all the options (and why I was not a good candidate for a diep - he was pretty blunt in telling me the result I would get if I pursued the diep procedure).
I do hope that you can get it all sorted out to your satisfaction. I'm sure it's overwhelming and discouraging but it hope you can keep the faith!0 -
virginia - my surgery is next thursday.
deb - oh i am so sorry to hear that. but at least the judge ruled in your favor.0 -
Deb i am sorry too, i hate that your ex did take advantage of you, hope your results from the natural breast turn out ok ;( I hate that PS are not clear with us and some of us have to go to hell and back and learn that there were other options never mentioned. I consider myself lucky, that i was able to get the surgery i wanted in the first place and not what the firs BS wanted. You will be in my thoughts, hand in there cuz at some point it will get better.
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I hope they do a core biopsy, for me mammos and US were useless
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I am slowly catching up on this thread. Single and living! Enerva, I saw all of your crochet pics. I work in an NICU. The outfits and matching hat were so cute. There is a woman who started her own small local foundation to give back to the NICU because her children were born early. Not long after the birth of her last child she was DX with Br Ca. Her foundation is now linked with a larger one and our babies receive goodies from them year round. I recently heard the Mom was not doing well But what a wonderful legacy to leave. And I so appreciate her and all of those who take the time to give back in what ever way, shape or form.
I have deviated from the topic at hand.
On to dating advice.....
I only have this to offer and it is cliche....
Despite each of our journeys./...we all have something unique and wonderful to offer. Whether we learned those lessons prior to or after BC or as I am, still learning. Someone somewhere will love us.
Or we will just have to love each other through this
I have a few male friends who have stuck by through this whole thing and really guided me away from feeling sorry for myself.
My Male BFF said to give off the attitude of confidence. Hard to do but some truth to that.
My neighbor is trying to convince me to try E-harmony.
I have to back track and read the rest of this thread.
XOXOXOXOXO
I hope I make sense at this late hour and with a little vino on board.
Piper
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Sandpipe, welcome if you dont mind can you send me info regarding your friend s charity, does she has a website or NICU? I learned to crochet during chemo. Deb, I have no words to comfort you, I know life is just crap right now, i will keep hoping for things to be better for you. Maybe you will get the envelope this coming week and my hat ll give a smile to you
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deb - that dating intro was quite funny....and i hope you'll feel better soon.
sand - what a heart felt story...C are so cruel...
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Deb - That was the most fun personal ad I ever read. :-) There was an article I read once about a woman who actually did post a personal ad while going through chemo, and she advertised herself as bald, etc. She had some fun with it.
Piper - I'm so sorry to hear about the mother's DX.
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Deb... WOWZA... you are in a whirlwind.
About the DIEP breast. You DO have options besides an implant. Please look into tdap flap (like a lat flap but no muscle and scar does not go onto back). It can be added to the DIEP flap. Also, GAP flap is a great option for women who are thin, so God forbid you do have another cancer, you can always do GAP. My right breast is DIEP and my left breast is GAP/tdap... I have met many many thin women who are not candidates for DIEP who get great results from GAP.0 -
deb - my heart goes out for you. i really hope the alert on the good breast is just a false alarm.0 -
TY ladies.
E, I work tomorrow and will look that name up. I am drawing a complete blank at the moment. They may have an FB page. I'll check on that too.
Deb-xoxoxoxoxo Your new profile for the dating site is outstanding!! I was LMBO!
Good thing I haven't had wine tonight or I would have spit it on the screen. And we cannot be wasting the little etoh I drink these days
I have started using POF. I have to say the quality just isn't there.
I'll save the date stories for another night. But I will mention that I thought I had a good filter and am now being proven wrong.
Nightie all and now I can find my way back here....I had forgotten to put this thread on my favorites.
xoxoxoxo
Piper0 -
I was on POF and dropped my account0 -
http://www.projectsweetpeas.blogspot.com/They do have a facebook page as well. I cannot think of the woman who was a patient of ours, who started up her small foundation and I believe they are now linked in with Sweet Peas.
I hate that my brain doesn't function quite as well as it used to.
But I did find the Sweet Peas!
Piper
Edit to add:
I did finally find her. She is one of the founders of the Sweet Peas charitable foundation
For some reason there must have been another agency that tied in with Sweet Peas to provide goodies to our parents and infants
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I went on so many dates on OkC....diff kinds of creeps. Lol
The men from match were so much older. I don't get why some 60 yr old men think I would want to date them. I am 41 only geeze
I did have a thing with a 30 yr old. I am not ashamed to say he's the best in bed....all night long
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LOLOL Junie and Deb.
POF and stupid cupid have to be skimming bottom barrel these days. As I had known people, in the past, who had met and dated long term from POF.
Probably going to fold my hand this week and execute another way to meet someone.
I will share my most recent dating nightmare from POF.
He contacted me-rapport online progressed rapidly and I thought what the hell. everyone else is so slow moving or drop off like flies-I sent him my cell #. He called me right away!!!! I laughed so hard. Again, great rapport on the phone. Joked, had many commonalities and interests and decided we would meet sooner rather than later. We spoke on the phone a few more times. I was very excited to meet him as he said he was to meet me. He doesn't live too far away from me. Bonus! I was also aware that this might not be as good as it first seemed.
We met for drinks. He was not the athletic type , who gained just a few pounds, that he professed to be. (A former triathlon participant?)
He had been funny, smart and engaging on the phone so worth a little time conversing. He starts telling me there is a woman at the bar he has been dating for the last couple of months and she was there on a date too. Right there, I am trying to plan my escape and see no way out.yet! I did not know what to say or do. At one point I ask if he is testing me!? I ask if we could leave (thinking I can get out and in my car and home!)
Then he says he is just 'joking'. He does this not once but 3 times, telling me different things then saying it was just a joke and after all he thought I liked 'sarcasm' and humor. Of course I point out I don't believe his form of sarcasm is going over well and it was very confusing to me. In the meantime his phone is going off like crazy with his single friend texting him to see how it's going and to have him meet him at a strip bar downtown. AND he is answering the texts. I could not wait to get out of there. At one point I went to the bathroom and sent out a few text while I was in there. Finally said it was time for me to go. He walked me to my car and had the nerve to ask I f I would go out with him again. I really think he was testing me that time. I didn't give a straight answer-and he moved to give me a hug. OH UGH!!!
Needless to say-I know he got the message and thankfully didn't call or text me. However, that just made room for the guy who I was supposed to meet and got stood up-but he comes up with "he started a detox due to a heavy metal exposure". And the next guy whose truck smelled like a dead animal. (no I didn't let him pick me up, but we met in a parking lot and I let him drive me to dinner).
So this "free" online dating business is wrought with head cases and weirdos thus far. My best bet recently was a little time spent with a very delicious, very fine member of the Air Force who is 12yrs younger. I felt it my civic duty to show a member of the armed forces my deep appreciation for their service
And on that note, I met him at a bar/restaurant near my home. As a side, apparently the surgical scars were not as scary as I had anticipated they might be to someone else. So now I do not worry about the appearance near as much as I did.
That's my story and for now I am sticking to it.
Nightie for now
xoxoxoxo
Piper0 -
sandpiper - funny that my experience was also a better one when the guy is younger....i just think when men are older and single, they just get creepier by the minute...
i had a few bad experience.
#1 - the guy used someone else' photo. the photo was pretty good looking and in person, he's ugly
#2 - male version of tying too hard to look young and very inconsiderate. i wanted to bite his head off when i saw him.
#3 - the guy used some very old photos that in person he didn't look like his photos at all. and one eye was blind....i would appreciate if he told me prior. he was horny the whole date. i went to bathroom a couple of times to text my friend..
i closed out all my online (2) profiles a month before this finding out i had BC...i don't know if i want to do online again. i find men are gross at this moment of my life. it might change down the road but right now i am not thinking at all. i love me hahaha...0 -
June - And to think, many of those older men want nothing to do with women their own age. I keep hearing it over and over again that men like younger women. And many famous men divorce their wives to marry much younger women. So, I'm sitting here smiling at the fact that three of you so far have dated younger men. :-)
I haven't tried online dating websites. I never planned to. And now, after reading your experiences above, I never will. (lol)
When I found out my husband was cheating, I'd just finished fighting cancer, and I was convinced no one would ever look my way again. I accepted that I would be entering a new stage in life. I decided to focus on the things I always wanted to try - like a career or business. Well, the cheating husband moved out earlier this year, and just a few weeks later, I was caught by surprise when asked out by someone I knew. We had long talks and met for coffee or dinner sometimes. I thought I finally found a best friend. But, to make a long story short, things didn't end well. So, now I'm back to thinking I'm going to be solo for the rest of my life.
From where I sit, it looks rough out there. The good guys seem few and far between, and they're probably taken already. At this point, I'm not sure I could ever trust that a "good guy" really is a "good guy," anyway.
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life - lol good point, i have never looked at it like that. Haha. Younger men have less baggage and fun to be with. But i don't see myself have a deep rs with them. It's fun while it lasted.
I am sorry it didn't work out with the guy. But I think when you are ready and still want to meet someone, he will show up. And I want to say I feel the same way if there's any good guy out there. Especially most guys want to seem to be the good guy. I lost faith in men, right now I only care about me and myself. I am only making decisions right now at this stage that it will make me feel good about myself.0 -
Life, i agree with you, i always wonder if all the good ones are all taken. I met my ex bf at a site lavalife and we first emailed for almost 2 years before meeting i was thinking he was never going to meet me since the guy always had an excuse and cancel many dates. Then one day out of the blue i went to a bar with a friend to learn line dance lol and i sent the guy an email saying, hey havent talk to you in a wile, this Sat i will be in a Country Bar close to you, it could be nice to finally meet. Let me know if you are free. Well we met and the guy was exactly like his pictures i was very please lol also cuz of the emails I felt as if we knew each other already. Start dating him, then the next year he sold his house and moved North, never wanted nothing serious i kept on seen him on and off for more than 6years. I then one day took some look at my life and realize i was always putting in 100% and he just 20% into what ever it was we had. I ended it and then i got BC. Now i want to share this with you. This guy is 2 years younger than me, He always says we will always be friends, he came to visit me wile i was having chemo #2 and i thought he was going to never see me again after seen me going through the bc, but he never cared, he treated me as if nothing was going on. He continues to talk to me and still wants to see me if he comes to the city. I decided i dont want to see he again cuz i do have feelings for him and he is not going to settled down ever. I am done with online dating i feel i met someone nice but someone who even though is attracted to me he never fall in love, he took advantage of me in a way, i was always driving north buying food, cleaning his home taking care of him hoping it could change and maybe we could be in a real rs. Oh not forgetting buying expensive gifts and He never remembered my bd or xmats, the guy never bought me a gift, which i did not care but now looking back almost seven years and never a detail for me? . Anyway i need your opinion on this, i have friends that tell me i am a moron for seen him for that long and i have others who say i should keep him for sex. I feel i cant move on unless i stop seen him. I got my relatives visiting me now and he sent me an email saying he may come to town and that if i want to get together, I told him i am busy and that unfortunately i wont see him.
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Deb, you are right i need to cut all communication, that will be the only way to move on, i also think that i ll focus on going back to work and getting my life back. I can keep having a casual friendship cuz its just not something i can do. I always thought ii could be just like men but i cant. We always get hurt one way or another.
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life - I think it doesn't matter what you do but it matters how you see him in your life. If he's just a warm body and you have some needs, keep him around. USE him.
Don't feel bad. That's my mantra to my ex right now. I use him to however that helps my life right now. With respect and no hope for us down the road. But I don't have sex with him...I am basically using him and I offer no emotional response and no sex. I am going to use him just the way he treated me before. If he ever complains I'll tell him I took it for 5 yr and he should just take it. Yes...there's part of me want vengeance0 -
June - I think your last message was intended for Enerva, but it might as well be advice for me, too. A lot of things have been breaking down around my house; my car is falling apart; and I've been questioning myself: Hmmm... I was friends with a guy who could fix anything. And then I went and broke it off. What was I thinking? (lol)
Enerva - I would have a difficult time, too, maintaining a friendship if I had strong feelings for the man. Our situations are similar in that I also recently told a man that, no, we couldn't be friends. My exact words were: We never really were friends, were we? Because I came to see that this person had intentions to use me while I was in a vulnerable position, and that there was nothing more than that to our "relationship." If I knew for sure, though, that I wouldn't be hurt by remaining friends, I would do what June advised and have some stuff fixed around this house. ;-)
Deb - Truth be told, there are people who've met their true soulmates on dating websites. (I know one such couple.) But, I agree with you. We should focus on ourselves now, taking everything one day at a time. Also, I don't know if the rest of you feel this way, but here's what I noticed: When I'm in a relationship, I yearn for some space and time to myself. When I have plenty of space and time to myself, I yearn for a relationship. Lately, I've been thinking about how, in a relationship, I would have to share space and time again. So, maybe it's just time to enjoy the extra space and time. :-)
All - Just remembered today: Come to think of it, I've known six couples in real life with an age difference of 8 - 10 years. Of those six, only two involve an older man. The four others involve older women. And one of those couples involved a woman fighting cancer; her boyfriend (who was younger) stuck by her through it all. I'd completely forgotten about that.
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life - I think the post meant for all of us who are still keeping in touch with our exes. I know we women are made differently than men but sometimes we just need to get all the help we have in front of us to get the most out of it.
During the process may be we can discover other things about us. I found when I don't put that much weight on my ex I actually focus more on me. Even tho I broke up with him but I still had and probably have feelings for him. But I need his help so I am letting him to help. At the mean time I just guard my heart. I can't punish myself just bc he was a jerk in out rs.
I think we can still be friends as long as he's not seeing anyone. Right now I don't think he deserves anyone to love him.0 -
Ok i am just back from the mall lol went so my nephew does some shopping the kid is going crazy with cloth and shoes that he can not buy in Vzla lol, Well the true is that my ex wants to be a friend with benefits and i think if i agree to that i will not be able to move on. On the other hand i also feel i need to be alone from now on. I just think that him saying he cares for me is all BS. He just miss the woman that used to care for him. He is selfish and even if it hurts i need to cut the tides.
Maybe that way destiny may bring someone else or not either way i will be happy. 0
