Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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Positive thoughts to you, too, Tessa. Have fun with your son's birthday party. :-)
Making a resolution for a healthy lifestyle sounds like a good idea, Deb. That's something I should commit to doing in the new year, too. My other resolutions are to (1) find a way to earn my own income and (2) finalize this divorce. ;-)
Anyone else have a new year's resolution?
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Oh, and I almost forgot the third resolution: (3) get nipples. :-)
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Hi, I am better but not 100% still taking 1 Percocet every 4 hours. Also not much sleep.
I managed to wash my hair today, I cant take a goof shower till drains are out. Only from wst down and then using wet cloth for upper body. Maybe by Monday drains will be gone. I will also try to get a new job this coming year. Eating healthy sounds good to me too. 
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Well yes i am happy but ended up smaller than before so hoping the skin shrinks and the implant settles cuz it looks as if i have lose skin due to my PS using a small implant, she did not agree on giving me my old size back have a look at the skin so you see what i mean. Honestly i did not want to be a DD but at least a full C or D. now i think i will be a C if lucky lol still happy but a bit worry about all the lose skin
hopping it settles and looks better soon.
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Enerva-I am impressed with your results.
Deb-Yeah
(((Junie)))
Tessa & Bdavis-xoxoxo
Life-NY resolutions ugh!
Being single contains a certain element of survival and knowing where to lean and glean support from.
I am still navigating this process. Relationships have changed and few have grown stronger while some more distant.
Still smarting from a few hurts, but making a resolution to not wait around to take advantage of an opportunity to relax, have fun, or be myself.
I am sometimes afraid of what it means to be alone at this stage of life, yet have not known any other way than taking care of myself. I need to learn to accept myself as is and accept genuine help and love that comes my way.
Cheers and hope for 2014.......
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For me, I am past all the active treatment. Finished chemo May 2011. Had BMX July 2011 and since then have had revisions, but nothing major (IMO). So when my husband moves out, and since he tells me he doubts there will be a reconciliation, I will move on. It makes me super sad though. I read FB posts of my dad's cousin referring to her 49th anniversary and spending it with all her kids and grandkids at their vacation home. Ok... I want that. Or someone on these boards who refers to their DH and how they are researching treatment for them... wish I'd had that. I DO take care of myself, get to the gym a few times per week, ate fairly healthy, don't smoke, have a job, have 2 great kids... I just need the love in my life with a partner... And it breaks my heart that my husband doesn't want that role. He knows its killing me. Maybe he'll move out (he plans to move over an hour away) and maybe he'll miss me, or the dog. I think I DO need a puppy.
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Deb, I wish you find a way to quit the smoking not because of BC but because of the damage to your skin, I know you told me your skin is taking it hard and believe me i was a smoker when i was 20 quit around 28 and i saw the change in my skin. My sister and Brother still smoke so i understand how hard it is to quit. If you can not quit then just try to smoke a bit less and that way one day you will be able to quit for real. I did lots of drinking also when i was in high school lol but never after i came to Canada, i became so healthy, gym and work, so consumed with working and traveling once a year and then caring for my mom, always attracted men that used me, always buying gifts for men and caring for them as if i was a wife but never got anything in return. My ex was the longest relationship i had and i know he used me too. Now i am like bdavis I wish for a man to grow old with but i know I will not be able to trust any body just yet. I am so tired of thinking what will happen to me now. I am broke living on LTD for a year, my condo is too much to bear alone. My Mom passing left a hole in my life and also the fact that i have to start working to pay off my debts. I am trying to study to change career field cuz i dont want to see my ex coworkers who never care to call or ask how i was this past year . Anyway i know we are strong, we have to be positive. We must meet one day take a singles trip somewhere and start smiling again. No matter what we will be ok and this fking nightmare will end one day.
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I think a death of a spouse (on a certain level) is easier than a divorce. In a divorce, you are being told that someone doesn't love you, doesn't want you... In death, you know you were loved. And are lovable. Of course, death is horrible and losing a loved one is devastating. Fortunately for me, I have not lost a close loved one... I dread the day. Either way it sucks.
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I have to tell you something that happen to me, before i dated my ex bf i was single for 5 years, i was consume by work and never care about finding love cuz i was hurt in the past. I then took a vacation to Dominican Republic for a week alone on Dec 2005. I bought a book called conversation with god and i went alone to relax and read my book on a nice beach where no one could bother me. Well when i got there i met an Italian man, he was there on a business trip, I ended up exchanging emails and numbers. The man was older at least 10 years but single, no kids never married. Well he went back to Europe and i came back to Canada. He used to call me almost daily and i got really exited then when i started to believe maybe the long distance thing could work the guy stopped contacting me around May. After attempting to reach out to him for severals months i realized i was an idiot. I just thought he forgot about me and i must stop waiting for his call. then In August 2006 i met my ex bf, started dating and it was just casual, nothing serious. Then on Dec 2006 i got an email from a friend in Australia who knew the italian man, he emailed me to let me know the man past away on Dec 08 2006. a year after we met. It turn out that in May he got dx with skin cancer and lasted 6 months. imagine how i felt? He stopped calling cuz he was sick and never told me anything. I was not able to be there for him. I never knew what happen. I continue to date the guy i was dating but i was so hurt inside. Then the year i decided to end it with my bf right a few months after i got BC. Now my ex bf is a friend and i am avoiding seen him. From time to time i think of the italian love and i wonder Why this happen to me. ? maybe i am born to be alone? maybe? i ll never forgive him for not letting me help him or just be there for him. But i am doing the same i pushed everybody away. I am tired and i feel as if I ll never find my seoul mate. Anyway just wanted to share that with you guys.
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enerva,
I am so sorry. I saw this movie before midnight and it says we are all just passing through and that glimpse of the moment are for us to cherish.
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Thanks, sorry i told you my history I guess i feel i can tell you ladies anything
i feel like we are real sisters. I tell you how i really feel. I am ok I just want all of us to move on and maybe one day all these bc, will be just a bad dream along with all the past relationships. 0 -
Enerva, I'm at the PS office as I type this on my laptop. I've got ur pics. I'm nervous as hell. Wish me luck !
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Good luck did you see the private mgs i sent you?
remember to mention my tumor was huge and right at 11 oclock my nipple was retracted by the tumor.
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The PS said if they tried to save it that it would just scab over and not look like a nipple when they were done. : (
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They said I had Invasive Ductile Carcinoma meaning I've got those freakin things in my ducts too. Dang it.
Then there are some to the right of the nipple and left side as well.
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Yeah, got your pms. Thanks honey.
You know in the beginning I felt the same way about death/divorce, but now I don't. I wouldn't get back with my ex-husband at this point at all. He just confided in me that he recently got abusive once to his gf like he used to be with me and it scared him. No way in hell I'd go back to that now. Remember the guy I mentioned that didn't talk to me any more and I thought the bc was a big part of that?
He just txt me for the first time since then saying dr's just found a lump in his mother's breasts and she goes for an ultrasound on Thursday.
How ironic is that?
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I told him she could contact me if she needed anything and I'd be happy to help her in any way I can. It's been four months for me and although it's not long I can hook her up with some resources in town.
Glad now I'm not such a pariah.
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Enerva, your story sounds like a book ! I'm sorry for how you felt after you found out. I can't imagine.
I know I was really shocked to find out that my birth father died through papers sent to me from the military. I don't know how they found me, but I know how disappointed I was that I never got to meet and form a relationship with him. That's a far cry from your experience though.
Look how it happened so unexpectedly though! There's nothing saying it won't / can't happen again.
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Tessa i am sorry about the invasive ductal C, Anyway be positive and all should work out find. ;(
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i am on my way to the airport. will pist a mgs later
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Oh, no, I missed all of this great conversation!
Enerva - I was thinking my PS might use smaller implants so that the irradiated side would appear more natural, but he didn't. As is, the irradiated side is still uncomfortable. Didn't you say you had radiation, too? BTW, I'm sorry to hear about the Italian man. He might've been too ill or too busy with medical appointments and treatments to contact you. For me, too, sometimes I'm sad that I never really had a "love of my life" - someone I could trust fully.
Tess - Yeah, it is ironic about the ex's mother. (I'm sorry to hear about your father.)
Piper - Taking care of ourselves sounds like a good resolution to me, too.
Bdavis & Deb - Sorry about what happened with your marriages. It sounds as if your husbands decided to leave before meeting someone else...? My soon-to-be-ex wasn't planning to leave; he was planning to continue to deceive me while sleeping around. He kept denying over and over again that he ever cheated.
I've been so busy finishing something that I have to do... and I might not be here again for a day or so. To those of you who are still in treatment or just about to have surgery for the first time: you're all in my thoughts and prayers. I know you will do fine, though! (I finished treatment in November 2011, then dragged out the other surgeries over another two years until last month, and I still need finishing touches.) (lol)
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Thanks Life, Ladies this Crap year 2013 is almost over. I am so ready to say good bye to all that happen this past year. Hopping we all have a better one and health, love and prosperity ll come along with 2014.
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I agree. Once diagnosed he probably figured there was no point dragging you down his rabbit hole especially being long distance.
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Oh yes i know that, still it made me feel like shit cuz i was mad at him not knowing what what going on ;( anyway all in the past, today we say good bye to all this crap this year was so bad to me that i am ready to say byeeee byeee lol
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Deb can you post a link to their web site, i now try to advocate for NS MX i am sorry you never knew it before i was just lucky i saw a video on youtube which made me research about it. I was not willing to lose my body to C. I think it was due to been single and feeling cheated by life.
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Deb... for what its worth, I was a candidate for NSM, but chose for them to take the nipple on the cancer side. My local BS felt that since I was going through the MX, I might as well give myself the best chance of no recurrence. But, nipples are the least likely place for cancer to originate, and with clean margins, it was unlikely I had any issues.... especially since they core the nipple. But I chose to remove it anyway.
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Enerva, Perhaps I am a hopeless romantic or a fool...
This is how I saw your story......(Which I am so happy you shared)
This wasn't about him needing you for anything. Other than knowing there was someone in this world who cared for him in all it's pureness.
Your Italian never had to worry that you felt sorry for him or were emotionally driven because of his illness
In it's purest form he gave you a gift
The gift of genuine caring and love.
I would have been hurt and perhaps thought he was selfish.......however...I am really sticking to what I wrote
You gave him exactly what he needed too......
So rare
((((E))))
Happiest of New Years to all
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lol you know i now dont believe in anything but i sometimes talk in my head and give him shit for not letting me know about his C. I also think that if spirits do exist then he knows i did care about him and i never imagine he was sick. I used to be a romantic too. Not so much now.
BC changed me. 0 -
Happy New year!!!! wishing you all health, love, and prosperity
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I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I am not doing well. I feel like a cracked vase and every time water goes in it leaks right back out. I'm falling apart emotionally. It's all too much. I've got 6 days.
On the 30th I chatted for hours with the guy whos' mom had a lump. He said how much he was into me back 4-5 years ago and wanted to move forward, (among other things if ya know what I mean.) So , yesterday I ask about getting together for New Years and he said he was already taking HIS EX to dinner and shopping. I went off. How could he say all of that the day before and then tell me he had a date with his ex? He said he wasn't getting back together with her. I said since he chose to not call her and cancel and put me off (the supposed person he wanted to move forward with), then his actions showed what he wanted. I overreacted. I blew up his messenger like a slighted teenager! Seriously, the hurt and disappointment was just so magnified by all of this. Plus, I'm on my period. I won't be hearing from him anytime soon. His best friend unfriended me on FB already.
UGH
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