Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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Agreed, Jazzy. I know this topic is winding down now. But I do want to clarify further:
I do differ from my own father in this way: On the very rare occasions when he became angry, it was always a very controlled anger. Because he was soooooo nice, that very controlled anger was just a reminder that you'd better not mess with him. ;-)
I, on the other hand, at times have allowed an inner rage to consume me. Believe me, it takes a lot to make me angry. I have to be pushed to the extreme. So, maybe it makes more sense to use a more constructive anger more often.
Recently, I was reading about Ikaria (Greece) where the people are reputed to live a very healthy lifestyle, often living into their 90's. And the article mentioned that they tend to have volatile temperaments, that they are quick to anger, but then release it, and in that way, they're releasing stress.
BB and everyone - Hope this topic wasn't too uncomfortable for anyone.
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Life- this has been a good conversation. And good to explore this emotion in it's various facets that do effect our well being, especially our health.
Interesting about the folks in Greece. Many cultures do express emotions more readily that we do in the US. I grew up on the east coast where I was trained not to. Stoic puritans and all that jazz. Getting it out, over with, action around it is a good thing. Harboring it, making it bigger than it is by blaming others for things that have nothing to do with the issue at hand, etc. is where it gets bad. I am find if someone gets angry with me.
I listen carefully now and if I have wronged someone, I take responsibility. The rest is just not my stuff. Part of my life lessons is to not let people blame me for things that have nothing to do with me.
So in summary, find ways to express your anger in healthy and appropriate ways!
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yes...anger management is an art. i learn to "hit and run"....when ppl upset me, i would say something and leave the scene. i just want to put my opinion out there and don't carry it inside me. and i don't engage into argument bc it got me to a dark place.
i think this is so healthy to talk about it....
gosh....it is snowing outside..and we just get to march.....i am so sick of this weather. can't wait for spring.
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I've never watched the Goldbergs, BB, but I looked up the photo just now. My hair went through all those stages, too, when it was growing in. I hope you're feeling better about it soon.
Like June, I can hardly wait for spring, either. We had freezing rain here today. I'm really sick of this cold, wet weather, too.
Jazz - I always lived here on the east coast, but I grew up in an Italian family & neighborhood. The stereotype is that we're hot-tempered. LOL. I guess I don't fit that stereotype...
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Life- I grew up in a very Italian community too on the east coast, even though our family was very waspy. Italians are very passionate about everything! Food, wine, family, you name it!
I may not be here as much this week- hope to be securing my new work this week and also will find out if I get that award I mentioned to you. I hope to have good news on one more more fronts when I am back here next weekend.
Hope everyone has a good start to March. Take good care of yourselves always.
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BB - Nutritionists are very helpful. One was on staff at the cancer center where I go, and often she was sent to talk with a patient. She met with me once, too. I'm glad to hear that you are happy about your appointment. But, I agree that healthful food is very expensive.
This morning my front walk and driveway and steps and even my car were covered with a sheet of ice. I had to chop the ice with a shovel. I'm sick of it, too.
Jazzy - Best of luck this week, and let us know how everything goes.
Milky, Enerva - Thinking of you both. Hope all is well.
June, Piper, Kaza, Melp, Formydaughter, and EVERYONE - Have a great day.
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I just came across an article on this app. LOL. This is too funny not to share:
https://invisibleboyfriend.com/
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lol @ the invisible bf
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Enerva.jazzy.bosumb.life is wonderful.piper.melp.june.
Hope you guys are doing well .had my ultrasound today and i have bone scan on friday.last weekend i had exam spend so much time making phone calls to hospital to get the appointment early as possible.
These days i dont feel like doing anything .spend hours in worrying hahaha.its really hard to wait .
Monday i made silly mistake went to watch 50 shades of grey .movie was horrible with sexual content for last 15 mins i took off my glassess i couldnt handle that content i hardly see without my glasses .if you are depressed dont watch that movie.hero was charming but he was mentally sick i couldnt sleep that night.these days i am more interested watching love stories.Love . its only in the movies these days.
Stay blessed girls
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bosumblues i had lumpactmony in right breast in 2004 invasive ductal carcinoma 2012 left i had mastactomy .2013 nov breast reconstruction DIEP.2013 june prophylectic oophractomy.story of my life haha
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BB- I am at about a 15% re-occurrence rate based on my particularly pathology. My doctors said chemo would get me down into the low single digits. For early bc with no node involvement, they recommended surgery and rads, plus five year on the AIs to keep the estrogen down.
There is a school of thought that too many women with early bc are getting over treated, and the risks of some treatments including chemo do not outweigh the benefit. All the doctors I talked to did not think chemo was the right option for me. If I was a mom with young children, I probably would make different choices. My decisions for not doing chemo had more to do with the SEs from the chemo and risks to the heart.
My hair is definately not as thick on the AIs meds.
I am not sure what you mean by the luxury of unconditional love?
I think we all made the best decisions about treatment at the time. Don't beat yourself up for doing chemo.
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wow finally I catch up a few pages. On the train I ll post as soon as I get home
Sending you all hugs.
Milky hope ultrasound went ok. Weather is bad today
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I will be in meetings the next three days but wanted to pop in and say hi!
BB- hard to know about the tamox vs. AIs. I worry about the AIs and long term SEs too. Already have the bone issues and worry about the heart there too. It is totally a crap shoot.
Enerva- good to hear from you! Hope you are doing okay. Be careful in the bad weather.
Milky- I hope everything with the tests goes okay and that there is nothing of concern.
Dr. Oz had some guy on today talking about drinking green tea, getting enough sleep, eating certain foods to avoid getting cancer. Well, I do a lot of that stuff and always have and got it anyways. I still think they don't really know.
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I date. I go casual and don't mention the BC thing... dinner, drinks etc. I suppose if I really liked them I would continue to go out and I def. would tell them. I am still going through reconstruction. I really don't care too much if they disapprove. I am not embarrassed that I am a survivor.
. I have not dated anyone seriously or more than a couple of dates.
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ok, here I am I have to tell you a few things.
First welcome to the new members
it's so nice to read about others experiences. Milky I will be thinking off you. Tell me ifbyou need me to come and take you out for tea on the weekend. I know how we feel when ever we are doing test or scans. No easy at all.
I need to ask you all something. Remember in December I got my period twice? And also wierd pain well I think it was the end of it
it never came in January or February and I have been having the hot flashes specialy at night. I honestly need to know how long these hot flashes will go on? I can't rest cuz I wake up every hour or so it's just terrible. This happened during chemo and then I was normal for a year and now it's back to menopause all over again ;(Sister is hanging in there but still no xray only an ultrasound schedule for next week before her last chemo. Total of 7 so far.
Oh jazz I am very proud to tell you this is week two of me exercising and it does feels great but I must admit I have a hard time getting to my gym which is here in my building lol I jus have no motivation due to been tired from working all day but so far I have been at it. First last week I did weights every day.Monday to Friday and now this week only Monday and ll go tmw night then Friday to switch to 3 times a week. I just see many new lines in my face and worry about my cicle now not been normal again. Or well I guess it is normal for menopause. I was just hoping my female body was fighting back but I guess it can't anymore.
Bb, I am proud of you, I must say I have been very ungry at times but more with bc. I has always been a happy one and always trying to make others happy but bc did hurt me and no only bc but lost loss of love ones. Yes I do agree we must let go but it still Hurst deep inside I am not sure if I will ever be truly happy. Dont get me wrong I know it could be worse. I promise I will keep positive and maybe one of these days I ll be able to let go of the hurt and anger. Oh ya I am not angry at people but I am angry at life itself. At the way life just turned against some of us.
Anyway I am.still going like a crazy lady and still doing as much as I can to keep busy. Hoping for spring so I can ride my bike again.
Good night ladies
June, life, piper, kasa, Tessa, and our new member lifeiswonderful stay with us
Ll trypto rest tonight not sure what's do about my menopause symptoms now any sujestions?
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this is milky and I soraoundings
my car coming from the train station.0 -
I forgot I also saw that movie and I must say I did not enjoy it at all. I hope men don't start trying to act that way. I feel sick when I think how many of those are out there. Feeling plausure by physically hurting others.
I agree me too I enjoy love histories better.
Milky watch, the best of me
It s a great one.
Night all
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BB - whatever is done is done....just focus on keeping up your immune system.
i had a long day but had a nice evening out with a friend....good food good conversation.
I am not getting along well with my manager and really hope the next project i will get to work with someone more into mentoring. today he didn't back me up at the meeting....i i think he knew i was mad bc i looked like i wanted to bite his head off.
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Enerva- good for you that you are exercising. I find I just try to get to my gym when I can. When I am working a lot like you are now, it is much harder. I try to go both days on the weekend when I know I can get there. I think as the weather warms up and spring comes, you will be able to do more outside and will enjoy that.
I don't get hot flashes all that often and when I do, they don't bother me too much. A friend gave me advice as I was heading into it (then it hit hard after my hysto and of course, compounded by the rest). She said to dress in layers. She is always warm and wears tank tops and short sleeve shirts year round. I am not sure if that would work for you where you live though (colder).
I know there are some natural products that are supposed to help with the flashes but so much of that stuff can be estrogen like. If I find something that might work in the health food store, I usually run it by my MO to make sure it won't create other problems.
Sorry I could not be of more help. It is tough living without estrogen.
And I won't see 50 Shades of Grey. Women have a hard enough time with being treated well by men without that kind of stuff.
Dang that looks cold Enerva. We had a big storm here last weekend, some rain yesterday, back to spring. I know you are ready for that too.
Stix- good for you that you are dating a bit here and there. That sounds perfect to me, some drinks, dinner, etc. without anything too heavy. And no you should not be ashamed of anything. The right man won't be intimidated by the story or anything else. When will your recon be done? You are strong sister.
June- I hate people you work for who don't have your back. I have a client who has sat silently several times when her senior leaders have tried to throw me under the bus repeatedly for things that are their responsibility. As a consultant and biz owner, I have the ability to stand up for myself (and leave if I need to) and don't let them make me own their junk, but it was a real eye opener about her. And of course, they keep asking me back so I guess I am not all that bad, right? I don't have much respect for her management style anymore and it is hard to work for people you don't respect. I hope your next project is better.
Busy day tomorrow so off to bed. Sleep well friends.
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Milky - I didn't see that movie, but I agree with you. I prefer romantic movies myself. By the way, like you, I had a prophylactic oophorectomy. Please let us know the results of the scans when you find out.
BB - If I were in your shoes, I'd be asking the same questions about whether the AIs are worth the SEs. I didn't have a choice thanks to 2 positive lymph nodes and a positive margin at my chest wall. I had to have MX and go all-out with the treatments. I'm not sure what I would do if my diagnosis were the same as yours. I think I would be unsure about what to do, too.
Stix - I like the idea of dating casually (dinner, drinks) but worry that men might expect much more from the women they take out. I'm actually worried about angering someone when he realizes that he's not going to get much further. lol
Enerva - Glad to hear that your sister's chemo treatments are almost finished. As for hot flashes, I also had extreme hot flashes that began during chemo. The first MX threw me into menopause, then I bled twice during chemo, and then the periods stopped. I was 46. Hot flashes kept me awake all night, too. The hot flashes continued with Tamoxifen. Then I had my ovaries removed. I have to say that, in my case, the hot flashes have subsided now, even though I'm still on AIs and I have no ovaries. I still get hot flashes sometimes, but they're not as severe. Or maybe I'm just used to them. lol
June - I hope everything works out at work for you.
Jazzy - Good luck this week.
A winter storm is expected to hit this week here. I hope that will be the end of the snow and ice, once and for all.
Goodnight, all!
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BB- good that you are working to dress nice, fix your hair, etc. It is hard to put a nice face on for the world when we don't really feel like it. I know I feel better when I have a good haircut, something nice to wear that looks good, and do my make up more so. I have my awards breakfast tomorrow and have to make a much bigger effort, just in case I win!
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hi, yesss jazz you will shine tmw
Bb, yes I ll keep u posted on my sister she is like you, she loves to put on makeup and nice clothing to feel better
my sister is such a girl ha ha ha I love that about her she is all about getting something to be pretty. Its hard om all of us to see her deal with bc and now this new tumor. I am not sure what is going to happen. Keep positive hoping it's all a nightmare and someone will wake us up.I missed my train I am on the next but happy I got a seat.
Not looking forward to exercises but I ll get it done as soon as I get home. I figure if I don't then I won't at all. So looking forward my bed tonight. Oh I must tell you all today I had to fill in forms for my insurance at work and off course now i fear I won't be qualified due to my history. I mean I may no be allow to get the extra I used to have. Like life insurance and additional % in case of critical illness. I may be rejected. Oh well I try let's wait.
I had a meeting today and I had several new issues due to a release that is due this Friday for a prd fix. Took some docs home
Again no lunch today I had some apple I brought in and now I am starving.
Here some more routines for you all.
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hi this is a nice video
Thought you all may like it.
http://skeleton-love.diply.com/auntyacid/kissing-s...
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I've been away too. Daughter's dance competition over the weekend. Another mom drove me. So thankful! We ate gyros all weekend. And I splurged with some wine while the girls were swimming at the hotel. It was fun,
BB - interesting you think your divorce caused your BC. I totally believe it. I think mine was caused by an ex boy friend, who a couple of years after I discovered he was cheating on me and it ended, decided to take my then 6 yr. old daughter out to my car (in a dark parking lot) without my knowledge, to see her new puppy. We were all at the yacht club, I had no idea he was even there. I hadn't had him around my daughter at all for a few years (cheaters don't deserve family access.) Anyhow, when he tried to get in the backseat with her, my other dog - a black lab/Shepard mix who was in the back cargo area, bit the ex. Dog was defending my daughter likely. The bad guy sued me. (Even though insurance had covered all of his medical expenses.) I had to give away our dog. Was a rescue pet and my daughter's love. Really sad. the stress was really high for me. The case finally settled the week I was diagnosed.i still get the willies even thinking about it. So, that's how I got BC, I'm positive.
jazzy - I'd like to retire. Lol since that's not possible. I'd love to write a novel. I have several ideas I've been incubating. But it seems so hard to get published. I've published many professional articles, but I don't have book contacts and I don't think it's realistic. I'd love to flip houses (get some tangible results for a change with work from house projects). Our real estate market is really bad still though. I have a lot of flexibility with hours and being able to work from home currently. That's a blessing! It is something that I would want with a new path too. I actually do not mind the winter. I'm not quite ready for it to be over. I think it's because I love snow days, haven't been out skiing, sledding snow shoeing with health stuff, and I'm in hibernation mode. But perhaps the spring will give me new career ideas and inspiration.
Enerva, Milky, Life, June - hope I haven't left anyone out!, I hope you are having a great week! Glitter, tiaras, unicorns and a money tree in your back yard.
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Formydaughter- what a story about the ex-BF and your daughter and all the rest. I am sorry that happened, and that you had to give the dog away too especially when he/she was trying to protect your daughter.
My oncologists say that things that are very stressful in our lives up to 8 years before we get diagnosed can "flip the switch." For me it was a very difficult period with elder care (initially until we got some things settled by selling our mothers house and moving her near us and into assisted living). Our mom died three years ago this month and my sister and I got diagnosed within a few months of each other later that year. No coincidence there. I don't blame my mother either, it was just the circumstances that threw us into a very difficult time. We both came through it and are doing fine now.
I am doing a writers conference this summer in Taos (first time ever) and love to write and take writing classes periodically. I love to write short stories but would like to write a novel. Even if I just write it for myself. I don't care that much about publishing, but with something good, I might. If you cannot write for a living, try to at least do it for yourself!
Time for bed, big day tomorrow!
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i had my abdominal ultrasound result which is fine .she saw fatty liver i need to watch my diet.i have bone scan on friday.lets see what happens .this is not an ordinary life i am sure .its about emotional roller coaster.i paid a price for life check ups every 6 months i feel i am a machine or car which needs approval to run on roads .it s crazy.hahah
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Milky - I'm so glad to hear that the ultrasound results were okay. It's good you're going for the bone scan, too. We can never be too cautious.
BB - You're probably right about the dating rules/expectations today. If we're expected to split the check these days, I suppose I'm going to be single for a long time, if not for the rest of my life, because I am completely broke. lol
Formydaughter - What a relief that your dog saved your little girl! I can imagine the stress that situation caused for you, though. One of my biggest worries about dating today is safety. How do we know whom to trust? My kids are in their teens now, big enough to defend themselves (and me), but I still worry. I was married for 18 years before I found out what type of man my soon-to-be-ex really was, so I wonder how a few short dates could give a clear picture of someone. As for what caused the cancer... Cancer took my father 8 years ago, and I was diagnosed three years later. But my oncologists said that I must've had the tumor for a much longer time. So, in my case, I believe heredity is the reason I ended up with cancer.
Jazzy - Good luck tomorrow. Let us know what happens.
I always loved to write, too, and have been planning a couple of novels myself. I can never find the time to write, though. I don't think it's a coincidence that quite a few of us here enjoy writing. It would make sense that people who enjoy writing would gather to, well, write on an internet forum.
Enerva - I need to try those exercises. I really want to get into shape before the summer.
Goodnight, all.
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ok I am in the train, very cold this morning -16. Same is expected for tmw. But I am happy tmw is Friday
. And I did exercise yesterday night so no need to tonight. I must admit it is hard to do but I am managing and now that the muscles pain is not there I feel much better. Frlormerdauter I read what happened and I feel terrible. It's so sad to part from a love pet. And for all that you went through. I send you lots of strength and hugs.
Bb,hope you are good and that meditation is happening I didn't succeed at it I was not able to stop my brain from thinking I try many times but ended up like I call it fake meditating lol
Milky I will be on your pocket tmw. I must admit I did not enjoy that bone scan it's a long one. But I wish I had one more. It still worries me that no scans will be order for me until I have a wierd symptom or something.
I finally got my T4 so I ll organize my receipts and try to do taxes. I am not sure how to it is the first time I have a independent tax account separate from my full time job. I will be able to claim my courses and gas and that is very wierd. In the past I couldn't
Ok have a great day all
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Milky- good to hear the ultrasound results were good. I pray the bone scan will be the same. I hear you too on the 6 month follow ups like it is okay to get back on the road. We really never do get off the road though in our day to day, do we?
Life- it really is hard to know who people really are. I have had enough experiences in life with co-workers, friends, and BF's who seemed fine and then one day, saw someone completely different.
There is one thing I have figured out about people that helps me to know whether they may be okay or to proceed with caution. I look at their relationship history, and all on fronts too. With their family, friends, and jobs. People who have a history of repeatedly failures of any sort have something going on that others cannot tolerate, especially if everyone ELSE has the problem. I think just getting to know someone very slowly now is the way to go. We were not taught to approach relationships like that when we were younger. But with our own health issues, some with children to protect, I think it is a must do now. If a guy is up to no good, he will get impatient and move on. Once people show you who they are, believe it.
Time to get ready. Excited, nervous, and will see how today goes!
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