Single life after a mastectomy
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lifeiswonderful - yeah i had read lots of stories saying that slow is best don't try and ask for too much too fast otherwise it will be too painful.
bb - it hasn't been too bad. I am happy its nearly over but i am a bit scared of the next surgery as i will be having two ops in one. exchange on right side and lat dorsi w/ expander on the left so I will have a harder time recovering. the recovery before was easier because it was a simpler operation.
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life - hang in there. Clearly you are doing your best in court. It won't be perfect, but if you are doing your best, no regrets. For me, it got to the point where agreeing to things that I'd never thought I would, made sense to get him gone. The stress was indescribable. Unfortunate with kids in the picture, he's never entirely gone. But it's a lot better after divorce is final. I'm sorry you are going through this right now.
I just learned that a parent from my daughters dance group, left his wife when she had BC. While she was in treatment, he got a girl friend. He has complained to me about her new boyfriend, regarding custodial arguments they are dealing with in a revised visitation hearing. I didn't know the mom and was sympathetic to things he was telling me. Now that Ilearned the truth (and that my daughters little friend is likely BRCA + like her mom), I'm mad at him. I plan to reach out to the mom. I'm shocked. I had thought he was really nice.
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Formydaughter- I have come to realize it is not uncommon for men to leave women when something happens like a child is born with serious health issues, or develops cancer, or when the women get sick. I have heard too many stories about it through the years to know some men are just NOT interested in sticking around when someone else needs the attention. That being said, how awful for that the woman with the bc, and what a jerk he is. He appeared to be nice, but he showed you who he really is now. Does he know you had bc?
Ever since that whole really public thing with John and Elizabeth Edwards with his affair with that other lady, and the baby with her he denied and later confessed was his, I just knew what these guys are up to. I remember thinking at the time he just decided to go get something started with someone else because he was afraid he may end up alone. Back to my point about men not being able to be alone. I felt so badly for Elizabeth with all of that, having to deal with her illness and children she was worried about leaving behind, and all that public humiliation. I have no doubt the stress of all that took it's toll on her two.
I remember when Elizabeth was interviewed about his affair and someone said "why don't you just leave him and end the relationship now?" She said whatever decisions she was making would be with her children's well being in mind. She said said her children were going to loose their mother, and she did not want them to loose their father through alienation. She was clearly the bigger person in that relationship, putting herself first. God rest her soul, I have never seen someone more courageous.
Sorry you had to find out this guy was not what he seemed, but now you at least know. Note to self: stay single!
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BB- yay, that is good news on the tax front. I know you could use the cash. Does your pension you receive get taxed?
I remember you sharing about your husband going off when your son was having some health issues. Sigh......
I have known good men who have taken care of their families when things got tough. The men in my father's family were the absolute best at it. One uncle took very good care of his wife who had a blood disorder her whole life, and she was always a bit on the fragile side. He also made sure my grandmother was cared for at the end of her life. The other uncle in that family took care of his wife with dementia until the stress caused him to drop from a heart attack. So I have seen the good men too who do stay and help.
The men on my mothers family were the worst. Known for bailing and creating much hardship for their families, and without a second thought. One of them is still around too.
I guess the thing here is that sometimes you really won't know until the difficult thing happens what someone will really do?
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wow that also reminds me of Still Alice, ;(
How some men just can't be with the woman till the end when sickness is present Still alice show a reality which no body likes to see about men.
Good night ladies
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Enerva- I may go see Still Alice this week.
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i actually have a different take on John Edwards. he was having an affair because he couldn't deal with the stress that came with....he didn't leave (divorce) his wife and started a new family. i think he was doing whatever to cope. its very different from some men leaving their wives to fend for themselves.
if JE was a real a-hole, he could just use escort service and left no trace. and having an affair means he probably was craving for some human interaction.
i just don't see him as an evil man. he made a mistake at the wrong time and cost his career. he's punished enough.
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ok ladies I have been non stop this week again, so much I can't even imagine tmw is thusdayr again
Bb counseling for me was a waist, I only did it to avoid going back to work cuz I was depressed and I felt I couldn't face the people at work. I must confess I never took the pills I have 3 months worth of those drugs I never took.I was afraid of taking it.I think I am still depressed, but I keep so busy I have no time to even think about it.lol no the lady had not impact on me at all, she sat there and asked me stupid questions. Like are you sleeping better? Are you eating bla bla maybe she thought I was not well to care for myself who knows. I never went back I am surprised I never got a call from them.even to ask why I did not return. Specially since I was supposed to be taking her prescription drugs
Jazz movie is great go watch it.
Night night sending you hugs hope every one is good.
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Thanks, everyone, for the kind words that made me feel better. :-)
BB - Good luck with counseling.
Enerva - I'm hoping to watch "Still Alice" when it's released on video.
Formydaughter - My oncologists told me it's typical for a man to leave a woman when she's been diagnosed with cancer. I do know men who stayed with their wives or girlfriends through cancer. To make a long story short: Mine was pretending to care but was secretly cheating while I was sick.
Jazzy - The men on both sides of my family are good guys (as far as I know, anyway) who stay by their wives through thick and thin. The women are devoted, too. Unfortunately, not all of them married devoted spouses... at first. But, eventually, most of them ended up meeting their soulmates and remarrying.
As to what Jazzy pointed out - men not handling being alone - the one man who used to talk with me (after my ex left) said over and over again that he didn't want to be alone. He just couldn't bear the thought of it.
As for Elizabeth Edwards... John Edwards reportedly cheated on her with multiple women. I see him and his GF as total narcissists.
I don't want to end my post on that negative note. So I'd like to mention how nice the weather was here today with a high of 60 degrees. The snow and ice has melted almost completely.
Well, goodnight, everyone!
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Life- wow, your oncologist told you that men commonly leave when women get diagnosed with cancer? That shows you how common it really is then. Sigh.....
Good to hear the weather is warming up for you too. Here too! Spring is moving in now.....
Today is the 3 year anniversary of my mother's passing. In many ways, I don't feel I ever got to properly grieve the loss, as that is the same year so many other things happened right after, including my bc diagnosis.
As I got my taxes in the mail to my accountant, all my follow up work done yesterday with my new work opps, and going to take a break today and go up to Santa Fe for the afternoon. Maybe a trip to one of the museums and a visit to a few other places I enjoy, like my fav spiritual bookstore. Will be nice to do on this day of remembering.
Wishing you all a good day!
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hi ladies i am happy my bone scan s clear.
Need advice how should i react if i find my husband is talking with the girl the topic is ORGASM....he knows me n my 3 teenagers are at the same roof .in was thinking that girl knows that too .how come girls are running after stupid rich man .what is her level .
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I amgetting 1800 back. I am so happy0 -
had my last expansion yesterday!!! So happy! Im at about 550ccs of saline. On the left my surgeon is doing a lat dorsi at the same time as the exchange to implant. Feeling really positive
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Milky- very good news on the bone scan. Whew!
I am not sure I understand the question though? Does your husband have a girlfriend coming to the house where I think he may still live and talking about sex in front of you and your kids? If yes, then tell him to go take his relationship outside of the home. Is he trying to get you to leave? Can you leave?
Melp- great news on getting the fills done. How are you feeling? Are you comfortable with the new look? I can tell you are glad to be done with this.
Stix- sounds like you are getting where you need to be. Are you too happy with the way things are looking?
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Well, everyone here has a lot happening today, eh? Great news, Stix and Melp.
Jazzy - I hope you enjoyed a peaceful day with the memories of your mother.
Milky - That's good news about the bone scan. So happy for you about that! :-) About your husband... Was he talking on the telephone to this other woman? Or were they both in your house talking in front of your teenagers?
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Life- I had a good day today. I am pleased to say I bought my first size 10 pair of pants today too. Down almost 2 sizes now.
My mother was a painter and loved art. So in memory of her, I went to the fine arts museum today and saw some new exhibits, including a new southwestern painting exhibit. There was something here in the early 1900s called the Taos painters society which drew many artists from the east coast and all over the world. Georgia O'Keefe being one of them. Gustav Baumann is one of my other favorites and four peices of his work today in the new exhibit. The colors in these paintings were outstanding.
I don't ever think I took my mother to the art museum in Santa Fe when she used to visit me here. She loved to go eat and shop in Santa Fe, which is great fun too. I do remember one time she was here, we got caught in a big summer T-storm and ducked into a little local movie theater saw the Horse Whisperer with Robert Redford. I think being up there today brought back some nice memories of her visits here and our times up there. It was a thoughtful day, but not a sad one.
I had some blood work done recently and most things looking very good. My Vitamin D levels have never looked better. I still want my A1C to go down further and must focus on eating less carbs. My PCP seemed pleased with the recent results and wrote I must be doing something right!
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That does sound like a nice, peaceful day filled with nice memories, Jazzy. New Mexico sounds beautiful. :-)
I'm overdue for a blood test myself. I keep putting it off because my insurance didn't cover the last blood tests I had. But I really need to bite the bullet and get that blood work done. It's important. Glad to hear your recent test results were good.
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jazzygirl - im happy with the look but i am anxious to feel the chest with the implant in though!!! that will be my best moment!
Feeling good but anxious about the recovery from the lat dorsi op though but i trust my surgeon.
Will let you all know when i have a date for exchange
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Melp- it sounds like you have a good PS and trust the rest will go smoothly. Please do keep us posted. So glad to hear of your progress!
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BB- start eating lots of carbs and the weight should go on pretty quickly. But I think like me you have blood sugar issues, so that may create a problem for your blood glucose. High protein diets can also help with putting on weight.
I wish I could share some of my fat with you. I still have a good amount of fat to go......
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BB- your ex was an abusive man to do all that to you. It is good you are out of that relationship. And don't worry about him either, because last time I checked, karma is a beoch!
We all do need to eat carefully these days in the post bc world. Maybe just try to eat more daily. More calories even with good foods may help you.
The counseling work is going to help you to become strong inside and out.
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BB- I have seen so many of my friends be treated badly by their exs, including turning the kids against them in various ways. One friend once said "I have to trust that my children will figure this out as they get older what their father is really about." Her daughter just idolized her very absent father and then my friend sent her to go live with him. Then the girl realized he father was not all that interested in her, busy with his new wife and children. Hopefully you can have a good relationship with your boys without the rest of that junk being in the middle.
No doubt you did not get bc from all that stress. Don't let him take anymore from you.
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BB - I didn't see what you posted, although I can guess the subject matter based on Jazzy's responses to you. Please know that you're not alone, dear sister. I agree with Jazzy about karma.
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Spring is a a time of rebirth. May everyone here find their hopes and dreams opening to the in this new season.
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my so called husband was talking very politely on phone with some girl.he had fever i been giving him meal on his bed and observing him talking with girl .look he is so brave no shame talking in front of me and my kids
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Milky- you are not in a good situation. I would not be serving this man anything.
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ladies I have good news, my sister s ultrasound showed that the tumor did reduce in size and that it is now letting go of her arteries so they will give her one more chemo then surgery. She had an xray which show her arm bone looks ok no way to have a bone scan there but so far the bad news is that 3 of her lynph nodes which are towards her neck are swelled 3 of the nodes so I am happy in a way cuz the chemo did work reducing the tumor. I am a bit worried aboutvit lynph nodes cuz it's on her neck and i am not confident Dr.in my country will know what to do about it. But overall I am happy cuz I don't think cancer is in her arm. I think the pain is cuz of the tumor been on her main arteries. I am not sure.
I am ok I exercised this week and I will trypto find a place to do my taxes and get it out of the way.
Found a beautiful picture I want to share.
I think things in California. Love places like that
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Enerva - I'm glad to hear that the tumor was reduced and that your sister is doing better. I hope the lymph nodes are swollen for another reason. Often viruses make lymph nodes swell in the neck area. I hope that's all that's going on with your sister.
Milky - You're right that your so-called husband has no shame. A few of us here married the same kind of men, it seems. You and your husband are separated in the house, right? I was in that position for a whole year after I discovered that my husband was cheating. Do you both own a house? Or do you rent? If you own a house, I can understand why you can't leave - you'll probably lose access to the house if you do, right?
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Enerva- thank for sharing the news about your sister. I hope things continue to improve for her and that the nodes in her neck are just related to infection or flu or something, like Life says. I hope she is turning the corner on this. I know you have been so worried.
Pic is lovely too, those stairs look like they may lead somewhere wonderful!
Went for a birthday lunch today with a friend who had a b-day earlier this month and also retiring. Tried a great new place I loved and will go back to. We spent a few hours at the botanical gardens today.
Got another event tonight. I am social butterfly today.
Hope everyone else is having a good Saturday too!
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