Single life after a mastectomy
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Life- I am glad you had a good day yesterday. Don't worry about enjoying the food you did, I suspect it was a totally treat for you yesterday.
I think when men are not getting what they want, they show their truest colors. Your husband probably just kept it hidden for a long time. I have been in emotionally abusive relationships in the past too. It is good to see the patterns so you can tell yourself no more. You are so strong girlfriend, keep the faith and praying here all works out to your favor.
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BB- I think all you are doing with your therapy is good, although I can understand your concerns about how much you share in group situations. I have never done therapy in group situations, although my old meditation group could be like that. Once you put stuff out there in group settings, you never know what you are going to hear back (a lot of judgement or blame, which helps nothing). So I encourage you to share what you are comfortable with, and thing the focus on moving forward on your own is a good safe topic. Many women will find themselves alone in life by choice or otherwise. It is a very relatable topic for most women, I think.
I know you have told me your ex is really married to a task master now. That is karma at it's finest. What you do to others, you to do yourself. He just met his match and the universe brought him someone just like him or worse to show him how it feels. I try not to be vindicitve toward those who have wronged me, but have seen things come around full circle and consider it just desserts.
Heading out for the day to do errands and hit the gym. It is sunny and warm here, and spring is doing it's thing this weekend!
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hi ladies,
BB, how I wish I live in your area so I could come and give you a hug, you are so nice and people took advantage of you starting by your ex. The day will come when you will overcome all and light will be in your life for good.
I woke up at 6 am then went back to bed I then woke up at 11 I could not believe it I slept finally with no pills I think it was so much and finally I had a week with no hot flushes so that helped me sleep last night. I started reading my book and felt sleep. Now I am trying to clean my apt then I ll start readying my book again. It feels very wierd not to have my car to go for a drive by the lake. It's so nice out side it's -9 but sunny and bright so it looks beautiful from indoor.
My terrarium survived and looks great just wanted to share with you all
Hope the weekend is good for everybody
Bb I got phone cards let me know when ever you need to chat
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Bb I always wanted one and those are so expensive so I found the glass at home sense for $12.99 and then bought the plants for $3.99 each total of 4. I had a small orquid already at home which put in the middle and the soil and little rock grabed from my lake last summer lol total cost around $35.00 and it turned out beautiful. Those are sold here for over $100
I was nervous cuz I don't have much luck with plants but I look in YouTube (my best friend) and saw how easy it is to make them if you have a big glass lol
Some times at garage sales there are nice glass things for very cheap. I wish I live in a house with a garden
up north. The ladies from insomnia tread have beautiful gardens even jazz and piper and life have nice gardens I hope I get one in years to come. I enjoy visiting plant nursery I took a week off in may and still not sure if I ll be able to go somewhere. I hope so even though my exam is in June I may just have to stay and study hard.
Bb I did some crying today, I saw a thing In my kitchen which used to be my birds toy and that was enough for me to cry so you see we are all in that sensitive stage these days. You are never alone we are in the same boat.
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oh Bb, you are kind your dog is a great company even better than people, dogs loves us even when we don't treat them well. Hand in there. Hey bb are you in a tread called:
Topic: Warm & fuzzy owls, goats, kitties, dogs, birds ETC. PICS &LINKS
It's such a nice treat it's only to post funny pictures and honestly it makes my day when I go there I laugh. I love it
Search for it.
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Enerva - I'm glad to hear you finally had a good night's rest. :-)
BB - I was just learning yesterday about online options in our state for finishing a degree, and I thought about telling you about earning your master's. And now here you are, posting it. I think that's a great idea!
BB, I don't know if this will help you or not. I hope it does. But... my first serious relationship was with a man much like your ex. He became very controlling. I was completely faithful to him, but he demanded that I explain my whereabouts to him at all times. I don't know whether your ex was this bad: If I so much as glanced at another man, he would flip out on me. It started escalating to physical abuse. To make a long story short, in the end, I discovered that he'd been cheating on me the whole time (oh, the irony - lol).
When I met my husband, I believed he was completely different from the first guy. After a few years of marriage, after catching him in lie after lie, I started looking for help. I started thinking more about that first relationship. I began talking with a group of women online, and we shared notes. It was amazing how similar these men were. One of those women was a counselor for abused women. She said these guys were "sociopaths," and she shared a lot of information about these kinds of men and their behaviors. She also told us what to look out for.
But the counselor also insisted that I'd married the same kind of guy. I kept insisting, "No, I didn't. No, he's not like the first guy at all."
Now I know she was right - I did marry the same kind of guy. He never once raised his hand to me. But he did all the same things - he just did them all in a different way. ;-) LOL.
I'm probably going to be deleting most of the above soon. I'm just leaving it there temporarily in case it's helpful to BB or anyone else here.
You all enjoy your day now. It's good to be single. :-)
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wait life can you tell me what to look for? I am so bad I never married but I also think I dated the same guys over and over. I always ended up dating the guys that wanted no serious relationship and just wanted to have sex and fun. My ex was I little better but at the end he also preferred to be alone than having a commitment with me, off course the fact that I became my mom s care giver did also play some role he never said that to me but I could feel how it did not help our casual thing I saw he was like Bb s ex he wanted me to pay attention to him over mom. I now see lot clear. Things I did not see back in the past. Now that mom is gone and I am alone again he keeps in touch like an old friend. I am glad I am keeping my distance. The problem is that I fear I attract the same kind of man and it's my own life. I am independent and I think I portrait that very well so no man wants a woman like that it seams they want the woman that is needy and fragile lol
Anyway like you say I am happy single. But I will like to know more about what to look for when introduced to men.
I have a friend I think I told you guys about her. She is now involved and her and her hubby are always trying to find someone for me. Lol
I already told them I am not interested on finding anybody at least not now.
Anyway here I am trying to avoid my book lol going to read a chapter then ll comeback here
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BB - Then maybe your ex is the opposite of the kind of man I'm talking about. It's good that you can stand back and analyze both your ex-husband and ex-boyfriend.
Enerva - I remember that, when I talked with those other women, every single one of our exes was the same in this way:
In the beginning, he seems perfect. As if he truly cares about you. He wants to be with you all the time and talk with you all the time. He "takes care" of you as if he's looking out for your well being (fixing things for you, etc.).
He'll also say things like, "I want to make sure you get home all right, so I want you to call me as soon as you get there."
At first everything seems fine. Someone just wants to make sure you arrive home safely, right?
But there's another element to it with this type of man... Say you've been calling him at 5:25 p.m as soon as you return home from work. Say one day you call at 5:35 p.m. - he'll suddenly want to know why it took you an extra 10 minutes to call him. He might ask: Did you really go to work? He'll act suspicious, maybe just for a moment.
Every time you start to wonder about the guy, he'll start acting like the perfect charming man again.
There's much, much more to it, of course. But right there - that's a big warning sign. It starts out as if he cares about you, but it's really about control.
Anyway, my ex-husb wasn't like that at all. He didn't seem to care where I was going and what I was doing. He didn't seem to care about me at all, in fact. But now I see that there was an element of control there. It's just that he used a different method. LOL.
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wow lol Ok this is so interesting lol
My ex did not show any affection to me in public and don't get me wrong I don't like to see people kissing or going at it on the street but it is nice to see a couple who hold hands or who shows some kind of signs that says this woman is with me. My ex was like a real Canadian ice cube in fact I call him Rock lol and he find it funny lol I had the conversation with him any times and asked him how was it he never said the love word to me. His answer was he did not need to cuz the fact he was seen me was already prove he did care about me. I said what ever to that one lol
But I never observed this signs you are telling me about cuz my ex never did ask for me to let him know I was home lol he only contacted me the night before Saturday to conform a what time I was leaving to come over to his place lol but once I became mom care giver I told him that was it mom was my priority and he did not like it at all.
Then we broke up abyear after mom came to live with me and then a year later I got sick and a year later mom past away so it hard to understand what really went through his mind.
I ll keep this tips now for the next loser I meet lol if I ever decide to date again ha ha ha
Bb is more the romantic one I bet she ll start first lol
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Enerva, you're right - it doesn't sound as if your ex was that type of guy. Maybe he had other issues.
But, you're still young. :-) Don't give up yet. There are nice men out there. I don't know where they are - lol - maybe they're hiding - but they must be out there somewhere. lol
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BB- don't rule out getting more education. Many people retool for new careers. I have done it a couple times. If a degree is too much to think about, look at your local community college for certification programs that can get you working in something where a cert would help. This is a really great option once you have any sort of college degree. Be open to the possibilities.
Enerva- your terrarium is doing really well! I remember when you made it. I am proud of you. It must be in a great window!
And hugs sister. Thoughts of your dear bird. I know you really miss him.
Here is a picture of the weeping cherry in my yard that is really blooming now.
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jazz I love your tree.
Ok mechanic called:
New thermostat housing $99.67
Cooling $25.00
Oil change $40.00
Labour $160.00(2hours)
Taxes 15%
Total around $ 378.00 so maybe $400?
Craaaaaappppp
Lol
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Enerva- sorry to hear, car repairs are never inexpensive. I know with you planning to take those classes, probably coming at the wrong time. But then again, car repairs never come at a good time.....
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Speaking of car issues, I was getting an "engine low on coolant" message off and on today so I let the car cool down and then went to fill up the reservoir. But of course, the cap is like "glued shut" and no amount of careful tapping with a hammer, using one of those gripper openers or WD-40 will do the trick. Where are those men when you need them?
Then I filled up the washer resevoir with windshield fluid only to see that leak all the way down under the car! So there is obviously something busted there too!
Anyways, this car is due for service which I have been postponing until I get my cash flow going, but think she is going for a check up when I get back.
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Sorry to hear about the car troubles, Enerva and Jazzy. My car's heater hasn't worked for months now. I'm so glad spring is finally here! Well, at least we have cars - lol - we've got to think of it that way.
My youngest son said something to me today. He recently grew taller and is now a little bit taller than I am. Today he asked, "Why do you have a Y on the top of your head?" I said, "What?" So I used two mirrors to get a look. The part looks like a Y. Is that true for most people?
I used to have hair so thick that it broke combs. Nowadays I find myself thinking - Can't I keep SOMETHING? Breasts - gone. Ovaries - gone. Can't I at least keep the thick hair? LOL. Ah, well... maybe it will thicken up again.
Enjoy your night, everyone.
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Life- yes, I have a sort of Y on top. The part goes down one side and does a Y on the back of my head.
There was a great segment on NPR yesterday by a woman who got diagnosed with throat cancer and wanted to do the cold caps to keep her hair during chemo (BB did you do this or maybe not if you lost some hair?) She said her MO was not very understanding about her wanting to do this, and said "your hair is the least thing you need to worry about." She said she left his office and cried the whole way home. She said she was told with the type of cancer she had, and with chemo and then rads to the head, it would change her skin, her teeth might FALL OUT, and she said "can't I just keep something?" Anyways, she found another MO after that meeting and did the cold caps and was talking about how this is so important for women to do. She pointed out it is not covered by insurance so it is not even an option for many women.
Hugs here to all you brave women. BC changes so much.....
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BB- sounds like that MO was just like the one that lady talked about on NPR. Men loose hair all the time and that is why there are all these super duper drugs for that, like Rogaine, which seems okay. But I guess is not okay for women to try to retain some dignity with their appearance during and after cancer treatment.
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hi hi, well guess what total repairs ended up $700.00 when I drove my car to the go train next day of picking it up I realized again sometime was wrong. I then call the dumb ass mechanic and told him somethings wrong. My car was in high wear like they had done something to the minimum and the car just wanted to rase. So he said he had no clue and to bring back. Well when I go back to the go train and turn on the car right away I notice the same behavior so I took it. It turn out car was doing higher than 3000 rpm oN park mode. Imagine so they said they must keep it and off course they had nothing to do with it so basically I had to pay for another repair of $351.00 today total of 700
I am glad its fix but I am piss $700 I honestly feel they must have done something. But I cant prove it so it's just my luck.
Regarding the hair I must say that losing my long hair was worse than taking chemo I honestly hated losing my hair yes I was all smiling and a happy lady to say oh its ok it will grow back I am not worry. But boy did it take for ever and even now it's like it's stuck at one length and it's not growing anymore.
I have an issue at work I need your advise.
My ass hole manager told me I must take part on a rotation with the team that provides after hours support. I told him why? He said why no? I said I am not ready for that. I could not deal with the stress. And he says well in two week you are going in.
Just like that
I am very down. I hate when people force me to do things. When I was hired that was not part of my job contract now since I am back and in a different team yet my title did not change.they are forcing me to take on a roll which mean in one week I must be available 24/7 so I will work my regular hours the after 7 pm to 7 am I must carry a cell phone black berry from work and provide support. Ladies I ll love to have the extra money cuz they ll pay extra but I am not ready to get the stress I just feel so stressed already.
So I sent an email to hr. Asking if I can have a one on one meeting with someone from Hr. I need to know if management can force that on me.knowing this was not part in any way of my original contract.
What do you ladies think?
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BB, I wish that is why I am trying to talk to Hr. I honestly I am so tired as it is last week I work 7 hours over time and I am burned I can't take one a after hour role ;(
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hi friends me n my kids went to ottawa its 5 hours drive from my place .we went for wekend and had really good time.
sometimes its very imp for me to run away from my home in search of some peace.
Enerva.bb.jazzygirl.life
hows everything
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good morning, milky I am glad you were able to get away.
I am on the bus now it's 5:57 am I am very tired but have so much behind. I logged on from home last night and still did not fishing some test cases.
I was thinking of how to deal with work and I just decided to wait for Hr to give me their opinion and take it from there. It worse comes to worse I ll do a terrible job and they can fire me if they please, no point of stressing now.
I can't wait for the weekend and the good weather.
My car still feel a bit wierd the mechanics said it would till he learns what type of driver I am all over again? It's like they washed my car s memory and he is starting from 0.
Have a wonderful day all
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ok so ladies the car is still not good. Today again is acting wierd on the high again. I asked a friend and here is what he is tell me :
My car used to do that only when it was cold, it used to rev at about 2000 and pulse up and down a bit then when it would warm up it would get better. Looked on the internet and it turned out to be the intake manifold gasket, paid 15 dollars for a new gasket and it was fixed. It almost sounds like your problem like your car is sucking airThe part they changed on your car controls that air fuel mixture but if you have an air leak after that it won't work right
So I am so frustrated now tmw I must bring back to the mechanics
Hope you all have a great weekend
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ok hope all of you are ok I went to the mechanics and he says I must just give the car some time to adjust itself. The guy says it should go back to normal. My brother told me to disconnect my battery and leave it disconnect over night and that tmw put it back and see how the car reacts. My brother says the computer in my car needs to reset and that my mechanic probably did not do that. I am not sure hut I followed my brother instructions lol we should see tmw what happens.
How are you all.remember how my flashes went away? A few weeks back like 10 days well guess what my friend the period came lol so now I am not sure what to expect this coming weeks lol
I am feeling better cause the car is drivable and I should be ok.
At work the situation is tense I am not sure what to expect anymore.
Hope you are all busy and having a great weekend
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i am not sure lol my stopped but instead of sex drive I got my period hahahaha this life after bc is just such a journey.
I am trying to study but have very if any motivation
I hope you find a way to resolve the urges lol
I think that maybe better than the periods I got it with pain in my lower back not pleasant at all.
I ll try to read my boring book now.
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well my manger email me today to tell me I must do the hours like it or not. So I emailed Hr. And I ll make an appointment with my Dr's tmw hoping to see her soon and maybe she can give me a letter stating I cannot handle the stress. I am so down I have been working so hard yet it's not enough. I am really sick of the people I work with they are bulling me no matter what that is what it is.
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E - i am so sorry that your boss is an a$$.....
i developed edema and hyper thyroid after been on tamoxifen for over a year.......
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Hi ladies- in Phoenix flying back from California. I had a good b-day trip to the west coast to spend time with my sister and SIL. Lots of good food, a great concert, a trip to a museum, nice walk on the beach. I get home late tonight and will have tomorrow to recover before I head into more biz dev meetings.
BB- I am sure the counseling work is not easy. It sounds you are getting some help around things here, which is the best news of all. No judgement on the booty call. We are all adults and can decide what we need when we need it most. I wish you continued success with all you are doing.
Enerva- I am sorry about the job situation. Is this a FT job with benefits where you have to deal with "other duties as assigned?" or a contract job? I think you said something about something being written about your responsibilities? I would see HR and also get a doctors note. I had to do that once when I had a FT job put me on the road for a year and started developing health issues as a result. Crappy manager there too. The manager sounds like he wants a slave and encourage you to get it worked out with HR or just go find something else. Any place that pushes you like this is not a good place to work. Your health is too important. Start looking for something else now just in case you cannot work it out with HR. Sorry they are being so awful.
Life- I hope the divorce proceedings are going okay and in your favor.
Millky- hope everything is okay with you. Tests all came out okay, yes?
Piper- hope NO Jazz Fest is fun if you are out here lurking!
Will be back when I can and wishing you all a good Eastery type week.
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ok so I did send Hr a letter and tmw I have an appointment to see my shrink I hope she helps me but she maybe be upset since I haven't seen her for 6 months since I started working I ll tell her it is work that is affecting me in all matters. Yes this is a full time job and I need the benefits in case something goes wrong. Yes this manager is mean imagine I work so many hours already and he is saying it a must here is what he wrote to me.
As you are aware you have been on modified duty as you return from LTD. We have gradually introduced you to various aspects of the role you have returned to on the GFXGETGO team and this is just the next step as we get you fully incorporated in to your role.
As we discussed, this next step includes but is not limited to getting into the RIM rotation which is part of the GFXGETGO role. As part of this you will be added to the RIM rotation schedule which is decided on by the GFXGETGO team and during those times you will be responsible for answering queries to the RIM. As with your colleagues , you will be compensated for carrying the RIM as well as for any time spent responding to after hour calls. You will have to reflect these in Time Entry.
As mentioned as well, Please ensure that you sit with your colleagues who are currently part of the rotation to get a better understanding of processes and procedures and any tips they may have for you. Pay special attention to SLA's and escalation procedures
Should you have any further questions please feel free to come by and discuss
Rgds
All is a big scum I was given my role and more from the beginning
but I wrote a letter to Hr and tmw I ll see my doctor to get help from her.I have one good news. I met a girl from here today. She was having a test in downtown so she contacted me and we.met grabbed a salad with her. It was so nice to meet her just like when I met milky. It is such a strong connection when we meet someone whom we can relate to. She is so young only 34
I hope she gets well soon. She is like us dealing with what ever life we are left with after bc.June wait, are you ok? When did you find out? I am so sorry that tamoxifen is another poison I refused to take ;(
Bb, good for you. No judgment I just hope you play safe be very carefully and yes enjoy life to the max. If I had sex drive I mostlikely could answer my ex calls hahhahaha but the hot flash gave me a two weeks break just so I could get my period and now well hello flashes they are back.
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Enerva- well, I understand the need to work and have benefits. I know this type of work too, many of my IT colleagues have to do on call on top of grueling day time jobs which leaves little time to do other things. I have been there too sometimes during data conversions.
So here is my suggestion. If in fact, this is just a requirement of this particular job and it is going to put too much on you in the post BC world so that you will not be able to take care of yourself, do your classes, work towards your real estate career, etc., then it is just a job for a paycheck and benefits. By working too much, employers can keep you from being able to even think about finding something else too. I have been in that boat before. Many employers these days just want slaves.
When you talk to HR, you could consider telling them that you really enjoy working for them but are concerned that the additional on call work may not be good for your health. Back it up with a letter from your doctor. Then maybe see what they can do? Ask if there is something else in the organization you could consider? Maybe there is another type of job there you could do that does not involve these kinds of on call hours? It would get you away from the hard manager and the riddick expectations. I have had to do similar things with both FT jobs and contracts to manage these situations. I used a doctor's note to get me off the road once with a bad job situation that had me traveling for a year.
June- can you take a different drug? I take the AIs, which I have learned to tolerate but also cause bone issues. No win in any of this stuff.
Going to post some beach pics for you all next.
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