Single life after a mastectomy
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Wasn't comparing but it's just tough when I was always the one couldn't finish the task and the tutor just moved on to the next chapter.
It's like running...I thought I ran pretty okay but in this Revit training I thought I was always the last one and even two seniors (they are not that old) passed me....
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June- has that boss of yours been better to deal with lately or are you just trying to stay off his radar?
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Wishing everyone a good weekend.
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BB - I had very dense breasts but since being on Aromasin my remaining one is all fat and not dense at all, noticeably softer........you may well be the same...........this whole business just stinks.....I am so worried about recon and scared I will be condemned to be as I am now forever...............
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jazzy- he's still annoying from time to time.....I just blew up on the inside last Wednesday. I feel much better now. I gave him the stink face.
Have a nice weekend everyone!
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BB- I am glad you wrapped up your visit with your sister and were able to keep things neutral. What was the outcome of the conversations about your mother?
June- lol, stink face. I call it the "stink eye" from that clip in the movie Juno. When we were in high school, we used to call it "giving someone a dirty look" but I like the stink eye/face much better.
Denver had some wicked weather last night. I hope things calm down before I drive up there next week.
Anybody got any cool weekend stuff going on?
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BB- I have a Subaru too. I love it. But I hear what you are saying.
Since meeting someone is really important to you, are there other ways to meet men you might be interested in? I also think you seem to enjoy the younger men, they are more interested to get out and do things like go to concerts, enjoy a nice dinner, etc. My experience with older men is there is always a financial or care giving they seem to be looking for.
How about a singles Meet Up group? I am thinking of rejoining one of those to have more single friends to do things with. I looked tonight and found there are all kinds of new groups here in the city that were not there 4 years ago the time I did it. Finding a group you clique with is key. I might try it again.
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BB- ha, I checked out the Our Time web site and men here in my town. Lots of men in their 70s!
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Hi Ladies, i am just stopping by, i too am single still. not worried about it right now, more concerned with healing my emotional and physical self and me first,,,
Bosum Blues - idea for you - i was getting really nervous after being out of work over year and interviews all over and wore me down too - while you re-group and build up your self esteem - a good way to get out and socialize is by volunteering once week for 2-4 hours somewhere - anywhere (animal rescue shelter (PAWS, Kitty no kill rescue Shelter, Library, hospital gift shop or patient wheelchair delivery person or local agency like a dress for success which is nationwide - they help women re-enter the work force and have website)
just getting interaction and out and a routine is GOOD, could be helpful for you. every town usually has lists who needs volunteers - or group that knits hats for cancer patients - some hospitals offer groups that you can go to to knit and that would make you feel good about giving back,,, ?? or just get dressed and out and go walk around place like a town close to you or mall or goodwill and treasure hunt - in CT the Goodwill is fabulous - designer stuff - i love going alone and hunting through - passes time, i love how i forget my troubles for an hour or so & i also see the same familiar faces who are doing same thing as seen them for over year now,,,, i have met a few shoppers and we now say hello and small talk if run into one another there. anyways i always feel better when get out and about and am productive - also love Pinterest site - great site to PIN favorite things to your boards - it's like dreaming online,,,,,,,
and like Jazzy posted - that one chapter about to close, well the new one is about to begin so get yourself ready as you never know what exciting thing could be next,,, work on feeling good for yourself first - everything will fall back into place in God's time, he may be giving you this time/space to work on healing your YOU right now and that is all TOTALLY FINE - accept that that is OK, doesn't mean your never going to be feeling good again - you will - tune in and listen and see what inside is sort of stearing you towards - - when is your bday by the way - are you an earth sign. i am a virgo and naturally a loner - i enjoy being alone and i keep busy and entertained,, i dont always want to be alone but i definately need a lot of my own time and space,,, that is me, i have always been like that - are you a CANCER or LIBRA? just curious to find out
and i too was hating that 87 degree muggy, humid sticky days last week,,,, ugh i was feeling queezy from how thick the air was with all the moisture and pollen,,,, hang in there - hugs
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Hi Ladies, i am just stopping by, i too am single still. not worried about it right now, more concerned with healing my emotional and physical self and me first,,,
Bosum Blues - idea for you - i was getting really nervous after being out of work over year and interviews all over and wore me down too - while you re-group and build up your self esteem - a good way to get out and socialize is by volunteering once week for 2-4 hours somewhere - anywhere (animal rescue shelter (PAWS, Kitty no kill rescue Shelter, Library, hospital gift shop or patient wheelchair delivery person or local agency like a dress for success which is nationwide - they help women re-enter the work force and have website)
just getting interaction and out and a routine is GOOD, could be helpful for you. every town usually has lists who needs volunteers - or group that knits hats for cancer patients - some hospitals offer groups that you can go to to knit and that would make you feel good about giving back,,, ?? or just get dressed and out and go walk around place like a town close to you or mall or goodwill and treasure hunt - in CT the Goodwill is fabulous - designer stuff - i love going alone and hunting through - passes time, i love how i forget my troubles for an hour or so & i also see the same familiar faces who are doing same thing as seen them for over year now,,,, i have met a few shoppers and we now say hello and small talk if run into one another there. anyways i always feel better when get out and about and am productive - also love Pinterest site - great site to PIN favorite things to your boards - it's like dreaming online,,,,,,,
and like Jazzy posted - that one chapter about to close, well the new one is about to begin so get yourself ready as you never know what exciting thing could be next,,, work on feeling good for yourself first - everything will fall back into place in God's time, he may be giving you this time/space to work on healing your YOU right now and that is all TOTALLY FINE - accept that that is OK, doesn't mean your never going to be feeling good again - you will - tune in and listen and see what inside is sort of stearing you towards - - when is your bday by the way - are you an earth sign. i am a virgo and naturally a loner - i enjoy being alone and i keep busy and entertained,, i dont always want to be alone but i definately need a lot of my own time and space,,, that is me, i have always been like that - are you a CANCER or LIBRA? just curious to find out
and i too was hating that 87 degree muggy, humid sticky days last week,,,, ugh i was feeling queezy from how thick the air was with all the moisture and pollen,,,, hang in there - hugs
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Sparkle- welcome to our thread. I am glad you are taking time for yourself to heal and get stronger. Me too.
That is a great idea about volunteering for BB. A way to get back out there and doing something that feels good. Also a great way to make connections for work for the longer term.
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Hi all, well i finally get some time to come here and vent lol well not to vent so much as per to share with you all what have been my past few weeks.
First i want to say BB i am so sorry you has to be put in that situation. I must share with you my two cents on the subject. I am the youngest of 10 kids. And one of my sisters had a baby boy when i was 09 then ever since her baby was born my mom was the one who care for him the baby was in my house 24/7, her husband pass away when i was 11 and her baby boy became my little brother. This means she gave the baby to mom to race and mom whom i have told you before was my angel took my nephew and gave him all the love and care so i loved him so much it was coming back from high school to a small baby lol Anyway when i turned 19 i left home to come to Canada to study English my older brother pay for my course and my older sisters paid for the 6 months accommodation. I told my nephew not to worry cuz if i found a way to stay away i would take him with me by then he was 9 years old we were so close. I came to Canada and i found my way around and 3 years later i became a resident then i spoke to my sister and my mom and my sister whom never really care for her little boy right away agreed to give me full guardianship of her son. Mom was sad to see how easy she did that but mom was glad i was doing it cuz she knew he will have a better future with me than back home. I took my nephew with me and under a student visa for 3 years i paid 11K a year to the government in order for him to study high school here i paid a lawyer who took money but was not able to help me . i was not granted residency for him due to his biological mom still been alive, this is what the court said. so at 17 i had to bring him home again. The good news is that he at this point had a girlfriend in Canada they loved each other and once he left she asked me if she could go there for march break. I told her as long as her father approve i would pay for her trips to visit my family. She did that ever year. my nephew was now working at the family store.
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Continue:
Ok so by the time they were 21 they got married, I paid fore all their trips and i also paid for the lawyer. I also moved away and gave them my old place lease which was a very comfortable one in downtown very hard to find. I left them all my furniture i moved with my cloth and my dog and a friend lend me an air matters which i had on my new apt till i bought a bed.
Anyway he is now 28 still happy married to the girl here in Canada i dont see him often due to his wife been a bit controlling. Anyway i had apply for my mom s papers long ago and never had a response from my gov, then one day it came and i got so crazy excited to finally bring mom here , my siblings were sad but they all knew mom was sick and needed attention which they could not provide. I took mom and gave her a good 3 years then she got ill very ill and then i got ill. Why i am telling you all this? well let me tell you what happen. me and one more sister are the only one whom did not get married and whom still are single and have no kids. this been said. i was push many times to take on my other nephews. yes i was put in situations where i was asked to take other kids. and i said no. i hate people who have kids and expect other to care for them. I lived that when my sister gave the baby to my mom. i helped my mom to care for this child he was not only my nephew he became my littler brother and that is a different situation. Yes i do care for my other nephews and nieces but i did not see then grow i have no close relationship with them. I am not to care for a child it is not mine. So BB if it is not possible for you then know it is ok to say no. In my case i feel it was my journey it was something i wanted to do since i was a child i always wanted to be able to give my mom a better live and then my nephew. I enjoy a great deal what ever time i get to spend with him now and lately his wife has give in more free down so i get to see him more often. It does piss me off every time i am ask to care for other peoples kids . is like was i there when you were making them? did i force you to have them? i am sorry if i sound mean guys but i am sick of been taken for a fool.
Jazz i am glad you too say no, we need to try to care for ourselves,i realized that due to been single i always appear to other as if it is my job to give , give my time give my money give my attention to others cuz i have no family of my own. Well the way i see it is that i will give all of me to whom i feel inside to and not to whom i am been push to. lol no sure if that makes sense.
I will now tell you all about these past few weeks
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BB- who do you feel alienated from?
What I like about putting myself into new circles of people is that you can decide what you want to share about your story. There was a whole lotta family stuff that went down before I moved out here 19 years ago. For years, all anybody wanted to talk to me about was everything that went on with the family and how others in my family were doing. Never a "and how are you doing?" When I moved away, I left all that behind me and no longer had to deal with those endless inquires. I only shared what I wanted with the new people I met. It helped me to move on from a very difficult chapter in my life, and to embrace the life out here that was waiting for me.
I am sort of doing that again now in the post recovery world. And yes, I still see myself recovering several years down the line. Although I never told a lot of people about my bc, some of the ones I did tell were not kind/understanding/supportive as I have shared. They became the minority that felt like the majority. Now that I have let them go, I feel ALOT better. I do not miss them or the way they made me feel. It is hard to move on when people make you feel bad about things like a bc dx.
So think about new circles with new people with things you can choose to talk about. You go girl!
Wishing everybody a nice Saturday. I am going to outdoor jazz again tonight!
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Feel free to stop me lol i am away then i come back and cant stop lol
so work was horrible these past two weeks. 11am till 7pm more like leaving home at 9am getting home at 9pm.
then one girl off on vacation and tree new hires so lots of training and tasks accumulations. So i came back and the regulatory reports where still not implemented so i had to deal with that. finally got them done last Saturday and this week one more on Friday and 3 more scheduled for next Friday. then around 12 for June 26th. I am the June coordinator for the releases to production, ;( also i fail my exam ;(( got 74 i needed 75. can you all believe my luck? one point ;(( anyway i re-booked for July now. i am trying to study for another one this month. I have no energy i havent been able to work out since i left to Vzla . i just cant come home so late from work and do anything i am so stressed and i got pain in my upper back by the neck which i know it is due to the stress. My hair is falling and i am scared BB my hair is falling as if i am having chemo ;(( another sign of stress for me. I was really bad last week i smoke yes i did i was so frustrated BB i was at a bus station and i saw a woman smoking and i asked her for one i had the cigarette there sitting on the street just thinking how miserable i feel. My condo sent a letter requesting a payment due for an assessment for repairs $1,675.87 i am so broke. all seems to be just null this year. the only good thing will be the trip will take next Saturday to Ontario Markets. Other than that i am so down. This morning i got up put olive oil on my hair and i hope that will help . took lots of vitamin D3 5mil and biotin and all i can find in my kitchen lol
Hope you all are having a better day
Milky is having a visitor from her country this coming weeks so she cant go to the trip with me. i invited my polish friend she loved the idea and she will confirm this week since her daughter may be having a thing so not sure yet. O well like Jazz i am ok to go alone just hate to pay for a ticket then loose it. My ex texted asking how are things? and if i feel like riding my bike up to where he lives ? i said i have no energy and i need to study. Then he said i am lazy lol hummm more like i better not be close to your ....... ha ha aha
Sister is still having lots of pain one day worse than others. Radiation continue to the lower back now. the MO will see her monday and will say what is his brilliant plan for the tumor on the upper quadrant. I am beyond sad with the situation back home and very much sick of life guys. I know you all know exactly how i fee.
here you see my results
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Thanks girls, i never wrote a letter to myself lol that could start by what the hell are you waiting for? sell this Gdi condo and get the hell away from this cold country lol
i was so cold in the apt i decided to go for my summer lake walk i just came back did some squats and i will shower now, will dry my hair then call home to check on my sister. BB if you have any time during the day put some olive oil on your hair not on roots but all over the rest of your hair then leave it one hour or what ever you can then shampoo as usual. it make such a huge impact on damage hair by the sun or coloring. I did today had it up on a roll went for my walk didnt care about it lol i will shower now and i will dry it. How are your hairs these days any body losing hair. i am worried but i think its the stress and the coloring i did. so i will give a break from coloring now i just cant change my situation as fast as the coloring, so stress just follows me around. As per my ex well he is not a bad person he must be missing a woman that is all i am too missing a man but i am stronger i need to stay away from been the casual sex for anyone. i just cant do it again. he actually sent me a video i will share with you all. He is all about his goals and becoming rich with his inventions. He does not understand that life can change in a second and all could be gone. I do admire him for going after his dreams but i feel that his best years are all invested on that and he will get older then those years will be gone. Anyway i am his friend till he stops texting then i guess i will be forgotten. he sent me the video as a way to tell me i should quit my job and do something i enjoy doing. Easy to say but when you have debts its not so easy to do , when your salary is the one that pays for your bills you are kind of stuck , when you had bc and you cant be sure you will be healthy it is not easy to change jobs knowing your benefits may be less than what you have now. when you live in a condo which is too much money and it seems there best way around it is to stick with it for another year till renos are done in the building so you may get to sell and not lose. also i looked at rent and there are dumps for over $1000 i mean one bedroom and you must share the bathroom wth? noo i am not in a good place right now. i need to wait till i get on my feets. i need to pay my debts then see where to go.i will defenatetly move away some where to start fresh.
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Thanks girls, i never wrote a letter to myself lol that could start by what the hell are you waiting for? sell this Gdi condo and get the hell away from this cold country lol
i was so cold in the apt i decided to go for my summer lake walk i just came back did some squats and i will shower now, will dry my hair then call home to check on my sister. BB if you have any time during the day put some olive oil on your hair not on roots but all over the rest of your hair then leave it one hour or what ever you can then shampoo as usual. it make such a huge impact on damage hair by the sun or coloring. I did today had it up on a roll went for my walk didnt care about it lol i will shower now and i will dry it. How are your hairs these days any body losing hair. i am worried but i think its the stress and the coloring i did. so i will give a break from coloring now i just cant change my situation as fast as the coloring, so stress just follows me around. As per my ex well he is not a bad person he must be missing a woman that is all i am too missing a man but i am stronger i need to stay away from been the casual sex for anyone. i just cant do it again. he actually sent me a video i will share with you all. He is all about his goals and becoming rich with his inventions. He does not understand that life can change in a second and all could be gone. I do admire him for going after his dreams but i feel that his best years are all invested on that and he will get older then those years will be gone. Anyway i am his friend till he stops texting then i guess i will be forgotten. he sent me the video as a way to tell me i should quit my job and do something i enjoy doing. Easy to say but when you have debts its not so easy to do , when your salary is the one that pays for your bills you are kind of stuck , when you had bc and you cant be sure you will be healthy it is not easy to change jobs knowing your benefits may be less than what you have now. when you live in a condo which is too much money and it seems there best way around it is to stick with it for another year till renos are done in the building so you may get to sell and not lose. also i looked at rent and there are dumps for over $1000 i mean one bedroom and you must share the bathroom wth? noo i am not in a good place right now. i need to wait till i get on my feets. i need to pay my debts then see where to go.i will defenatetly move away some where to start fresh.
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here is the link
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Enerva- sorry you are feeling like the world is so hard. And well, it certainly is for you right now. I am glad you got out for some exercise, a relaxing shower, etc.
Is your ex wanting you back or does he just surface when he is without other company? Let him go chase his dreams and become rich. I have known plenty of people who chase after the almighty dollar and then find themselves with no life. I have been that person too. Work to live, not live to work. I hope you can dig out from where you are at.
Let us know how your sister is doing.
Everyone here needs a big group hug I think!
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Sister is with good spirit at least it breaks my heart cuz she think she will survive this. I dont tell them what i think i pretend all is going to be ok the same way she does. ;( i know better than that. Jazz ha ha ha my ex biggest problem is that he has no girl since we ended he couldnt find anyone who would put up with his dreams lol. yes i let him go after his dreams but i told him to go out there and meet some ladies maybe he can have some love life at the same time he works toward his dreams, but i know he surface when he miss how things were with me taking care of him. No no for me anymore, i honestly do hope he is happy even if it is with another lady he deserves to be happy but like your friends he is obsess with becoming rich and all that $ brings. We who have been very ill we know that $ do bring happiness but that family and love are far more important cuz when you are ill $ wont heal you but the love and support from others may do wonders. Yes i play the lottery and do have dreams of having a ranch and horses one day but i am realistic that i must have a job to pay for my every day or i would be under a bridge or in the streets. i came to this country 21 years ago i have accomplished a lot and yes i am in debts as most Americans but it was my choice i gave $ away to others i have never been selfish and who knows but i do not regret any of it. I must keep going and yes off course we must keep dreaming but we must be realistic at the same time. I feel i need to just let life unfold and if it gets worse well somehow i will survive.
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Oh Jazz something else i realized today is that my sister has a cough and i dont like it ;( my brother started like that then we had to find oxigen and then he didnt last long. I didnt get to talk to her today but spoke to my other sister and she told me. that she had a bad night and that now the cough is there all the time. ;(
any way, how can i study like this my brain is just null
will make myself a coffee now . Oh i wanted to ask do you ever take honey with ginger? i read it is good for us. google it. i prepared a jag but my honey is terrible i will get some real honey on my trip to the Markets next Saturday.
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Enerva- your sister's cough is worrisome. I had a cough and breathing issues in May and went and got a chest X-ray when I saw my PCP. Only asthma, and I thought as much, but was worried it could be more.
I am sure your sis is scared. Who knows what they are telling her. I am so sorry about all this.
I don't want to take care of anyone either. Men who are looking for that are of no interest to me. Your ex has not figured you are not the same person you were. None of us are. Let him keep looking for the woman who wants to follow his dream.
I have known entrepreneurs who have a vision of something and do become wealthy sometimes. Although most entrepreneurs do what they do because they love being creative and bringing something to market that is needed. People who just want to become rich are usually just wanting a fast easy way to being comfortable. Some men are dreamers and don't want to work hard. I have dated one of those types and known a few others. Not everyone wants to be part of another person's dream either. You sound like you are keeping up some decent boundaries with him.
Also, you came so close with your test E, you will ace it the next time. You keep following your dream, okay?
I have done some honey and lemon in tea. A friend of mine told me today lemon in water is good to neutralize stomach issues, but you have to be careful with lemon as it does erode tooth enamel. I did not know that! But can see it with lemon being so acidic. I am drinking some peppermint ice tea today as my stomach has felt a bit off.
I don't think I will do the outdoor jazz tonight in the end. It is t-stormy tonight and just started raining. I need to go to the gym to swim and going to do that instead in a few more hours. There is lots of music here all summer long and so I will do more when I get back from my travels.
I was glad to hear Milky has someone visiting. I think she can use that support right now. I hope your other friend can go on the cruise with you. It sounds awesome.....
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E- you should show this to your ex. I saw this today after reading some of your messages. Everyone needs money and needs enough to be able to take care of themselves, don't get me wrong. But money can't buy everything.
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Enerva can you sublet a room in your condo?
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Great picture msg jazz.
Lili u wont believe me but I was thinking about it this morning. I ll look into it. Maybe I ll find a student to rent my guess room.
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American Pharoah won the Belmont Stakes and Triple Crown in the US. This horse is unbelievably fast. Look how no other horses were even around him at the finish line.
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wow, I have never been to a hose racing event, he looks amazing wish he is loved by the owners. Jazz have you been to horse races?
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E - thanks for sharing your life, it's beautiful
BB - your sis seems nice....i hope things will work out the best.
Jazzy - have a good time at the jazz event.
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Enerva- no, never been to the horse races although we have race tracks around here. I grew up with horses and the place I rode as a kid had some race horses so I always have liked watching the big races. Kentucky Derby is the one here that is best known. The other two are the Preakness and the Belmont. I noticed this American Pharaoh has some amazing strength in his hind flanks (see photo below)
I have mixed feelings about race horsing though. Some horses get injured during racing and/or old race horses can be abandoned or sold for other purposes.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cQHRLUgS90