Single life after a mastectomy
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hugs Enerva, so sorry, words are never enough but hope cyber hugs help, you cry as much as you need, we have your back....xxxx
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Lilly posted some updates for us yesterday or the day before. There is a lot going on here on this thread right now. Everyone is struggling.
I am going to solstice yoga tonight and for whatever it is worth, you will all be coming with me into the circle.
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I am here just feeling a bit overwhelmed with so much "stuff" and sadness going on for most of us........I felt lousy today, woke up like it, no idea why thought I was on the up, so had a tearful miserable fruitless day, well i washed my bedding and out it back on, then I burned my dinner so didn´t bother to eat that..........just feel worn down and very very sad that so many dogs are being tortured and murdered in the most unimaginable ways in China this weekend for a dog meat festival............I won´t even write how they kill them as it will give you nightmares...........makes me wonder how people can be SO cruel to animals.............then I get so worn down i end up snapping at my own dogs and feel rotten about myself too..........I really don´t like how I am at the moment
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Lilly- there is so much pain and suffering in the world. Sometimes it is too much. How awful about the dogs being killed for food at a dog meat festival. I cannot imagine that. We had another shooting here in the US this week, only too common, and during Bible study. This seems to be the new normal in the US, you got to the movies, the mall, to church, to school, etc. and you may die at the hands of someone who should never own a gun. The world feels like an unfriendly place right now. I am sorry you are having a tough day. Hugs sister.
If I can say anything about this thread, it is comfort to me to have fellow sisters who care and understand.
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Hi, all thanks for all your msgs well i have been down and reading and listening to old msg from my sister i am ok with her been at peace but it ll take time for me to feel good again just the fact that i wont hear her again or see her it just hurts so much.
About the killing of dogs i once saw a picture of china market with dogs hanging like rabbits that alone made my cry i cant imagine how its possible. I do like to eat meat once in a wile but then i remember about how cruel it is what happens to the caw and pigs that i don't even like the meat anymore. I am a dog lover and it hurts to see cruelty against dogs. I totally understand you. I think i will postpone my exam i haven't focus at all its supposed to be next Saturday if i don't feel ready by wed i wont take it. Last year when my brother was sick and i travel home i fail the exam, now i fail one when i went to see my sister and this coming Saturday i feel i will fail the other course i better study for the exam i need to retake in july then do this exam in August. Yes i think its a better plan ;( I am glad i didn't ride today i wanted to but i am to upset. i will go for a walk to the lake tmw. My Family is at the funeral tonight and tomorrow she will be cremated.
Jazz I like the idea of you taking a step back, remember its like a cruel game life plays and when we stop pushing and let go then doors and windows open. its some strange thing but that is how it is for most of what i do. i now feel so out of place i feel empty and with no desire for much. i hate to say it but its how i feel.
changing the subject , my ex texted me to say hi, i told him about my sister and he said he is sorry and that he hope i am ok. then he went on to tell me his mom is staying with him for a wile due to her wanting to leave his dad. Wow i was so chock i never thought this could happen. I know my ex always had issues with his dad but he never really let me be part of the family so i never got very close to his mom or dad or sister. I respond by saying. i was sorry to hear and that i hope he cares for her cuz he has no idea what it would be like if he loses her one day. I told him i wish all works out.
Can you guys imagine this is an old couple i will say they may be around 70 or 75 no sure but still been married for so long.
I am trying to imagine him taking care of his mom. well his mom is still very healthy though and it will be nice for him to have a woman cleaning and cooking for him but i am just thinking how is this happening. just not something i can picture.
BB, i am ok no crying anymore i run out of tears now i am just empty. in silence absolute silence. talking to sis mentaly asking her to prove to me that spirits do exist lol nothing ;(( absolute silence
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jazzy - thanks....i got it completely wrong. i went to a roof top restaurant for a drink yesterday. it's quite nice. hot at the beginning but once the sun started setting, it's very nice. the price was outrageous, 50+ a plate for entree. we ended up just ordering a few appetizers....
E - i am so so sorry. (((hugs)))....i think He exists but i don't really believe or care to believe he's a loving god. i am just taking it one day at a time. sometimes i get angry and sometimes i feel fortunate....i don't know.
BB - i totally understand. i also started to drink more than i should.....very stressful at work and wine makes me feel better.
life - hang in there.....though i think karma moves so slow...
lily - regarding dog or animal.....i am not vegetarian, and i believe some animals are meant for human to consume. some culture worship pig, some cow....not everyone views dog as their best friends. i am not condoning but no point to get upset on something so far away and so out of your control.
a crazy kid killed 9 ppl.....this world has gone mad for sure.
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I agree with june, this world is the hell some people fear so much about taking actions due to their god ll send them to hell yet they dont see they are already in it.
Good night sisters lets hope for a better week ahead.
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Enerva- I am sure you must be empty emotionally. I know that feeling from other times in my life. It just comes with one horrible thing after the other. I have been in the place of no more tears too. I have been thinking about you all day and just feel broken-hearted about the whole thing.
There is something about loosing a sibling that is very different than any other kind of loss. When my brother died, I felt like I lost an arm or a leg. He was so much a part of me. I felt cheated to loose him so early, and know you may feel the same with loosing her. I am glad you went to VZ when you did. I know you knew.
June- wow, that place was pricey. I love roof top bars, but that food sounded very expensive. Appetizers are the way to go in the city.
It hit 101 here today. Good night everyone.
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Enerva - Your sister was a brave woman who fought so hard. I am so sorry. I hope your niece will be all right. Your family has been through so much. As you know, the heartache will dull a little bit as time passes, but it never really goes away, which might be a good thing because then we always remember the people we loved. This is a difficult time now, so I think you're right to postpone the test.
BB - I didn't see any diss at all. Yes, I do remember Bdavis and the other women here who moved on. I assume they're all doing well. I'm assuming that Milky is busy? I hope she's all right, too.
June & Jazzy - Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Lily - I don't know how the animals are killed at that festival, but I'm sure it's brutal. We think of dogs as our best friends, so I don't even want to imagine..
E - Just want to say again that I'm heartbroken for your sister and you and your family. I'll keep checking in. It's raining hard here tonight. Goodnight.
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hi all im still here just havent posted for a while. Very close to my reconstruction day!!!
Enerva- so sorry to hear your sister passed on
sending good thoughts to you..BB - yeah i go to a gym it really helps with my moods. hope you feel better soon
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Enerva, its a bit soon for your sisterto come through to you, but she will when you least expect it........
For me, if you can kill an animal yourself and then eat it, its ok to eat meat, if not then go to a slaughter house and see the cruel reality and trauma and then decide. Those animals have souls too and want to live just likehumans.
That murdering kid was on medication, like so many other mad murderersin the US, and sorry to be contentious but your gun laws have a lot to answer for, and the gun lobby is way too powerful. I know all about constitucional rights to bear arms but they are far too easy for the young and unstable to acces
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Lily- you are right on about our gun laws. We have tragedy after tragedy and nothing is ever done. The NRA has some bizarre influence in this country I do not understand.
I remember going to Europe 20 plus years ago and talking to some folks in Greece who said "we don't like the US and won't travel there, you have too much gun violence." That was right after some tourists were gun down on the freeway in Florida while driving (1994-ish).
Wishing everyone a good day. Going to be another hot one here. E- continuing to send you love and peace.
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Hi, it looks nice out here today i will walk for a walk on the lake.
Milky is ok just busy last time i got a msg from her said she had visitors from back home so at least she has support from relatives for a few weeks. Hope she is better now.
BB i cant take time off right now but i am looking into applying for jobs i need to move on, now that i will be alone doing so much i know i wont be able to handle it. i see my dr. tmw morning i will update her on what have been happening at work and i will talk to her about my recent lost hope it will help but this is dr i told you guys before she reflects no emotions and i have not connection really not sure if i told you this before, its very estrange i have a real connection with you all and it is a cyber one, this dr supposed to be good at this job counseling patients yet i feel nothing wile i talk to her. for example i dont even want to tell her about my sister i am not sure i make sense.
Anyway i am off to the lake and maybe a ride north later but my face tell i have cry, i need my sun glasses on and to avoid people cuz i feel if anybody asks i will cry again its like i wish i could be completely ignore by the world this week.
Hope you all have a great Sunday
BB, Bdavis was trying to date so maybe it went well for her. The one that i still think of often is Tessa. Not sure if you guys remember her? she came here and was active here for a good few months then one day stop posting. She was having a bilateral mastectomy, single mom with a 9 year old. We try to comfort her she was so scared and had a hard time. I did text her one to ask if she was ok and she said yes but needed to be of this site for now. I really hope she is ok. She was very fragile. Sending her and the other lots of hugs
I don't know what will i do if i don't have you guys. We all respect what ever we say and we try not to take things personal so it is a great group to vent and also share happy histories. I hope i can share some happy one in the future. honestly i am scare i am thinking my mom die in July 25 2013 the Nov 2013 right after loosing mom my brother got Cancer he then die in June 13 2014. Then at the same time my sister got it and she die June 20 2015. So now who is next year? we are 10 kids and all of us are now wondering who is next ;( sorry guys i should stop talking to you about this. I just have no one but you. Imagine i told my ex on a text but i told no one else. I look around and i have not friends anymore. The few i had kind of change or it was me who changed? just like you guys were saying about friendships who dont really connect with us anymore.
Ok off to my walk love you all
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BB - may be you can try taking MSM which is a supplement. i felt my skin feels better/smoother after i took that supplement. when i was taking tamxo i felt my face was coarse to the touch.
if you drink, try to eat before. alcohol on a full stomach is better than an empty stomach. and may be do red instead of beer??
i hope the job front will work out for you. can you try those agency who help ppl with job, like office manager?? the pay is okay some office pays better than the other. for my industry (arch firm), office manager just pick up the phones, order supply and help the boss/office arrange food if important client/meeting are scheduled. do you know word and excel? i think those are required...but you can learn it (not that difficult...) there's not much stress instead of juggling phone/ppl's naggings during work hours. and they always get off work on time without the side-eyes. i thought that might be a good fit for you.
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Enerva- I think it is good to update your doctor on what is going on. They need to know, even if they cannot always help us with some of the challenges we face. When I go to see my PCP, she always talks to me to find out what is going on with my family, work, etc. A good doctor listens to you to understand your big picture, but rarely do I get empathy from the medical community. My sister is a doc so we struggle a lot when she tries to be too "clinical" with me. I have to remind her sometimes I am her sister and not her patient. She has gotten better at hearing that as I have been up front with her "not helpful." Not something you can easily do with the medical community taking care of you though. Sigh....
I think when you have a series of bad things happen, you are always waiting for the next shoe to drop. My mother and aunt died months apart, my sister and I got our bc dx that same year, two months apart. I felt for a long time (maybe still do) that I am always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I totally get what you are saying. I hope that you can just tell yourself with all that has gone on, it is time to put yourself first and take care of your needs with a better job, more rest, etc. I think it is about all we can do in these really hard situations. Glad to hear you are going to start looking for another job. Your company will end up with no BA's to do the work because they are not managing that guy. He is probably somebody's relative.
I never knew Tessa. I think I joined after she left, but hope she is doing okay. Glad to hear you are keeping in touch with Milky. She too has a difficult situation to navigate.
Today is fathers day in the US (sharing that for Lily's benefit). My dad passed away in 1999, but was sick for years before. Like the lady in Still Alice, he had early onset Alshiemers. My father was part of my fan club and I was thinking today how he always used to go around the house singing songs and whistling. He could be dark and brooding, but think he did those things to cheer himself up. I cheer myself up in similar ways sometimes.
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BB- I use hyaluronic acid supplements which helps both the joint stifness and the AIs. The woman who suggested to me said it puts the moisture back in the places like our joints, tendons and skin that can go with time and less estrogen. I got the okay from my MO on it, you may want to check with yours too. My skin has changed for sure, but part of it also has to do with living in desert. I do a home facial once a week.
June- those are some great ideas for BB.
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Enerva - Your family has been going through a great deal of pain and hurt. The reason we're all here is to support each other, and our shoulders are here for crying on. How's your sister's daughter holding up?
I do remember Tessa, too, and hope she's doing well.
Melp - Good luck with the reconstruction.
Jazzy & Lily - I see things a bit differently. I live in a state with lots of gun laws - the criminals break them. It seems the problem is that our culture is sick. By the way, I really admire the way the people of Charleston have responded.
BB - I'd bet everyone feels bad in a way, believing there was something we could've done to save a loved one. I feel bad, too, about my father because I sometimes think that, if things were done differently, maybe he would still be with us. Then again, how much control do we really have over what happens in life? I wonder.
Adding...
I just noticed BB's last post. I never heard of a liquor-based hard candy. I don't know what to think of that offer.
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the big day is the 29th of this month!!!
im mostly excited but still a bit nervous but thats normal its a big operation.
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Melp- the 29th is not long away. Will put you in my pocket on that Monday for a successful procedure and great recovery.
BB- that is an interesting contact you got. I am not sure I would go for that one, although I know you need work. I understand the obstacles with having no experience. Just trying to figure out how you can get that.
Perhaps the message you received was to help you more than to warn them. Women have such a strong sense of intuition about things, it is too bad it gets so quickly dismissed. It would be hard to have that kind of info in advance and not be able to get them to listen. There is nothing worse than the feeling you could have changed something, if only....
Focusing on blessings is good.
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ok just came back from a long walk by the lake , here its beautiful not humid at all but hot i love it .. nooo i dont miss fall weather lol
i will shower then ll try to study i have no motivation. BB, i admire you for doing those peels things i never had one done i am afraid of it. my skin is so sensitive i am not that brave to let anything peel my skin lol i hear it can take years away from us. hummm still i am too chicken. Hope you will look gorgeous after it. You know i do like been alone but yes sometimes its like wow it is real we are alone. this group does makes a huge impact in us. I thank who ever came up with the idea of having it.
hope you all have an amazing week, i will let you know what my dr. s opinion is tmw.
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Enerva- maybe you need to just give yourself a break right now. The tests will be there for you when you are a bit further down the road. Some self care today with the walk, a shower, maybe something good to eat and perhaps a nap would be a kind thing to do for yourself. You are going through a lot right now.
Do let us know what the doctor says and try to detach from the awful boss BS. I wish you week that goes quickly.
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ok Jazz yes that is what i did. and i re-schedule the exam so now i will study for the one in july which is the one i lost for one point.
Melb the 29 is next week wow you must be so anxious i remember waiting for my surgery. I am not happy with my results but not much offered here in Canada i must just live with the results i got. My issue is with the radiation side. I hope your surgery goes well i feel the exchange surgery gave me back my life i was very down having the ex-panders for 9 months.
BB, keep positive we may win the loto and forget about work all together
love you all, i do hope this week goes fast and with no complications.
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Enerva- glad to hear you have the pressure of the test off. I hope you have a good conversation with the doctor. I will be curious to hear how your company reacts to everyone quitting in your area.
I had a good time with the old friend who came over today. Made us both some great food, and talked about a lot of things. Nice thing about old friends is you don't have to catch them up and explain everything to them. They already know a lot of your story.
Hoping everyone has a good week. I have to get some dental work/crown put in early Tuesday. Not looking forward to that.
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Hi ladies- getting some things done today for home and business, and some unexpected things too. It is another hot one here today. I am going to wrap up mid afternoon and go to a movie I have been wanting to see, and then to music class.
BB- the first MO I saw in 2013 during rads treatment out in AZ told me that the current protocol for the AIs is 5 years, but newer data suggests women are benefiting from staying on it 10 years. The MO I am established with here in town said 5 years is still the standard of care, and that there were some clinical studies that suggest 10 years may be of value for some women. I asked the MO when we talked about this (a year or more ago) about the bones since they take a big hit on these meds? He said that is part of the decision making. Some women seem to have no problems with bone loss, others do (I am). That is why we started the Prolia shots this year. Second one coming up next month. I try to keep up with my weight work outs too!
I have also thought the same thing, when I can be done with these AIs? Right now, I would be done with 5 years in March 2018. Not quite half way through yet. But with respect to 10 years, I told myself I was going to park that until that time as who knows what new clinical data will be available by then?
The worst of the adjustment was 2-6 months after I started. I did fine in the beginning, but then had major problems with stiff joints and sore feet. I did the vacation on it 8 months into it, and then went back on it after a month and was better. So as you are going along, if you get to about six months and cannot tolerate, as your MO if you can take a break and re-try it. I learned about that here on BCO. My MO said they suggest that first, then will change drugs to a different AI.
Another woman I know on these threads had problems on one AIs, took a break, went back and then had to switch. She is doing better now.
I hope you won't have any problems on the AIs. The beginning can be rough, as they have told me the drug is cumulative, and the body has to adjust to it.
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BB- have you also joined the Femura thread? I was on the Arimidex thread in the beginning and it really helped me to talk about the SEs and women help each other there as they do on other threads. Might help you to have support once the SEs hit, if you do.
Hoping you will be one of the lucky ones that has no problems!
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bb-yes my mum will be staying with me after i get out from hospital. Have lots of support from my church also.
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Melp- I am glad to hear you have family and church friends to help you. We get by with a little help from our friends. Keeping you in my thoughts good outcomes next week!
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I was expecting 5 years on the AIs, too. But, at my last oncologist appointment, I also was told 10 years is the new standard. I haven't taken Letrozole in a week because, quite frankly, I have no money. Waiting for the support checks to kick in. But, even though I haven't been taking an AI for a week, I still wake up with aching hands and feet. Ten years on this? Just wonderful... :-( Oh, well, I hope it works...
Melp - Glad to hear you'll have some help. :-)
E - Hope you're doing all right.
{{Hugs}} to all.
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it takes about four weeks to notice a difference after stopping AIs
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