Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
-
Hi ladies- back from the CO trip. Good for me on so many levels, and a road trip I really needed to do for myself. More later on that.
Enerva- I just wanted to say I am so sorry about your sister. I know she has not been doing well for awhile, but did not think things were going in this direction so fast. I am glad you went to see her during your time off, as hard as that was. I know you have not felt very good about the way things were going.
I am sorry about her daughter. It sounds like the family is trying to make things as normal as possible for her during this time.
Hugs to everyone here with all the challenges you are facing. Wishing everyone better days.
0 -
HI all yes, family is trying to keep the girl in the dark. i am not sure i agree cuz when i was 9 years old my father past away and he was a week in the hospital. I was not allow to go see him for the same reasons he asked mom not to bring me in to see him that way. it hurt so much cuz my other sisters and brothers got to see him his last days i always regretted the fact that i saw him going to the hospital and never saw him again till he was in a box. At the funeral i stared at him for as long as i could thinking he was going to start breathing that he was not going away. So i now see this situation and i can imagine if my sister passes away her daughter is going to be regret not been able to spend time even say proper good bye i am not sure i dont say anything i only go with what ever they decide. Its very hard. We were brought up in such an old fashion way. in this country i see the children exposes to much more mature situations. Also i was only 9 but my niece is 15 now so you see she is a young lady and very mature. Anyway i will keep you all posted. Her last radiation was in the lower back area and since Friday last one she has a diarrhea they haven't been able to control, which makes me so worry cuz it could mean her colon or who knows. MO will only see her on Wed. they were doing her blood test today. i will let you all know as i get more news this evening.
Thanks for all been concern. And for your thoughts even if you dont agree or agree i do love we here share everything we have in our mind.
0 -
BB- I think your idea to get some re-training and new skills is a good way to go. I had to do that when I changed careers in the 1990's. But knowing you have been out of the workforce for awhile, and getting a certification will help you to qualify for better paying work.
I have two ideas for you. Most community colleges have two year programs to help people get a viable skill to get to employment or re-employment. Usually these are some type of med tech or other tech type certifications. Many of the colleges also have resources to help with placement as you prepare to finish up. Many kids are coming out of highschool and doing this now as college is too expensive. I also know many middle aged folks who have done this to "retool" when they have lost a job or forced into a career change. You need to have a marketable skill to get better work. And given you already have a college degree, there may be something you can build on. Many CC's like students to come back for certs with a college degree. Having any sort of degree tells them you can learn.
One area I know is really looking for folks is medical records coding. There is a change going on to a new coding regulation called ICD-10 and it goes into effect this fall after being delayed twice from 2013 to 2015. Many of the older coders who have been trained in ICD-9 work are retiring. They don't want to learn the new coding changes. Therefore, coders are in high demand because many of the current coders are retiring.
Another benefit this type of work is most coders work from home. This would take away any issues with your physical restrictions. I know coders whom work for companies in other parts of the country. You can live anywhere and be a coder.
I bet your local CC has a program for ICD-10 certification for coders. I know the one does here. If you work from home, you just create things outside of your work to have human connection. That is what I do when I am working from home.
Now you might be saying "but I have no money to go back to school". If you go meet with someone at the college, there may be programs with grants you can qualify for that they will know about. I had a friend who did that and got some funding through some grant program for women trying to retool to get back in the workforce. She now works as one of the national labs here, and has a great job. These certification programs do work.
I do think the state programs are often tapped out and have more people in them who are not always employable. You need to know there are plenty of women who dropped out of the workforce to raise children and want or need to go back later to work. I think a CC certification would be a great route for you. It would give you something tangible to work towards for your financial independence.
You need a plan to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. Maybe this could be an option. Worth going to the college to explore the options?
0 -
Enerva - I agree with you. Fifteen is old enough for your niece to see her ill mother. Also, I agree with you about a child needing to say goodbye to an ill family member even when the child is very young. I had cousins who passed away, and their young children were able to interact with them and say goodbye. As a matter of fact, two of my cousins both died many years apart at the same age with children the same age: Both cousins were 42 years old with two children aged 12 and 9 when they died. It was tragic, but the children are doing all right, although I know the heartbreak will always stay with them. I hope your sister's MO can do something for her on Wednesday.
BB - I didn't see your posts, but based on Jazzy's response, it sounds as if you were talking about looking for work. As you know, I'm in the same position. I've been looking into certifications (just as Jazzy mentioned in her post) and education myself and thinking about what I might be able to do for a living, once everything is finalized. BB, I'd be happy to share what little I found is available for us locally. If you're interested, just PM me.
Goodnight, all.
0 -
thanks life , I agree
Bb, I agree with jazz ,I myself wish to change my life as per jobs and I know its hard but going back to school is a great idea. I am trying to keep up with the real estate one and ll do the best I can to change the full time job this fall.
I wish u luck and send u a big hug
0 -
Update on the guy I met last month from my professional group who I liked. I think I told you he constantly talked about wanting to get married, which I thought was a bit odd. When he first said it, I thought he was letting me know he was available, interested, etc. But then it came up several times more and I thought "maybe this guy needs a wife for any number of reasons."
Today I saw him at my professional org meeting and asked him how his trip to see his parents in TX went in May? He said it was good to see them, and then said "my mother wants me to marry my high school sweetheart." I suggested he go for it. I thought after the meeting today I now know how men in their 20's and 30's feel when women bring up marriage all the time to people they hardly know. We will be friends and colleagues, but the constant marriage topic is a turn off.
Life- I am glad you are thinking about some certification program too. Even though I have an MS degree, I went back in 2010 for a certification program to help me with my work, especially as a consultant. Certification programs rock, in my opinion.
Enerva- is your sunburn better? Your outing and the photo on the boat looked so great. I wished I could have gone with you too. I think we would have all had a good time on that cruise with you!
Keep us posted on your sister. Sending you love and lots of viritual hugs.
Here is my favorite photo from my trip to CO. It is a few across the Arkansas Valley (headwaters of the Arkansas River) with the Collegiate Peaks in the background. When I drove over the pass to this vista, I just gasped in delight! Enerva, so many beautiful horse ranches there.
0 -
My guess is then he would move back to TX and they could help the parents. Just my guess.
0 -
People playing in the river at the Great Sand Dunes. They treat the whole thing like a big beach! Who knew?
0 -
Jazzy - Great photos of your trip. It looks so beautiful there. About the guy - what an interesting thing for him to say to you.
0 -
Life- for a guy who has never even asked me out on a date, we just had a business conversation, I think it is an extremely strange thing to be talking about. I think he is a nice man, but a bit socially off. He told me he had ADD, but that just has you very busy.
He reminds me of a guy who liked me at a job here who had Asbergers (high functioning autism). Very smart, but the social skills are quite off. The more I think about it, the more I think that may be what is going on with him. Maybe he wants to be married, but just doesn't get you don't talk about that everywhere you go. Anyways, I am keeping my space.
BB- how are you doing? You are having a tough week emotionally.
E- hope you are doing okay too. I know you are busy with work so just check in with us when you can.
I am feeling more recovered from the trip and busy with a new work opp! Have a good day ladies.
0 -
Another book to read! This guy was on local television today.
http://www.amazon.com/Most-Guys-Losers-Find-Winner...
0 -
I just want to say I am really tired of people who misrepresent themselves. Seems everywhere these days. I had a firm who contacted me about some good work in LA and after spending the past three days with them to submit to their client for subcontract work, they said today "oh by the way, the only way you can do this with us is as an employee (W-2) and here is your new rate." Seriously? I am so tired after the CO trip and just feel I wasted time on this instead of just getting caught up and rested. Mad at myself now.....
That being said, I have some better things going on now and may hear about an award on something I teamed on back in Feb with RFP due this week, and a meeting with my long term client here too, as well as the things in Denver. So onward we go. I have to focus on work with people I know and can trust.
Thanks for e-listening.
0 -
Today I called In. Sick I just had enough . The manager bullied us 3. The 3 business analyst and told is it is our fault the dept is not meeting deadlines and basically went on and on about how we are not doing a good job etc. I didnt argue I just listened. Then the next day tuesday the girl decided to call hr and she had a talk with the director n she's taking a leave of absence due to stress. Now that leaves me and the young man .well he trxted me last night to let me know he ll quit o. Friday
he got an offer at another company. So today I decided I needed to stay home. Went to a green house n the lake. I ll see how I ll be push now all alone. At the green house I saw a bird been born in a nest lol I took a picture . I hope my day is not so horrible tmw . Sister is not well we believe her liver is in trouble. She does no eat at all and has many spots on her legs and arms. how much longer she must endure? Anyway jazz I admire you. I hope you get some good work soon. Bb sending u a big hug.
I took a pill to sleep cuz I have insomnia again due to all the crap which keeps on happening.
Night all
Love u all
0 -
0 -
Jazzy - Sorry that one job prospect didn't work out, but it's good that you have some promising possibilities coming up.
As for your new friend... Could he just be very lonely?
Enerva - Thanks for sharing the photo of the baby bird. I'm sorry to hear that your sister is suffering so much. Did the MO give her any news today?
Goodnight. Hope you sleep well.
0 -
Enerva- well the proverbial sheet is hitting the fan. Two people quitting and you already trying to get your hours in a better place should raise the flag to HR there is a big problem. You can spin this to your advantage now my dear. You are the one and only now and if you walked out (and I know you need this job), they are screwed. They did this to themselves by not dealing with this a-hole. I am glad you stepped away today.
Please keep us posted on your sister. I wish they would just give her palliative care so she is not in pain.
Baby bird is sweet.
Life- I am in a better place tonight. I am tired from my trip and although these people I have been talking to the past few days annoyed me with their unprofessional BS, they are not important in the scheme of things. Onward and upward.
Thank you everyone for caring. Sleep well!
0 -
ladies....long time.
been too busy at work. i think i have missed a few pages....
life, i think you asked me if i used autoCAD...yes i do. but i was told we'll be using revit....
E - so the mean boss texted you said he's quitting?? that's a good news.
jazzy - love those pix in CO....and yes what a turn off always talk about marriage.
BB - how are you??
0 -
Hey June- good to hear from you. I thought you might be busy with work. Hope you are doing okay?
I think Enerva said that one person was leaving and the other biz analyst that works with her is going to quit. That leaves just her now. I hope they start treating her better now that she is the only one there. That is the way I read it.
I am regrouping today to get caught up from my time away and focusing on me. I am deferring some favors for people that I don't have to do right now, and feel better that I am putting myself first. Too much running around, and need to take are of me. I went to the gym last night after my music class and going to the gym today too. More sleep, exercise, getting caught up here at home will make for a better Jazzy.
BB- are you okay?
Life- yes, I think that fellow must be lonely.
0 -
June - Good to see you back.
Jazzy - I once dated a man like that. He admitted that he felt lonely, and he kept saying he wanted a relationship. That someone would be so bold at the very beginning took me by surprise. Eventually, I realized that he meant he wanted "a relationship," not necessarily a relationship with me. IOW, in his opinion, any woman would do. As if we're all interchangeable. lol
0 -
Good morning friends- finally feeling rested after the trip last week. I have a networking call this morning and hope to hear about a possible meeting with my big client in town next week.
June has not been a friendly month to me so far, but told myself I am regrouping and going to start exercising more (this fell off with my recent trip) and work to keep my energy up, as I wait for a couple more likely things to manifest.
BB- I am sorry things are so hard for you. Did you see my note about the community colleges and cert programs? May be some types of work that you can do from home. Not sure if it is something you want to explore or not. Minimum wage is not a living wage in most places, although many states are trying to bring that up.
Enerva- let us know how things with work turn out. A mass exodus from your area should not go unnoticed.
And of course, about your sister. I pray if it is time to transition, she will go easily and they will keep her pain free. So heart breaking.
Life- are you making progress with the divorce? Will you be done with the court activities soon? I know you are wanting to move on from all this to the new chapter of your life.
June- doing anything interesting in the city this weekend? I love summer in NYC.....
Melp- your procedure is coming up and wishing you lots of rest and readiness for that.
We all have a lot of "stuckness" going on, and wishing better days for us to all move through the mire. May your friday be a good one.
0 -
BB- I can see your point. You need something that will get you working sooner.
I have another idea and will PM you.
0 -
BB- I am not as sharp either. I have "anastrazole brain" and find without estrogen, I am not at the top of my game anymore.
0 -
Hi ladies, well today i started at 9am finished at 7pm next week i was asked to do the late shift so 11 to 7pm i have appointments with my doctors in the morning so i dont mind starting at 11. i am the june release coordinator and there is so much on my plate now that my coworker is off and today the other one quit. yes in two weeks he will not longer be there which means i ll be alone till the girl comes back or till i quit . I am very tired i woke up at 2am last night with a msg from home and after that i cry and cry. Sister is suffering so much she cant eat or even drink, so my sister breaks the pain killers and put it in a tea spoon with some honey it is horrible when she try to sallow the water comes back out like a auto reaction from her stomach and she chocks and she cries. I am beyond words and beyond feelings i am so empty i got up i put on my fake smile and i went to the office then i was asked to stay two more hours and i got home at 8:30pm i just want them to msg me that my sister is gone. i believe she has leukemia now cuz she has several red dots all over her legs and a few big ones, plus small new tumors one in her head one in the stomach, My brother told me he was there seen her today and that when he was leaving she said god bless you and protect you . and he asked me where is him? where is the god she believes in?. I didnt replay i only sent him a sad face. I am the only one who does not believe in nothing now and its estrange to hear him question this. My family is very much believers so there now it seems they are like me.
Anyway ladies thank you so much for been here so i can vent. i will research about after care decisions. i am now thinking of my own mortality. i cant help it it is in the back of my mind and i am not like my sister i will have a plan b. Like the lady from still Alice. As soon as i get c back if it comes back i will take my own live. hope you dont hate me for talking like this , i bet the mo will delete my post. hope you guys get to read it before then.
Good night
0 -
Enerva- I am back from music and reading your post. What you are going through is the worst of the worst.
I understand your feelings about your mortality too. I told my sister if my cancer comes back and goes to other places, I won't seek treatment. I won't put myself through that and don't have children so it is not like I need to stick around for weddings, grandchildren, etc. I want to live well until it is not possible anymore. We all have to make the best decisions for ourselves in terms of what we are willing to do. Plan B for me is to sign up with hospice to make my transition as easy as possible.
I am sorry about your sister and that she may have a second kind of cancer. They should be giving her morphine through an IV. I realize that may not be an option there, but it would allow her to sleep and go when the time comes. Pain killers on a spoon with honey? It is like she is a 5 year old child. Not right.
Your family may be really shocked when this happen. It sounds like they are hoping for a miracle.
Hugs sister. I wish I were there to help in some way.
0 -
Enerva - I'm so sorry that your sister is suffering so much. There should be some way for her pain to be managed. Could the rashes be related to medicine? When I was fighting cancer, the chemo and antibiotics gave me rashes that were a type of allergic reaction. I wish your sister's doctors could do something to make her comfortable. I know it's tough for you to get through each day now. I remember what that was like when my father was fighting cancer. He trusted his doctors, too, but, in the end, they all let him down. It was heartbreaking. You and your sister and family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Jazzy - I agreed to something recently (in the divorce case) that I'm regretting right now. I won't go into detail. Let's just say, I had an opportunity to score a touchdown, but I fumbled the ball (so to speak). You know the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I'm so nice sometimes that I must be the biggest fool in the world. I'm hoping everything will work out, despite it all. We'll see...
BB - I'm going to send you a link in a few minutes that might help you. I'm in the same position that you are - I'm 50 now and out of work for more than a decade. There's a program to help us find employment. Look for the link soon...
Enerva - Just wanted to say something else - please keep us posted. Feel free to vent here anytime. {{Hugs}}
0 -
Life- hang in there and I hope things work out the best for you. I always like to believe that karma will right the things that have been wrong for so long. Sometimes that is not on our time table though You have been doing the best you can in all this, so please don't be hard on yourself. The world is a hard enough place.
I made a decision last night to "ease up" on pushing so hard to find work right now. Not that I still don't need a good contract, but summer is not the best time to find things as the decision makers are either on vacation or helping to cover additional meetings, etc. for those on vacation. I knew if I did not have something by June, I might not until the fall. I was hoping to hear from 2 people that are working to get me in front of some folks for some meetings for new work, but no word from either. I know both are gong out of town for work and/or vacation next week. I am still waiting to hear on the RFP award with the firm here, they said any time now.
I have a lot of check ups coming up from my next 6 month follow ups for mammo, BS, MO visit/prolia shot, annual physical with my PCP and check up for eyes all in July. I am getting the new crown on my tooth this coming week too. So I am going to get through all the medical check ups and follow up care, and will continue to talk to folks, but easing off on the marketing push. I have been really stressing myself out and just tired of it all right now. I will tighten my belt a bit more, and focus on health through the next month. Sometimes a call will come and change everything, and I am open to that too.
Going to be another hot one here today. Wishing everyone a good Saturday.
0 -
BB- some exercise might help, but finding something that works is key for you. Do you like to swim? It may be easier with the neuropathy. A gym with a pool might be good for you. Many people who have problems exercising can do pool exercise. Hugs sister, wishing you better days.
I was out watering this morning and a loose pit bull came down the sidewalk and was barking at me. I just did not react and it seemed more afraid of me and was barking it's brains out and all the neighborhood dogs were barking at it too. There was a guy in my neighborhood a few years ago who had one off a leash and his dog came barreling down at me and almost knocked me down. She was not aggressive, but now with my osteopenic bones, I would not do as well if I fell. I carefully walked back to the gate, and closed it and hope that dog finds it's way home. We always have loose dogs in the neighborhood. Some are not always friendly.
0 -
Hi, Sister past away this morning ;((( i am so sad i have cry so much i am glad she is resting now but i will miss her so very much.
Thanks for been my sisters here, you all were with me along all this.
0 -
Enerva- I just have no words to express my deep and heartfelt sympathy to you and your family around the loss of your dear sister.
Please know we are here for you if you need us.
0 -
E - I am very sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your family.
0
