Single life after a mastectomy
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Awww....
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ha ha ha, Life i had two big ones then a few years back my brother told me the female had put lots of eggs all over the back yard. i was so excited i kept asking ever months did the babies come ? and nothing so after a year now i gave up and a few days back my brother surprice me saying you are a grand mom lol he says he was planting a new avocado tree and saw this litlle one walking around ha haha so now i am asking every day is there more babaies ? lol they all laugh at me they say what the hell will i do if the babies come all cuz there is around 100 eggs lol
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E- that baby turtle is so cute. Do you know what kind it is? Very cool the mom was laying eggs and now there is a baby. I love turtles.
Been busy today, got to the gym for a good work out (AC was broken so I was sweatin' pretty hard). Nice swim in the pool. Now shifting gears to go do outdoor music tonight with friends.
BB- are you doing okay today?
June- anything interesting going on in NYC today?
Life- I hope you and the boys are doing okay.
Lily- thinking of you too this weekend and hope you are getting out to walk with the dogs.
Hope everyone else here is doing okay.
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yes , jazz the baby is a girl
) i love those but here in Canada they are soo expensive ;( even $500.00 i have seen them for under 100 in USA but not way to get it ship to me. so well i have them in Vzla )i adore those dirt ones. i think they call them red foot turtle here in Canada.
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i am sure there is no real lo ve after a mastectomy........although he denies it my ex started withdrawing once he realised his favourite toy had gone.........and he was sugnificantly less affectionate in o ther ways too......its been a difficult challenging three years and i still struggle every morning at my lopsided abmormal state, i have no idea how others can really accept themselves as I just cannot...
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Hi, lili i am so sorry you are going through this i understand you 100% i had such a hard time with the surgeries even though i kept my skin and nipples i now have so much poblems with the side which had radiation it is defenatly turning to one side and i lost the balance of the breasts. i feel as if we have been cheated by life itself all of the suden our body is not longer what we had and we must just accept it. Well i do not, i am a real pain i just hate to accept things i did not sign up for. Please know we understand i know nothing i say could make u feel better i just wish there was something i could do but i can send you lots of sthrenth and good positive thoughts i hope you feel better.
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hi everyone!
surgery is in the morning just doing a final check-in. See you on the other side
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Good morning ladies. Went to music last night and it was a bit of a crazy night with t-storms and ran, but had a great visit indoors for awhile with the friend I went with. She is a single mom with teenage twins and we got on to the subject of dating. She is twice divorced and said she does not even bother, and I said I found dating not that easy in middle age (even before bc).
BB- ha, not always right, trust me. I have just figured out what men want in middle age is different than when I was younger. In my 20s and 30s, men were either wanting a roll in the hay or looking for someone to marry. I did not date much in my 40s due to a whole lot going on that decade with sick family, starting my own business, building a home. I started trying to date again at age 50. Now after all the changes to the body, I feel like I am even more cautious. The wrong man can create havoc. We have all had those experiences.
I think there are men who do want companionship in middle age, but I am often meeting men who are looking for a woman to take care of them or want to move in to my home with me very quickly. So I have to rule those men out. No I am not going to be your nurse or your bank account. I find in middle age, there are a lot of those men.
My friend who I met last night brought up the subject of dating and we were talking about what we are both looking for at this point. I told her it would be great to meet someone who just "wants" to be with me vs. some has some other sort of need to be filled. My job is to keep working on me to be ready and open to that man.
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jazzy - funny you said that. there's a lunch once with some of my coworkers. this guy who got a divorce five years ago suddenly said he wouldn't mind marry a women who makes more than he does. and a lot of guys agreed w him on the spot. in my head i was like, of course you do....your money all went to your ex-wife.
after entering into my 40s....i realized men put a lot of stock into money. money to them is a tool. basically there's no free lunch under the sun. you can paint how beautiful "love" is...at the end...when love/lust is gone...it's all down to business which could turn ugly in a blink. i am not gonna lie that i love the fact that i am financially independent. may be i don't get a more comfortable life (travel/vacation/luxury handbags) but i sure don't have to worry somebody spending my hard earned money...
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June- that is interesting. Those men are being very honest and agree they probably lost money along the way. I sort of picked that up from the guy I met whom I thought was cool, but kept saying he wanted to get married. Financial losses with some homes being sold.
My friend last night who is a single mom with two kids said she meets men who want to be supported by her. She tells them "I have two children to finish raising and get through college, I am not looking to support anyone!" Life, can you relate to that one?
I really pay attention to what these guys say these days.
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Going to see Esperanza Spalding in August in Santa Fe. One of my fav jazz artists!
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i dont want to be the mother of an adult, or the strong one, or a nursemaid or a cougar, i just want a real mate who is warm and cuddles well and can read my emotions and cares enough to show he understands......sex is optional
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Lily- right on sister. Someone kind who cares is key.
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HI, well i read all your post and i am right there with all of you i feel i meet men whom wants to have the free sex and not commit to anything else. in the past that was my luck. Now i am content by myself married to my miserable job. The promotions yesterday got postponed till today and 1 hour before the time the developer came and told me a draft was missing and i quickly email my manager ( the ass hole ) and the director telling them i felt it was best to cancel the promotion till next week then the manager responded after i left several msgs and said to try to push it through. AAREEE UUU KIDDDING me ? anyway long history short had to prepare 8 emails to Vps managers etc to get approvals to add the missing draft. I ended up on the lab top from 9am till 3:30 pm plus yesterday another 4 hours my entire weekend. Got it sorted out and i am now baking a chicken lol i am so tired it is not physical work yet i feel as if someone bit me up. rushed to the supermarket to pick up bread, milk water , juices and a hole chicken for what ever reason i got so hungry had breakfast at noon wile the team was implementing the codes.
Now i got a text from my ex telling me about his mom filing for divorce. I am so chock by this news after 45 years of marriage, is that crazy. but it tells me that there is a reason why i am single. lol marriage is just a gamble and some are very lucky in finding the right man some we just didnt get the luck.
I will wait for my chicken and have some nice dinner then will work on my linkin account lol i am not looking forward to going to work tmw
Melb i cant wait to hear about your surgery, lili will you be able to get the recon ? i think you said you are in a long waiting list. Time goes very fast and one day it will be your turn.
Milky are you out there? hope all is ok
Wonder is bdavis got a nice man. She was dating, wonder how is going.
Jazz i have been watching a man in youtube his name is Martin Ochoteco from Argentina and i keep on wondering is he single? lol he is a horse whisperer also alicia burton
love those videos, keep wishing to win some lottery so i can go lose myself in a ranch far away
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Enerva- you had a rough weekend with the release stuff. I have something coming to you in awhile we have been talking about. Time for a better job.......
BB-did you apply for that job you mentioned? I hope you get an interview.
Been spending time at home today getting some organization done and getting ready for a busy week. I will be on the go with multiple meetings this week.
Melp- good luck with your surgery and let us know how things go!
Wishing everyone a good week. Into July we go.....
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BB- the exhausting could be a lot of things. I have a certain amount of fatigue on the AIs, but it is not debilitating, but think it can be. Your depression may have a different cause though. Have you been checked for anemia? I have talked to several women who have ended up anemic after chemo. I think your recent blood work may have indicated that. You are having your blood work rerun this week again, yes? If your doctor wants you to come in to discuss anything, you should bring this up and tell them the time frame this has been going on. I have heard you talking about this at least since last fall.
About people who need to much from us, sometimes we just have to tell people you care about them and know they need help/support but you cannot be there for them in the way they need. I recently had the same situation with a friend right before I went to Denver a few weeks ago. Someone I know from my home town who lives on the west coast that I reconnected with on FB 5 years ago. Long story short, she lost her father last fall and already has depression problems and things have been tough for her. I called her to see how she was doing the weekend before I went to Denver, and thought we had a pleasant conversation. However, I was wrong about that. She sent me a really nasty e-mail the next day and said she did not want to talk to me anymore. So I said "okay, I understand, take care" and unfriended her on FB and that was that. But then there was a note in the mail to say she did not understand why I unfriended her, that I she obviously hurt my feelings, but that I needed to hear the truth. Umm, you said you don't want to talk anymore, so I thought we were done here?
When people are having a bad time, I don't want to make anything worse for them than it already is. She has been unraveling since her father died and I have tried my best to be her friend and be compassionate. Grief just has it's way with you some times. However, I was unwilling to be blamed and drained any further by her. When she got to be too much, I backed off. I have found I feel a lot better since we stop communicating.
So, BB, find a way to just step away from your friend. You need to take are of yourself right now. We don't have to to justify that to anyone.
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Some tidbits today I had to share with you from some prof org meeting activities. Went to meet a colleague from this one group to do a recording for the web site around a subgroup I am starting here, and we had a good chat with my friend, David, who did the taping. David is a never married guy in his 50s, have known him through the years through other groups in town. We always have good conversations.
We were talking about having never been married and the questions you have to deal with in the never married world (June and Enerva know all about this). So I asked him about the guy in our group who is always talking about the marriage thing. David puts his head in his hands and starts shaking it back and forth. I said "you know what I am about to say" and yes, he says Joe does this everywhere he goes and it is not new either. Apparently he has had lots of different girlfriends through the years, but has never ended up with the wife he is wanting. Then he said "he is a nice guy but very needy."
Second thing was with some other people from this same group, whom I met for lunch. When I arrived, they were already sitting at a table, but you have to order at the counter. A man and a woman whom I was meeting to talk about our work so we can help each other with referrals. We were getting ready to go up and order, and the guy in the group says "I cannot go order at the counter as my ex-wife is up front in that area and she has a restraining order against me." I thought he was joking, that maybe he did not want to talk to her but, no he REALLY had a restraining order against him." WTH? I am telling you, I cannot make this stuff up folks.
It has been an interesting Monday!
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Melp - I hope the surgery went well. Rest easy, take good care of yourself, and check in whenever you're ready.
BB - Maybe the man in your hometown is the right guy. I do understand not wanting to have to pay that site again, though...
Enerva - You're so right. Marriage is a gamble. Many of us have found out the hard way.
Jazzy - That's interesting what this single guy told you about the other one. Good thing you saw through him and decided to keep your distance.
My very limited experience has been a bit different from your single mom friend's experience. I do not date, and I'm not looking to date because I don't trust anyone now. I noticed that men my age are just looking for something casual. One man surprised me by asking me out, and he seemed like the perfect gentleman. But he never mentioned anything about "caring" about me, etc. Eventually I found out he was just looking for sex and possibly just a place to stay once in a while. When I pointed out that, uh, hello, I have a bunch of sons, his argument was that my ex was living with another woman, so why shouldn't I have a boyfriend? Right there, I told him that I didn't want to speak to him anymore.
It's funny, but now that times have been so tough, I do find myself thinking about how that guy would offer to buy us food (though I declined) and was very handy with fixing things. Then I start thinking: If only I weren't so virtuous, I'd have a fridge filled with food, and this house and my car would be in good repair. LOL. But, no... I had to be virtuous. LOL. (Just kidding. Everything would've turned into an even bigger disaster if I'd taken that road. But sometimes I wonder...)
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Hi, my day was long and after i finished i went to a mall to get a good bye card for my coworker . i feel bad no one offered to get a card or something. this kid is one of the only one who had helped me this past months in terms of work related questions so i went got him a great card and a nice little agenda for his new desk and a few nice details. i will give to him tmw. it is his last day and i already miss him lol
That is me i am a nice person i feel it is so rude, he brought breakfast for the entire team today. ;( anyway Wed is a holiday and i promise i will organize my resume Jazz thank you for all the tips i realized i sent you an old one which i used to go for an interview with a company i work before so i did not even update the present role lol but yes i will include all i presently do. I will update and send on Wed . I also open linkin it is not all updated but it is open now.
Going to bed i am feeling down cuz i haven't been able to exercise for a week now and that really bothers me
need to go back and read your posts.
Melb hope you feel better soon, Sending you hugs
love you all
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Life- I like how the guy you knew was trying to suggest you emulate the same behavior as your ex-husband. Kids are not living with the ex, they are living with you. I know my single mom friends who have kids are very careful about men and with the spending the night stuff. Well, I don't trust men either and think some of the niceties are only sometimes there in the beginning anyways, at least that has been my experience. You want someone who would do that for you just because.
I hope your payments are starting to show up?
E- glad the resume review helped. I think it is nice you are doing something for the person who is leaving. I have no doubt that place where you work would not even think about it. When I worked for my big healthcare org here on the last big project, there was a nice man on our team whom decided to retire and they told me I had to plan his retirement party. Not my job, but think I just found them a room to have a potluck. The people on my project team ended up hosting the luncheon and bought him a going away gift. Nothing from the org and he had been a clinic administrator at one point. He was bitter when he left. Tell the young man to help get your resume in the door where ever he is going!
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Enerva - You are a very nice and thoughtful person. {{Hugs}} Like you, I would've felt bad, too, if my coworker brought food for everyone on his last day, and they did nothing in return.
Jazzy - I agree with you about the niceties in the beginning. You're so right that a real friend would do something just because. I noticed that this guy did many things for many people, but for me, well, he was only willing to consider helping me out if there was a possibility of... something else happening. Once he found out there was no possibility, that was that. ;-)
Goodnight!
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Hi ladies well i just got more news one more tortoise hatched lol my brother send me a msg today i am again a grand mom lol
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E- aww, how cute are they? I bet there could be more!
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lol yes i am sure i will get lots lol cuz they lade lots of eggs
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They are really cute!
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hi all its day three post op. Bear hugger blanket is off!! Its to keep the flap alive. Not able to eat much lunch without throwing up but just ate a bit of sandwich for dinner. Got a fan on to keep me cooler. Sat out of bed fir little while earlier
hope i can get more sleep tonight. 0 -
Melp- good to hear from you and know you are on the other side of things.
Sorry to hear about the vomiting. Do try to stay hydrated even if you cannot eat much. I find protein shakes and bottled juice drinks work when my appetite was not good a few years back.
My stomach is always a mess after surgery. I threw up in the recovery room after my breast surgery. Ginger ale is easy too.
I thought it would be cooler where you are right now too? North American summer is Australia's winter?
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Melb i am glad it is over. i think your surgery is way harder than mine cuz you hade the flap pls be patient every day you will feel better and better just try to survive day by day lots of water or juice and for me cream soups were my best option for food or baby food lobe baby food.
i will go try to start my bike i want to go for a short ride ll post a few pictures if i do go. My battery maybe dead ;(
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Enerva- happy Canada Day! Go take a ride! Jump start the battery!
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