Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
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Tessa & June - What an odd coincidence that two of you lost your wallets...
Tessa - Ditto on the shirt or top with an opening in the front. Also, for the drains, if you have a top or vest with inside pockets large enough for you to keep the drains, that would help.
Good luck! I looked down right after my first MX and was relieved. I was so upset going into the surgery because I was perfectly happy with my original set (34D). But, after the MX w/TE placement, I looked down and thought, "Oh. Well, this works. I can live with this." I hope you feel just as relieved following your surgery. :-)
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Sending HUGS and well wishes to all.
Will come back later and check in
xoxoxoxo
Piper
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So today my husband asked me what dates work for me for mediation... so I guess its beginning to unravel.
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Bdavis - I hope mediation works out for you. One thing I noticed: Mediators are supposed to be "objective," but no one really is.
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Bdavis and life, I am trying to learn to meditate and its just not as easy as i thought. i am not good at it even though i read about it i still cant stop thinking
i hope one day i learn to stop thinking i really need to change my life. i read about how it changes people and i keep hoping 0 -
Bdavis, I hope the mediation goes well. Mine didn't but in the end all the "stuff" which wasn't much, didn't matter. The $ part was hard since I had a new baby to take care of and he was blowing it like water on the frivolous, but I had to let that all go or it would've eaten me up inside.
Now I provide for my son and myself. Not extravagantly but we're provided for, and it feels good.
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Life, I posted pics from my hospital bed. Do they look pretty "normal"?
Whadda ya think everyone?
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Mediation went OK for us. The money stuff is the most difficult. When he said I owed part of his credit card bills because of furniture we had [purchased 12 years previously, I let him have the furniture - because it is really just stuff. A number of things like that I just let go of eventually. We did get through it and it has all worked out for the best. Still on speaking, friendly terms - best for the kids that way and we split all the mediation cost down the middle so less expensive. There is no good way through or around this, you just do the best you can.
Tessa Hope you are feeling reasonably OK. Be patient with yourself.
Be well
Nel
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Tessa - I don't see photos here, but the question is: How do YOU feel about the results? Are you comfortable so far?
Enerva - I've never tried meditation either. All I do now is pray. :-)
The "mediation" we've been discussing here is something different - it's a method of divorce where the couple sits down with one lawyer to work out a divorce agreement. It's not working for me because my soon-to-be-ex lies and lies about money, and now he is trying to push me into taking on more than half of the debt he drove us into.
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lol oh dear i am so lost lol
You see how out of things i am these days
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Hi DebDylan....ooh i can so relate to how you are feeling, when we are at home with family or close friends we feel safe.....going back to work can seem so daunting, things may have changed and we may feel completely out of touch.
We are changed, i feel i relate to people differently now, our confidence has taken a nose dive we need to build it up again,
Can you have a while longer off work, perhaps its too soon to go back, perhaps start with reduced hours to start with, while looking for something else that you would enjoy, perhaps its time for a change, i said to my line manager when i went back to work i didnt want to be treated differently, and to be fair everyone was great, people do say things insensiitve things which do hurt sometimes they do not understand how we feel unless of cause they have been through what we have.
Where do you live? support group may be helpful i do not know anyone my age group who has had bc dx it would be nice to be able to relate to someone locally....
kaza xxxxx
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I am optimistic about mediation. I consulted with three lawyers and they all said we were perfect for mediation. A lot of what "we" have is mine from before marriage, so that doesn't count in the calculations. So its just the house and 401k, pension, IRA and a little bit of savings. I have financially put a lot into the marriage, and am willing to walk away from it, cause I co-mingled the money. Live and learn. And we both agree to to use the formula for alimony and child support. So nothing complicated there. But time will tell.
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Bdavis - In that case, mediation may work very well for you. It sounds like you're in the right position for it to work.
Deb - That period of time right after treatment ended was a big transition for me, too, and probably for most women. There were local support groups. If I can find any of them now, I'll put together some links and PM them to you. I went to only one support meeting - although I intended to go to more - and I went to only one "Look Good, Feel Better" meeting, but other patients told me the support meetings were helpful.
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deb - may be just try a couple of days first then decide if you can continue working or not. it's not good isolate yourself. casual interaction with ppl can do us some good.
i also went back to work....i am okay on the ppl but i got tired easily. so i dreamed going home after lunch. we work long hours so my team kind of look at me funny. i think my boss sort to hinted to them i am having some health issues. one person actually asked if i felt better...i tried to act normal when i can but i also kept to myself. it's good this office is not so chatty...
enerva - lol...how are you? r u on vaca?
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I am also thinking about it, i keep telling me i am bc free now, but my mind keeps telling me it can all be a big nightmare all over again. I just keep worrying about the fact that i am all alone now and that i need to sell my place cuz i cant afford it any more. Going back to work part time, facing the people and been ask about the fact that my hair is short now and where i was all thus time. Can some one please wake me up? its a very long and dark nightmare.
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OH DebDylan ......so sorry you are feeling bad....it is still very early days for you, you have been through so much, things do get easier with time, but we are never as we were, we find a new way forward, just so hard getting there.
Be good to yourself it is you that matters at the moment, i feel the thought of going back to work hasnt helped you, take more time off if you can, perhaps see your GP get signed off and focus on getting stronger, your doctor may be able to help support groups etc......
As for recurrence thinking of this is normal, it is always there but again this gets easier with time, i now think to myself, if it comes back it will be sorted just like the last time this way of thinking helps me through......sending you hugs and sincere blessings kaza xxxxxxxxx
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Thanks i know you all understand only we can know how this is.
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DebDylan.....Enerva.........i do so know how you are both feeling at this time, it will get easier, please look after yourselves you come first at the moment, pm me any time hugs kaza xx
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Yes that would be just so wonderful, all sisters together, we are all sisters here, understand each other totally, wish i lived close to you, would be over now , sending you a HUGE cyber hug....keep in touch xxxx
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Thanks Kasa
actually Deb and I have gotten quite close this past months, It really helps to have some one even if far. I also send you big hug 
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Yes we have each other. Girls i had all my hopes on the exchange surgery and that PS screwed me over. I feel so hopeless and tired of been disappointed. I am really tired, i cry today when i was having a shower were my sis could not see me. I guess i will be depressed now after been so strong i am coming apart.
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enerva - what happened? i thought the PS went okay and you were okay with it...
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enerva and Deb,
One hour or day at a time, you will get through this. Rely on the women here, as you have. Cry, scream - do what you need. Be patient with yourself
Be well
Nel
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Thanks Deb, not worries i also sign in from my blackberry so my typing is all over the place too. You are right i need to focus. My sister leaves next Monday and i will start my course and i ll avoid the mirror
Thanks you are right one day it will all be ok.0 -
Deb & Enerva - Things will get better. Some of my aunts had had breast cancer, and when I was diagnosed, they would talk with me and tell me to take everything "one day at a time" - just as others here are suggesting. That seems to be what works - whether we're surviving cancer or surviving a breakup/separation/divorce.
Deb - The period when treatment is just ending is supposed to be very difficult. It was for me, too. I got used to seeing my doctors and nurses at the treatment center, and I really grew attached to going to treatment. That sounds weird, but they say it's normal. Anyway, as your hair continues to grow in, you will feel better and better. Just wait 'til the "chemo curls" come in. :-)
Enerva - I thought your PS did a wonderful job. Did something happen? It has been 3 years since my first mastectomy and 1 year since my second mastectomy, and I'm still not finished with the final touches. So, I still do get depressed sometimes. But, one step at a time...
Tessa - I hope you're doing well and getting plenty of rest.
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Oh yes, Tessa hope to hear from you soon. Sending hugs your way
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Hooray for eyebrows! :-) And eyelashes.
Although, like you, I liked how my face looked while on chemo.
(Personally, I was hoping to never have to shave my legs again, but that hair grew back, too.) :-(
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Deb, now all will start to get better, slowly but sure,
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thinking of you girls....glad it's friday night. i am enjoying the down time...getting sleepy now.
good night.
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Awe, Deb I hope your first day back goes well. Don't expect too much of yourself. Take it a step at a time, and if someone doesn't like it they can suck it !
I used to wear wigs before bc. I liked being able to change styles, colors, and cuts without fully committing to them. Some people knew they were wigs. Some didn't. Didn't matter, I was fabulous. LOL
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