Single life after a mastectomy
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I am a widow and have had a double mastectomy due to Invasive Ductal Cancer Stage 2. I know if my husband would be alive he would have stayed with me. I have a friend who also had a double mastectomy, and her boyfriend of many years stayed with her and was with her at every surgery, chemo etc. He never left her and she is a survivor and they are still together. That's true love!!!
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Tessa - Glad to see you back. It sounds like you're doing well. :-)
Welcome to the forum, Fighter-for. That does sound like true love. I hope you're doing well, too.
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deb,
It takes time. May be you can still send in your résumé and see how it goes. It can be a good booster.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Afterall we are facing some serious challenge in life. Remember you are a stronger person than you know you are.
Chin up
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Deb i wish you could still apply for the job, you have not much to lose, and if its meant to be? remember you said there are some strange coincidence in life and this may be one of those signs.
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No Bed, you wont end up like that. I also stopped believing in all kind of things i do understand. But its a nice coincidence for that job to open now. maybe to send your resume wont be a bad idea.
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I used to be a skeptic through and through. But, right before diagnosis, strange things were happening, as if I were being sent messages or warnings. That may sound crazy. But, after diagnosis, I began to believe in God and "signs." I started praying. At one point, after I found out my husband was cheating but he wouldn't leave the house, I prayed for a friend - someone to talk with. So, when a man I knew began talking with me, I thought my prayers were answered, and we grew very close. When that friendship ended, I wondered, too, if it was all a cruel joke... or if I was being tested... or if I was just desperate and vulnerable (and stupid). But I still believe there's something else going on out there.
Anyway, I was thinking today how our little group here is a heartbroken bunch. We've all been let down again and again. Now somehow we have to start investing in ourselves - whether it's finding the right job or something else.
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Oh Deb, i have been trying to meditate and do not seam to get it, never thought to meditate is to listen to God lol i dont believe in any God, i know there is some kind of force out there that manifest in strange ways and i guess i like you i wish i knew more. Hope we all find love again one day some kind of love that ll give us the support we need. I cant now look at my breast which feels so depressing.
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I noticed, too, that many people are able to find tremendous strength through their faith. I always found it difficult to "have faith," and I still struggle with it. But, in desperation, during treatments when everything started going wrong, I decided to try praying, and it's what works for me. Everyone out there is different, though, and it might not work for everyone. I just didn't know what else to do. Usually, I pray for other people who are in far worse circumstances than I am - maybe that's why it seems to help me so much - but also I pray about my own situation.
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Now that you mentioned your sister reading Bible verses to you, I remember a similar experience: Right after chemo ended, I had to have an abdominal surgery (not related to breast cancer). I was still mostly bald and just 94 pounds. I woke up in the recovery room, and I think I was saying, "Oh my God..." over and over. Probably not in a religious way. ;-) But, the nurse held my hand and asked very quietly if I was a Christian. Truth be told, I wasn't a church-goer at the time and not much of a Christian, but I said "yes," and she asked me if I wanted her to pray with me. Then she said, "You know that God loves you, right?" and said other things. You're right, it did feel very comforting.
Well, if anyone is still out there, goodnight! Will check in again tomorrow...
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good evening dear ladies.
Just want to send warm hugs and thoughts to everyone.
My "religion" is being outdoors, cooking and listening music. Walking mostly or hiking and this last year running. I had been off my game for the last 2 months and just this last week and a half started back with my yoga and walking. Despite the cold weather, I will keep on as I find that it is good for me...my soul my body and my mind.
Life-you hit the nail on the head......we all need to do something for ourselves and take time out to relish what ever that is.....
Hope everyone finds a little light and sweetness in the following week
xoxoxoxo
Piper
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deb,
same here but now i exercise once a week, and also trying to be more active. i am a couch potato...
i go to farmer's market every week now. and also grocery shop in the middle of the week, bc i can no longer lift heavy stuff no more. so have to make more trips. but i think it'll keep me active.
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Hi, June. I love the couch myself. :-)
I never used to gain weight, either, until my 40's. Now I have to be careful about what I eat. I started walking and exercising last summer, often with a male friend who liked to go walking, but I don't walk in the cold weather.
Piper - Music is my therapy, too. I couldn't have gotten through treatment without the ipod. :-)
Enerva - I never tried meditation, but I did try Qi Gong. It didn't do it for me, but it works for some people. There are free classes for Qi Gong, massage therapy, etc., for cancer patients where I live. Maybe there are free classes where you live, too.
Deb - I'll say a prayer for you, too. Actually I say one every night for all of us. Did I mention my pastor is fighting cancer, too? It seems there are so many people with cancer now.
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Well i just came back from the airport. My sister left and first thing i did when i got to my car was cry, i can now cry and get it all out of me.
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enerva,
i am so sorry you are so sad....i cried when my sis left as well.
hope you feel better after a good cry. get some organic ice-cream..
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Enerva - Sorry your sister had to go home. :-( Crying-it-out does help sometimes. Especially when it's followed up with ice cream. :-)
It's great that you all have sisters to talk with. :-) I have one sibling - a brother - but he's been great through it all, too. He's always the one I call to drive me back and forth to the hospital for surgery (because I don't want to upset my mother). He keeps me laughing the whole time, joking around with me. Thank goodness we all have our families to lean on.
Deb - Keeping a prayer journal is an excellent idea. I never thought of doing that. I'm glad to hear it helped you. I will try it, too.
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Enerva, honey I'm so sorry!
I know it's lonely. It's helped me to reach out here and on facebook and texting people just to stay connected. Remember you can call me anytime day or night. I'll be up anyways..
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Thanks ladies i am feeling better, i think i was trying not to cry in front of my sister, i didnt want her to go home and tell the rest of my S, i am crying here. They would just worry and make thinks harder. I am better
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deb, glad you felt good about going back to work.
on my end, it's too soon for me...next friday is the deadline and i think i'll ask for sometime off. i want to ask my BS if it's feasible to write me a note and send to my company. i am so exhausted. i should have stayed home longer. exhausted easily. had no idea mastectomy is such a huge surgery. i guess it's the drug also....
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Hi all! I am a newie to this thread. I am 60, single and lonely. Don't think I have good prospects of meeting anyone. I was married to a guy for 30 years and about 7 years ago he left me, divorced, for another woman 20 years younger and our kid's age. I heard from him time to time--more at first when he wanted my forgiveness and wanted me to accept he had a new girlfriend. When I was diagnosed with Cancer last year, he text, called and prayed with me telling me that he would always have love in his heart for me. He would call me and j talk but he still has the same girlfriend. This woman promised to marry him when he left me 7 years ago and was mean enough to taunt me with that. However, she still hasn't married him but she doesn't want him talking to me even about our family. So my last surgery I realized that I did not hear from him--and had not for 6 months. Come to find out his girlfriend is forbidding him to talk to me. She doesn't care I have Cancer. I think he is a pretty weak guy to allow this woman to control his life. Well I guess I will end this story here and write another time.
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dwill,
welcome!!
sigh..it's so sad some fellow women have no heart. don't feel bad, men tend to listen to their little heads....keep talking to us.
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"always glad to be here among those who know my secret......... I have no hair and only one and a half boob."
Oh, Deb... lol... I hear ya'. I walked around with one-and-a-half for the better part of two and a half years. (I still don't know when/if I'll ever be able to afford the "finishing touches.") Glad to hear you're happy about returning to work! Hope you're feeling better soon.
June - I hope your job will give you the time-off you need to rest.
Dwill - Welcome aboard. Many of us are in a similar situation. My soon-to-be-ex probably cheated on me through the whole marriage, but I didn't find proof until two years ago, right after my cancer treatments ended. He moved in with another woman a year ago. Then, this year, another man asked me out, and we were friends for a while, but he turned out to not be the type of person I thought he was, so that friendship ended.
But, for all of you: Here's a year-old thread that might cheer all of you up. I know it cheered me up reading the comments, especially the ones left by the men. I'm not a big fan of the following website; I just was searching for some inspiration. If you click on the link below and scroll down to the conversations, especially to the first one, you'll see what I mean:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sidney-anne-stone/breast-cancer-awareness_b_1968960.html
Have a good day tomorrow. :-)
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I am indulging in a (season 3) Walking Dead Marathon. I worked the last 2 nights (12hour shifts) and really felt like staying in my jammies today. So much for walking no matter what! :0 Tomorrow for sure though.
Daryl isn't everyones cup of tea, but for those who watch the show..... His image will definitely do on this cold night.
Yum.
Just wanted to stop in and say "HI"......and
XOXOXOXO
Piper
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Hi Deb, lol yes i am ok, have been studying my book and well i guess that is why i am ok cuz my mind got busy. I am trying to stay away from crying. How are you? i am proud you are back at work. I will find out soon when do i report back to the office. Not sure how will i manage my new Afro lol curly hair its a mess, but i know i wont be allow to wear a hat at the office. I need my hair to grow and its so slow i am not sure when it will reach my shoulders lol
Have a good night and a great weekend.
I will be reading and trying to cut down the pain kill pills
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deb,
glad you made a full work day today. one more week, i'll be take a break from work. i am soooo exhausted. going back to work two weeks after surgery was way too soon. and now i am exhausted mentally and physically.
enerva,
may be try part time first then slowly transit into full time? i learned from my mistake....we need to ease into work, not jump right in...i am drowning lol
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deb - i wasn't thinking lol. nobody told me i needed that much rest....they all said two weeks but boy, what kind of job they're talking about.
oh sorry about that stupid woman, some women are just clueless and heartless. next time that happens again, just say "i don't mean to be rude, but can you please stop it." seriously someone came back to work after months, ppl should be sensitive enough not to say shit. she must use her other hole to eat.
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Stupid hair lady.
E xoxoxox
June-I agree. I eased back into work partial days the first week with days off in between. It is exhausting. I came home, fell into bed and slept 6 hours after my first 8hour shift.
Daryl...its the body...I am just a sucker for muscles and the whole bad boy image.
Soooooo...I once dated an ATF agent. He wasn't very tall 5'6". Tats, Muscles galore, confidence, intelligence, Harley, shaved head. etc. He would sling on the white sleeveless T and his gun in the holster...HOT DAMN! Daryl without hair!
HMMMMMMM
OHH sorry forgot you all were here.
Debs. I love my concerts too! Mostly outdoor venues. When I had my surgery in 2012, I cried to my BFF that I was missing DMB That very weekend!!!!!!! That's all I played after my surgery LOL!
His tour dates are announced and I WILL NOT miss him this year!!
I also saw U2 when they had the 360 tour. As much as I had followed that group from their meager beginnings I had never gone to a show until a few years ago. I have seen The Fray and would like to again. I also would like to see Plain White T's, One Republic and Coldplay to name a few. Saw No Doubt seversl years ago too.....damn is she awesome
I go to the Blues fest every year too except the last 2 years. Always good national, regoinal and local acts over the course of 3 days.
I did see one "Dead" show back in the day. LOL
I am dead tired and have to work in the morning. But...I bought new scrubs to make me feel errr look better despite how I feel. They changed our uniform policy and now I can wear some really cute stuff instead of plain whites! I hope every one takes it easy this weekend. Maybe we should be each others dates. Probably more laughter and good times for the interim...
I was blown off Thurs for a "blind Date" or so it seemed. Seriously, I just am not a forgiving person. Or is it that I am no Bull shit? I am no BS. Guess I am looking forward to a long lonely life ahead eh?
XOXOXO ladies
Me and Red (wine) are going for a short siesta
Piper
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what's up with those guys wanted to be dominated?? when i was on OKC, i had a few came on to me with that request. and also a 24 yr old boy wanted to have sex...wtf is wrong with men.
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(((Debs))) I know what you mean. I am missing the love of my life right now.
CL has a lot of bottom feeders. Although, can you believe I met one of my very best guy friends from there. Anymore though...it sucks.
And I feel so much better knowing that spelling and grammar are filters for you as well....I thought I was an odd ball. Chalk that up to my love being a HS English teacher LOL.
XOXO
P
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Wow, i go away for a few hours and i miss all these lol Yes i will go back part time but i have to be honest i need my salary, i cant not longer survive on 60 % i made a big mistake getting my place back when i needed a two bedr cuz mom lived with me and now bc came and mom past and i can survive. i eat all my savings and i am terrify to go back cuz my manager made my life hell and i wish not to be in that place. Anyway i am trying to get plan b, so will start applying for a new job as soon as i get back on my feet. i am so sick of been sick. Anyway have a great night and weekend. Deb i wish i was there to tell that lady off. what am i going to tell people about my hair, i never thought about it till now that i know i must go face them.
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Enerva - Glad to hear you've been studying and are doing all right. :-) I hope the financial situation works out for you.
Deb - I'm sure your wig looks good. Your coworker sounds like the catty and possibly jealous type.
I had a coworker who came into the office wearing a wig once. This happened long before I was diagnosed with cancer. When I saw her wig, the first thing I thought was "cancer." I said nothing about the wig. I just looked at her and asked, "Is everything OK? How are you doing?" It turned out, she was fine. She just felt like wearing a wig because she liked it. :-)
My wig started out looking great. I wore it around the clock for the first month. I even slept in it - probably a bad idea because I didn't have time to take care of it. The strands started coming out of the wig and falling into my food. Sometimes I would be out and my "hair" would be crooked (lol). The insurance would've covered another wig, but I stopped caring. And I switched to special hats that covered my whole head. In all that time, I remember only a few stares and one person being just downright rude. But most people understood.
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