Single life after a mastectomy
Comments
-
Good morning ladies!
E- wishing you a good week at work and hopefully some good news on the new opps you are pursuing!
27- it is good to try to enjoy yourself when you can, but the whole treatment process is tough on a person so be sure to take care good care of yourself. Know that you will have time to party, go dancing, spend time with your friends, etc. as you get through this and recovery. Regardless of age, I encourage all women going through treatment to try to get lots of rest, eat well, maybe do a bit of exercise (walking) as you can.
BB- hoping things are better with the family on all fronts.
Woke up to rain this morning and may be rainy here all week. Okay with us here in the parched desert. El Ninjo is back doing it's thing this week.
Sending hugs to those in treatment and everyone struggling with the challenges in their lives. Wishing better days for all.
0 -
0 -
Lol jazz
0 -
No news
but I am not worriedcuz my friend left and he is in Chile this week. He told me that when I met him last Friday. He said to send him the resume and wait till he is back from Chile. I am sure he ll get in touch as soon as he can. Here is the final product looks so cute
0 -
liverals won
Finally we have a new prime minister yahoooo lol
Good night
0 -
E- beautiful roses. Congrats on a changing of the guard!
BB- so sorry to hear about your oldest son's problems. If your son has chronic pain issues, many healthcare orgs have pain management centers that can help with out the use of drugs.
I went to return some things tonight to a department store (for those of you in the US, it was a Kohls) and almost ran into a shoplifter as he tore out the door I was heading in to. He was a young man and had some sort of bag in his hand and was running fast out the door and down some stairs. I was just getting out of the car when I saw him come out and froze. With the gun violence in this country, you never know if someone is going to pull a gun on you especially if you are witnessing any sort of theft. Nothing bad happened, but as the light changes in the evenings, one has to be more careful. I know the malls around here have a lot of problems during the holidays. I think it is starting........
0 -
Beautiful roses Enerva. I always admire crotcheting skills. Lol its not a forte of mine.
I started taxol about a week ago, and its been so rough. The bone pain and itching is nothing short of arrrrrrrrrrggghhhh!!! In other news 3 exes said hi randomly. Two of them are musicians, one is in studio and all of a sardine decided hes missing me. The other just texts me out of the blue to say hes written a song for me..... the last time I spoke to him was 2 years ago. Weird. Last ex heard about my diagnosis from a mutal friend and starts being an a-hole about me not telling him.... *eyeroll*
Im going for BRCA gene testing on Friday. If its positive im gonna undergo a double mastectomy. Im so scared about that. I feellike my sex life will come to a grinding halt. Im gonna get reconreconstruction but the nipple will be removed and its always played such a huge in foreplay etc. Sex is totally going to change, and I feel like I might as well sign up to my closest convant.
*sigh*
Xx
S
0 -
Many here have donated . Thank you !........Wandering around and cheerleading again
Donate today, make a difference directly in all our lives. By supporting BCO, we support each other. Thanks and Hugs
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/110/topic/834331?page=1
Link to the mainboard donation page
0 -
Shar, first of all, I know how scared you must be right now. The whole journey is terrifying with so many unknowns, more tests, hard decisions, will they be right for us in the end? The BRACA test will give you more info to decide about what you should do. I have known women who are BRACA positive and chosen to just deal with things as they come up. There are women who have done all kinds of surgery. Write down the pros and cons of each based on your research and what your medical team says (reduce risk, better recon, vs. longer recovery times, etc.) That is the way I made some of my decisions going through all this. Whatever decision you make, you should feel at peace with it.
I think we have all found our sex lives may have changed with bc. That being said, please know right now you are doing everything you can to take good care of yourself. Some women here (like me) have not been involved with dating/men/sex since bc, others have.
Sounds like some people from the past are picking up a vibe about you. I also think an ex should not expect you to tell him about your dx. Everyone is different with who they share with, but I would not tell an ex. I ran into my last ex a few months ago, although we never did speak, but knew his sister had died of bc in 2012 and he totally flipped out about it. Don't need to deal with his emotions. I don't like it when people tell me what I should or should not have shared with them either. If you wanted them to know, you would have told them, right?
Keep us posted and wishing you some good news around your tests. Let us know how else we can help?
0 -
hi ladies .
Humm well said jazz . Its strange but I now wish to move away where no one ever knows about my bc. I like jazz found that many people just see me different now as if my expiration date is clearly in my forehead lol
On the other hand I was very lucky regarding my ex he never treated me different even when he saw me when I had chemo and was wearing a hat due to been bold . Even then he was sweet and flirting lol I don't know how I would have reacted if he rejected me due to bc .
It's enough with all our body goes through to have a man rejection.
I am now not even into falling in love anymore. I think that train left and I didn't get on it lol
I really hope I get a new job and I get to go away far far away .
Bb sending u lots of hugs
Hope your mom is ok and your son
0 -
made a pink one today
0 -
Those roses are wonderful. I ran out of yarn so I'm going yarn shopping tomorrow after my onco appointment! Making a hdc scarf for my dad.
Shar, like you, I'm fearful of the future too. My bmx is in Jan and I'm meeting up with BS and PS to discuss recon options these few weeks. I'm very unwilling to sacrifice nipple sensations but it looks like I don't have much of a choice. But I don't think I'll never have sex again because I believe the overall experience isn't determined by how our breasts are but our attitude with it! I hope I don't meet enough jerks in the future that will make me stop believing in this though.
0 -
27 heart . I had bilateral nipple sparing masectomy I was grade3a tumor over 10cm by the time I finish chemo .if your nipples and skin are not compromised then fight to keep them. Ps will not offer this surgery to you you must ask for it demand a logical explanation as per why you should not have it and only if you are really sure there is not other option then agree to losing them. Till this day I am extremely please with my strong case and my arguing with my bs cuz I kept my nipples .they told me a bunch of things and I research and there is no prove bc comes back on the skin or nipples unless it is there to begging with. Just telling you cuz I saw a video about nipple sparing which gave me the confidence that was what I needed .
Please look into it before you agree to anything.
))I had a nice surprise yesterday my dentist sent me a gift card on the mail and its for Michael store lol so me too I ll buy some more yarn soon
Have a great day everybody
0 -
Busy week and heading out the door for another meeting. It is raining cats and dogs here for a few days, but moisture is always welcomed.
BB- I am glad the pain is better. I get weird pains in strange places in the bones that don't stick around. I get it in one ankle and suspect arthritis. That one was bad on Sunday, less yesterday, gone today. Prolia shots can create bone pain. Glad you don't need the scan. Hope the chiro continues to help.
I am somewhat surprised by the recommendations. First of all, they say women who are not at high risk can wait until 45 to start doing mammos who are not at high risk, meaning no family history or known genetics. But we all hear most women who get the dx (like 80%) have no family history or genetic influence. They contradict themselves with what we always here is true about who gets bc. As we see on this thread, more women are getting it younger?
That being said, the less radiation to the breast, the better. I think every woman who hits age 40 will need to discuss the pros and cons of waiting to 45. If I were starting out with the whole yearly mammo thing, I would not know what to think.
What surprised me more is no clinical exams in the doctors office. I know many lumps can't be felt (mine were small and not detectable upon exam) but know another friend whose mammos were clear and she had a thickening that the doctor found and it turned out to be ILC. We had a chat about that yesterday on PM and she was very upset about this one.
It used to be breast cancer was 1 in 12 women, now it is 1 in 8 and wont' be surprised in my lifetime if it becomes 1 out of 2. It is on the increase and we know that. Seems to work against being more pro-active. I plan to ask my BS what happens to me after the five years? Do we go back to yearly or longer?
0 -
Trying to catch up a bit.
Hate to hear that about your son BB. A hard thing to go through. I wish I had advice but these things can go so many different ways. People can change thou. I have a friend of 23yrs that is 180 from where she was just over 2 yrs ago. Glad to hear the pain is getting better.
E- That movie didnt do much for me. Good movie but eh lol Love the crocheting (sp?).
Jazz- Glad to hear work is going well & busy! I started back full time this week & am just tired! But a good tired.
27- I couldn't keep my right nipple due to damage done by the camcer. Visibly so And since I opted for a bmx, I had a skin sparring double mastectomy (modified radical on the right) on 9/4/2015, I gave up both nipples. I want some symmetry when all is over, ya know? Close to what it was, physically.
Things are flowing here. Just tired. Anxious for a visit to my special friends hopefully in Dec 0 -
Simplicity- so how is your special friend? Have you heard from him lately? Has he been calling, e-mailing, etc. to check in on you?
0 -
Yes
I hear from him everyday That said, Im meeting another gentleman caller, hopefully, Fri night for dinner. My special friend, R, is a bit....uh...jealous I think? Told him he cant't say nothing if hes not willing to talk about 'us'. That topic freaks him out lol0 -
Simplicity- you might as well date other men as you are not in a relationship with the other fellow and he seems to keep you at a distance. I hope you enjoy yourself and it takes your mind off all that is going on for a bit. I am glad the other guy is keeping in touch with you though.
0 -
Good morning Ladies. SO so so tired lol Think I am going to head home after rad's today, climb in my nice warm bed. Confirmed yesterday at PT that I have axillary web syndrome on the left side too *sigh* and my lovely PT lady really worked that cord. I am also starting to show a faint red 'box' around my rad area. I am lotioning up like crazy...eh. All things change.
Yes Jazz. I may as well. I begrudgingly joined tinder last night lol My PT lady (39) uses the app and has had fair luck. Surprised to see that there are a lot in my age group on there. I put on my short profile that I am a BC patient and that it has made me stronger and more appreciative (I was trying to make it clear that I am NOT vulnerable due to BC-but in a nice way?) I figured wth. Just get it out there. Not so sure why I joined, but..eh. We shall see.
BB, E, 27, how are you ladies this morning? Anyone heard from Melp or NativeMainer?
0 -
Simplicity- we always talk about when it is the right time to tell someone about our bc. You are putting it right out there on your profile! I will be curious to see if you have men respond to you that have also had cancer. Those of us in the cancer club are not afraid of each other, so many seem to be. I do think it is good to keep your options open.
Rads will kick your ars, so definitely be sure to rest every day. You probably already know there are rads threads here to help with advice around the cremes and other products with the redness.
I saw a single sister on one of my other threads and invited her here. I hope she will join us. She is newly diagnosed and hoping we can help her along with questions she may have around getting through treatment as a person living alone.
0 -
I am grossly open about my BC. Besides, men don't read lol
I need to check that rad thread. Unexpectedly exhausted today. Not sure why. I sleep like a rolling log
Between work, rads, PT, and teen hormones showing, just wiped. Im going to do something I never do, go home, take an ativan and crawl in my warm bed with my feet on the heating pad!!I hope so too BB. Nice to have someone, find someone who can make us laugh
0 -
Simplicity- you will be fatigued even if you sleep 12 hours a day. I was after rads. It just zaps you in every sense of the word.
Men don't read, that is priceless! LOL!
BB- pink streak wired in your hair, good god! Stupid pinktober stuff. Hope you are doing okay and know your training is starting or maybe started this week?
0 -
Hi ladies,
Jazzygirl suggested I join you as I'm also single and live alone. I work and own a house (although I think I'll have to sell the house now). I was able to stay with my sister afetr my surgery, but I'm back home now. For me the toughest part of being single has been spending so much time alone when I'm scared.
Enerva, those flowers are so neat! I can knit a little, but things I make don't turn out quite that nice. If I tried to crochet a rose, I'm not sure anyone would recognize it!
0 -
Hi Cubbie,
I know exactly how you feel too. I am single with no family. Since dx I have been pining for animal company: I've always wanted to have a dog and a cat, but I'm renting a flat, and my tenancy agreement says 'no pets'! Plus I'm away from 6am to 8pm during the week: poor animals would get lonely too. I do hope to buy a house and a car (to reduce my commute time and ferry animals around), and then get pets. There are a couple of agility dog clubs round where I live, so this might enable me to meet people. I have found charities who care for animals when the owners are in hospital, against a small fee. I do worry about my life expectancy though: I don't want to adopt an animal from a shelter, only for it to have to find a new owner after 6 months. I am trying to spend time with horses at my local riding centres every week: I find it lifts my mood a lot, and makes me less afraid of death. I find horses so reassuring, I don't know why. Not any pricier than seeing an analyst, and so much more effective
Re the dating thing, I think that is a non starter. I guess the only way I could find a date would be if I had a really chunky life assurance policy on my head, and was willing to nominate whoever will have me as the beneficiary! It's not so much that people around me find mastectomies repulsive, it's the idea that someone might be really sick, and possibly die, which seems to spook them: since dx, the few people I've told (apart from medical professionals, and bizarrely, my hairdresser) have acted as if I was contagious or could carry 'bad luck', even though they knew me before dx, sometimes for years. They are afraid you might ask them for help too, for example with meals etc. 'I don't have the time!' Dx has made me realise how selfish most people are.
0 -
Welcome Cubbie! Single mom of 3 here. Its rough sometimes but I try not to think about it.
Hey Pen. I cannot imagine. You can borrow my kids for a bit
I hope you get all the time you need...0 -
I have never liked pink and hate that they push that on you. Pissy about people pushing pink down my throat just cause Im a bc patient!
Bb I guess I figure Id rather know now that they are understandably uncomfortable with it rather than later, after Im a bit invested....but again, they don't read. Im tempted to ask the one guy who claims he read my profile what it says lol After I delete it
Will he be honest or wont he? Lmao Naw. I wont. Sounds good thou0 -
Cubbie- glad you found your way here to join the conversation. I agree that going through treatment being single is not easy. I was alone a lot and even when I was around people, I felt alone. Partly because I kept my dx so private for professional reasons, but also as for some of the reasons others shared. Some of the people I did tell were just not that nice to me.
The good news is as you heal and move forward, you will make new friends and you never have to tell them you had cancer. I am happy to say those unkind people are now part of the past (they are even off my Xmas card list now!) You know I am done when that happens!
About the house, I too own my own home and there were times I was concerned I could not take care of it anymore. I just had to hire more help with cleaning and maintenance for awhile. I am able to do a lot more now and back to just hiring help for things that are too risky or I cannot figure out. You could consider getting a roommate and include help around the house as part of the agreement. I know there may be financial concerns too. If you can find a way to keep things going for awhile until you are more recovered, that will help you to know if selling and moving into something else that works better is the right thing to do.
Penz- welcome to our thread!
I don't have any pets either due to allergies. I love that you are spending time with horses, there is a group here where I live that does "hippotherapy" which is doing therapy with horses for autistic children, those with PTSD, etc. I spent a lot of time with horses when I was younger, Enerva on this thread is a great horse lover too. I agree it is better money spent to hang with horses than to talk to a therapist. Not sure what it is but horses help people to feel better.
I also can also relate to the people who act like you are going to give them cancer. Out of the dozen of people I told, two people just could not be present with any of it. I got tired of feeling bad whenever I talked to them, and did myself a big favor by telling myself I could stop making myself want to be friends with them anymore. Some times you just have to free people up to go find the fair weather situations they are looking for in life. I had some very wonderful people who were present, stepped up to help with no judgement, and those people are my gems. These days, I spend time with people who care about me and vs. versa.
0 -
I tried to look back, my brain, one of out sisters was in surgery today? Hope she did ok.
0 -
Simplicity- not sure? I think some having surgery coming up but did not remember anyone having surgery today?
0 -
Maybe it was in another thread...hm..damn chemo brain!! She was scared & deciding whether or not to take her phone....Oh I know which thread! The shopping thread
0
