Single life after a mastectomy
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wow so much happening here.
OK I took this weekend to meditate and it lead me to signing up to a course for January and Feb at college ha ha ha I am crazy.
OK bb yes . defenatly a romantic.
Simplicity I must agree with you. It could have hurted me so much if my ex had said that to me.
I also agree with jazz and bb don't give up on him but I am glad you told him this hurts you. He needs to grow up. Be a man and think before he text. I also agree that texting is just very easy and we tend to get use to it then we may mean one thing but the person at the other end takes it in a total different meaning. Try to step away from him and maybe time can heal the hurting .
In my case I stayed away from my ex for the 2 years I was dealing with bc . We could text once in a wile but not like it was when we were together. Basically texting became they only way we comunicated after my ex moved far. And sometimes it was not the best way.
Jazz has a very good point going through treatment, working caring for your kids not to forget your 9 pets it's too much to add a love one whom may have issues on his side too.
Please let it go for now. Cry and cry cuz you need to let this feelings out then pick yourself up and know that time will help you. I cry so much and I still do. Then I feel better next day. I must say I love this tread we are here to support each other. To share our experience so others can get a but of guidance .
Sending you a big hug sister .wish you feel better soon
Good night
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Thanks E. I am. Trying to anyway.
I am beginning to really hate going to lay on that stupid rad table. Not sure what about it bothers me so much? Maybe its the rad's, maybe its getting closer to the end of my treatment, maybe its how far I have come...idk But I hate it either way.
What are you um, crocheting this week E?
It's a stinker huh Jazz? I can't believe he just left thou!!
BB I am so sorry. I am not meaning to bring up painful memories for you
Hope you're feeling better today.Hope everyone enjoys their day!
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good morning ladies
Humm last rose I crochet. Yellow one cuz I gave the first one as a gift lol
I need to study now so I must put the crochet away
I was thinking I must change my life in 2016 I am sick of been broke always waiting for the pay day to pay bills .so even though I like my apt I must sell it and find a small place somewhere. I decided to take some courses and hope for a change next year. I looked around my place and it makes me sick just to think of moving but I must.
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Love it! I need to make some changes too. Hard thing to do when you're stressed to the max
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Simplicity I hear you its been a couple of f up years for me too. We all are trying to come out of the bc bs as fast as we can but it's hard
I am so tired and I need to memorize a dame book which I got 74 on an exam and for one point I fail
I need 75 or higher it's so no fair.Omg and all that talk about men my ex texted me today ha ha ha he said " hi stranger , hope all ok just checking up on you
"I thought wth is cuz we mentioned exs hahahahha
I wish I could take time back 5 years ago all was ok
I had regular love , mom was alive , sister and brother were ok I had no clue I was going to have bc or lose them . Crap crap better go back to my book
Night girls
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I saw this today on FB and it made me wish to be in my 20s again. For the same reasons you shared E, my family was in tact, I was healthy, life was good. Funny how you look back at things you thought were such a big deal then, but now we think, "seriously?"
That being said, I know there are some women on this thread in their 20s going through this far too early in their lives. I think it is just so damned unfair. You should be enjoying your life, your youth, etc. instead of dealing with this bc crap. I am wishing all of you successful treatment and a good life with many years ahead.
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I love it jazz
Thanks for sharing
Oh yes my 20th I was new to Canada and full of hope and dreams 0 -
O'Enerva! I can't imagine! I lost my brother just a few months after my husband left. I seriously went into shock. A sudden death. He was only 32. I have other siblings but none I talk to, or that talk to me. Another beer story haha
Haven't heard from SF and don't suspect I will for a while. I am not initiating contact since I am no mind reader and do not know when it's a bad time for him. I loathe friendships with limitations or guidelines. Ugh. Just don't understand why he didn't say something sooner if I was really that much of a bother. I need to try to get that out of my head.
Another work day. yay. I've done fairly well this week. Left after rad's yesterday but I intend on making it all day today and then PT after work and that's going to hurt
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Simplicity hope you survive the day ok it's raining lots here now supposed to rain for 3 days now . Don't like rain at all but at least it's 9 so not 0 lol or snow.
It's Wednesday n 2 more days ahead for another weekend
My polish friend s birthday is Friday and I agree to pass by her place. Let's see how I feel Friday I hate when people invite you and you can't say not. I honestly like her she my new pole walking budy but I am not the birthday celebration kind anymore or ever I don't know what is it about birthdays I can't care less about mine or others .always been that way. I never tell people when it's mine cuz I hate it. Then people always try to make a big fuss about it. Lol I had a $25 gift card so went to winners got her the set of poles cuz she has been using my sister's who's I got on my trunk . Her daughter msg me to say her mom s birthday is this weekend and I am invited to attend Friday. And added I can't refuse lol
Well got her the poles which I know she wants so bad. But I don't really feel like going to no body's place on a Friday. Usually Friday I just want to be left alone lol I have become a solo person n honestly it's no depression it's just I like it . I love been on my own mind .
Anyway hope you ladies get a great 2 more days n a wonderful weekend
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I did BB. And when we talked a couple nights later and he asked about my weekend plans, he acted like he forgot about my date plan. Then got funky the next day. It's so obvious to read through the messages. All those years in therapy with my kids lol I paid attention some of the time. His last message said even more. He flip flopped within one breath. A mutual friend of ours who I hope I am not gullibly trusting, see's the same thing.
I'm missing him but am not initiating contact...since I seem to initiate communication at bad times because I can't read minds. Nevermind all the times he's contacted me randomly, in the middle of the day. Feels like high school chit to me! I could talk until I am blue in the face. He's not going to see it until he is ready. And he is not ready.
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O btw, no more hits on dating site lol Im really not surprised or bothered.
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BB-I give you credit for your bravery! I'm so tired of investing only to be shot down. That's my biggest fault. I invest, put myself out there hoping they'll follow suit...ah, the hopes of a day dreamer lol I really don't mind. I tend to do this with dating sites. Just kinda pop in, do me, and end up deleting the profile. I just suck at dating. I'm good with it
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It's not easy, for sure. Divorced 12 yrs. single 7 of those. I don't mind being single. But damn Im getting older ya know? Like to find somebody & plant some seeds
It's scary. I get the arms length thing. I didnt realize I had let SP so close. O'well. Wish he'd get over his pride thou. Miss him.0 -
Lol simplicity you are like bb abother romantic ha ha ha
I am here eating my boring salad that is all I have for dinner
But for what ever reason I got use to salad or soup for dinner and that is all my stomach can handle after chemo crap .
Work was full of drama lol not from me but from others ha ha ha lord I am keeping my head down I can't handle any drama I hate it .
I wonder why people go to work to create drama for others ?
I just want to get in do my job and get out
It turned out my fantastic manager got another ba to complaint about another manager and the drama is huge and going on strong .
The ba approached me this morning and I listen to the beginning of his history and I said Humm wow good luck and I kept going to my desk .
Right away I knew it all due to my special manager .his game now is to create huge dramas around so that the director see others and not him only having issues very smart indeed. Lol
Anyway just glad Wednesday is over and tmw is a brand new day
Simplicity yes that guy you put him on time out lol right to a corner till he grows up
Just back to school for real
Men men men such strange creatures and somehow we miss them so much lol
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I hear ya on the job front E. That's me. Just want to come in, do my job, and get my paycheck. Surprise surprise, I work with all men which has never been a problem until now. There's one on the team that just doesn't like people. Women specifically.
Yea. Our friend says he's probably going stir crazy trying to figure out what to do. Idk. I love him but I ain't out to fix nobody else's issues lol Nope.
The biggest lesson I learned going to equine assisted therapy for 5 yrs was 'you have to see it for yourself'. You can have all the respect in the world for someone, and they can talk til they're blue in the face, but if you're not ready to see it, you won't. Can't change anyone. Can only control how I respond.
Hope all have a good night! I'm exhausted. Did good with work this week hours wise. Hope I can keep it up. I seem to be adjusting ok, just exhausted.
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the first week of rad I was ok but the other 5 took me down all I did was sleep and I had no energy to even think lol
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Simplicity, who says we aren't still in high school? I just have more wrinkles, is all.
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Lol Cubbie!
E that really makes me feel much better. Im so hard on myself. Hate it made you so tired. Evidently RO's dont think rad's cause fatigue. My pt lady was doing a survey yesterday asking where or why I thought I was so fatigued? How the flip am I supposed to differentiate with everything my life, most lives encompass? Sheeeesh.
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Simplicity that is so wierd. Here the first thing my rad team told me is " you will be tire most days" "sleep as much as you need to".
All the woman I know who had rad were so tired and me it made me sleepy lol
I slept and I could not even run. One day I rushed to my car cuz it stated to rain and as an instint I try to run from getting wet and my legs did not follow my comand I landed on the floor and hurted my knees and then I realized I was fked lol
Ya trust me is the rad it's affecting you a lot.
Get as much rest as possible girl u are a start in my books.
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Yea BB. He must not be too mad cause he emailed back to say he'd try to respond this weekend. Dare I reply 'if youre going to yell at me more, please dont. Just walk away' Ugh I dont wanna human anymore with feelings and chit!!! The suspense is going to kill me! A feable attempt at a knee jerk response, I started with ease read, then re read & re read again. His responses last week were very quick, not thought out & snappy but ended with; take a breath. Let it all out on me. Id still like to be friends but if you dont want to I understand. I wont stop caring about you' Such a flip from the previous response. Whatever.
Sometimes it is just nice to know we can feel again, I suppose. So Im glad you're being honest with and about your emotions. Validating our own emotions is important. No one else can do it for us. You and no one else needs to be okay with what you're feeling, thinking, choosing. Trust that you know you better than anyone, and keep doing you. Let all haters fall to the wayside
That would be interesting to see. I removed the bc part the other day & immediately got a msg. A weird one but a msg nonetheless lol 'Let me guess. Youre not in NC?' Eh? Wtf? I may do that just to see. Why the hell not? Let ya know
Good luck Monday! Let us know.
Thanks E. Helps to hear others felt the same. My DS2 told the nurses today that I sleep all the time
I guess I do sleep a lot. Poor kids. I hate this is affecting so much of our lives. Touches everyone close to us. 0 -
I really don't mind a fixer upper. Were all a bit broken at this point. Hoping I'll eventually find that guy that'll accept my fixer upper status same I do his.
Yea. Hes still mad. We both played a part in blowing it way up. Hes taking a step back. Maybe for the best I suppose.
Aw. Thats cool that y'all talked about it. I definitely will pick up the phone next time, thou thats not always either as emotional as I've been
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Yea SP and I were like that & could talk about anything! Hope we can get back there.
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Lmao! That's great. Yea my friend I met Sunday for lunch tried to immediately take it back to 'the place'.
We talked. He's mad and hurt. I'm mad and hurt. We both mis communicated terribly and said things, some unintentional and unfortunately some misunderstood since it was text/msgr. I said next time we should just pick up the phone, he said there's not going to be a next time.
Guess over the course of 2.5+ yrs I've asked more than last Wed if he was mad at me? That's what he 'let go?' He's not an easy read, at all. And I'm fairly certain some of my insecurities are showing lately with all this? I know I've leaned on him a bit more over the past month, meaning more communication, texts, phone calls.
He needs to take a couple steps back and maybe that's best. I'm going to revert to my let him initiate contact since he is admittedly stressed and in a funk himself. Says I can text anytime but he may not reply? Bleh. Men say were confusing. We ALL are at times! I know I'm confused! So many mixed signals over the course. In addition he said he has seen this personality conflict before in relationships and it never works out? Idk The whole conversation was weird.
I did apologize. I do see that my reaching has increased. I'm human. By nature, imperfect. Both of us screwed up. See what happens.
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This is a c & p of a post I just did on FB in response to a friends comment.
'Think I'm hitting the identity crisis phase I figured would come. Little about me, physically, is the same as it was 3 months ago. It seems there's a slow process through things like this where the old you fades away into the past while a new you emerges. But for a faint moment in time, those two are intermingled, causing a conflict of sorts.....an inner struggle of sorts? Hard to admit but some insecurities seep out? Uncertainties of those around us? It's a total mind f^%#. FRB sucks!!'
Not easy to admit or see.......
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How's everyone doing? Stopping in to say hello.
I've fallen behind on everything - oncology appointments, blood tests, medication... and the posts on this forum. I'll never catch up.
Furthermore, I think I left myself open in the divorce finalization, and I think they might've set me up to be destroyed completely.
Other things have gone wrong, too, but I won't go into them.
I hope the rest of you are doing better! {{Hugs}}
P.S. (Oh, I also have to buy medical insurance somehow. And I'm still looking for a job. Hoping to find temp work during the busy shopping season.)
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hi .life is so good to know you are still with us but sad about all you are handling now .is been so hard for you this year. I send you a big hug
Simplicity hand in there we know how you feel.
It's 3:55am I have been awake with pain in my neck and upper back so bad that I went and got a prescription yesterday but it's not helping much.
It all started 4 days ago at my desk. Stress in my upper shoulders moved up my neck. Haven been able to sleep 3 nights .
I know it's stress but I can't help it think I should check my back spin ?
I am so tired of getting scare about what ever happens.
For the two romantics .
So I responded to my ex text 4 days ago and I said I was ok but with some neck pain issue.
Then 1 hours ago he texted again to ask how is my neck pain.? Lol I said not good since I am awake now. Then he said " U should borrow my massager for a week. I'm telling you pain is gone. I hit boards hard this week and had a soar neck. 20 to 30 minutes massage with heat on and all gone. U feel it seperate the muscles that are bunched up."
I read that and I think wth? I am in so much pain you think I ll drive almost 3 hours to his place to borrow a freaking massager? What is wrong with men . Why he does say . Can I come over and bring you my massager ? Hahahah anyway
I responded by saying " thanks I ll be ok I ll try and get some patches today."
No more text .honestly men are so out of this world.
I can't take this crap pain so I just took an advil I ll see if it doesn't go away I ll get up
Hope u are all sleeping
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Life, I hope it all works out. Divorce sucks.
E I hope you are sleeping now. Have you called your Dr? Sounds painful
I use this stuff called tiger balm. Works like magic! Stress does horrid things to our bodies. I didn't realize I was so stressed but the Rad nurses did. First time they had to tell me to relax on the table. My PT lady points it out all the time too.
Hope everyone has a good morning. Lazy day here, I think.
SP & I apologized to each other but doubt it will be back to how it was, not for a while anyway. Is what it is.
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well I found some pills mom had which are strong . Diclifenac only got 3 so took 2 and ll take 1 in 8 hours. I had such a bad night . Brutal I LL wait if the pain improves then I ll get dress and ll drop off the gift for my friend I didn't go to her party last night . If my pain does no go away I ll call my Dr to make an appointment but it ll take days I may just go to another walking and see if they give me more of this pills mom used to take or something
Not a fun weekend for me
How is bb s mom?
June bdavis Melb ? Tessa milky hope all ok
Jazz hope u have well behave kids at ur Halloween night
It's not fun here cuz my building security does not allow the kids over they give candy out from the lobby
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Hope the pain eases so you can rest E
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