Single life after a mastectomy
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E- your apartment almost empty now. I hope you like living in the new place. I seem to remember no train will be involved for a morning commute?
You are almost done sister. Planning a vacation sounds like a good idea, even if it is a local vacation with trips around to do things. Or maybe time to go to Mexico and see your nephews?
Melp- thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay?
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Morning ladies.
My gosh Enerva
This all sounds like such a mess! I hate moving and can't imagine doing it now with limited strength and energy. Be careful!!0 -
Lots of issues here. Mom isn't doing well. She fell face first into her pond Thursday
and had to wait for her pos hubby to come get her as she couldn't get up She's been having mini strokes but doesn't want to do the 'back and forth to the doctor thing'. Talking to her is so hard because she just sounds awful. Mixing up her words, she's seeing ghosts, saying things that are just way out there. Work is the same pita.
Relationship? *sigh* Frustrations there as well. What it took to get me is what it'll take to keep me, ya know? Effort is falling to the way side in comparison to how it all began, but he has been working a lot. I think it's partly me too. I'm doing my typical pulling away thing when I feel hurt may be coming. Drawing into my shell, so to speak. I don't like reaching out with personal stuff and not being acknowledge
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iPad was acting up ugh
Melp,life, cubby, you ladies ok?
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Simplicity- I am sorry to hear about your mom. My mother had some TIAs for a few years, I was witness to at least one once when I went to visit her after a fall. My sister (the physician) suspected that could be happening and we think her first fall (where she fractured something) was the result of a TIA. I saw her slurring at one point, and it just terrified me. Anyways, later came a big stroke so your mom needs to get checked out and they likely get a ahead of this with some medication.
Sorry there are relationships issues. You have your surgery coming up in less than a month and hope you are able to focus on that and he can understand you have yet another hurdle coming up. He sounds very busy with his work and you have much still going on with your medical care and all the rest. I do hope you can find your way through this together.
When I feel someone is loosing interest, I also begin detaching. I am just not up for any more big emotional pain with relationships.
BB- how is your back? Will you be able to get out and about today?
E- thinking of you today and hoping you are able to get some rest somewhere in the midst of all the changes.
I had a crazy few days at work, and glad to be to the weekend. Going to pick up a new computer as part of a home office upgrade I am working to finish up by next week. Breakfast with a friend and then going to the spa for some work on my troubled week. The spa time could not come at a better time for me after this week.
Wishing you all a good weekend! Thinking of all the rest here including Melp, Cubbie, 27Heart, Life, and more.
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hey jazzy Im doing ok at the moment. Still deciding what to do about my ovaries.
Mood has been a bit better than the last week when I was sitll processing the news about my ovaries and what the implications may be. Trying to enjoy each day as it comes
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Melp- glad to hear you are doing okay for the moment. I know this is a big decision for you. I hope the docs can help you understand the pros and cons of choices around this. Never easy making these life changing decisions, which we bc patients are forced to make constantly. Some bigger than others, as I have commented in the past.
We are here if you need to talk sister.
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Thanks ladies.
It is terrifying Jazzy. Talking to her just starts my days off bad, but I cant not. Hubby won't take her. Hes more worried about money and has it implanted in her head that what is theirs is his. Shes never worked much but he knew that when he married her 22yrs ago.
As for E, I have sent 4 emails in the past 1.5 months? 2 of which were personal things, me sharing, no reply. Dont think he has even read or looked at them. Take 10 ya know? Geez dude. I accept his passion for his job, but I have to fit in somewhere, unforced. So I cant really say anything because I surely dont want him to feel obligated. Hes going to be who he is and I am going to be who I am. I'm not giving up just yet, but am walking forward more cautiously. I made it clear a couple weeks ago I was/am feeling very insecure right now with all the instability going on. I dont know how much more obvious I can be.
Mini vaca next weekend. I need to get away before surgery. I sent E a calendar of my availability early April cause I really wanted to get away with him..but again, dont think he even looked at the email
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Simplicity- I realize not everyone is an e-mail person, but then pick up the phone, or make plans to connect in person, etc. For me these days, lack of communication usually results in me loosing interest pretty quickly. I will say in the past I was the one who always made more of the effort with most of my relationships, but those days are over. I am looking for people (friends, lovers, etc.) who know how to meet me somewhere in between? It is not always going to be in the middle, or every time in the middle, but one person doing all the trying becomes exhausting very quickly.
Perhaps it is time to just let things rest, and go enjoy your get away next weekend to have some downtime. I am glad you are doing this. Then you can finish getting ready for your upcoming surgery. Were you depending on him to help you? If yes, then you need a Plan B with friends & family to get you to and from the hospital. You have a good support system, I can see that from your FB support page, and remember those are your people. The people who consistently show up for us during hard times are the ones we need to look to for support.
I know this hurts and feels disappointing. Last thing you need sister. Take care of you.
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BB- I just love your words of wisdom for Simplicity. I think it is true that we really find out a lot about people going through all this. I have had some real ephiphanies about some folks down the line from the whole bc treatment experience.
The day has been good. Breakfast was tasty, but the friend I met is not in a good place with some family issues. She and her daughter came and they were also off to have some spa time. Seemed like all of us were on the same page today with self care.
My new massage therapist is really good and did his magic on my feet today. Came away feeling good. I will see him again in June.
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Melp, glad to hear from you. I don't have any wise advice so HUGS!
Agree BB. I'm feeling very insecure lately and told him this about 3 weeks ago. I feel so deformed, angry when I look down. I'm anxious for surgery but scared at the same time.
Me too Jazzy. I tend to just pull away but I really don't want to do that. He is a good guy and I made a clear conscience choice to be with him good and bad (first guy I feel I chose to be with). I accept what are downfalls in my mind (works A LOT, awful housekeeper lol)
We spoke last night and he understands and was thinking he needed to make some time. I'm fairly say what I'm thinking and it's been a really rough week emotionally.
I am hoping he comes to help but have others in case he doesn't. Problem is he's wanting definite days and there's no way I can know. I get out of the hospital when the Dr lets me out. I'm putting my money on Tuesday which would be the 5th day after surgery.
We went down to visit mom yesterday and took her some stew she could just throw on the stove and add what she wanted. She seemed to be doing a bit better. Goes to the Dr again Tuesday and I think she's going to do the MRI. I hope anyway. We need to know what we're dealing with, what's going on and what damage has been done
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BB- love that look! Always good to go to the stylist with a photo! I do my own base coloring at home, just have some occasional highlights done by the salon. That being said, it is sometimes harder to get an even color with longer hair though.
Simplicity- it sounds like your friend E is trying to step up, but perhaps limited to a scheduled time with all the businesses he juggles. He needs to understand that you are not in control of the process. I had some people do that with me during my medical care and just had to let them know I could not plan around their schedules, but would let them know if I needed some help and when I needed it. I hope this man can find some others to keep an eye on things for a few days to come help you. Sometimes you just need to be blunt with folks for them to get it?
Going to get going to my day and start with some yoga on the patio. We had more rain yesterday and last night, and it is cool out this morning. I am loving all the spring rain, as are the gardens.
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BB- I love the color of that red hair with the golden highlights.
If you work for a creative place, you can do anything you want with your hair! I love the pieces of color they can weave in now and have been wanting a turquoise stripe in my blonde hair. My stylist wants me to do it, but told her not while I am working in the consulting world. But some day......
Dang, winter came back to NM and it snowing around the state and in the 40s here today. It is not uncommon to have late snows like this when we don't get enough moisture through the winter. We had basically nothing between mid Jan to mid April, but now winter is back. Worried about plants freezing tonight. Where did spring go?
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Good to hear BB. I seem to heal quick (but have to put down the cigs) so hoping this is no exception. I'm looking forward to the time off. I need a brain break. A long one. I love all those looks but the first is my fav. I'm staying short for now. Easier. Glad to hear it's a good back day. I didn't do poo hardly today. I feel so exhausted latelt and wonder if it's my emotional state that's got me so tired. Pretty stressed
Jazzy, I think so. It seems the few times I've mentioned frustrations, he's addressed them. Doesn't get bothered by them either so that's nice. Hoping to see him tonight and sure we'll talk more tonigh
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Enerva? You hanging in there okay today?
Melp hoping today was a good day for ya.
Love to all
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oh mg so much happening I ll read tonight just see o finished all and now bought a air mattres and ll finally rest. I ll post soon just need to shower then bed
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OK so a fee more pictures then I ll read all your post then sleep.
My place I cleaned and gave keys today. I had a look around and I was a bit sad but happy to finally leave.
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E- I am glad to see that air mattress! I think that will make for a much better sleep for you until you can get everything finalized in your new apt.
Your old place looks very clean and ready to go for the new tenants. I understand the feeling of being sad when leaving a place. I rented a 300 plus year old farmhouse back east for six years before I moved to NM, and the place had such character and charm. It was a place of much comfort during some very difficult family times, and still miss the place in many ways. I do believe places we live can have "soul" and lots of memories that go with them.
Wishing everyone a good week!
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Glad you got a mattress E! Much better sleep and you need it! Love the view from that place. I see why you would be sad leaving it
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Just had to share this, as it made me laugh and maybe you too?
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yes I saw it too lol s funny but so trueee those mam look so bad when they wear socks with their sandals hahahahha
I am supper tired and I need to go by my place to fil up a work order for the condo to go repair my balcony door Wich is very hard and the tenant asked me to fix .but turn out my condo ll fix it cuz it's part of the maitance not sure how but anything to do with the condo balcony is the condo s issue. I am happy lol I ll drive to my old building and then back also I was told that the repairs in this unit ll take 2 or 3 weeks . I honestly have no idea what they ll fix now .I knew it needs mayor help but 3 weeks? Wth ll I do in min time ?
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I hope Melb is getting help with her decisions
my heart goes out to u girl. I remember when I was told children were out of the picture .it was so weird cuz I never planned to have any but when bc took that away it felt wrong. Silly me I wanted to be my choice not my luck or bc. Anyway bb how is ur back?Simplicity I wish your surgery goes well and a fast recovery it seems just yesterday u were getting rad. You did so well I admire you with the love life too .I couldn't deal with anything at the time I went through it . You have kids and pets and now a man to add to ur troubles lol u are supper girl. I am sure all ll work out is hard but you keep going you ll be OK and will be able to gain back your body .recon is hard but is the best thing that happened to me. After all I can look OK in my cloth no body can tell where my body has been lol bb I am with sometimes I think 5 years ago we were so healthy no knowing what was waiting around the corner.
All should be OK slowly but sure.
Jazz u are my rock I love reading your post always doing some kind of take care of you at the spa I love that. One day I ll do the same .
Tmw night is my first tax class lol
So far got 3 A+ so very proud cuz I had no time to dedicate any time to study.yet I must study for my real state exam which I fail
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I just wake up I had a nightmare just now slept 30 minutes and woke up so scared . The noise in downtown is so loud it ll take time to get use to it. Hey do any of u watch game of throne? I missed it cuz I ll no have Internet here till end of the week. Anyway back to sleep hope all OK.
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E- I watch game of Thrones but not that regularly anymore. I was into it the first few seasons, but there was some season where they killed everyone off and it was just too violent for me at that point. The guy that wrote it lives here in NM, up in Santa Fe with all the other rich Hollywood types. Lots of actors, directors, etc. live up there.
Gene Hackman, Shirley McLane and Ali McGraw have all lived there forever. Julia Roberts has a huge ranch in the Taos area and know people who see her up there all the time in the summer. I think she pulls her kids out to the ranch in the summer. She was at a concert I was at five years ago, but never saw her, only heard about it after the fact.
Okay, enough with the Santa Fe movie star stories......
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hi enerva
yeah im seeing my councillor on friday to talk to her about it. yeah i wanted it to be my choice wether i had kids or not but cancer took that away..Getting lots of support from you guys and a facebook cancer group. Most of them say dont rush the decision.
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lol I love game of throne .yes is a lot of violence but is such a well done show lol no for everyone people hate it too. I hate that they take so long to bring the new seasons lol I mssed the one on Sunday and already heard what happened lol can't wait to watch it.
Oh listen to this .my ex sent me a msg saying he llamado be in town for a big meeting on Monday and if he could stay over my place Sunday. I told him I moved and where I live now there is no visitor parking or guess broom not even my room is ready. He was like .what? I just left it a that. Told him to give a big kiss 2 his mom.
I tell men has no idea what we go through and think we ll always be there for them.
I finally rested last night . Slept like 10 hours I so needed it. Tonight is m first class and I am excited I always wanted to take this course.
Sun is out today. Still cold but should be high 15 by noon too bad I won't be outside.
Santa fe eh lol well as soon as we win the loto we may live there too lol all of us in a ranch ha ha ha that could be amazing.
Hope all are OK
I am excited that repairs ll start and I am wondering how it ll be done ?
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That's great Enerva! 3 A's? Not an easy task! It does just seem like yesterday huh?
I think I forgot how much work a relationship was lol But we blend so easily, most the time.
I don't watch GOT. Don't watch much TV period really. Except for The Walking Dead, and Fear TWD.
Hope all have a great day. I am so exhausted and my hands, ugh, they ache so terribly today.
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E- congrats on the A's in your classes. You go girl. What is the next class you are taking? All this will benefit you for sure. Also glad to hear you got some good rest too.
Your ex is presumptuous at best. Looking for a free place to stay and probably more. If his company is sending him to town for a meeting, they should be paying for a hotel for him. Ha ha, you have his number. I moved dude, no room at the inn, bye bye now.
Melp- a fellow BCO person here was put on something that helps to reduce estrogen from the ovaries. Eventually she did have them removed, but began with the medication until she was ready to do the surgery. She already had her children and was on a clinical trial, and went through a lot with that. I can get the name of the drug for you to ask about? It may address the issue short term while you take the time you need to decide. Don't let anyone rush you on this, it is a big decision for you, especially being so young.
Simplicity- I hope you are looking forward to your weekend get away!
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I am Jazzy. Terribly.
BB hows the back today?
I am leaving work early as it is one of those days. Woke up to my hands aching so bad I could hardly move them (anastrazole I am sure), and fatigue is bad today
Hate this and am so ready to be back to some sort of normal!!I just tried to send you 3 an email and I can only send to one at a time?
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Think what you are talking about is zoladex also called lupron. It suppresses hormone production in the ovaries. Its an injection once a month. Im on that now.
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