Single life after a mastectomy
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Morning ladies.
Enerva, Happy belated Birthday!!
Yea, me too
Frustrated beyond words.How is everyone else?
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E- I know you are coming down to the wire with leaving on your vaca. Hope the studying is going well and you ace that test. So impressed with all you are doing to propel yourself along in this life. Wishing you safe travels and good times with family.
Simplicity- sorry to hear you are so frustrated. Are you doing okay with these wounds and working again? Did you get a referral to the wound center in your area? We are here for you.
Melp- how are you doing? I am so sorry those friends of yours can't be there for you better. I have been so disappointed in some people during my worst trials. Empathy is either something people have or they don't, Even if people have been through their own difficult times, they have no real kindness to others. Took me many years (if not decades) to find this out. Cancer can leave one feeling so isolated and know making new friends is not always easy when fighting anything. Do you go to a support group in your area? Wishing you better days Melp.
Hope- how is it going your way with your recovery?
Got my contract for this project extended through year end. Got some new work opps for after this that I am developing too. Feeling tired from a busy week though, and one more day on site with the client work.
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hi all
I saw my gyno doctor monday just gone. I was all set to have my ovaries out but she said after my last ultrasound the cysts on my ovaries have grown. She needs to know if my ovaries are responding to the medication and the zoladex. Then they will have a team meeting to decide what is the best option to recommend.
My grandma isnt well at the moment. She has been in a nursing home for a while. She recently broke her hip and she isnt recovering well from it. Not eating or drinking very much
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oh melb my heart goes out to you . So much to deal with be strong I know is not easy.
I am now in the airport just a block from my apt lol so glad to be leaving in downtown again.
National flights are the best I ll travel to Montreal then ll take the other flight to cancel. Here is a picture of the Toronto airport where I am now
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Melp- I am sorry to hear about your grandmother and her hip. My mother broke her hip years ago and went through several surgeries with that, & know recovering from a broken hip is not easy. I am sending you hugs sister and hoping your grandmother gets the help she needs to be free of pain and can take some nutrition.
Keep us posted on what your doctors say about the pending surgery.
E- I was thinking about you this am and glad to see you are on your way. Wishing you an awesome vaca and time with family. You deserve this more than words can say.
Working from home some today, and going to the gym later. This week kicked my ars.
Wishing everyone a good weekend.
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Hi BB- good to hear from you. I am slowing down today, work was crazy busy this week and focused on self care this weekend. Went to the gym last night and going again today, this time for swimming.
I was going to go to the last summer jazz concert at the museum tonight, but the friend I was going with is quite sick today (also has to drive her daughter tomorrow to southern NM to start college this coming week). I told her to stay put and get better, and we have plans to see Cyndi Lauper here in another month and will reconnect then. I may go alone tonight, or may just opt out as I was already to a music concert this week and sort of filled up with that right now still. Some quiet time may be better. Because I have a pass to this summer music series, I can decided at any time if I want to go or not without consequence.
I too was thinking about E being on the beach this morning and with her family, and it made me smile.
I am sorry about your dog. Can you have him in one area so you don't have to have accidents all over the apt?
Wishing you better days friend.
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BB- well, the man you met may indeed have some things going on. I have known a few too many men in my day who are interested when I am not and have made that clear I don't want anything with them, but they persist. To me that is stalking, and I shut them down pretty quickly. It sounds like you have kept in touch a bit with him, but he is getting rude and pushy and perhaps just time to say you prefer to not keep in touch and block his number. I get really uncomfortable with men who come at me like that. Be safe sister. Is this the same guy that has the beach house?
And you are not alone with people coming at you with their expectations. My current challenge is with a neighbor who I have been friendly with since I moved here, but whose health has changed and has increasing expectations of me and the things she expects me to do for her. She is a single woman in her 70s and we were fine as neighbors for many years, but now as things are changing for her with her health and her ability to take care of herself and her home. I have made suggestions about ways to get that help, but can see she just expects me to be doing things and it is all going sideways.
I keep a pretty small circle of friends these days. I have to work daily to keep positive and moving forward, and too many people and their conversations just drain me. I have had to drop out of a couple prof groups I used to be part of, and also let go of some friendships with people who are just not that kind. There is a lot of BS in the world and I have no time or interest in any of it. I have a few trusted friends who can show up, have fun, we can talk about things going on, etc. and I come away feeling okay after. I deal with a lot of difficult people in my work, so being around people that are work does not appeal to me. I relish my quiet time as I am having today.
BB- there is a neat article on Cyndi in this month's AARP. Hard to believe she is now in her early 60s, but going strong.
http://www.aarp.org/about-aarp/press-center/info-0...
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BB- oh okay, different guy. I am pretty firm with folks these days, not unkind, but will let them I am not interested & if they persist, I will just cut off the communication, at least short term. It sends the message that you mean it. Not everyone listens and not everyone cares what other people want. You are right on top of this with not feeling good about it and think not responding anymore will keep you in a better place.
My neighbor and I were able to reciprocate for many years, but with her change in health and not having enough family around to help her, she is a very different person this past year. She started trying to guilt trip me this past spring when she was having a crisis and I was out of town. Once people try that with me, I am gone. I keep a fair distance from her now and with working, really don't see her much. I usually just hear from her when she wants something. I predict she may have to leave that house and find something else if she cannot keep up with it. I saw my mother do the same thing with her neighbors and they stopped talking to her also. Sad, but people wear others out with their needs sometimes.
Went to the farmers market today! My goal this next week is to eat well and exercise more!
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BB- being flat on your back and not having any quality of life is no good. That same neighbor I was mentioning to you had back surgery in May and seems to have hers back. She has other problems, but her mobility has improved with what she did. I know sometimes that is a last resort and think you are doing other things before you get to that point. But not being able to do much for 18 months seems like it is enough to get some attention around this for a different solution?
I would go in with the plan tomorrow and let this doctor know your quality of life is zero for 18 months (months sound like more time than year and a half) and you need help getting some change to this situation. I wish you had someone to go with you as some times it is easier when you have a second person there as witness. Doctors behave better when there two in the room.
It is interesting what boundaries people have or not around many situations. I have had people here ask me some incredible things from taking care of them in their old age (a different person), to subsidizing someone's education, and those ever popular offers to move in and be a roommate. My hospital client site is one of the worst places for this and just cannot have anything to do with them socially (outside of my client who does not do this) because of the lack of boundaries. My neighbor never knew about my bc, she did help me with the trash bin to the curb and back during that time i had all the surgeries in a few months. She knew about my appendix, just not the bc and will never share that. I have seen her brothers over helping her so she has some family support around.
Good luck tomorrow and let us know how the apt goes. Wishing you better days BB.
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HI ladies hope all OK
Well have a few hard days here. First cuz I arrived to cancun at 7pm and my poor brother and 3rd nephew did not got out of the airport till 2am due to their suitcases were lost .long history short we got home around 3am then got up early walked to a few places but a hard rain ruined our walks there is a storm here and apparemtly be raining till wed.
Me and my brother did not care and still walked under the rain and had some fun but not great days yet
So much to do here . Went to walmart to buy a few things for the boys appartment basic things they needed in order to make their living an easy things lol simple things like a code maker a small oven a toaster etc.
Today we could not do much do to the storm is so unfair. But tmw we will go see my land and get estimates for small cabin lol my brother loves it here so far we are happy .
Rain is suppose to last till wed so by thursday we should go to the beach. The rental of the car was not possible cuz at the airport I was told I was to pay extra $800 for insurance here and I said f that lol. So not fun commuting by taxi and busses.
I ll rent a car to go on tour but not for my days
Here a few pictures promise I ll post some more once we get to go and really relax. So far I am so so tired. But we are happy
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E- so glad to hear you are there! Sorry about the rain, seems like the Gulf Coast area and everything around the gulf are getting soaked. Coastal Lousianna is flooded and hope you don't deal with any of that. Hopefully they rain will move through quickly so you can go sun yourself and play in the water.
That smile in that photo tells me how happy you are to be with your nephews! Enjoy your time away!
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Morning ladies.
E love the photos! Hope you enjoy the time away.
Melp, thinking of you always.
Jazzy, thanks for your encouragement and continued support
BB, No. The wound is healing good. But I seem to have 3 pockets, or areas of fluid build up. I've considered disputing the hospital charges for my CT scan when I was in last. It was done specifically to find pockets of fluid. Ha. That went well. They said they saw none
I massage the areas and that flushes the fluid out. I had a small hole open up at the base of the breast due to the build up pressure and the b**ch that gravity is with the fluid sitting there, but this has been a good thing. It hasn't opened up anymore than it needs to to release build up. The Triage Nurse says not to massage it, for fear of aggravating the areas more. But that makes no sense to me. Especially if it's flushing out the fluid build up. That breast also seems to be shaping up better, with the exception of the hole healing on the side. But it seems to be gaining a more round shape and is softening up.Been in a bad place mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Lots on my mind and don't know what to make of most of it. I need an escape, for just me. Take off and just think. Feeling very detached and disconnected. Gotta change that somehow
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It's a lot of things; all contributors. I just need to figure out if I can or how to accept what is, and move forward with plans I had as healing progresses.
One part I'll share, is something discussed here often, friendships and how different we view things after all we've gone through. There are some I have not heard from in some time, and when I finally have, it's because they needed something. I'm disengaging because I don't want or need those kinds of friendships any longer. Still hurts thou. It's always been a case of me typically reaching out to others, cause that's just me and who I am. Well, I grow tired, especially when it's not reciprocated during my roughest times.
I know it is hard and can be emotionally draining to continually support a friend, or anyone else. We all have things going on, and that's understandable. But it seems, if I don't go to them.....well....
E is still around, but that has it's own conflict. Something I have to figure out on my own. No right or wrong answer. And no one has done anything wrong. Just another case of what am I willing to accept or not accept.
*sigh*
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HI friends here a few picture's from today
I am so happy
Me and my 4 men lol
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Hi friends- reading through the posts of the last few days. I got my blood work results from my annual physical with the PCP last week and blood sugar is not good so meds are going up. I am going to see an endocrinologist in a few weeks to discuss weight loss on all these meds I take that make it so hard to shed pounds. Need to turn this stuff around. It went high three years ago and changed a lot but now things are changing again. That is my disappointing news for this week.
Simplicity- although I won't say I know how you feel because all our lives, cancers, treatments and situations are so different, I do remember this. Once I was "spit out the other side of treatment", I felt very confused. Like what now, and why are people so weird with me, and what will happen next, and on and on. I think others here told me cancer just turns your life upside down and leaves you in a place where you have no idea what to do next. I decided all I could do for awhile was the basics. Go to work, eat, sleep, try to keep up at home. I was really fatigued for awhile after treatment and if you have any of that, which most of us do, it is hard to move forward. I had to really slowly bring things back in to my life. That can be reconnecting with people, picking up with hobbies, taking vacations, etc. I had a lot of surgery at once, not all related to cancer but to two things that happened at once and it just took me a long time to feel better. So be patient and just allow yourself to keep taking one day at a time. People expect us to get back to where ever we were and that is not who we are anymore.
Things will be different now and you will want different things. Not just in response to your body maybe not being able to do everything it used to, but the things you shared about the people who disappeared and then come back but want something. It is hard to really see people for who they are sometimes, but you really have to after this. I too had friends who were not great during dx and treatment, and some after. Once i saw what was going on, I just told people "I am sorry, can't do x, or give y, or listen to x," I stopped letting people bring their drama around. I cut people out who were unkind to me. I refused to be part of things that were not for my higher good. I decided those who stayed and cared would have my attention as long as they want it. I got rid of a lot of deadwood friendship after cancer.
In reading your FB support page, I think you had people who showed up for you. Focus on them. Cultivate deeper relationships with them. God forbid any of us have cancer that returns, but if it does, those are the people that will be there again. Not the fair weather friends. You can choose to not respond to those favor people. They will move on. If people are interested in us for what we do vs. who we are, they will leave. I wish them luck when their time comes and they need help. Then again, maybe I don't?
I felt a bit bitter about some of this stuff, but can tell you the further away you get from treatment and the stronger you feel, the more things will come back to a resting place for you. You will meet new people, try new things, find your way back to enjoying life again. Again, we all experience our recovery differently and for some, it is much harder finding their way back. We understand that too and we don't judge. That is for other people who don't get it.
E- I see someone in the ocean playing!
BB- sorry your friends were not there better. Your family is your rock.
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Enerva, love the pictures (and kinda jealous lol)! I can't wait until next summer when I can swim again. Miss it
Jazz, very difficult finding balance after all this. Physically, I feel good lately and have added walks into my nightly routine. I found a place I can walk with my pitbull and she can be off leash as there is never anyone else there. It's a heavily wooded area, but plenty of view points and I always carry 2 knives (forgot about one the other night and slept with it in my sports bra). She LOVES it!! She just runs and runs. It's maybe 3/4 mile one time around, but just enough to get my heart rate up and feel like I am getting a bit of exercise.
Add in kids, my moms health, work, my mental & physical health, relationship, bla bla bla...Yep. I am having a very difficult time right now and wish I could afford some time away to gain some clarity. The short walks bring a bit, but not enough.
Well, even some of the ones that were there in the beginning have fallen away. That's ok. I am not angry. Just....feeling alone. There are many things that are contributing to this. Is what it is thou. Some is in my control, some is not. Just working on changing what I can and trying to decide if I can accept what I cannot, and if not, how to move forward from it.
Good news thou; my Occupational Therapist called me the other day, which was funny because I woke up with AWS last weekend (cording again in the right arm pit), and had been thinking of her. We just clicked from the go. Anyway, it's that time of year again for a big cancer benefit for Hopes Runway, and I have been asked to be a model this year
She had asked me last year if I would be interested this year. Not really my thing, but given the cause, yea, I am all in. A bit out of my comfort zone, but that's not always a bad thing. Plus I get free food and alcohol (yea, cause I drink so much lol). Proceeds go to a local support group and all clothes modeled are from local business owners. Plus, theres that feeling of familiarity being among brothers and sisters who have been through this (they're trying to find a male BC patient this year).Phooey. Gotta go fix something. Have a good day ladies
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Simplicity- I know your mom has a lot going on and seems to need much from you. Always the same for me with my mother, she was gone the year bc showed up but there were many other times in my life things were hard and she just kept coming at me with her needs. She did it with all of us in the family. So what I can say there is boundaries. We all have to find new ones after this. Do you have any other siblings? Maybe you can tell them you just need them to help her so you can get some space to heal more. The thing that is so hard about this is everyone expecting us to pop back to normal like we had the flu or something.
After bc, I stopped making an effort with people who neither stayed in touch on some level or just wanted something from me. I think every crisis in my life has taught me who cares and who just wants something. Maybe the friend who did something for you did what she could at the time and then had to get back to her own thing. I won't say I have had a whole lot of people who checked in with me after cancer treatment. Most think you are done and moving on. Well, that takes time. Give yourself permission to not respond to the takers. Maybe create a gathering of the friends who are there for you? Celebrate the good ones and let the crappers go. Trust me, with time you won't miss them. Friendships do end, change, or become not good for us. Trust the way you feel around these people.
How about a get away to a resort or the like not too far away? The fall usually has better rates for things along the shore, etc. I am one who gets away regularly for downtime and it helps me to cope.
I think you will find more clarity with time, I did. I see a lot of things differently now. I have learned to say no to a lot of things I used to do that were good for others and not for me.
Make a plan to get away and be sure someone can take care of the kids, and go. Tell people you are taking some time for yourself and not to call. We don't have to be 24/7 all the time for others.
Is the relationship with the guy still happening?
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Yep. Money is an issue and so is my car *sigh* I've been getting away, just not as far as I'd like haha
Yea, that's still going...
BB, I am so glad you are getting some away time!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
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BB- good point. A place you can go for a day that is not costly is what she needs. I hope there is a park or something where you can go with the dog and just have a picnic, journal, etc.
Enjoy your weekend with your sister BB.
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HI ladies . Just read a few posts
Jazz so sorry about the blood results I know you will be abe to turn things around . I am not sure how u all deal with the medications I am not taking any so I have not se from meds other than the old stuff I took wile in treatment. So when I feel sick I panic but is the usual everyday headache or flues etc nothing mayor. I know all those medications dr wanted me to continue taking could cause trouble so I took the risk and so far I am glad.
My nephew Daniel went yesterday to the same hotel where my other 2 nephews work and he has an interview on Saturday so hoping he will be hired too. I have been doing lots here like cooking cuz is very expensive when you don't travel all inclusive also bought basic things they needed like a coffee maker a small oven and blender etc my brother is very open minded and he finally saw the potential here so now he ll return to vzla and he will sale all he has in order to come here and join the kids . I am sure my family will eventually come here to Mexico and all will be much better than in vzla where thing are worse day by day.
Bb I wish I win that dam lottery and we can change all that we need I am glad you are so strong you were able to make the decision to keep toxic people away like jazz and me we learn we are better off
Melb thinking of you. Hope all gets better
Simplicity I also think that massaging your breast will not do any harm. I don't know why the nurse says is better not to. As per people around you I see you have many good ones so yes I agree with jazz stay focus on the good one's. I know this is very hard but one day it ll be all over. We get use to the new us. 1 week is gone and BTW I am tired I have to say I have not rested much it is not easy. My nephews are young and lots to learn. I manage to introduce my brother to a friend I met here a few years back and tonight they ll go fishing all night so I think he ll experience something different.
I ll try to go to tulun today n take more pictures
Love u all
Sending you all big hugs
Oh Bb yes I went and saw my land n is great no many people have done much with it but is all good.one day I ll build a cabin there I went and saw proyect as per cost etc. Ll share more when I get back
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Good morning friends- I am sitting on my patio and enjoy the cooling morning here. The weather is shifting and heard even more of a cool down is coming this weekend. The summer here has been so hot, and glad to be heading in to fall. Sept is my favorite month here, Oct is equally delightful.
Simplicity- I had another idea for you for a day get away that would be low cost. You have heard me talk off of the hot springs I go to here for either the day or longer. I found this hot spring finder link for you and hoping maybe you can find something not too far away from Charlotte for a day visit. Many of these have a minimal fee to soak for the day, some have a variety of pools, all you need is a suit (and I do know that can be a change to feel comfortable in after surgery so put a shirt over it), towel and pack lunch to go with. There are springs here that can be as cheap as $25-30 for the day plus gas to get to and from. This may not be an open for you quite yet because of those incisions you are still trying to get healed up, but think I heard you say on FB you were able to take a bath recently? Something you could consider for a future outing.
http://www.findaspring.com/category/archives/north...
E- it is good your family is getting over to Mexico one by one. I know you are going to end up there and maybe you can find an IT group where you can be a business analyst. Getting that education under your belt will be a real plus there, plus being fluent in Spanish. I keep hearing about all the terrible things in VZ. Enjoy your time and think you still have another week. Making food to share together is far better than going out to eat.
How is your sisters daughter doing? I think she went to live with another sister and know they must all be adjusting still to all that has been. Hugs sister.
The US medical system pushes the meds. Meds to help you keep cancer away but crap out your bones and cause other problems. If I can shed some weight, I likely will be able to get off the BP and metformin meds for high bp and blood sugar. I will need to do the AIs and Prolia shots until March of 2018. I think there is a pretty good chance I won't need to go beyond 5 years on the AIs, but the MO says he will help me to know closer to that March timeframe in another 16 months or so.
BB- I started with the low dose of metformin around this time in 2013. She just put me up to 1000. Do keep up with taking that, and will confess there have been times I have not done well either with taking it. If you don't take it at the right time with the largest meal, it messes with your stomach. Well, it is serious for me again.
Melp- how are you doing friend? Is the L better?
Got to get going to my day and wishing you all a good weekend.
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HI all I ll be back on August 26th I ll go to the beach tmw finally cuz I managed to do so many things for the boys but starting tomorrow I ll try to enjoy a few days of sun and relax lol I feel I ll gain weight here food are very delicious but high in calories
I ll try but cant promise cuz I love the food lol
I found a chesse today which is very similar to one we had I'm vzla and so good I bought a kilo lol
Ll try to watch but honestly I am eating many foods I should not lol
So far so good but times is going away so fast
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E- try to relax and enjoy your beach time and the food there. I worked with a personal trainer who always said it is not the vacations that you have to worry about, but continuing to eat like that after you get home. I know it is easy for all of us to gain weight easier in the post cancer world because of menopause from chemo or anti-hormones or all of it so we do have to be careful. Can you exercise at all, swim, walk on the beach? You have done a lot for your nephews and hopefully this next week is just pure downtime for you!
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BB- I have some pounds to spare, will fed x some over. When do you leave on your trip?
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hi all
My grandma is going downhill. she has been moved to high dependency section. she is refusing food and water.
Doctors havent put a time frame on it. My mum is trying hard to deal with it. her and my grandpa have been together for over 60 years
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Hate to hear that Melp. Will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers0
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Melp- I am really sorry to hear about your grandmother. Very difficult time for your family. I will pray for an easy transition for her and sending love to you and your family. Times like this are for family to hold on tight to one another. Hugs sister.
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Read this article from a friend and really resonated with me and perhaps will with some of you. Every difficult situation in life has left me with other people saying this to me. This article really speaks to the reality that major life changes can really shatter people. I have heard all the empty platitudes from people through the years when family members get sick, corporations downsize and you find yourself at the end of a pink slip, a relationship ends with no warning, etc.
I love what this article says about being left to be responsible for something we never chose in the first place; being made to feel responsible when left with a pile of crap in our lives to clean up. I think it is why so many of us have let go of many people or limited our interactions with them. I think cancer patients are particularly vulnerable to these comments.
I also like that this article says, people who say this to us are people we can (and should) let go of.
Hope you enjoy this read, I did.
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BB- was your time with your sister good while you were there?
You are fortunate to have lawyers who are working for you pro bono. Have they given you any sort of indication that you can ever get anything out of this situation with your ex? Wishing you better days with this and hoping you can get some relief with your hip pain too.
I think E was due home this weekend from her two days away. Hoping she got lots of that downtime she was planning her second week. E, you home yet?
Wondering if Life is back in college now too? I know she was working to get her applications in and started this fall, I believe. I think about Milky, June, and many others who have been here in the past too.
We had something really bad happen in our city this week that has thrown everyone into a tailspin. Won't go into the details because it is just too awful, but a 10 year old girl lost her life. Sometimes I just hate it here.
Going to go spend some time with a good friend today and her family of kittens she is fostering. The world is a better place with puppies and kittens in it, I think.
Wishing you all a peaceful last weekend in August. I think Spring is on the horizon for Melp and fall for many of the rest of us.
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BB- well, you were trying to make a nice afternoon for that little boy. Hopefully you won't see that father again or be asked a second time. That is where I have trouble, you do something nice once for someone and then that becomes the forever favor.
I had a nice visit with my friend today and saw both the baby birds she is fostering as well as the kittens. The kittens were so cute to sit and watch tumbling around, would come over and check us out. I held two of them, but most of them were not crazy about cradled. The one male tiger (other three are siamese looking) was the most cuddly. My friend really loves him and think he may have a home with her for the longer term. She also has a dog and a full grown cat, and is retired so she is not sure she can do it or not. I wish I could adopt one, but allergies won't permit me to have indoor pets.
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