Single life after a mastectomy
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Good morning friends- beautiful cool morning and balloons coming through the neighborhood. Got lots to do at home today and getting ready for a busy work week with four days of vendor site visit.
BB- I think having people to talk to is important. But know we have talked about you not feeling totally comfortable doing meet up groups, etc. Are there any other kinds of support groups where you can find some common friendship? Divorce groups, cancer support groups? Sometimes being around others who understand our problems can be less stressful.
The kittens are almost 2 lbs and still pretty small, although they look big in the close ups. They will have their surgery soon, then when recovered, will be ready for adoption. I think 8-10 weeks is the norm they are only about six right now. They will have a good chance to get adopted I think, and trying to help through those I know.
Well, I found myself in another stressful situation with my sister but made a decision today around some problems she is creating for us with our vacation to the city in another six weeks. Long story short, I told her I was not talking up our time there due to friends and relatives back east that will always want to either meet up with you or have you change your plans to go see them. Well, she told a family member who has now invited herself to join us for a day and then worse than that, some family on her significant others side has elderly relatives that want us to come up and help them with some estate planning. As predicted, other are dong what they do. I have done most of the planning and purchasing of tickets for events, etc. and was feeling ready to just pack and go, and now this.
So I told myself today "why are you letting someone else's lack of discretion around talking about this trip be your problem?" I like when my higher self kicks in to remind me "not my stuff." I had a good friend over last weekend and we were talking about boundaries, family drama, etc. It was a good refresher, and today reminded myself that I already had this conversation with her about things, and it was just disregarded. I sent her an e-mail this morning (since listening to me obviously does not work) and told her I was done doing anything more for the trip. My only job now was to pack and get on the plane in early October, and that she needs to work out whatever expectations are with people she has talked to about this trip that have nothing to do with our planned vacation. I am going to be super busy the next few weeks and just told her to have a good holiday weekend next week. In other words, going off the radar and work out your own decisions and their outcomes.
I had already told myself that this would be the last trip I was going to do with her with just the two of us for awhile. It has been made difficult every single time we try to do something together, and just not wanting this experience again. I love my sister but she disappoints me every time with this stuff.
Whew, thanks for listening.
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BB- although I enjoy living alone, I notice the same thing after company leaves. Especially the ones you enjoy vs, the ones you cannot wait to depart. Because I am out in the world and dealing with people all day long, coming home is a welcome reprieve. I always make sure I get out at least once on the weekend to do something fun and/or social with my network of friends. About all I need these days. People can be fun or they can be work.
I had lovely conversation with a friend's mother from the old neighborhood back home today. Her son was a good friend of mine growing up and into our young adulthood. He lost his battle with AIDs and cancer at age 37. A few years after my brother passed too, and this friend was like a little brother to me. Anyways, always kept in touch with his mom ever since, saw her two years ago when I was in the hood, and we had a nice conversation today. She sold her home of 50 years and moved into an apartment that is better for her now, and sending her something for her kitchen. She told me she is sending me a meditation candle. Wow, so much love and kindness that comes to us when we least expect it. That was good for my soul!
I will say I am really looking forward to the vacation in six weeks despite the other stuff going on around me that has nothing to do with me. We have tickets to two musicals, to the Blue Note one evening, a Columbus Day parade, some shopping, and so much more. There will be lots of walking and tons of good eating. Given my sugar issues, there will be some challenges but will figure out the ways to enjoy myself without making anything worse. I so want a cannoli from an Italian bakery!
This time of the year, things cool down and more balloons are flying. Here is one that came over the house this morning.
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HI ladies I am back finally lol
So much went on but I guess like bb says back to reality .
Did a lot of running around and made sure my other nephew is well settle with the 2 who were already there. My 3rd nephew started right away working with the hotel and all should go smooth.
I was disappointed that my brother 's suitcase was full of cloth and I was not able to send many things back with him. Like sugar poder milk tuna etc vzla situation is horrible and my family there is in bad shape no food and no way to find it. Anyway I did enjoy I ll say 4 days out of 14 days went fast and it was hard cuz having no car made things difficult. Also spent a lot on basic things the boys needed now I ll pay slowly we all know how it is .
I rented a car for the last 3 days . On Friday at 3am I went to the airport with my brother his flight was at 6am then I drove back to Playa del carmen and returned the car at 9am then went back to my nephew 's place till 4pm when I took a cab to the buss terminal then toOK a buss at 5pm to go to the airport then waited till 9pm for my flight then I lost my conection in Montreal so instead of arriving at 9am I arrived at 11:30am
Also something wierd happened when I got to the airport I was out side just sitting under a tree cuz it was early then I over hear a child crying on the phone having a conversation with his mom.
Then after he ended the call he was crying and crying and I saw he was like 16 years old .
I waited then I asked him. Hey what is wrong ? Why are u crying .
Then he told me he had a flight at 4pm and when he was registering the person printed his boarding pass but then realized he was 17 years old and said he could not travel alone. That he needed an adult so he argued that he travel alone on las Monday and they told him not with that airline .so on the crazy moment when he look to step aside his suitcase was gone. Yes someone had taken his bag and he then ask the security for help and they did not they told him to talk to the police outside the airport omg I was speechless and another man approach us to hear the history .
Imagine the child was from Mexico city had a flight at 4pm it was almost 8pm and he was alone in the airport no money no I'd now suitcase oh wait he got I'd cuz a taxi driver was kind enough to drive him for free to a ciberespacio café to print his I'd cuz his bag were stolen . Anyway I was so moved I went to a machine and withdraw $40 which in pesos is around 500 pesos not much but enough to buy food and buss tikect in case he had to go anywhere . I asked him how your mom ll rescue you. He said I don't know she is upset she think I am an idiot cuz I let someone still in front of me my bags .
He also said it OK I have nothing of value only my Id. My credentials .
Anyway girls I felt good helping him but I wish I could have done more. I told him to seak a church cuz maybe they can give him shelter I just hope he is OK imagine to be in his situation.
I also told him his mom must complain to the airline they sold the tikect them did not allow him to board . So they sold his money . Also the airport security did not look after him unreal.
The other man told him that in that case the security should look at cameras to see who took his bag.
So I don't know what happen after I gave Jim a little money and I left .
I gave him my email and if he writes to say he is OK I ll share with you all.
Anyway I got home and I have been in bed right away got a sore thought and kind of flue to feeling like cap.
Got a great tane lol but I am so broke now trying to figure how will I manage till end of the month
Bb so sad about all the crap going on
Jazz glad you are OK
How is melb? And simplicity?
I worry about the recovery is been so long for you simplicity. Did you see the other doctors ? I must go back and read the post
Ll go to the store to but some medicine and limes ll post later
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E- glad to hear you had a good visit with your nephews. I am glad you are home and getting settled in. No doubt you are back to work tomorrow.
Will your classes start up again soon?
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I have been on bed all day and sore throat
I ll get up and see what to eat. Well I finished the courses and I ll start to study for my other exam coming up soon next month the exam I fail before for real estate.
I got d+ on both income tax courses which means I pass with very low score lol jut at least passed lol
I am glad cuz I thought I could not pass
I must get up and go find some medicine now lol my issue is that here unless a Dr see you you get not medicine .mist over the counter stuff is useless.
Hope you are having a great weekend
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E- sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I so often pick things up when I am doing flights for long periods, and across countries.
Sorry your grades were not better in the income tax classes. I am sure they were very hard.
Going to be busy ladies and will check in later this week before I head to Taos next weekend. Wishing everyone a good wrap up to August and a good start to Sept.
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well I went to the walking clinic waited 2 hours but got a prescription I was surprise the guy agree with me he said it seem's Tobe a crónic sinus infección so gave me
APO-AMOXI CLAVE 500/125MG
: AMOX 500MG CLAVULAN POT WHT/OVAL/APOYO 500-125
Plus
: Decongestionante chlothydrate de pseudoephedrine 60mg
: Acetominafen extra fort 500mg
Took it and back in bed feel so sick
Hope you are all OK
Melb and simplicity thinking of you .
Wonder if the other doctors were able to help simplicity with the issue.
K ll post back tonight . I called in sick I could not work like this
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E- so sorry about the sinus infection. Feel better.
Simplicity seems to be doing better. She still has her ups and downs, think we all do.
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good morning I am so worry cuz my sister Elizabeth final went to the doctor and had a x-ray and today an ultrasound. I saw the x ray and I don't think is good news.
I don't know how to read those things
Here are the pictures
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OK so she also had an echo today and tmw she ll get the report of those x rays so till then we won't know .
I lk kept u all posted
I am not sure what to think
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Morning ladies. Apologies I haven't been around. Things have been crazy, I've been in the dumps, and poop ton of work stuff going on as well as the healing.
BB, Im glad you had a good time. Just a thought, their marriage may not be all it looks like. Having someone can be just as stressful as not. I do admire how well you seem to be in touch with yourself. This stuff makes it very difficult to even get out of bed somedays.
Jazz, ugh, how horrific!!! So tired of seeing stories like that. Too many look the other way nowadays. Someone had to notice drug use or drug purchasing going on. Someone saw something at some point. They didn't just become druggies overnight. How sad. She was beautiful.
Enerva, I have no idea about those scans. Is that her head? I tried to skim back on posts, whats going on with her? I've been reading the email notifications, but think I still manage to miss some updates, somehow. Sorry you're not feeling well
Recovery has been a beotch. Everything is healing ok, just not quick enough for me. Sadly, I believe there are 5 of us, total, in the DIEP thread that have had incisions open up.
Dr wants to proceed to stage 2 *sigh* and while he is tweeking, cut open, clean out, and close the other issues. I have acquired a yeast infection at my abdominal site from all the antibiotics. Im off of them now, as I think everything is pressing forward in the healing process and quickly.
Lots of work issues. Oooh. brb
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E- oh no about your sister. Those look like CT scans but would have no idea here. Has she not been feeling well? Is this the sister that took your other sister's daughter to raise? I pray nothing serious here.
Simplicity- keeping tabs on you through FB. There was a big commentary about spotting these problems sooner. I think the dad knew and was trying to get the kids away from her. A son with him who was spared by not being there that night. The show Breaking Bad was based here and unfortunately, sometimes too true to life here.
BB- hope you are okay.
Melp- how are you doing friend?
Hi to all the other sisters here who may be lurking.
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guys I am so glad cuz today we got the report from those scans. I will translate and be back to post. But so far I don't think is cancer I am so happy
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she has strengthening bilateral hilar and left renal calculi . Rino n left hyperdense rounded edge image defined measures 4mm located caliceal group level means in relation to lithiasis observed
Not sure what the he'll but at least I don't see the word cancer yet. Tomorrow her doctor ll see the report and refer her to a specialist
So let me tell you about her.
She is my site who took my niece and also she had bilateral nipple sparing masectomy at the same time my site carmen had hers. My site Elizabeth di not have bc but ceveral cist and due to me and Carmen having cancer she took the decision and had it done. The problem came after she have been suffreing some burning sensation on her chest and side of her thorax so we has been pushing her to go back for test but she has refused till now. She just cant handle the pain and burning any longer and she thought is cancer. I kept telling her is not cancer. But I must admit I was afraid too.
So the scan is her chest and sides of her thorax
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E- it sounds like good news that your sister may have something going on, but not cancer. Given you family history and at least two other siblings having cancer and all the rest, it would be a huge concern. I hope they can figure out what is going on and to help her.
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HI jazz yes I am feeling better . At least the scan even though looks so bad did not show cancer and that was our fear now the doctor can finally refer her to someone whom may help her.
It's been a hard week for me but my antibiotics are working and I am feeling back to normal
Hope you are well
Good night
Simplicity hang in there things should start getting better you have been through so much
Bb sending you hugs
G night
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E- you should send Sassy a PM about that clinical description. I did some look up and think your sister has some kind of stones.
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Morning ladies,
Enerva, so glad to hear that!!!
Ugh. Took Eddie and his boy (23) dinner last night. He has a big audit today that could make or break him. As soon as everyone left, DS started his stuff. Yelling at his father. When are we leaving? I am so tired! Nothing I do is good enough. I tried to stay out. Twiddling my spaghetti noodles on my fork as he continued to bash his father. I asked Eddie if he wanted me to keep my mouth shut. He just kind of muttered and didnt really answer. I tried. But then DS started in on me. O hell no. Remember he is 23. Jist of it is his pain (from his mother and other experiences) is so deep. He is a psychology textbook. At one point he says "what does mom of the year have to say"?
Yea, I am a good mom. I dont need your validation.
"I can tell by your kids behavior (says the 23yr old with 2 DUI's)." I bent over in very loud laughter. Told him he was baring his soul even if he didnt see it. He is not happy in his own skin. He is not happy with the choices he has made. And he is so scared he'll let me into his life and I'll leave. He says more than he realizes when he behaves this way.
So, yea, he goes outside and immediately texts a friend of Eddies (use to be mine too, until last night), bitching about me. How dare I talk to him like that. You wanna dance with the adults? Lets dance.
I get home and said friend texts me, asking for my email address, please (she has this. If she wasnt drunk, as always, shed realize, maybe, this wonderful thing called auto fill). I dont engage. So she posts on FB :mad: I kindly put her in her place and then block her. I'm tired and have no room in my life for manipulative, self serving, 2 faced, one way friendships. Nope. Done.
I apologized to Eddie. DS was successful in pulling me in for a hot minute and I called him a bad name
But what I called him is true. His manipulative ways are so textbook. I hated leaving. Eddie was so stressed he was shaking
But he made it home okay. Sounded awful when he called me 0 -
Simplicity- just wow. Those kids are something else. I know this may not be easy, but can you tell E that you prefer to see him one on one and without the kids around? I know he is a busy man and probably has limited free time but if those kids are going to act like that.......
I know you are still trying to heal friend, and sometimes a little self protection for our well being is what we must do as we continue to recover.
Do those kids know you had cancer? Do they know you are still getting better?
I block people all the time on FB. It is getting to be more unkind there every day. One day I will just be done with it.
Not everyone is nice. I am reminded of that just about every day.
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And when comes through the audit (which I assume may be with the IRS) and everything goes okay, maybe the two of you can go have a nice dinner somewhere?
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I typically do. It's a chemist audit. No IRS thankfully. They've been working double duty trying to get everything ready, and his DS works for him (lucky. Most DUI people are just SOL, but this kid has a dad that will transport and pay him for working). I had taken them dinner since they were working late, again. I don't go over to his house anymore, and i wish it were that simple. He makes his comments whether or not I am around.
Yea, they do. They don't care. Their world ends at the tips of their noses. They are so spoiled and Eddie recognizes this. I have mentioned a couple times, maybe we should just split. Seems to be him and I against the rest of his family. I guarantee I am not the wedge, but am sure being used as one "going to spend time with your other family"? Oy vay
Thing is, I can empathize. I understand his (DS's) pain. I am a dork who fantasizes about family gatherings, dinners, laughter, jokes. I WANT to be a part of their lives. They're having none of it. They won't even give me a chance and constantly push Eddie to decide between them and us. idk what to do. never been here before. All kids love me, friendships, relationships. I have never had this kind of trouble. Ever.
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Morning ladies.
Me too BB. We talked about that last night. We have both toyed with the idea of not seeing each other for a while to help or see if it helps Alex, but what then? What happens when hard times hit again? Or if Alex suddenly has issues with me again? So nope. Not going to happen
I don't 'need' anyone. I chose to be with Eddie, and him me, faults and all. None of us are perfect. I agree. It does say a lot about him. He is a good man. I'd be crazy to let him go.How have you been feeling?
I itch soooooo freakin bad. ugh.
Hope all others are well. Melp? Life? Enerva, how is your sister holding up?
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Good morning friends- hard to believe Sept has arrived and Labor Day weekend is here. Love this time of the year.
Simplicity- BB makes an excellent point that these kids have not found a way to create their own lives enough so that they feel a need to control their parents dating life. I was there once too with a guy I dated who had a son in high school, I have been in this movie, but the kid I am thinking of was in high school and living with the dad and could see he did not want anyone getting in the way of their relationship. In my case, the mother was out of sight, not sure why so the dad was his only parental relationship. Could that be true of E? Do his kids have any relationship with their mother? How old are these children? In their 20s or so?
When I have been unsure about whether to end something, I have done the "let's take a break" thing so I can have some space from the situation to think about what is best for me. E is who he is and the kids could mature, but still may never accept you. If them accepting you is important to him, then he needs to have a chat with them or tell you otherwise. Like BB said, there may be reasons why a relationship has not been there for him for awhile.
I also think the fact he stuck with you during a very difficult time with bc treatment speaks volumes to his good and kind character. We have all heard the stories of the women here who have been left after diagnosis. I hope you can find a way through this together?
BB- you okay?
Melp- how are things in Australia? Do you have spring moving in yet? How is your arm doing? Have you spent time with family lately?
E- hope you get through this re-entry week. Coming back from vacation hard enough, but then being sick. Did the anti-B's kick in? Hope you can rest. And would like to hear if there is any more news about your sis?
Hope- are you still out there and recovering too? How is your friend doing? Has he continued to be helpful to you?
I am heading north tomorrow for a few days (Taos) and then have a friend coming to visit so will likely not be here much for a bit, but wishing you all a good holiday weekend and good start to the month.
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I am. So sorry BB. Wish I could do something to make things easier or just go away
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We all do
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BB- i am sorry too. Just no words that will really help any of this. We care and are wishing for better days for you.
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Good morning ladies.
Bb, hope today is better for you. Wish you were closer, we could slowly, exhaustingly work in my yard together lol
Jazz: In my case, the mother was out of sight, not sure why so the dad was his only parental relationship. Could that be true of E? Do his kids have any relationship with their mother? How old are these children? In their 20s or so? O yes. Alex doesnt even claim his mom. I pegged his issues perfectly the other night, as an, ex friend, posted all his shit on fb to yell at me (she is blocked
Felt so good to let go of that negativity). Alex is 23, DD is 22. Not sure I posted it here, but I went to work on E's network a couple weeks ago, and his step son, who is no longer employed there, left his texting app on a PC. Very saddening reading those texts. The manipulation is plainly visible. Alex did read them. I feel for the boy, really. If he'd stop being such an ass, I could help guide him. He has a lot of self hate right now. And, imo, that ex friend is feeding his victim mentality. Didnt ask E and I's side of what happened, at all. Didn't say anything to E but immediately defended Alex and jumped on my case. Not having it. Nope.
I don't want to be their mother. They have one (shitty) but still. I can't be 'friends' to my kids, but to someone else's I can be. It's rough. Not sure where Eddie and I will end up, or how. I will say he is handling all this very well. As good as one can never having been here before.
I care for those kids because their father does. Were both a package deal. They hurt, he hurts. Mine hurt, I hurt. So only time will tell I suppose.
Hope everyone is doing ok this morning.
BB, sending you big hugs this morning.
Enerva, plans today?
Melp, please check in when you can.
Feeling kind of off today. Saturdays are rough after work weeks. I came home and napped for 3 hours haha Then woke up at 4 with an upset stomach
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oh no BB. Not projecting at all. He definitely has trust issues & abandonment fears. So do I & Ive shared some of that with him. I believe part of healing, it helps to know we're not alone.
Mindless things here too. Taking advantage of cooler weather & cleaned up front garden & yard. Bleh. Now nap time. I'll finish another day lol its not going anywher
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Good advice BB. Thank you. I'm trying. Its new ground for all.
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Healing wishes sent BB
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