Single life after a mastectomy
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Enerva- my work is hard right now too. Really ready to get on to my vacation. One more week after this. I expect my project will completely fall apart while I am gone though.
Tomorrow is Friday! Whoot whoot!
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Ya y Friday lol
I have to stay late tmw do to the project has another release to prd starting at 5pm to 7pm
O well it ll be my ot
Night
Hope all OK
Simplicity feel better soon I can't wait for u to be all better.
Bb love you hope u are OK too
Night night jazz good luck with your project wile u are gone .
Enjoy ur vacation
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BB- the trip is a week from Sunday. Got a big push to get some things jump started on this project next week again before I go.
The SIL and husband will be coming down the Wed they are there. I have been told it will just be for lunch but we will see. I plan to opt out with a headache if any of it goes south. I reminded myself if you want to take a real vacation, better to not include family.
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Morning ladies.
I've been lurking. Been busy, hurting, tired, and in the dumps.
E, hate you are having all those work troubles. Work issues are the worst. I just want to work, collect my pay, and go home at the end of the day.
Jazz, hope you enjoyed your or are enjoying your vacation.
BB, I sure do hope things settle down for you so you can relax a bit. You seriously need a break.
Today marks 1.5 years since dx. I cannot believe I am still here, dealing with issues from BC.
Incisions are looking good. tape/glue came off hip incisions. Not as neat as Id like, but eh. Idc anymore.
Left breast is a bit worrisome. Lots of pressure. Still have that drain tube in (right side to left breast). Its bleeding in a small tiny area, through the stitches, glue and tape O.o But so far so good.
I've taken 10 steps back with E in the past few weeks. For my own sanity, I had to. Still am. I am and have been so on the rope about this relationship. Just not sure we are a fit anymore. Love him dearly. Just not sure we relationship the same. eh. Is what it is. I'll figure it out or I wont. lol
Hope all have a great day
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Simplicity- it has been four years since my dx and feel I still live with a lot of compromises from my dx and treatment. Not anything like you though friend, the recon stuff has been so hard on you (never mind all the rest). You sounded better in your FB post than here, but understand that there may be some things here that are encouraging and other things less so.
Have you seen E lately or are you taking some time apart for a bit?
My trip is a week from tomorrow. Came up quickly but now so anxious to get away. One mo week!
Went to help a friend today with an estate sale at her mom's apartment. The mom passed this week and my friend had to get everything cleared out on her own, as she is single like us and also an only child. Nothing to bad, we sold things out of the apartment and it is an older community and the people were sweet. Some a bit lonely and interested to talk to us about their lives. We were gracious and listening. Everyone bought something. Seems to be a great community where they take care of each other. I saw myself in a situation like that some day. Then I went for a much needed massage and work on my feet (speaking of those danged SES from treatment).
Hoping everyone has a good/better October?
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BB- sounds like someone is getting their just desserts. I have learned that usually happens for people who make things hard for others. What we do to others, we easily do our ourselves. If he wants to come back to the US, he needs to just pay up and then shut up, yes?
I am home today and getting things done with the house, for my trip, and with my business to be ready to go next Sunday. It is a beautiful weekend here and the second day of balloon fiesta. Attaching some photos at the end of this of a balloon that came right through the backyard today. Special time of the year here.
Also, checked on Melp postings and she has not been here or anywhere on BCO since 8/22. Melp we are here to talk if you need us!
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Yea, we haven't heard from Melp in some time. Anyone hear from her outside of the forum?
I am feeling a bit better. Incisions aren't bothering me as much today, and I am home, nekkid in my bed.Sometimes the dressing gets just as irritating as the incisions. The only way to be comfy is to be naked lol
I finally found out that I am okay on paid time off at work (they seemed hesitant to share info, but as always, theres lots of changes going onn in that department, all over really, lately, so) so I am NOT working in pain anymore. Nope. If I am uncomfy, I am going home. I lost 80hrs last year that I didn't use and worked SO many days while hurting.
BB, Karma is definitely a meanie. So nice when we actually get a view. My fav was when my exh, dumb as he is, decided to date (he was I think 38 or so at the time?) a 19yr old. Our oldest was 14 or 15? Anyway, he HAD a california king waterbed. His 19yr old gf got mad at him and stabbed it HAHAHAHAHA!!! Worse was the kids told me and I could not contain my laughter, not at all. I hope things settle down for you. Hate to hear there is so much stress going on.
Jazz, I can be a bit more unguarded here. I think some of my non cancer friends get....idk...down? hearing things? Supporting others for years in the single parents forum, and other places, it does get emotionally exhausting. I know this. So I've been staying a bit more quiet to some. Yea, I have taken some steps back with E. Haven't seen much of him and frustrated. He knows it. I was a real bitch to him last night. He asked if I wanted to see him and I told him to visit at his own risk. I had already vented my frustrations, words....action speaks louder. That all said, I do have to step back sometimes and take inventory on all he has going on. His life isn't exactly a cake walk either. A lot of that thou, he created himself and he knows it. He's never really had a social life per say, and hasn't been in a relationship in years, and in his words, never really had anyone he wanted to spend time with, take time off with. So....it's challenging at times. Were human. Emotions are a part of that, unfortunately at times.
Enerva? You doing ok?
Life? Melp check in when you can? You may be reading emails like I do at times!
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Simplicity- good to hear you are healing and that you have more paid time off. That should help you take this recovery easier. Have you tried to do half days? I had to do them for awhile after everything, then moved into FT. I know in our world of working in technology, it is not like working a 40 hour week. So much more is expected. Take care of yourself.
I heard someone once say that people chose each other for the wrong reasons (I think I always have) and that most people choose partners based on having fun together, but that in reality, we should choose people we can go through our problems with. E sort of sounds like a workaholic (and since I can be one too, I see some of the traits that define us work to hard types). Too many struggles have taught me to balance things better. I know when I need to push and it does not need to be all the time.
Maybe this is what he does have to offer, the busy guy who is going to see you as he can but he has many things on his plate. Decide what you want and take it from there. You have mentioned the clarity that has come from all you have gone through. If in the end, you go back to being friends, that might be okay too. I think he does care for you, may just not be a guy who spends a lot of time with anyone.
BB- yes, Life was going back to school just like E and Milky did. So proud of all my girls here. Simplicity, I think you were going to school too and that will be there again when you are ready.
Not sure about Melp but given her advanced dx, I am concerned she has had a relapse. Worried in the desert
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my dear friends I am so sorry I haven't been here lately . No no I did not find love lol I just sumerged myself again in myself I have a few goods news wish are not real yet but ll tell u anyways. So I have been sending my resume around and with no luck but finally a lady who I know told me about a job with another back called RBC big one here in Canada. At first I thought well hell yes please send me the info on it. I read the description and I felt like usual " I am not qualify" but I asked the lady since she knows my work . Do you really think I can do that position she said yes .and so there I gave her my resume she told me she did not go for it cuz she is hoping for a manager position within our Co. This position is a team QA leader position and who knows. But yesterday she asked me what area my salary expectations and I looked up in the Internet and that Co has a range for the salary so I told her more less I will like to get what is the standard for that job and gave her a # then today she told me her friend who is the one hiring is away till the 18 th but wants to interview me on October 20th and that if I could be available so I said yes I ll make myself available. ( that mean I may have to be sick that day ). Anyway I hope it goes well . Also today at lunch time I met another friend the husban of a old friend who told me his boos may hire a ba and that he told her about me. And that it could be a possibility but it is a 1 year contract. With the same Co I work right now but in an area I have been waiting to be in for years. So there those are the good news I got not real yet but giving me hope . Now I did something today you all maybe be mad at me but I have to tell you. I just got home and took a percoset pill. And I feel sick I wonder how I was able to take 4 of those pills when I had my bmx? OK now here is why u ll kill me . I made an appointment and paid $150 which I can't afford but any how I went drove far like almost 2 hours to a salon and got my upper eyes lid tattoo hahaha ha shit it was so painful but I did it once before like when I was 20 lol and I loved it then 23 years later it faded and I was wanting it for so long . Now I came home in pain drove my crazy a 's 's home and shower empty stomach cuz u know I never eat after 4pm and had that pill cuz I have no pain killer drugs so I found an old bottle from my sick days and yaa took one and it nicked me up. Lol eye are on fire but the lady did an excellent job nothing crazy or scarry just went over my old one but now it ll look black again . I must be honest I don't wear make up only lipstick and the eye liner makes me look 10 years younger so I don't care it was painful lol I am happy I paid 50% off regular price here that can cost up to $600 n $800 so due to the fact I will not get any yonger I felt I deserved some makeup I know ll stay lol
On the other hand I ll go to the doctor who took my molds a months ago cuz my external scar kiloide is bothering me and maybe he can do something to it. That reminds me the other physio therapistnever called me so no appointment yet. My soreNess and burning is still there but I just take 2 advil for that I finish a bottle of advil 400mg yesterday and today I never made it to the pharmacy. Ll pick up more tmw. Well my project management class is really nice I am enjoying it . And also the access class. I am super tired and work is the same I must again work this Saturday to do another prd release . I keep hoping for the lottery but nothing yet bb.
I want to plan to go visit you ladies next year
I know bb can travel but I may just show up there and you can stay in my hotel with me a few days we can just vent all weekend? I keep wanting to meet you guys cuz I feel you are my real people we just help each other by been there even in the distance . Here are my eye's the before . I took this pictures a few days ago tmw or the day after when the inflammation goes away I ll show u the after lol ya I am in pain now but happy it riminded me when bb hot a laser peal or something a year or so ago lol I kept thinking how brave she is to do that hahaha today I was very brave or stupid lol but hell I am happy to see what happens when it is all better in a few days .
Night night I may call and ask to work from home if my eyes are no down lol is peaty nasty and I won't want them to know what happen lol
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E- congrats on the new doors opening. Go get em tiger!
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Lol I ll send the after tmw I am in bed now and druged
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lol jazz yes fingers crossed
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Good morning friends- just a couple days now from my vacation. Done with my on site work at my client's and a few meetings to do today from my home office. They seem to be coming in to some sort of re-org there right now which makes things even harder with people who cannot focus or may be moving to other areas. Very much like what just happened to E, with the "you are going here, take it and be glad you still have a job". One of the managers there said it is a very unforgiving place right now. Been through it myself twice before and that feeling starting creeping upon me this week around the stress of those situations, until I reminded myself that I am there to just do a project, have a contract and will be done by end of the year. This was part of the reason I went to work for myself, having worked hard and done two corporations well by my work, only to be pushed around and out the door at the end. Whew, glad I am not FT there. Going to go enjoy my time away and then when I return, the push in on through year end to deliver on this project.
E- not totally sure I understand what you did to your eyes? I like the idea of all meeting up somewhere. I need to figure out my next gig for the new year before I will know when I can get away. I like the idea of meeting up somewhere sounds fun, maybe a beach?
Simplicity- how close are you to the NC coast? Worried that you may get hit by the storm? Watching the news about the storm in FL where I have both family and friends. They seem to be surviving it, and know they are really preparing for this given what it did to the Carribean. Looks like a tsunami went through Haiti, like they needed that.
BB- how are you doing end of the week?
Not sure we have too many others here anymore like Melp, Hope, Life, June, Lily, etc. but hi to everyone who may be lurking too!
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HI girls I went in to work but heaving lunch now
Jazz I got a permanent eyelid tatoo lol still not looking great cuz I have some inflammation but I did it 20 years ago so I know what to expect . Should be OK soon
I am at the food court grabbing a bite. Hope u all have a great weekend .it is thanks giving weekend for us here in Canada lol Humm I don't think I ll be eating turkey but anyway I wish u a happy thanks giving weekend
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My new haircut and highlights for my vaca!
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wow jazz looks great
I wish I had straight hair. I have been thinking of cutting mone but I don't have the courage it took 3 years to grow it.
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Hi friends- quick message before I go off line, early flight tomorrow. Read on Simplicty's FB support page she is being admitted to the hospital with an infection. Our girl is still having a very bad time with healing.
Thoughts and prayers are with our friend tonight.
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Wow Jazzy, great hair, I had you as a brunette, don´t know why!! Have a brill holiday..........xx
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Lily- I am actually a brunette by nature, but went gray early (like 40) and when I went grey, I went blonde. I was able to pull it off as my coloring is more oriented to being a blonde. Thank you for the nice compliments & good wishes for the vaca.
About the time I went to bed last night, some raging t-storms came through which made it hard to get to sleep. I was up earlier than expected too this am, never sleep well the night before early morning travel. Showered and dressed, bags packed and going in the car shortly, and off to the airport in another 30 min. Will be a long day of travel and looking forward to seeing my sis tonight and relaxing over some good NYC food. She gets in a few hours after me.
Simplicity- if you find your way here, know I am sending much love to you and hope you are better and out of the hospital soon.
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oh noon again simplicity I am so sorry. Cap this is been too much on you . I am also sending you love u will be in my thoughts .Well it's Sunday and I manage to sleep still eyes are sore and uncomfortable but well it was a crazy thing I wanted for a wile . Here I can show u but still healing so no the final results yet lol here is a pick of my eyelid .
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HI bb, me too I was a bit afraid of getting the tattoos but I did it years ago when I was 20 so I knew more less what I wanted I told the lady who was really professional to please keep it natural to follow the old line and she did but she said once it heal in 4 to 5 weeks I should go back to fix it if I am not happy I think she is really good. I am just not wiling to endure that pain again so I am hoping it ll look good enough to my liking lol me too after bc my lashes stay very small and I hate using mascara or liner so this is my solution. I agree it is pricy I found a coupon so was able to do it for $150 but they charge up to $600 and $800 which I could not pay.
I ll check simplicity fb updates and will bring here if there some news . I am so sorry it's just not fair she has to endure so much.
I went to the dermatologist and he gave me an injection on my kiloide on the right breast. He said it should help. Well at least that breast is the one with no radiation so is only an external scar bothering me.
Bb how is your back? I so need a massage I ll try to find one that is cover by my insurance but not sure when I ll be able to go .
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crap, this is crazy hoe much more cam u take ? This are the things I just wonder wth? What did we do to deserve all that happens or is it just random.
OK went to check on simplicity fb and she posted she will be Going home tomorrow morning they have her on iv antibiotics and the redness and pain is better now
I honestly don't know what to say on that . I remember how much she wanted this surgery I am always afraid of that surgery I could not go that road. I remember when I fight and fight to preserve my skin and nipples. I wish it could have been an option for all of you
the surgery you and simplicity had is huge and scarry. I just wish she heal and get better is too much. How do we help? but only by saying we are sorry. Anyway bb I was supposed to get a call for a physio I never did. I ll call the MO this week just to ask what happened. I don't know but is brutal we after bc we need to stay focus cuz I feel the world is a different place now.is not longer what it used to be before bc. Maybe is just how I feel.
Sending hugs I can't wait for jazz to share her histories on her trip.
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Evening ladies
Enerva, you have beautifully shaped eyes and congratulations on the possibilities!! I hope something comes upp for you! It adds so much stress when things are not...comfortable at our jobs. Fyi-I didn't have any options on surgery due to my treatment and the damage from it
The recon, well, packing my wound was becoming very emotionally taxing. Sometimes I would just cry after packing it. With everything else, I was hoping, foolishly, that recon to fix that hole and other issues would go smoothly. Yea.....You ladies help more than you know just by being you, by sharing your stories, and offering words of support when you can, where you can
That would be so awesome if we could all meet up!! I have another trip next June planned to meet up with more of my single parent moms. Were going to Glacier National Park in Idaho! I really hope I get to go!!Jazzy, I love the hair! Hope you enjoy your adventures! Thank you and Enerva for updating for me. I was really in the dumps Sat and Sun. Just so tired. Funny, I had my bag packed for 2 separate possibilities; hospital or nice evening with Eddie. haha. O well, right?
BB, hugs dear friend. You can text or call anytime you like. I wish I could wave a wand for you. I hate the judicial system and really think it's financially biased. A lot in our society is financially biased, including the quality of care one receives.
So I went into the hospital Sat with suspected cellulitis and a component of cellulitis, fluid pocket
It was approx 1x9cm Sat. The Dr told me I would be going home this morning. Ha. Just got home about 6:30. The threw 'drain' at me around 10am. I cried. Immediately. And like a child, through my tears, "I don't want a drain!" The nurse didnt know what to say. Anyway, back to back IV antibiotics since Sat. Breast looks much better, but still infected. They sent me home on 2 antibiotics. The pocket was too superficial to hold a drain tube, so the radiologist tried to aspirate,, twice. Big ass needle!!! And he was moving it around, trying to change his angle. Ugh. All I could think was this is going to hurt once the local wears off! and it does. I got home and showered, got a good look at everything, and notice, on the right breast, beside the drain tube hole from post op, there are what appear to be 3 heads :mad: I think the fluid gave to gravity and went downward. UGH. At least 2 Dr's looked at that area today, one for a good 20-25 minutes!!! From my angle, I couldn't see them without a mirror. So aggravated and considering marching my bum right back up to the Dr's office tomorrow morning. bleh. Don't really know what to do. SO tired. Don't feel like they listen to me. One nurse even touched there and I about jumped out of the hospital bed. Sheeesh.
So they sent off what little bit of what they think the cavity is filled with, old blood, to see if there is in fact infection, and where it may be coming from. My WBC was up, just a bit. At 12 I think Sat and down to 6.4 when I left. I cannot remember what it was but it was something that measures inflammation?
Sorry so scattered. Been a mess of a wweekend.
Love to all and goodnight
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oh simplicity don't be sorry thank u so much for coming here . I was with no Internet all day yesterday and today so stupid I feel like with no Internet my world sucks lol so sorry about all that crap. That surgery is way so serious
please try to rest I know is not easy but ur poor body needs lots of rest. I hope it start to heal soon I have been thinking and thinking no fair that's all I can say . Yes me too I hope u get to travel next year and all this ll be in the past.I am now waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in.
Hope u are better tomorrow
Sending u a big hug
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BB what a low life bastard he is, BUT please do not give up, if this Judge did not follow case law then appeal. I had a hell of a battle with my ex husb when our child was little, he even told a Judge he was trying to starve me in to submission! He spent a six figure sum on Court fees and after five years, he lost! He had to pay me double what I had offered to settle for on day one! So I really get how you feel.........can you try some Crowdfunding to help with costs.......if I get a lottery win I will sure send a chunk your way. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS, I have recently been treated badly and did not deserve it, it eats in to you but I am emerging from the tunnel now, its a hard slog
BIG HUGS TO YOU
Simplicity - horrible place to be......trust yourself more than them........xxxx
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me too bb if I win some money I ll send u too
I hate all is happening
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Sorry Enerva-I think my reply came across wrong. I meant no sass. All our situations suck. I wish we all could just escape to a tropical island!
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Me 3 BB. I would send you a nice chunk too! I do not trust the court system. Lily gives excellent advice. We love you!
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Ladies guess what Co called me today and did a phone interview? lol
OK u llegar never guess . Air Canada lol
Well is low money but I have to admit I will love to work for them so why not I did the interview lol
Lady said is a long process and I may hear from them in 6 weeks if I make it to the 2nd interview so who knows lol
I have no idea when did I apply for that . I have been uploading my resume in so many web sites now that I am sure I have applied to all kind of jobs
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Awesome news Enerva!! I hope more offers flow in!
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