Single life after a mastectomy
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Hi Juneping, I am ok going to bed now, i was reading about Paul Walker, how sad,
He didnt have to leave this world like that. Life is just so Ironic. I thought nothing could surprise me anymore but i am still in shock by this news. Good night ladies, i stoped at whole foods yesterday, got an avocado and whole Grain pasta lol Love that store but do go very often.
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TessaW - The side effects (if any) are different for every woman. You might not have any side effects. The chemo threw me into menopause at age 46. I expected chemo, rads, the menopause, Tamoxifen, double mastectomies, and the removal of both ovaries to have a terrible effect on me. But, aside from hot flashes, those terrible effects (aging rapidly, etc.) that I expected haven't happened. So far. :-)
Enerva - Hopefully the TE's will become more comfortable for you soon!
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oh yes, i remembered i read that news on the subway this morning....it's so sad. he's younger than i am. life is so unpredictable...0 -
I've been following the story on Paul Walker, too. Very sad. Sometimes people seem to have it all - success, good health, family, many friends, etc. - and then it's all taken away suddenly in one moment.
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Juneping - I don't know as my parent's relationship was 'perfect' - but I do know that they stayed together for 60 years and during that time only spent about 2 weeks apart (hospital and a trip my mom took to Italy). Maybe during that time one or the other of them 'cheated' - it's possible I guess, but regardless they loved each other. I'll never have a 60 year relationship with anybody (I'd have to start now & live to be 112 year old!) I'm okay with that most of the time & l can't blame the cancer. I think what I was trying to say is that even though my folks had that loving relationship, it wasn't a guarantee of companionship forever. So I'm trying to enjoy my life as it is instead of wanting something else - because something else has its hardships too.0 -
We might as well enjoy life as it is. This is all we've got girls. If there's one thing this cancer has taught me, it is the ephemeral nature of life. I do have a heightened sense of my own mortality. And it's with me all the time. I have read that cancer can have that effect on people and it's understandable. It has certainly had that effect on me. I do try to make the best of things as they are, and enjoy my little pleasures. It's funny but without a man in my life, I find my interests going back to things that I enjoyed in my teenage years. I'm back to being 'me' and like it. Good morning to all of you - hope you have a good day.
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I used to believe many things, now i am not believing on much but in myself. I now know i made choices in the past that had an impact in my life and once the choice was made there was not turning back. I try to advise my nephews and nieces now, telling them to think twice before making decisions, decisions that if made in a rush can change their path in life and may not be the best. I must try to focus on what ever i have left now. I must find a way to live life different and yet I feel as if i am stuck. Have you ever feel that way? as if no matter what nothing ever comes easy as if you are always in a race or fighting to obtain happiness? Deb you must watch fast and furious specially the first movie, they are all good. And you will understand the Irony of life in this case.
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lol Oh ya those things i never believe in those, but use to think there were angels looking after all of us ha ha ha now i realize the only angel i knew was my mom and she is gone. Its ok i respect everybody's believes it doesn't affect me. I try not to talk about any religion or politic subjects with people cuz usually people have a tendency to make others believe what they believe lol i just listen and then find a way to change the subject or i just say oh i rather not talk about this. lol But i do think there is some strange connection of energy between some people, something i cant explain to myself like when i meet someone and feel as if i met this person many years ago and i am not able to understand the feeling cuz i do not believe in past lives. lol its very weird lol Too deep i better not even think about it cuz i tend to go find the why of things and i now know i better just accept there are things no one can explain.
Like where the hell are our soul mates? is there a soul mate for us? some where? if you meet mine can you send him my way? hahahahha i make sure i send you yours if i find him here in Canada. lol 0 -
Deb i am so happy your last Chemo is tmw,I remember mine on Feb 01. I Tell you there is nothing better than to know that step is done and over. No news yet i keep checking on line and AirCanada is fully booked for Dec 13 to the end of Dec, they only have a few spots on Bclass for almost 6K and its just too much. I hate that during this time they charge so much. Anyway if we can find her a economic flight then i will be alone but not to worry i can handle it. The problem is that my sister does not have a USA visa so we must find a direct flight and AirCanada is the only airline that offers it. Deb try to have a good night sleep today and let me know how you feel tomw night or as soon as you feel like chatting. I am hoping to get the results of my exam tmw. i ll let u know. I had a lot of pain from the TE today. I can't wait to get rid of it in 3 weeks
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My experience was just the opposite: I used to be a skeptic, and for many years I considered myself an atheist. But, then I had some strange experiences just before I was diagnosed with BC, and I came to believe in the very things I used to be so skeptical about - such as signs and fate. I also returned to church. It's what works for me.
But, my beliefs are a mixture. There are other theories (in metaphysics?) that I find interesting, too, such as the idea that the universe and everything in it (including us) is one living being, and each of us represents part of its fractured consciousness. There are theories talked about in the churches, too, that I find interesting.
Anyway - back to fate - lately, I've been wondering if maybe I was never destined to have a soulmate. And, if so, that's OK.
Deb - good luck with your last chemo treatment! Time to celebrate. :-)
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Ladies i have been thinking about a nice trip next fall if we feel better, i always wanted to go to one of those singles resorts lol like Sandals in bahama or some where beautiful. Well i used to be crazy about tanning and i know now i have to avoid it but i ll just pack a 100% protection cream and voila I am in!!!! Please keep it in mind it could be so amazing if we all go and meet in a great resort and just party or hang out. I dont drink or smoke but i can use a vacation. Lets try to save for it pleaseeee
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Hi Ladies... Tried to read the whole thread but admit to skipping through. I have been married for 26 years last June and in July (after a year of counseling) my husband said he wants to call it quits. So of course I wonder, after being diagnosed November 2010, if it has anything to do with my BC... And for me I say yes and no. At first he was very supportive, going to the oncologist appt with me etc. But when I decided to have a MX instead of the recommended lumpectomy/radiation, there seemed to be friction. He actually seemed angry at me. A year after surgery we started counseling, but I guess it didn't work out. He claims he has been thinking about divorce for years, well before my diagnosis... but in reality I think he thought of it like all married people think of it... when you have a rough patch you question your decisions.
Anyway... I had a bilateral MX in July 2011, and interestingly, my husband tells me he is very attracted to me (still), MX and all. He just doesn't want to be married. So for me, I think the MX itself has had no impact on my relationship. I think the way I decided to go about it, doing what I wanted to do without really asking his opinion had a much bigger impact.
When he finally moves out and I am free to explore dating, I feel as attractive as I ever did... I think you need to feel it from the inside first. And I guess it doesn't hurt that my husband even admits his attraction. I must also admit, I had DIEP/GAP and tDap flap surgeries and so my reconstructed breasts look and feel very natural. Plus the surgeries included a tummy tick and butt lift (thank you Aetna).
I have looked through Match.com, POF and others... am not ready to get out there as I still love my husband and my heart isn't in it... But I know when he moves out, I will need to move on. I have attended some meetups... those have been fun (ish) and no committment.0 -
enerva,
The trip sounds like a good idea....
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Hi bdavis ~ I remember you from sometime back, in the beginning of my own diagnosis, which was April 2011. It's been a long time since then. I am sorry to hear that your marriage has run it's course, so to speak. I think we were on a reconstruction thread, so I'm glad to hear that reconstruction has worked out well for you, in the end. I thought I would be ready after a time to date, and did join a couple of dating sites and go on a couple of dates, but as time goes on, it seems I'm less inclined to date, not more, which surprises me.. I'm not sure why that is; perhaps if my youngest (15) were older I might feel differently, but idk. But you might feel differently and have fun dating. Anyway, if you do date, I would love to hear about it. Your husband sounds like he is all over the map. That is unfortunate and certainly sounds like a mid- life 'thing', and nothing you can 'fix'. Too bad, but it does sound like you have a good attitude.0 -
Enerva - I wish I could go on a trip. But, financially, I'm not going to be able to manage it for a long time. Hopefully one day, though! I used to travel (before I got married). Taking a trip is a great way to clear the mind and nourish the spirit, and it's a great idea!
Bdavis - What exactly are meetups? (Yes, that's how out-of-touch I am - I don't know what they are.) lol
P.S. To Everyone - There are so many women who are young, healthy, and perfect-looking but married to men who cheat on them and/or leave them. Men who cheat have their own issues, whether we are healthy or sick. I have reason to believe that my husband always cheated - there were clues from the beginning of the marriage. I just happened to find the solid evidence of his cheating while I was fighting cancer.
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mybee... I do attend Meetups but my heart isn't in it... and so I wonder how dating will go. I know I don't want to be alone. I want a partner in life... Just not sure I am looking forward to dating. I just want to be introduced to my next husband. LOL... Not very realistic. I do know a lot of my friends who are divorced who have found love, and one has remarried. I don't feel my cancer or MX has or will have any impact though on the future and dating... My head on the other hand will definitely interfere.0 -
bdavis,
Sorry about your marriage.
It's funny you said you want to be introduced to your next husband. My friend also tells me the same thing. I think dating is exhausting and relationship is something more fun for me. I get to share something unique with someone in a two way street.0 -
bdavis - I had a 4 yr. relationship after my marriage ended It was very different. I stepped into his life and world and it wasn't always a good fit for me. We both tried to compromise (I think me more than him) but in the end our values didn't mesh. It was a painful break-up. I think we're all so settled into who we are by our fifties; it's hard to mesh worlds, particularly if there are children involved. They are used to their own ways/family and family traditions. Any way, I hope it all goes better for you, than it has for me. It has been good to be single for awhile. I just wish I knew how to fix things around the house more lol.
btw - dating is exhausting. maybe why I always preferred to be in a relationship.0 -
Hi Ladies!
I am hoping to jump in here if that's ok. I am a single gal - 47... Have tried to reach out on some other boards - but feel like I am wearing my "invisibility cloak" as no one seems to acknowledge my posts (lol so whiny and immature - like I'm not part of the cool kids club or picked last in kickball lollll). Anyhow, generally a positive and upbeat person just looking to make some connections with some sisters
I go for chemo #2 on Monday.........going to have my sis shave my head today after my visit to the onc. Think I need to go get a cute Santa hat for my bald head
Hope to get to know you gals!!!!0 -
Virginia, u r so kewl. I love that you're so upbeat about shaving your head. When I "'grow up' I want to be just like you. lol
I understand the feeling of needing to be acknowledged.
Enerva I would LOVE to go on a vacation. You know, I'm 43 and have never been on a vacation. Really.0 -
yayyyyyyyyyy!!!! So I'm NOT wearing an invisibility cloak????
Tessa, have cried many a tear over having to shave my head...freaking again...so now boobless (not really I have tissue expanders) and hairless...yay me...lol
Anyhow, at the end of the day it's all "doable" - and there is a light at the end of the tunnel right?
Thanks Deb I have to go back and get up to speed and get to know everyone...
I'm single - never married - and a MAGNET (like SUPER magnet) for married men. Beyond annoying....lol
Anyhow- def concentrating on me me me right now...
Thanks again ladies....you have already made me feel 1000% better than I was feeling earlier today lol0 -
Hello Ladies (Hi-you Virginia!)
While I had a lumpectomy not a mastectomy, my breast shrunk immensely after radiation. I was so devastated by my scars and my breast changes I was certain that I would never be loveable, or at least men would not find me physically attractive. I worked with a very talented psychologist who helped me at least entertain the idea that I wasn't hopeless. At 46, having had BC @ 43 and facing a hysterectomy & bilateral oophorectomy, I met someone. Ugh, horrible timing right?
Apparently, the timing was perfect. Neither of us had ever been married, and he's 8 years my junior. We were married last November (I was 48). He helped me with decisions about my hysterectomy and ooph and has been beside me all the way (including a major liver resection in August). I never, ever believed that I would find love, but with hard work on learning to love and respect myself, and lots of support from those around me, love actually found me. Yes, it can happen!
Thanks for letting me crash your thread.
Virginia, good luck tonight with your "Sister Spa" appointment. I've been holding you in my heart and in my thoughts for weeks and I've been meaning to message you.
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Barbieeeeeeee! What a total surprise to see you here!!! Hugs and love lady!!! xxx0 -
Virginia... you in NJ?0 -
Yes I am in Bergen County - my best friend lives on the canal in Griggstown tho his addy is Princeton... I have friends in Franklin Park and my nephew is at Rutgers now. I used to live in Somerset!!!0 -
I love those old houses on the canal... Where in Bergen county? I used to live in Mahwah when we were first married and my husband grew up in Ridgewood... I worked in Glen Rock for a year too.0 -
small world I am in Dumont now - grew up in Park Ridge --- went to college in Mahwah (Ramapo College). Ex BF is a paid fireman in Ridgewood .0 -
Virginia - I like your positive attitude! :-)
Barbie - Congratulations, and thanks for sharing your encouraging story.
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LOL what a small world!! What year did you graduate from Ramapo Deb (if I may ask lol). I graduated in '88 -
Trying to decorate my tree. It's something I have never actually enjoyed doing as I do it alone every year and it's just a chore. I seriously thought about not even putting it up at all... But I am not working through my treatments, so I am actually home to enjoy it (if I ever actually decorate it!!!)
My sister shaved my head last night.....SHE cried.....I felt so bad.....she cried last time too....I'm probably scarring her making her do it!!! I had dinner with her family then we watched the Sound of a Music so it made the whole thing *slighly* less traumatic. Though I did yelp ack when I looked in the mirror this am!!!
Chemo 2 for me Monday then I am half done....
Read through all the posts this am........so many things you gals have written have really really resonated with me!!!0 -
It is a small world. (South Jersey here.) So, at last count, there are four of us living in the same general area.
Virginia - I'm so sorry you have to go through chemo again, but glad it was caught early.
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