Single life after a mastectomy
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Enerva- I agree with June, best to say no. I like what you said above "I am not well enough yet to do all the driving back and forth right now." Pretty much lets the woman know you are still healing from surgery, which should have been obvious to her to start. And then in the future, you can just say you cannot do those types of things anymore. They will find other people to help them.
Remember too that many good things are coming in to your life now too. I know you are worried about your sister, but encourage you to embrace and move forward with the things you need to do to take care of you and be happy.
Sleep well friends.
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BB- not knowing anything about BRAVA, I googled it and is it to help make your breasts larger or smaller? Sounds like you were not happy with your implants from the recon process.
I hope your sister can be of support to you right now with some of the things you are trying to do. Can she help you while you are there to find some counseling support that will be paid for by your insurance? I know most will require some out of pocket, which is where people struggle. Having insurance is not enough in this country, it is the ability to pay for the out of pocket stuff that can be hefty.
I think you will hear different advice from different people based on what they are seeing or hearing, or have gone through themselves. I had double lumpectomies, so I did not have to deal with any recon, so not mine to say what or how much anyone should do. Enerva made some good points about the reasons why it may mattered to get things right. For her, it was clearly holding her back and now that she is past it, many things are beginning to bloom for her.
From this direction, what I hear most from you is that you are struggling emotionally. Wanting to go work again, but perhaps not feeling strong enough to even go look for a job. Life coaches, therapists, etc. are the ones able to help you work through things and move forward. They give you tools and life skills to help you get what you are wanting in life. I think you really want to move forward from everything I hear but not getting where you want to be with what you are doing.
So, I am not saying to not do the BRAVA, but really do think you need to find some sort of regular counseling support to help you get back on your feet and move forward. Ask your sister to help you find something in your area and with your insurance. She may be able to negotiate the payment plan for any out of pocket. She may even be able to do something from wherever she lives if she has to go home soon.
I don't think a lot of us are all that ready to date either so you are not alone there. I want to focus on getting healthier, doing this personal training program (now in Week 3) and getting myself in a better place weight wise and with fitness. Dating will be there someday when I am ready, but don't think about it actively right now.
I hope this is helpful to you.
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Hello all, sorry I have been MIA but both of my kids have busier activity calendars than me between school,music,dance. I have no time.
Get home and its cook,homework, drive here there and am exhausted. But I am very happy to be able to do it, just no computer time now that school is back.
I hope you are all well.
Vivian
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well lots happening today. I just got home from a long day training at the new job. So I send a text asking her if is possible for her to contact her sister, cause I will be on training till noon then have my appointment at 2 in downtown at Prince Margaret hospital so that means I will come home late, then I am going north for that other event I had already signed on for. Then Sunday I maybe be able to assist a lady with an open house. Anyway she did not even text back to say, ok or not I am counting on you so I now have no idea. I will wait to heard from her.
Ofbthe other hand, echo done on my sisters ovaries and belly and all seemed clear, now waiting on a scan in the upper chest but brain is also clear. Also waiting on the biopsy they took on the new cist
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Enerva- glad you told the friend who needs a pet sitter you are not going to be able to help this weekend. Perhaps she is working to find someone else and if you don't hear from her by tomorrow, maybe just leave a VM for her on her phone to be sure she got the text. Your plate sounds very full with training and everything else you have to do. Be sure you continue to take good care of yourself.
Fingers crossed your sisters mass is just something benign. Sounds like everything is clear in the organ scans, which is good to hear.
I am starting a six week strategic planning course tonight and looking forward to it. Going to talk to my former client about coming back to work for them, which I am not leaning towards unless they make me an offer I cannot refuse. Somehow I doubt that will happen though.
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ok so good news, my friend called me she was ok with the hole thing she said she didn't see the text cause she was on the train and her cell was in her bag lol she sounded ok she was just annoyed about driving tmw night to her sister ( well how about me been annoyed all weekend) but I told her I was making her a tiramizu for tomorrow, maybe she can bring to her sister and she laugh and said no, she will have it herself lol so I will go up there to visit them tomorrow night and bring her an entire tiramizu desert. I explained that i will be too busy to drive back and for since her house is like 45 minutes drive and that i am not at all well yet to care for Archie who loves to jump on top of me, he is also a bed cuddle dog so I just can't have him jumping on my in bed I still take oxicodine at night for my freaking breast pain.Anyway she understood and it makes me feel better I honestly don't mind an entire day but a 4 day weekend is just too much right now. Specially cuz i have been training all week starting at 9 am so like regular job hours and it's been hard on my entire body. Here is the tiramizu I made for her.
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no
I don't know why ;( Tiramizu is so yummy 😋 and easy to make
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Enerva- Tiarimuzu looks fab. Hope your friend likes it! Glad you are free of the doggie stuff this weekend. I hope your pain improves and sorry to hear the training is hard on your body. You need to just rest at night when you get home.
BB- someone once told me I am "healer", which probably fits with what you said. I have never been drawn to doing that work for a living though. I am a science and technology person.
Glad your sister is there for you in the ways you need her to be. I hope your visit is a very good one.
Got some new work I am securing to begin the week of October 6th. Away we go again!
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hi ladies i want to share one funny thing with you i had so many stretch marks on my abdomen after giving birth of 3 kids now i have those marks on my new breast after DIEP strange experiences now i can see them clearly its strange any solution ladies skin s not smooth those marks are 13 yrs old coz my younger is 13 i was thinking to use vitamin C serum i bought from body shop.
Anybody have that marks on breast or i m d only one here.
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Hi ladies- been busy this way, but wanted to pop in and say hi. Went to a wedding yesterday which was just lovely and lots of fun. Dancing the night away.
BB- I am glad you went to see the derm. I ended up with 2 pathology bills from two different groups and need to ask the derm office why that is? $50 co-pay for each. My surgery was $2500 out of pocket towards my deductible. I have a gold plan spend $500 a month on insurance, but it is a write off through my business. Between insurance premiums and out of pocket, I spend about $10K a year between health insurance and out of pocket stuff. So I hear what you are saying about things being not too affordable. It is very expensive being sick, or just being at all anymore, eh?
I agree that having a healthy lifestyle will keep us from getting the cancer again. All my doctor said period of high stress often "flip the switch." I eat well, have always exercised, get good sleep but have always struggled with my weight. Part of the focus with the personal trainer right now, although with building strength and fitness.
Speaking of that, I rode my bike for the first time in 2 years late afternoon today. Big milestone for me as I have been a bit fearful of getting back on the bike with some balance issues since my surgeries. I had open abdominal surgery as part of the medical issues in 2012 and have lost some of my core and balance in the process. I thought it was from the sore feet on the AIs, but really related to my core. So my trainer is helping me to get that back. Three weeks into it, I felt strong enough to try it and rode 30 min around the neighborhood streets and nearby bike trails at dinner time tonight. It felt scary but then very good, and know I can do more now. The personal training is already paying off.
I have a busy week ahead to try to get my contract in place to be ready to go back to work a week from tomorrow. Will be here less for awhile but will check in as I can. I hope everyone is enjoying the fall.
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Hi Ladies and BB- I have been reading all your posts, but not feeling great these couple weeks. I have been experiencing severe gallbladder attacks. I am scheduled for surgery for Friday. I am full of anxiety and stress. At a minimum, it will be a two week recovery....no one could envision 9 surgeries since 2008! This Sucks!
BB - you sound a bit better.....life is difficult....with lots of challenges. Once I recover from this surgery, I am going to find a BC group in my area. I get bored with therapists. I hope I am not offending anyone...it is my fault!
Jazzy: It sounds like everything is falling into place for you! You have put a lot of effort into your recovery. I hope I get to your balance soon!
Thanks for letting me vent. It has been a long day for me.
Lisa
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Lili- I am so sorry to hear about your gall bladder problems. It sounds like you have had so many surgeries and now face another. I know they do these laproscopically now, but it still takes time to feel better. I am sorry you are going through this. We are here for you.
I think a support group in your area is a good idea too. These threads are great on so many levels but cannot replace the face to face with people we need in life for our support as we go through tough times.
Sending you love and healing energy so you can get through this next hurdle.
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Dropping in to say "hello."
I'll never catch up with the conversation now. How's everyone doing? I hope you're all doing well.
E - I hope your sister is doing well, too.
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good morning ladies,
I am waiting for my sister s biopsy results this Friday but all the other scan are clear. Lung, abdominal, brain, etc so now the biopsy for the new cyst will tell if it's cancer cyst or benign.
I has been busy training atvthe new job, and I have to admit it's a lot of forms and very overwhelming. I will trybto do an all day course tomorrow 9-4 another next Monday I start my regular job.
I had a 3rd date and it went well and not so well lol good cuz i enjoy this man s company but bad cuz i found out he dated someone else after he met me. I mean he went on one date and then the lady turned out to be a nuts. But I thought about it and then it bothers me, cuz i think if he went on a date with a 30 year old girl after he met me is clearly he is not all that into me. And I remember we had agree not to see other people until we figure out if we can be something. Anyway I am not sure about it now. Last night I told him how I feel, and how glad I am that things didn't go farther, and that i will love to keep his friendship. He has no reply. I bet now he regrets he was honest about the other date, but I am sorry I am not putting up with people who lyis
That is that, I think my days are going to become busy and I won't have any interest in dating
If he insist on seen me again I may see him but I already lost trust so not I can't say it will work ;(
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yes, and the biggest problem is that they want to give her chemo again
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Enerva- I am glad you are getting back into the swing of things, but know I felt very overwhelmed when I went back to work after my surgeries in late 2012 (plus I had rads yet to do), but you will get through this and it does get easier with time. It is getting used to the work and all the routines you fall out of for awhile.
Sorry about the guy thing. Couple thoughts for you about this based on my experiences. It is hard to get exclusive with men right out of the shoot. As BB says, relationships take time and although I understand your desire to just focus on getting to know him better, perhaps he really is not wanting that (but may have agreed to it to see you again). I just assume now that men I date are seeing other people when I first meet them (even if I am only seeing them). I used to date 2-3 people at a time when I was young, but now later in life with all I am juggling, I don't like it and really don't have the time or interest in it either.
What I think bothers me more about the story is the fact he talked about dating the other woman with you. Maybe because he went against his agreement with you, but agree if a guy is talking about other women with you, he may not be that interested. I say that because I was dating this guy for a few months and we were enjoying each others company, but by our 3rd or 4th date, he started talking about other women he was dating and suspected he was also still seeing an old girlfriend he followed out here from the east coast. Then he finally admitted he only was interested in being friends. I cut him loose (which he did not like), but just was not interested once I figured out what the deal was.
You do have a lot going on right now with going back to work and getting yourself moving forward. I would not make the guy a priority, see him if you want and if he invites you to do something you want to do. But if he wants to have you as a confidant to talk about other women, tell him to go talk to his mother or sister. You deserve more!
Glad to hear the other scans for your sister are negative, and I hope the biopsy is negative too......
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but chemo will destroy her entire system and during chemo her tumor did not reduce instead she got new ones remember? So whats the point of taking poison that do not work for her tumor. Anyway she will do the chemo cuz she doesn't have a strong character to say no to her onco. So I will just hope for the best. I have a feeling I will not see her alive again. I have a feeling this will be the biggest mistake ever but it's not my call ;(
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bb, you know the parcel I sent never reached Miami ;(
I am piss, it's lost I hope it's returned to me ;(
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After reading the last few posts...
Enerva - Glad to hear your sister's scans were clear. That's great news!
As for the chemo, if that's all there is to offer to your sister, what else can she do? Recently I talked to a woman who is facing the same decision right now as your sister. A couple of years ago, this woman had chemo and a lumpectomy after stage two cancer. Well, recently, a mammo discovered DCIS, so she had a uni-MX a week or so ago. After the MX, they found another tumor and multiple positive lymph nodes - stage 3 - and they somehow missed it on the mammo. Now they're telling her she needs chemo again. But, she's saying, wait a minute, if I have stage 3 BC now, that means the chemo didn't work the first time.
So, now the question is, what other options are there? Would a radical change in diet work to keep any lingering cancer cells at bay? Would anti-estrogen alone work (assuming the cancer is ER+)? Is there anything else that could work for your sister and this other woman?
Also, E, sorry the dates didn't work out, but at least you're dating. :-)
Jazzy, BB, Milky, Lili, everyone - Have a great day!
Where's Piper, btw?
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Enerva- BB is right about the advice to family going through treatment. My sister and I had bc at the same time, but our cancers were very different. She did not like my treatment plan, and made sure I knew her opinion. We both got through it, but I have no doubt if it ever comes back, I will get an "I told you so."
I think Life has some good advice for you. If not chemo, what are the other options? Maybe help them to evaluate the options, as they stand? I am sure they welcome your advice on how to navigate the tricky world of treatment and decision making. You certainly know that process well from all you have been through and have gone an awesome job of advocating for yourself.
And I also think maybe this guy's purpose might be to get you into the dating world. I have no doubt when the right guy comes along that you will know it. Look at George Clooney, confirmed bachelor for 20 years and he met that London atty and the rest was history. To me that shows when a man knows he is into it, he will want to be with you vs. anyone else.
Life- wow, that is a very interesting story about your friend. Mammos definately don't catch everything. It was the mammo that caught the IDC for me, and an MRI that found the DCIS. Joan Lunden is on the Today show this week talking about her bc treatment and said her mammo was clear, but they did an ultrasound and that is how they found her tumor. She had aggressive chemo and may be facing more of it again as they are not sure she is clear yet.
Your point about your friend doing chemo the first time and it not working is a very valid one. That is a tough place to be in to have to decide on more of that, knowing the SEs. I know you can only go through that so many times too. I hope she can get all the info to make the best decision for her care.
Piper is busy with work and getting her house ready to go on the market next spring. She told us she may be here off and on for awhile. Like me too. When I go back to work soon, I will be more scant.
Working on contract negotiation stuff today and hoping everyone else here is doing okay.
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bb, I don't tell her not to take chemo I gave her my opinion before when all started but now I only listen I don't tell her what to do or not to do cuz like I said it's not my call. She knows what chemo did to her and what chemo did to my brother and how it did not work for me either, she has all the info and so I only wait now and hope for the best. After taking chemo my brother lasted 4 months. And who knows I am not planning in going home any time soon. That last trip cost me money I did not have so I can't afford to go any more for a wile. I don't tell her any of these thoughts, what ever I tell you ladies is between me and this site. She does not know I feel I won't see her again. But that is reality chemo is not a glass of juice. It's poison and if for any reason my c comes back I will not take chemo. I am done with it. I am not going to pretend here something I won't do. I am not taking tamoxifen and I won't ever let them give.me chemo if my time comes so be it. That's all it is to that.
As per that man, yes I agree I am getting busy so better this way.
Here is a picture I saw today it's so true.
It says95% of woman are like cats ether a dog is after them or they are are out there chasing a stinky Rat lol ha ha ha ha
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yes bb, it's ok she know I am here for her. She still uses me as her computer lol I mean she asks for info I go find it translate and send lol she will decide by Friday what are the steps she will take. As soon as I get info I will share. I use to push her but after my brother past I took a step back. I was against the chemo he took and it broke my heart to see what he suffered during the treatment. Now I don't interfere my other siblings do and I tell them to back off. They have Ed no patients. For me I stopped cuz i know only her should be the one making these decisions. It's her life in the line now.
Let's hope all turns out ok.
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Enerva- you are a good loving person and care deeply for your family. I have similar feelings about chemo.
Not sure you know about Joan Lunden (who was on Good Morning America for years), but she too is fighting bc and is on The Today show this week talking about her journey. Here is today's clip and think she is talking about it in a more real way to help understand the process, the decisions women continue to face along the way about treatment, etc. Someone on another thread said she is not going to "sugar coat it" like some celebrities too, and thank her for that. Maybe she will help more people to understand this whole ugly mess we go through and live with. God bless her.
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thanks for sharing this Jazz
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That was a good interview to watch, Jazz. Thanks for sharing the link here.
Enerva - You're such a loving sister, daughter, and everything to your family. It's natural that you're worried about your sister.
Actually... my father passed away after his first chemo treatment, but he had no other choice - at that point, he'd been given only two more weeks to live, and he wanted to try something. Years later, my first chemo treatment put me in the hospital with a very serious condition (that actually could've killed me).
So, I really understand your concerns. We're all taking a risk with this stuff. I hope that everything works out for your sister, whether she continues with chemo or not.
And - btw - I agree with the cat woman: As women, we're either fending off dogs or chasing rats. Haha. (I guess I shouldn't be laughing about that, but it seems so true sometimes.)
BB - Sorry that your husband is still pulling this nonsense and bringing you to court. :-( I hear ya' - what are we supposed to do? We sacrificed so that they could get ahead. I personally paid off some tuition bills for my soon-to-be-ex when we first married.
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i love you all cuz this is the place I vent, I tell you my fears and my thoughts but I do not tell my family cuz they have enough with all the drama that we seam to be getting. It's like it's raining every day and the sun refuses to show up.
I am so sorry you guys had such a bad experience with chemo I myself had so many side effects and long term ones. Not to mention wrinkles lol and also the killing of all my reserved eggs.
I never wanted kids but once you are told you can't due to chemo it's just one more reason to hate the poison lolYes that cat made me laugh too I am right in the 95% group lol
Good night
I will be hosting an open house by myself this Saturday
wish me luck Tomorrow I will prepare for it.
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Enerva- you are right about this place being good to talk about things we cannot share with the world, including our families. I wish you good health and a long life filled with good work, fun times, and someone who truely loves you.
And you are going to do great at the open house! I know you will be nervous doing the first one, but you will do great! Any other brokers you know who can give you tips on things that work or things to stay away from? I know this is a new-ish line of work so perhaps you don't have all those new networks yet?
I wanted to share some cool changes going on since I started this personal training. I measured my waistline where we are focused on getting the weight off first and have lost 3 inches since I began the program three weeks ago with the personal trainer (now into week 4). I rode my bike last weekend for the first time in 2 years, overcoming a fear I have had here due to some residual balance issues from all the surgeries north and south. I feel so much better and stronger and we are just a little over a third of the way through the number of classes I signed up for. When I go back to work, I still plan to work it into my schedule to work with her three times a week as I am right now. I exercise every day now, something I have not been able to do since 2012.
My trainer told me about these new scales you can get that don't just measure your weight but also your BMI, % muscle vs. bone, %hydration, and calories you will burn per hour. I happen to find one at Walgreens yesterday and they are not expensive ($23) and provide more data on how you are doing beyond pounds. I am looking into buying a Garmin fitness wrist band that I just saw as another tool to help me track things throughout the course of the day. Trying to create a new way of living that includes exercise woven throughout my day.
Long and busy day and another tomorrow including my class tomorrow night. Sleep well friends.
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wow Jazz I am so happy for you.I will do the same as soon as I start making some money. At the moment I can't afford it but I am trying to do my exercise on my own 3 times a week. I do understand what you are doing I used to train daily when I was 20 with a personal trainer and it was awesome. I will get one as soon as things improve
Good night and sleep well
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