A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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thanks, Jeanne. gonna go there after here, tonight. i thought i had it all, but want to make it as clear as i can...
thank goodness, my DH Mur, was a funeral Director, for many years, so he's open (enough) to my talking about it, doesn't think its morbid, etc..
the MOST imp thing i did, was make my friends promise to not let him feel he has to do it himself.. we/ve done so many funerals, for our friends, and one of them can help him out...its TOO much, to do your families services...
originally, i wanted an Irish wake.. but too many of our friends now no longer drink, either from AA: or their health.. so, a no drinking, no sobbing party would be my best wish!!!
i loved the song "prop me up in front of the jukebox" for years, but mur asked me PLEASE not do that...we'll see.. some of my close friends have a strange idea of humor, so who knows???
the funniest thing he encountered while doing funerals, and the hardest, permit wise... a woman asked to be buried in her pink mercedes when she died.. it took awhile to get the permits, etc for the cemetary; but they got it done.. he says you can do anything (as long as you feel strong enough to pay for it)
i have a doll collection, and will be on the memorial table, along with pictures when i was well, and long haired.. no looking at how i looked "on the day" i really want ple to remember my spirit, not how i look, after all this damage.. after all, its the spirit, the personality, that akes us who we are, right??
my best friend for years, (a man) had a killer bear collection.. and they were scattered all over the room, when we had the memorial.. everyone was so busy remembering.. oh, he got this one from so and so.. for this occasion..oh, i never saw this one...etc.. it really started everyone bonding between people...
another one, a close friend, loved gardens.. so, on every table, we made an arrangment with 4 live plants with candles.. everyone had a plant to plant in rememberance of that friend.. it was really a good thing.. i plant anew plant for everyone i lose.. it gives you motivation to water, and feed, believe me!!!!
and, it saves much money in funerals arrangements!!!
just some thoughts...3jays
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If I may add my .02. Im not dying and dont hope to die till Im in my 80's like my grandparents. But I did have someone very close to me pass and I saw the mess it left behind.
My SIL had sleep apnea and mental problems she took xanax clonazepam and some other anxiety medications. One day a few days after my sons 1st birthday we recieved a call that she had passed she was 27 and had 4 daugthers, her cause of death obstructed airway due to apnea and obesity and with the influence of the meds did not react when the apnea happened. Were we expecting it hell no. The mess left behind was a headache. 8k for funeral cost 2k for headstone etc etc. Money had to be loaned and dug out of nowhere
After that I realized that I had to get my life prioritized. I got a life insurance w/ accelerated benefits to make sure my family at least financially, will be set for a few yrs. My funeral request are in writing ( viewing & cremation). My accounts have a beneficiaries. The only thing pending is the removal of parental rights from from my first daugthers estranged father so that she may be adopted by either my family or my fiancee.
Unfortunately death is something hard to talk about but it needs to be done. In my case it took someone that was like a sister to me.
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I'm not Stage IV, so please forgive me if I'm butting in here....it's just that I've had lots of experience in this area, with family members.
My mom, the sweetest person who ever walked the earth, was a BC survivor for 20 years before she passed from end-stage Parkinson's. I knew the end for her would not be easy, and started planning early.
Three years before she passed, I arranged her funeral. I went to the funeral home with my DH and my sister and BIL, armed with instructions from Mom. We spent the afternoon, picking out things that we knew Mom would love, and because she was still with us at that point (although in a nursing home) there was not the aura of grief affecting our every decision. We had a lot of opportunities to laugh.
The "Pre-Need" counselor at the funeral home was wonderful, and in no way tried to coerce us to spend any more money than we wanted to. We planned out every detail, picked out her casket, and even the clothing for her to wear. The contract I signed allowed me to pay a small amount every month, and locked in the prices. I was shocked to find that a tiny death notice in the newspaper was free, but a "tribute" (obituary, story of the person's life) could run between $500 - $1,000, especially if you use a picture. When she passed, I only needed to make one phone call to set everything in motion.
(DH and I decided that we both want to be cremated, and have already started our own planning process. WAY cheaper than traditional burial!)
I started writing her obituary that day...I asked Mom, her friends and our family what should be included. I added to it over the years.
I knew early on that her condition was not going to get better, so I got her qualified for MediCal (which is our state MedicAid program)....meaning there were no nursing home, hospital, or doctor bills for me to pay. NONE.) We put everything in my name, including her home.
I did see an attorney for this, and found that most will offer free consultations. If this is true in your area, I strongly urge you to take advantage of this.
Many of you have mentioned "Living Wills" and "Advanced Directives". What I have found is, the more detailed, the better.
For example, a patient who is near death may be uncomfortable because of fluid buildup in the lungs, bronchial tubes, and throat. The nursing home wanted to send Mom out to the hospital for "deep suctioning"...fortunately, I'd already spoken to my friend, a hospice nurse in another state, who told me that this procedure was painful, invasive, and would not change the outcome. I refused.
Then I found out that a combination of morphine and atropine made a world of difference, and allowed Mom to stop struggling with her breathing, and relax into a peaceful, easy sleep. Her last words were "the angels....." and she passed with a smile on her face.
When she did pass, and we had her service, I felt pain at her loss, but peace in my heart knowing I had followed her wishes to the letter.
Also - I have heard "DNR" mentioned many times, but this phrase has become somewhat unclear and outmoded. There is a new form, called the "Allow Natural Death" order, that is signed by the physician, which overrides any other forms of DNR (at least here in California.) Different states have different names and forms for this order, which are usually printed on neon-colored papers.
If someone is at home and begins to suffer heart failure, family members might call 911 to provide comfort measures such as pain control, even if the patient is considered to be DNR. However, there have been cases where the patient's heart did stop, and even though family members notified emergency personnel of the DNR order, all it took was one family member present to insist that they "SAVE HER!" and start CPR. With no documentation immediately present, emergency personnel must start and continue CPR and other life-saving interventions.
Two years ago, my brother's partner went to the ER with a cold, and was admitted with pneumonia. The next day he was put on a ventilator, the following day his kidneys failed and he went on dialysis, and within the week he had both MRSA and C-diff. One day when I walked into the room, his blood pressure dropped so rapidly that the nurse asked my brother if she should do CPR. His answer? "I don't know....."
Because they had never, EVER, discussed death and dying, neither one had any clue how the other wanted their end-of-life situation to be. They were just too afraid to talk about it.
I am a retired counselor, and it was VERY difficult to sit with my brother for three weeks as he had to watch his soulmate pass, enduring endless, expensive procedures. What made it even harder was not knowing what his partner would have wanted. The pressure was unbearable, and the decision to disconnect the ventilator was horrific. It was only the assurance from the physician that there was no brain activity that made it even possible.
My brother and I left the hospital that day and went directly to the funeral home where I planned the service. He kept saying "We should have talked about this....if only we had faced this....why didn't we plan for this......"
Personally, I think it is an honor and a privilege to escort someone out of this life. Leaving too soon is tragic, especially when people are young or there are young children involved, but I still think it is our basic human right to have it happen the way we desire it to be.
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hey gals, i found the funniest today...very timely as im TRYING to talk to the 3jays about whats' going onwith me.. i hope you like it next box///3jays0
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hope you liked it as much as I DID!!!3jays0
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LOL!!! That's great!!!
Peggy
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love it!!!
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So, I asked my DH to help me plan this stuff. He looked at me like I was insane. Then went into his normal state of denial and said you will be fine, stop talking like that. He pretty much refuses to talk about the reality of how this is going to turn out, even after I pointed out the fact that we are all going to die, just some of us happen to know its going to be sooner rather than later, he wouldn't budge.
I got basically the same reaction from my sister, except she cried. Can't talk to my sister because she crys and I end up comforting her. I think it would be to much for my dad to handle, so I'm not even going to ask him,
I'm ok doing this myself, I was just wondering how everyone else brought up the topic with family members? Maybe I'm doing it wrong.
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Stormynyte - I'm sorry you don't have anyone who will help you plan this stuff. I'm sure you're not doing it "wrong". Some family members just seem unable to even think about it. I learned this recently when my dad mentioned how my future grandkids will think I'm old. I looked at him like he was crazy and said that I won't know my grandkids. And, he argued with me. wth? He was in total denial and refused to consider any other outcome. I had no idea this was how he was dealing with this. Sigh! While I understand where this is coming from, it sure makes it difficult on us. Although, come to think it, he and my mom haven't planned for their deaths either. I know that one's 70's are still relatively "young" these days, but as you say, we all die so we should plan ahead.
I hope over time you are able to gradually pull your family out of the land of denial so they can help you. Does your husband go to your onc appointments with you? Perhaps, your onc could gently push him in the right direction. Good luck!
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Selena u'r post was so informative and right to the point--I don't think anyone was insulted for felt bad. U know what u'r talking about and an intelligent woman. So Thank u.
I missed something tho---What's a suck pill????
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Camille,
Good question that was asked by a few and never answered. I, jokingly, posted that wondering about it would keep me up all night and was mildly chided for that. Oh, well...but if anyone wants to supply a definition I'd love to hear it. This is a very good thread, by the way.
Caryn0 -
According to the Urban Dictionary (which I use way too often because I am so not cool), a "suck pill" is a stronger version of a "chill pill".
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Thank you, Cynthia. That's all I was asking. Finally, will get some sleep! ( not seroious, I sleep quite well).
Caryn0 -
I have told my DD1 what music I would like played at my funeral and also told her that I want a celebration not mourning. I have often tried to bring up the subject with my DH but I just get the comment 'you will outlive me'. I know that's what he's hoping for as quite frankly I don't know how he will cope when I'm not here as I have always been the one to literally run things. He lives in the world of denial with one foot on realities neck!
I will persevere and perhaps a bit later when things really stat going pear shaped I will finally get through to him that I will not in all likely hood outlive him.
Chrissy
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I'm glad we've taken care of this stuff.
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Storm, I did mine by myself, you can also. I actually think it would be harder to have a sister there. Then let them know you completed it. You can always make changed to it. Another way to get him going on it is to tell him you have an appointment with the funeral director and he is welcome to come. This is one of the hardest thing to do, but much appreciated when the services are needed. I also strongly recommend a living will. First ask your doctor the best way of going about it. Pennsylvania has a legal document they want used and is considered law. My palliative care doctor and I did it. and she took notes. It was nice doing it with her as she brought up things I would have never thought of. But she is the expert in this situation.
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Thanks for this much needed topic Ma. My paperwork isn't in order yet & it's a worry. I'm in the middle of selling a property & am waiting for completion.
My dear friend died within 3 days of becoming unwell in Stage VI & I think of this constantly. I see a specialist psychologist and keep my belongings to a minimum so my children won't have much to do when I die. Saying that, I enjoy every day having different activities & meeting people, I also suffer very little from pain at the moment.
Big warm hugs to all of us facing this experience.
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Jac, Glad to hear you are not suffering very much. As you can see I am a believer in doing our final paper work. I didn't want my 18 daughter to have to deal with it and all my siblikngs pulling her every different which way.
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Just finished reading this whole thread and laughed and cried.
Selena: thank you for your posts. Most informative.
3Jays: love your "living will" made me LOL!
Apple: loved your story. You're a good writer.
As for my funeral, Ido have a living trust which includes an end of life directive. I want to donate my body to science and have them cremate me and send my ashes to my husband. I haven't contacted an organization to do that yet. I don't even know how to go about it. I guess my husband will have to deal with it.
There's a book I love called "On Life After Death." by Elizabeth Kubler Ross It takes away all the fear of dying.
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loligag - while researching the local funeral home I plan to use, I saw on their price list a package for someone who plans to donate their body to science. They pickup the body then deliver it to where it needs to go. I'm not sure what happens after that, though. I need to look into it more.
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I want to recommend one of my all time favorite books "The Wheel of Life" by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. It's her autobiography and it's not at all dry like her other books.
Sending everyone Love, Light,
and [[[[[[hugs]]]]]]
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so, sat night, my jay @2 got a start out of the river of "denial" i had another choking inceident, not as bad as the last one: i passed him my DNR that i keep in my wallet.. when we got me breathing again, we had to explain it to him.. but, if the paramedics don't "tube" you, mom, you'll die.. welcome to the REAL world!!!it shook him up, to see it happen, he knew i had the dnr, but didn't think it would be so "immediate" .. well, one i won't have to worry if he "gets" it anymore..
he wanted to know HOW my DH Mur, can know everytime the risk.. he told my son. "thats' what you do, when you love someone.. you do what they've asked.. thats what our reality is, and the love we have..
it was truly a "kodak" moment.. since it was my birthday, i especially am glad i "dodged" that bullet.. id hate my birthday to be a day that eveyone reembered i also died... yuck!!!!3jays
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he insisted we take this picture afterward... it was a good night... 0 -
Blessings2011- thanks for sharing, what your brother went through is def our worse nightmares. My dad and a DNR and i had never heard of the allow natural death. that is more to what he wanted.
3jays too funny!!!! Glad he gets it now, it was very hard for my younger sister to understand that at first with my dad. she's 23. Good pic
Glad you didnt go out on the same day you came in 
stormynyte- its is hard. i have tried as well and get similar reactions- i am writing down my wishes now while i am in a good way and when it gets bad i will share again.
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When we had hospice for my mom she ended up passing on her birthday - you are right, not a good thing. It also happened to be Cinco de Mayo (she always loved that everyone was partying and having margaritas on her birthday!) and I find it oddly disconcerting to reconcile my feelings of loss with everyone's revelry!
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I have just been dx with Stage 4. A bit of a shock as I am almost 43, and just had almost 3 years of NED. I know my husband, of almost 23 years, and he will be a mess. I am going to just be proactive, set up my stuff and and what I want, and don't want (A funeral) and give it to a friend who can step in and say, She's got you covered. We have 5 kids between 8-17, so he is going to have his hands full anyway. I want to give my body to science, if they will have my fat behind, so I need to get researching that. Life is so short, you just never know.
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I am in the process of signing up for hospice. My condition is not yet critical, but there are no chemos left for which I qualify. I think it will be good to know I am in kind hands and being looked after by caring
professionals as well as my family. It all just seems so surreal. Have been on this journey for over six years (as a Stage IV), I am indeed grateful for that amount of time - and most of it with a fairly good quality of life, but facing the end is just so damn scary. I'm glad all my paperwork is in place and my DH and kids know what I want. But it tears me up to see them so sad.
I interviewed a few hospice facilities some months ago (got a great list of questions from the Internet) so I know which one I will choose. It's dealing with reality that is the hard part now.0 -
(((((Jeanne)))))
I know this whole thing is so scary but I have been reassured by reading many posts from those who expressed a lot of fear but when the time came, were overcome by a peacefulness. I wish that for us all.
Laurie x
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Ths really helped me. I hope it helps someone. XO
Hopelessness and Death
By Pema Chodron
If we're willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be
exterminated, then we can have the courage to relax with the
groundlessness of our situation. This is the first step on the path.
Turning your mind toward the dharma does not bring security or confirmation. Turning your mind toward the dharma does not bring any ground to stand on. In fact, when your mind turns toward the dharma, you fearlessly acknowledge impermanence and change and begin to get the knack of hopelessness.
In Tibetan there ís an interesting word: ye tang che. The ye part means "totally, completely," and the rest of it means "exhausted." Altogether, ye tang che means totally tired out. We might say "totally fed up." It describes an experience of complete hopelessness, of completely giving up hope. This is an important point. This is the beginning of the beginning. Without giving up hope that there ís somewhere better to be, that there ís someone better to be we will never relax with where are or who we are.
We could say that the word mindfulness is pointing to being one with our experience, not dissociating, being right there when our hand touches the doorknob or the telephone rings or feelings of all kinds arise. The word mindfulness describes being right where you are. Ye tang che, however, is not so easily digested. It expresses the renunciation that ís essential for the spiritual path.
To think that we can finally get it all together is unrealistic. To seek for some lasting security is futile. To undo our very ancient and very stuck habitual patterns of mind requires that we begin to turn around some of our most basic assumptions. Believing in a solid, separate self, continuing to seek pleasure and avoid pain, thinking that someone "out there" is to blame for our pain one has to get totally fed up with these ways of thinking. One has to give up hope that this way of thinking will bring us satisfaction. Suffering begins to dissolve when we can question the belief or the hope that there ís anywhere to hide.
Hopelessness means that we no longer have the spirit for holding our trip together. We may still want to hold our trip together. We long to have some reliable, comfortable ground under our feet, but we've tried a thousand ways to hide and a thousand ways to tie up all the loose ends, and ground just keeps moving under us. Trying to get lasting security teaches us a lot, because if we never try to do it, we never notice that it can't be done. Turning our minds toward the dharma speeds up the process of discovery. At every turn we realize once again that it's completely hopeless we can't get any ground under our feet.
The difference between theism and nontheism is not whether one does or does not believe in God. It is an issue that applies to everyone, including both Buddhists and nonBuddhists. Theism is a deep-seated conviction that there ís some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us. It means thinking there ís always going to be a babysitter available when we need one. We all are inclined to abdicate our responsibilities and delegate our authority to something outside ourselves. Nontheism is relaxing with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves. We sometimes think that dharma is something outside of ourselves, something to believe in, something to measure up to. However, dharma isn't a belief; it isn't a dogma. It is total appreciation of impermanence and change. The teachings disintegrate when we try to grasp them. We have to experience them without hope. Many brave and compassionate people have experience them and taught them. The message is fearless; dharma was never meant to be a belief that we blindly follow. Dharma gives us nothing to hold on to at all.
Nontheism is finally realizing that there ís no baby sitter that you can count on. You just get a good one and then he or she is gone. Nontheism is realizing that it's not just babysitters that come and go. The whole of life is like that. This is the truth, and the truth is inconvenient.
For those who want something to hold on to, life is even more inconvenient. From this point of view, theism is an addiction. We're all addicted to hope, hope that the doubt and mystery will go away. This addiction has a painful effect on society: a society based on lots of people addicted to getting ground under their feet is not a very compassionate place.
The first noble truth of the Buddha is that when we feel suffering, it doesn't mean that something is wrong. What a relief. Finally somebody told the truth. Suffering is part of life, and we don't have to feel it's happening because we personally made the wrong move. In reality, however, when we feel suffering, we think that something is wrong. As long as we're addicted to hope, we feel that we can tone our experience down or liven it up or change it somehow, and we continue to suffer a lot.
The word in Tibetan for hope is rewa; the word for fear is dokpa. More commonly, the word re-dok is used, which combines the two. Hope and fear is a feeling with two sides. As long as there ís one, there ís always the other. This re-dok is the root of our pain. In the world of hope and fear, we always have to change he channel, change the temperature, change the music, because something is getting uneasy, something is getting restless, something is beginning to hurt, and we keep looking for alternatives.
In a nontheistic state of mind, abandoning hope is an affirmation, the beginning of the beginning. You could even put "Abandon hope" on your refrigerator door instead of more conventional aspirations like "Every day is every way Iím getting better and better."
Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can't simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what ís going on, but that there ís something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.
Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look. That ís the compassionate thing to do. That ís the brave thing to do. We could smell that piece of shit. We could feel it; what is its texture, color, and shape?
We can explore the nature of that piece of shit. We can know the nature of dislike, shame, and embarrassment and not believe there ís something wrong with that. We can drop the fundamental hope that there is a better "me" who one day will emerge. We can't just jump over ourselves as if we were not there. It's better to take a straight look at all our hopes and fears. Then some kind of confidence in our basic sanity arises.
This is where renunciation enters the picture, renunciation of the hope that we could be better. The Buddhist monastic rules that advise renouncing liquor, renouncing sex, and so on are not pointing out that those things are inherently bad or immoral, but that we use them as babysitters. We use them as a way to escape; we use them to try to get comfort and to distract ourselves. The real thing that we renounce is the tenacious hope that we could be saved from being who we are. Renunciation is teaching to inspire us to investigate what's happening every time we grab something because we can't stand to face what's coming.
Once I was sitting next to a man on an airplane who kept interrupting our conversation to take various pills. I asked him, "What is that you're taking?" He answered that they were tranquilizers. I said, "Oh, are you nervous?" and he said, "No, not now, but I think when I get home Iím going to be."
You can laugh at this story, but what happens with you when you begin to feel uneasy, unsettled, queasy: Notice the panic, notice when you instantly grab for something. That grabbing is based on hope. Not grabbing is called hopelessness.
If hope and fear are two sides on one coin, so are hopelessness and confidence. If we're willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation. This is the first step on the path. If there is no interest in stepping beyond hope and fear, then there's no meaning in taking refuge in the Buddha, the dharma, and the sangha. Taking refuge in Buddha, dharma, and sangha is about giving up hope of getting ground under our feet. We are ready to take refuge when this style of teaching, whether we feel completely up to it or not, is like hearing something hauntingly familiar, like the experience of a child meeting its mother after a long separation.
Hopelessness is the basic ground. Otherwise, we're going to make the journey with the hope of getting security. If we make the journey to get security, we're completely missing the point. We can do our meditation practice with the hope of getting security; we can study the teachings with the hope of getting security; we can follow all the guidelines and instructions with the hope of getting security; but it will only lead to disappointment and pain. We could save ourselves a lot of time by taking this message very seriously right now. Begin the journey without hope of getting ground under your feet. Begin with hopelessness.
All anxiety, all dissatisfaction, all the reasons for hoping that our experience could be different are rooted in our fear of death. Fear of death is always in the background. As the Zen master Shunryu Suzuki Roshi said, life is like getting into a boat that's just about to sail out to sea and sink. But it's very hard, no matter how much we hear about it, to believe in our own death. Many spiritual practices try to encourage us to take our own death seriously, but it's amazing how difficult it is to allow it to hit home. That one thing in life that we can really count on is incredibly remote for all of us. We don't go so far as to say, "No way, I'm not going to die," because of course we know that we are. But it definitely will be later. That's the biggest hope.
Trungpa Rinpoche once gave a public lecture titled "Death in Everyday Life." We are raised in a culture that fears death and hides it from us. Nevertheless, we experience it all the time. We experience it in the form of disappointment, in the form of things not working out. We experience it in the form of things always being n a process of change. When the day ends, when the second ends, when we breathe out, that's death in everyday life.
Death in everyday life could also be defined as experiencing all the things that we don't want. Our marriage isn't working; our job isn't coming together. Having a relationship with death in everyday life means that we begin to be able to wait, to relax with insecurity, with panic, with embarrassment, with things not working out. As the years go on, we don't call the babysitter quite so fast.
Death and hopelessness provide proper motivation, proper motivation for living an insightful, compassionate life. But most of the time, warding off death is our biggest motivation. We habitually ward off any sense of problem. We're always trying to deny that it's a natural occurrence that things change, that the sand is slipping through our fingers. Time is passing. It's as natural as the seasons changing and day turning into night. But getting old, getting sick, losing what we love, we don't see those events as natural occurrences. We want to ward off that sense of death, no matter what.
When we have reminders of death, we panic. It isn't just that we cut our finger, blood begins to flow, and we put on a Band-Aid. We add something extra, our style. Some of us just sit there stoically and bleed all over our clothes. Some of us get hysterical; we don't just get a Band-Aid, we call the ambulance and go to the hospital. Some of us put on designer Band-Aids. But whatever our style is, it's not simple. It's not bare bones.
Can't we just return to the bare bones? Can't we just come back? That's the beginning of the beginning. Bare bones, good old self. Bare bones, good old bloody finger. Come back to square one, just the minimum bare bones. Relaxing with the present moment, relaxing with hopelessness, relaxing with death, not resisting the fact that things end, that things pass, that things have no lasting substance, that everything is changing all the time, that is the basic message.
When we talk about hopelessness and death, weíre talking about facing the facts. No escapism. We may still have addictions of all kinds, but we cease to believe in them as a gateway to happiness. So many times we've indulged the short-term pleasure of addiction. We've done it so many times that know that grasping at this hope is a source of misery that makes a short-term pleasure a long-term hell.
Giving up hope is encouragement to stick with yourself, to make friends with yourself, to not run away from yourself, to return to the bare bones, no matter what ís going on. Fear of death is the background of the whole thing. It's why we feel restless, why we panic, why there ís anxiety. But if we totally experience hopelessness, giving up all hope of alternatives to the present moment, we can have a joyful relationship with our lives, an honest, direct relationship, one that no longer ignores the reality of impermanence and death.
____________________________Excerpted from When Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Difficult Times, by Pema Chodron, Shambhala Publications, 1997, pp. 38-45.
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